


Sparks Fly

by SkySmoke87



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, F/M, Firefighter, Gen, Someangst, emt, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-01-28 07:53:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 118,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12601816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkySmoke87/pseuds/SkySmoke87
Summary: Clarke Griffin is starting a new job as an EMT in Los Angeles. Lexa is a firefighter. There is definitely an attraction, but can they put their pasts behind them and get our of their own way to end up together? And even if they do, is the universe determined to keep them apart? (Lincoln, Octavia, Raven, Luna, Jasper, Monty, Bellamy and others also make appearances.)Inspired by a Lexa firefighter edit on Instagram





	1. Chapter One

Clarke Griffin took a deep breath as she stood outside the fire station in Los Angeles, California. It was her first day at the station and she would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't nervous.

She'd been an EMT for 5 years, so it wasn't the work that was messing with her nerves; it was the environment. She'd only worked as an EMT in the small town of Ketchum, Idaho. Her training had been done in California but she had moved away to get some peace and situate her life. The firehouse in Ketchum had a small crew, there were typically only five or ten people there at a time. She knew this was going to be very different.

She rolled her neck to relieve some of the tension and walked in the door.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist asked with a polite smile.

"I'm Clarke Griffin, I start today."

"Oh yes, welcome. I'll get Captain Blake for you. One second."

Clarke nodded and the receptionist disappeared and returned shortly with the captain. He smiled warmly at her and held out his hand.

"Clarke Griffin, nice to meet you. I'm Captain Bellamy Blake."

Clarke shook his hand, her grip firm.

"Nice to meet you too Captain."

"Let's get started with the tour, shall we?"

Clarke nodded and followed Bellamy up a flight of stairs, listening and looking around has he spoke.

"We are an older station, so there are three floors. The vehicles and garage are on the first floor. The common room, kitchen and dining area area are on the second and the living quarters, locker and gym are on the third. We even have a fire pole."

Clarke smiled; she'd never been in a fire station that still had a pole. They came to the top of the stairs that opened into the common room. A few people were seated on couches watching TV or talking.

"Listen up. This is Clarke Griffen, a new EMT. I expect her to be welcomed and treated with respect." There was a chorus of hellos and Clarke smiled and waved. She knew she would be introduced individually later.

Bellamy was about to say something but his cell phone rang where it was attached to his hip. He looked at the screen then turned to Clarke,

"I'm sorry, I've got to take this. Reyes, can you finish showing Clarke around please?"

"Yea, no problem cap."

A cheerful brunette stood up from her place on the couch and walked over, extending her hand. Clarke shook it and smiled.

"I'm Raven...Reyes if you didn't figure that out. I'm an EMT too. So is Luna," she explained, gesturing to the brunette she had been sitting next to who had a full head of impressively wavy hair.

"This is Lincoln, and Octavia. The are both firefighters."

Lincoln sat at the end of one of the couches. He was tall and very muscular with a bald head, dark tan skin and brown eyes. Octavia sat next to him but turned sideways with her legs draped across his lap. It was a casual intimacy and Clarke couldn't tell if they were in a relationship or if it was just the type of familial closeness that developed often in firehouses. Octavia was stunning; she had dark brown hair that came to her mid-back, bright green eyes and the facial features of a Greek goddess. She smiled warmly at Clarke.

"Welcome. I'll get it out in the open now. I'm Captain Bellamy's sister...but please don't hold that against me."

Clarke laughed at her sarcasm.

"I'll try not to."

"So, Clarke. Do you know how to cook." Lincoln asked and everyone groaned. Octavia slapped him lightly on the arm.

"Oh my god, you and food. She just got here. Let her at least see the third floor first."

"It's okay. We all cooked in shifts at my old station. I'm not great, but no one ever got sick. So whatever that's worth."

"I'll take it." Lincoln smiled.

"Alright, let's finish the tour before we bombard you with more questions."

Raven placed her hand in the small of Clarke's back and steered her through the rest of the floor, chattering mindlessly as they went.

"There's more people here obviously, but they're out on call. You'll meet all of them sooner or later."

"Oh, it's okay. I'm horrible at remembering names so small groups is easier for me anyhow."

They made their way to the third floor and Raven showed her the gym and locker room/showers before moving to the sleeping quarters.

"Our sleeping quarters are kind of weird, we're paired up. You're with...Lexa." Raven declared after checking the list. She way she said Lexa's name made Clarke nervous.

"Oh geez, what's wrong with Lexa."

"Nothing. Really, I'm sorry. She's just...she tends to be quiet. She doesn't always hang out with all of us much, but that's all. She can be intimidating but you'll get used to her. She's a firefighter."

Clarke nodded and set her bags on the emptier side of the room; assuming it was hers.

"I'll leave you here to get settled. Come down when you're ready."

"Okay, thanks Raven." Raven smiled, her ponytail swishing behind her as she turned to leave the room.

Clarke opened the bag that contained her blanket and pillow and spread them out over the bed. Then she pulled the few changes of clothes she brought with her out and put them in a drawer and she was done. She never kept a ton of stuff at the fire house. She sat down on the bed for a minute to collect her thoughts.

She really hoped this could be the clean start she was looking for. She had finally gathered the nerve to leave the abusive relationship she had been in for the past three years. She was looking forward to starting over; even if then place wasn't entirely new. She figured it wouldn't be too hard to reinvent herself in LA.

She was about to get up and head back to the common room when a dark haired brunette came striding into the room. Her hair was pulled back from her face in a half ponytail; it was slightly messy and she had a few streaks of black across her cheeks, Clark assumed from soot or ash. She had on black pants and a dark grey tank top that showed off a very toned upper body. She was about half way in the room when she noticed Clarke and stopped short. Clarke found herself starting into some of the most incredible green eyes she'd ever seen.

"Hi, I'm Clarke. You must be Lexa."

Lexa tilted her head slightly, surprised to find someone in her room. As she thought about it though, she remembered the Captain mentioning something about it the previous week; she hadn't paid much attention. She gave the blonde a quick once over; she was average height, had wavy blonde hair that hung just past her shoulders and blue eyes you could easily lose yourself in.

Clarke watched curiously as Lexa seemed to appraise her for a moment before speaking.

"Hey, yea, I'm Lexa."

"Nice to meet you." Clarke held out her hand, which Lexa shook after a moments pause. Clarke was not surprised to find her grip was stronger than the Captain's had been earlier and smirked at the surprise in Lexa's eyes when she squeezed back with a grip just as strong.

"Yea, you too."

"I was about to head back to the common room, I figure I should get to know everyone."

"Sure."

"Alright…well…I'll see you later then."

Lexa nodded as Clarke walked out of the room. Clarke blew out a breath; it seemed like her new roommate was going to be tough to get to know.

She walked downstairs to the common room to find everyone still sitting around on the couches, plus a few new faces.

Raven smiled as she walked in and patted the couch between her and Octavia.

"So, did you meet Lexa?"

"Yes, I did."

"And, how did it go?"

"Um….short?"

Octavia and Lincoln both laughed.

"Sounds about right, don't worry, you'll get used to her."

One of the guys Clarke hadn't met before loudly cleared his throat from the other side of the room. Raven rolled her eyes in response.

"Sorry guys. Clarke, this Jasper and Monty. Jasper, Monty, this is Clarke, a new EMT."

"EMT huh? Well you can check my pulse any day." Jasper winked and then ducked as Raven threw a pillow across the room at him.

"Oh my god Jasper stop it! She hasn't even been here an hour yet."

Clarke laughed.

"Based on your reflexes dodging that pillow, I'm going to guess your pulse is just fine. No need to check it."

"Ohhhh, I'm going to like this one!" Octavia laughed as Jasper blushed and pretended to hide behind the pillow. Monty stood up and held out his hand, which Clarke shook with a smile.

"Hi, I'm Monty. And unlike my uncivilized friend over here, I don't use cheesy pickup lines as my form of greeting."

"Oh, so you save them for later?" Clarke quipped, causing everyone in the room to laugh.

"Well, I see you're fitting in pretty well." Captain Bellamy said as he walked into the room.

"Yes, everyone's been very nice so far."

"Good. Want to come with me and finish the tour down in the garage?"

Clarke nodded and got up to walk with the Captain.

"I'm glad you seem comfortable already. It's not always easy to join a new team."

"They seem like a fun group of people."

"They are a good group; I couldn't ask for better people."

"Good, hopefully someday you will have the same praise for me."

"Oh, I'm sure I will."

Bellamy smiled warmly at her as they continued towards the first floor. He showed her the vehicles and where the gear was kept. He explained the maintenance and cleaning schedule, which was on a board near the pole.

"We don't actually use the pole to respond to calls; there is a net across the floor to stop people from falling down here, but if you ever want to use it just to say you've done it, just let me know. Everyone has at some point."

"Oh, I'll want to for sure. It's just one of those things you dream of in a firehouse, ya know?"

"I do, and there aren't many left so you might as well take advantage. You'll be added to the cooking and chore schedules after your first few shifts. I like to let people get settled in before I throw them in to everything."

"No problem, just let me know when you want me to start."

"Will do."

Clarke was about to ask a question when Octavia, Lincoln, Raven and Luna came jogging down the stairs.

"Little girl with her head stuck in the railing at a park. Griffin, want to ride along?"

Clarke glanced at Bellamy who nodded. She hopped up into the ambulance behind Luna and buckled in as Octavia and Lincoln got in one of the smaller trucks and they headed towards the scene.

They could hear the little girl screaming before they could see her. A large crowd had gathered and Octavia and Lincoln walked up first, quickly clearing the area. They asked people to step back until the only person left was the little girl's distraught mother.

Clarke followed Raven and Luna as they grabbed medical bags and supplies and walked over to the play structure.

The little girl was on her hands and knees on the bridge of the play structure, her head was wedged between the bars and she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Her mother was trying unsuccessfully to calm her down. Raven walked up and started talking to the mom as Luna tried to examine the little girl.

"Are you her mother, ma'am?"

"Yes. My name is Paige. Her name is Brooklyn."

"How old is Brooklyn?"

"She's five."

"Any medical problems we need to be aware of?"

"No, none."

"Okay, what happened here?"

"I don't know. Her and her cousins were playing tag and the next thing I knew they came over screaming that she was stuck."

"Okay, we're going to get her out."

Luna leaned down and put her hands gently on either side of the girls neck to see how tightly she was stuck; there was no wiggle room.

"We're going to need the spreader, its tight." Lincoln nodded and headed to the truck to get the apparatus.

Brooklyn, sweetie, can you lean forward for me a little bit?" Luna whispered. Brooklyn took a shaky breath and seemed to consider listening to Luna but then continued to scream, then she put her hands on the bars and violently tried to pull her head back out.

"No no no." Raven chided and stepped behind her to try to stop her from potentially hurting herself badly by putting so much pressure on her neck. Clarke could see that the little girl was completely panicked. Luna was trying to talk softly to her but it wasn't helping.

Clarke took a deep breath and walked up in front of the little girl; since the bridge was raised she was right at eye level.

"Look at this stuff, isn't it neat, wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has everything?" Clarke began to sing softly. Brooklyn stopped screaming long enough to hear her and took a few jerky breaths. Clarke smiled at her and kept singing.

"Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many wonders can one cavern hold? Looking around here you think….sure, she's got everything."

Brooklyn's screams and sobs had turned into a slow stream of hiccups and tears.

"You like princess movies?" Clarke asked quietly. Brooklyn slowly nodded her head as much as her position would allow.

"Me too. Know how I knew?"

"H-how?"

"Your Minnie shirt. All Minnie fans love princess movies, because its all Disney."

Brooklyn smiled; Raven and Luna stared at Clarke with their mouths open but Clarke only had eyes for Brooklyn.

"What movie is your favorite?"

"Ummm…Frozen."

"That's a good one. So, I know you're scared, but we're here to help you, okay? But we need your help too. My friends Lincoln and Octavia are going to bring a tool that will spread these bars apart so your head can fit out. And then, my other friends, Raven and Luna are going to check your neck and your back and make sure you didn't hurt yourself."

"O-okay."

"But they all need you to help. All you have to do to help is be brave. They won't let anything hurt you, but if you're screaming or moving around, it makes it hard to do their job. So I need you to be brave…just like Anna was when she went to go find Elsa. Can you do that for me?"

"I…I think so."

"Alright, good girl. The tool that they are going to use will be loud. They are going to put it above your head and bend the bars. It won't hurt you, it just makes a lot of noise. But you know what, can sing a song and it won't be so bad. How about that?"

"Can we sing Let it go?"

"You bet! That's a perfect song."

Clarke gestured at Lincoln and Octavia to go ahead and bring the spreader as she started singing the song.

"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the queen. The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside. Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried….ok, you're turn."

Lincoln positioned the tool and turned it on; Brooklyn jerked with the loud noise but instead of screaming Clarke saw her clench her teeth and start singing anyways.

"D-don't let them in, don't L-let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal don't feel, don't let them know. Well know they know!"

In the time it took her to sing the lyrics in a shaky voice, Lincoln had the bars spread enough.

"Awesome, you're almost done. Let them guide your head out so you don't hurt yourself."

Brooklyn nodded slightly and Lincoln took ahold of her head and lifted it a little then pulled it straight back towards him until she was free. Luna was right there with a neck brace as a precaution.

Her and Raven finished checking Brooklyn out and Raven spoke to the mom.

"She looks fine. It doesn't look like there was any trauma. She'll be sore for a few days, and around her neck may bruise, but she'll be just fine. If you want to take her to get Xrays you're welcome to do so."

"Thank you all so much. That was so terrifying."

"You're welcome Ma'am, that's our job." Lincoln said with a smile as he knelt down next to Brooklyn.

"Awesome job being brave."

"T-thank you."

They all started heading back to their trucks when Brooklyn yelled.

"Wait!"

They all turned and she came running at Clarke, running into her and embracing her in a hug.

"Thank you for helping me not be scared."

"You're welcome sweetie." Clarke hugged her back and then waved to the mom who was mouthing thank you.

They got back into their vehicles and headed back to the station.

"Damn Griffin, you're like the kid whisperer." Raven teased from the front once they were moving.

"Nah, I just know Disney songs." Raven and Luna both laughed.

"Seriously though, that was pretty impressive. Most people can't keep their cool when kids are that scared. Good job."

"Thank you. It's part of the job."

"Well clearly you're good at your job then." Luna replied "And don't think I've forgotten that you can sing. That will be used against you at a later date."

"Fantastic." Clarke rolled her eyes but laughed along with the other two. She was happy their first call had been something fairly easy to handle. She realized as she laughed easily with Raven and Luna that she was already feeling like she was going to fit in well at the station.

Back at the firehouse, after everyone had changed out of their gear, they all ended up back in the common room. Raven, Luna, Clarke, Octavia and Lincoln were all spread out across the couches. Jasper and Monty were in the kitchen cooking since it was their turn.

They were chatting easily, occasionally asking Clarke questions, which she didn't mind answering. After they'd been there about thirty minutes Lexa walked in.

She was wearing loose black pajama pants and a black Spaghetti strap tank top that didn't quite meet the waistband of her pants. Clarke thought she saw a glimpse of a belly button piercing but she was trying hard not to stare. Lexa's hair was damp and hung loose making little wet spots on her top. Clarke found herself staring a little too long despite her efforts not to and Lexa smirked as she walked up.

"Hey Lexa, what brings you out in public?" Octavia asked, her warm smile giving away the fact that her sarcasm was just in good fun.

"Hm, I had to come check out the new girl." Lexa replied as she let her eyes move slowly over Clarke as she spoke. The girl was gorgeous and she found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss her neck; and those eyes. God could she loose herself in those eyes.

Clarke shifted her position on the couch as Lexa's look made her slightly uncomfortable. The brunette noticed, smirked again, and sat next to Clarke on the sofa. She was so close their legs were almost touching but Clarke didn't bother to move. She felt like Lexa was used to people being intimidated by her and Clarke didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

Lexa was surprised that Clarke didn't move, most people did, but she didn't really care either.

"So, I heard you rode along for your first call. How did that go?" Lexa asked.

"Fine." Clarke answered shortly. Octavia and Lincoln laughed.

"Fine? She was like a kid whisperer of some sort. This girl was screaming at the top of her lungs and getting louder. She was starting to freak out and pulling pretty hard to get herself out." Clarke groaned and leaned back on the couch, careful not to make contact with any part of Lexa's body.

"You guys, it really wasn't anything"

"Yes it was, you were great," Octiavia continued "So this kid is screaming bloody murder and nothing anyone says or does it making her stop. Until this one walks over and starts singing the one song from the little mermaid. The girl stops and Clarke keeps talking to her and they sing another song as we use the spreader to get her out. Seriously, I don't know what we would have done had you not been there."

"It really wasn't anything. I'm sure you guys would have done fine"

One of them was about to reply when Jasper came to the doorway wearing and apron and waving an oven mitt around.

"Food is ready!" He announced in a singsong voice before heading back towards the kitchen.

"Well, sounds like you had a good first call Princess." Lexa commented towards Clarke as she stood to leave. Clarke raised her eyebrows.

"Princess?"

"Well yea. If you're going to walk around fixing things by singing Disney songs...I just call it how I see it."

Clarke rolled her eyes as Lexa walked out of the room.

"Thanks you guys." She huffed at Octavia and Lincoln.

"Oh, she'll leave you alone eventually. I told you, she doesn't really hang out with us a lot. But did you see her checking you out? Damn girl" Raven teased and softly elbowed Clarke as they stood up to go get food. Luna, Octavia and Lincoln all laughed and Clarke blushed.

"She wasn't checking me out...more like searching for a weakness." She mumbled, though she secretly wondered if Lexa had been checking her out.

They ate together at a large table, although Lexa took her food back to her room, the rest of them all sat together. The conversation was light and Clarke found herself laughing easily. So far she was happy with the place and felt like she would be a good fit. About half way through the meal, Captain Bellamy joined them. He took a seat next to Clarke at the very end of the table.

"So I hear your ride along went well?" He asked with a knowing smile. Clarke rolled her eyes but blushed slightly.

"Yes, it did. Thank you for asking."

"You got quite the rave reviews from the team you rode with."

"I think they may have been exaggerating a little bit, but thank you."

"No exaggeration involved Captain, she was pretty amazing out there." Raven called from halfway down the table. Octavia, Lincoln and Luna nodded in agreement and Bellamy smiled at her.

"Looks like you're out voted regarding your own amazingness."

"Apparently so."

He put his hand over hers on the table and squeezed it briefly.

"I'm glad you're getting along with everyone so well."

"Me too, thank you."

He left his hand over hers for a few seconds before pulling it away and turning to talk to Lincoln. Clarke caught Octavia's eyes from across the table and raised her eyebrows; Octavia shrugged.

Clarke wasn't sure what to make of the gesture. Maybe Bellamy was just friendly and she was reading into it too much. She finished eating and took her dishes to the sink. She was standing there rinsing them when she felt someone bump her hip with theirs. She laughed and move over to make room for Raven.

"Sooooo...Lexa and the Captain huh? Aren't you popular?"

"Oh my god Raven, shut up! I don't know what you're talking about. Lexa...she wasn't checking me out. And the Captain is just being nice."

"Lexa looked like she wanted to eat you, no pun intended, and Cap was totally flirting with you. I can't say that I blame them, you're hot Griffin. If I wasn't with Luna you might have my attention too."

Clarke groaned and stepped out of the way as she finished her dishes and Octavia walked up with hers.

"She's not wrong ya know? My brother was totally flirting with you. And you better not let Luna hear you call another girl hot Reyes"

"Oh geez, I can't. I'm going to my room to read if anyone needs me."

Clarke said with a laugh as she headed towards the stairs. She glanced back to find the Captain watching her leave. He smiled and waved, she smiled back and hurried up the stairs.

To her surprise, and relief, Lexa wasn't in their room. She took a book out of her bag and laid down to read. She tried for about ten minutes but couldn't get her mind to settle down. It was common for her when she was in new places. She decided to give up and head to the gym. She changed into a pair of tight, black workout pants and a bright blue tank top, grabbed her phone so she had music and headed to the gym.

She thought she had the place to herself for a moment until she spotted Lexa on a mat in the corner doing crunches. Clarke took advantage of the fact that the brunette was facing away from her to watch her for a minute. She had changed out of what she had been wearing in the common room and into tight black shorts and a black sports bra. Her long hair was pulled up into a ponytail and a few loose strands clung to the base of her neck with sweat. Clarke could now see she had been right about the belly button piercing. There were also tribal tattoos on her upper right arm and something that started at the base of her neck and went down her spine; Clarke couldn't make out the details other than it was partly made up of circles.

Everything about Lexa's body was toned; her abs, her arms, her legs; she was stunning to look at and there was something about her that seemed almost magnetic, despite her standoffish personality.

"Like what you see?" Lexa asked, her voice low. Clarke's mouth dropped open; she was mortified. Lexa laughed.

"I can see you in the mirror, Princess."

"I-I was..." Clarke stuttered, feeling incredibly stupid for not realize that just because Lexa couldn't see her own reflection in the mirror that covered the top half of the wall, that didn't mean she couldn't see Clarke.

"Staring?" Lexa offered as she finished her crunches and stood up. Clarke wanted to melt into the floor.

"Yea, I guess I was. My mind wandered...sorry." She muttered and turned to get on the closest treadmill.

Lexa crossed the room and pulled the emergency stop on the treadmill just as Clarke had turned it on. She leaned her arms against the handrail of the machine and dangled the key at Clarke.

"But you didn't answer the question." The look on her fact was almost predatory and Clarke realized what was so magnetic about her; confidence. She radiated it no matter what she was doing.

"What question?"

"Did you like what you saw?"

Clarke snatched the key from her hand, her reflexes quicker than Lexa had anticipated and Clarke saw a flicker of surprise in her green eyes.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Lexa arched one eyebrow at her as she started the treadmill. She stayed where she was for a few minutes but Clarke paid no attention to her as she started to warm up at a walk. She wondered if Clarke knew how much brighter the blue of her tank top made her eyes.

The blonde wasn't as toned as Lexa, but she was in shape and very easy on the eyes. Lexa looked her up and down slowly before walking away. She mostly did it because she knew how uncomfortable it made Clarke.

"I could ask you the same thing." Clarke taunted as Lexa walked away.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Lexa replied without even looking back. Clarke shook her head; she wasn't sure if Lexa was flirting with her or was annoyed by her. She was difficult to read. She put her headphones in and turned up the music as she picked up her pace. Running had always been her go to exercise to drown out the world and quiet her mind. She was aware of Lexa's presence in the room as she moved to the various weight machines, but she paid no attention to her. She just ran.

Lexa was impressed as she watched Clarke run. She found her stride and seemed to continue at the same pace effortlessly. She would sneak glances at her when Clarke wasn't looking. For some reason part of her felt drawn to the other girl; which was odd. She wasn't typically a people person at all and preferred to spend a lot of her time alone. She liked everyone she worked with and got along with all of them pretty well, but she typically chose to spend her free time alone. The others seemed to understand and no one made a big deal out of it.

Clarke finally slowed the treadmill to a walk and walked a few laps to cool down. She had been hoping Lexa would leave but had no such luck. She had finished on the weight machines and moved over to the punching back suspended from the ceiling. Clarke heard the repetitive thumps of Lexa's fists hitting the bag and cringed. The sound brought back memories of her ex who also had a punching bag but only used it when he was drunk, and it usually meant he was on his way to being angry and violent. Her heart rate sped up and she decided to cut out the rest of her cool down time. She pulled the key out of the treadmill, which brought it to an abrupt stop. She hastily wiped the front of the machine off with a towel and hurried out of the gym; anything to get away from the repetitive punching sound. It didn't always bother her, but when it did she preferred to just leave.

She was so absorbed in getting out and away that she didn't see the Captain until she ran straight in to him coming around the corner. She crashed into his chest and he put his arms on both her shoulders to steady her.

"Shit! I'm so sorry…I wasn't paying attention."

"Obviously. Its no big deal. You okay?"

"Yea…I'm fine. I just got done running and I guess my mind was somewhere else."

He squeezed her shoulders briefly before letting go.

"No problem, just be careful, you don't' want to knock someone over."

"Yes sir, I will be. Sorry again."

Bellamy smiled at her and continued on his way down the hall. Clarke spun and headed for her room as quickly as possible while paying enough attention to avoid another embarrassing collision.

Once in her room she was torn between reading and trying to get some sleep. Sleep didn't come easy to her in unfamiliar places so she opted to try sleep, especially since she had the room to herself.

She changed and crawled in to bed facing the wall. She pulled the covers up over her head and hoped Lexa wouldn't wake her up whenever she came in. That was her last thought before falling asleep much quicker than she anticipated.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been about a month since Clarke had started working at the LA firehouse and things had settled into a comfortable routine. She had met more of the crew, but mostly hung out with Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, and Luna. Sometimes Jasper and Monty would join them as well.

The rooming situation with Lexa was easier, and more comfortable, than she had originally expected. The brunette kept to herself a lot, but so did Clarke so it wasn't all that uncommon to find them both in their room doing their own thing in what had become comfortable silence.

Sometimes Clarke would look up from her drawing or reading to find Lexa watching her; but the opposite was also true. Clarke often watched Lexa when she thought the other girl wasn't looking. She had even sketched her a few times. Clarke wouldn't deny there was some sort of attraction between them; she just wasn't sure what to make of it so she left it alone.

They sometimes ended up at the gym together, but the routine remained the same; mostly comfortable silence.

According to Octavia and Raven, Lexa had started coming to the common room more often; they argued that it was because of Clarke.

"I'm telling you Griffin, she has a thing for you." Octavia teased from her seat across the room next to Lincoln.

"It's true," Raven added "She hasn't hung out with us this much in forever. And it's always when you're here. Besides, have you seen the way she looks at you?"

"She doesn't look at me any certain way, besides, have you looked at her? She could have anyone she wanted. She's not interested in me."

Octavia, Raven and even Luna laughed.

"Clarke, look in the mirror. You could have anyone you wanted too." Luna smiled and winked at her.

Clarke rolled her eyes and groaned; she hated when their conversations went here.

"Can we talk about something else, anything else?"

"Sure. I have the perfect something else actually. This Friday night we're all off shift, which is practically unheard of. We're going to Arkadia, you going to join us?" Octavia asked, her smile indicating that she had ulterior motives.

"What is Arkadia? And why that smile...that makes me nervous."

"It's a club. You need to get out Griffin, it's been a month and you spend more time in your room than pretty much anywhere else. You're starting to remind me of Lexa."

"Who is starting to remind you of me?"

Lexa asked from behind Octavia as she walked into the room. She let her eyes slowly wander over Clarke as she walked over and sat next to her. Clarke rolled her eyes, but still blushed slightly. She could tell by Lexa's barely contained smirk that she'd done it on purpose. It had kind of become a thing between them, but the heat of Lexa's stare always made Clarke blush. From anyone else, it would make her uncomfortable, but with Lexa it had become something she almost looked forward to; and if she were honest, wanted more of.

"Griffin. You're turning her in to some sort of hermit." Octavia answered.

"Oh, I think Princess is a hermit all on her own. She's a big girl. Besides, it's not like I have her tied to the bed."

Lexa slid one finger slowly up the outside of Clarke's thigh that was closest to her. They were sitting next to each other, so no one saw, but Clarke was acutely aware of the touch.

"Yet." Lexa added in a low whisper that only Clarke heard. Clarke's mouth went dry and she arched one eyebrow at Lexa, who simply smiled innocently.

"Well regardless, we are going to Arkadia on Friday night. Are either one of your hermits going to come?"

"I'll go if Princess goes."

"Wait, what...why does it matter to you if I go?"

"It doesn't," Lexa laughed , "You're just so easy to fluster. It's fun."

Clarke rolled her eyes. Lexa was now idly drawing random patterns on the outside of her thigh and Clarke couldn't decide if she liked it or if it made her nervous or both. She shifted slightly closer to Lexa so the brunette knew she was aware of what she was doing. Lexa raised one eyebrow and continued as if nothing had happened.

"Well, Clarke?" Raven pressed. The rest of the group was looking at her, waiting for an answer.

"Fine, I'll go. But no one is allowed to play match maker."

"Oh, they won't have to. The whole place will be throwing themselves at you." Lexa commented quietly.

"Geez Lexa, you really like to torment Clarke don't you? If I didn't know better, I'd say you have a thing for her. I haven't seen you like this with someone since-" Lincoln was laughing but was silenced by a hard elbow to the ribs from Octavia and glares from everyone else.

Clarke noticed Lexa's finger had stopped tracing on her thigh. She looked over to see an odd mix of anger and sadness in her bright green eyes. It was gone in seconds, replaced by her typical cold expression.

The room had gone awkwardly silent and Clarke had to fight the urge to reach for Lexa's hand.

"I don't have a thing for anyone, Lincoln." Lexa's voice was cold and Clarke shifted away from her, even though Lexa's hand was resting against her thigh.

Lexa felt the shift and glanced at Clarke, hoping she hadn't hurt the girls feelings and surprised she cared at the same time. There was something about the blonde that attracted her; beyond the obvious fact that she was stunning. It felt like there was some sort of magnetic force drawing her in; but it was comfortable and easy. She enjoyed Clarke's company, even if they didn't talk much.

She reached out and lightly trailed her finger along the other girls thigh again, hoping to convey that she wasn't upset at her, before standing up to leave.

"Lexa...don't leave, I'm sorry." Lincoln apologized quietly.

"It's fine Linc, I was headed to the gym anyways."

"Lexa..." Clarke called after her. Lexa stopped but didn't turn around.

"I'll still go to Arkadia if you'll still come."

Lexa turned, just the hint of a smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

"I already said I would, Princess."

She turned and left before anyone could reply.

"God I wish she'd stop calling me that."

"I don't know, I think it's kind of cute." Raven smirked.

"You would. So, what just happened anyways? Why did she get so upset?"

Everyone shifted uncomfortably and didn't seem to want to answer. It was Octavia who finally spoke.

"It's Lexa's story to tell, if she ever wants to tell you. I wouldn't expect it if I were you though. There was a girl, it's been about 3 years now. Her and Lexa were...inseparable. Probably worse than Lincoln and I. That's all I'm going to tell you though. As you can see, it's a really sensitive subject for Lexa."

"Clearly. Should I go try to talk to her?"

"Probably not. Lexa is different. If she wants you around, she'll find you. Otherwise she keeps her distance." Luna answered.

"Alright, well, I'm headed to my room to be a hermit. What time are we going to Arkadia tomorrow?"

"We can pick you up if you want? That way you can drink." Raven offered, wiggling her eyebrows.

"I don't drink, but the ride would still be awesome. I'll text you my address. Catch you guys later, unless there's a call or something."

Everyone mumbled their goodbyes at her as she left the room. She thought about going to the gym, but remembered Lexa was heading there and probably wanted to be alone.

She was surprised to see Lexa sitting on her bed when she walked into their room. She was sitting cross legged, leaning back against the wall. Her headphones were in and her eyes were closed; her hair fell in soft, wavy curtains on either side of her face and it looked like she could be sleeping. Clarke saw a trail of tears leak slowly from the corner of her eyes and was about to turn and leave when Lexa lifted her head from against the wall and opened her eyes.

"You stare a lot, you must like what you see." Lexa joked, but it was halfhearted and her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I can go..."

"It's your room too Clarke."

"I know, but if you want to be alone. I thought you were going to the gym so I came here..."

"It's fine. I don't mind your company."

Clarke smiled as she grabbed one of her books and sat on her bed. She sat cross legged facing Lexa.

"I feel like that's a compliment, coming from you."

"It is." This time her smile reached her eyes and Clarke was glad. Lexa was normally so cool and collected, it was concerning to see her upset.

Clarke smiled at her again then turned her attention to her book. Lexa leaned her head back against the wall again and closed her eyes but would occasionally open them a slit to watch Clarke read. She found the emotions that crossed her face endearing; the way she would smile, or wrinkle her forehead in thought, or tuck the tip of her index finger in her mouth when things got intense.

Clarke looked up once to find Lexa staring at her.

"I'm not the only one who stares, I guess you like what you see too?"

Lexa laughed but didn't answer and the settled back in to the comfortable silence. Lexa was glad the awkward moment in the common room hadn't seemed to change anything between them. She felt bad that Clarke had felt so obviously awkward and found herself wanting to tell Clarke the story she hadn't told anyone.

"Her name was Costia." She said quietly, her voice cracking on the girls name despite her best effort for it not to.

Clarke looked up from her book and even though Lexa wasn't looking at her, she could see the emotion all over the girls face. She waited a minute for Lexa to continue, but she didn't.

"Hey." Clarke whispered and Lexa looked up, her green eyes glassy with barely controlled tears.

"You don't owe me an explanation. And you don't need to tell me anything you're not ready to. And if you're never ready, that's fine."

Lexa swallowed hard and fought back a new wave of tears brought on by the sincerity in Clarke's blue eyes. She just nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"What are you listening to?" Clarke asked in attempt to change the subject and get the horrible sad look off Lexa's face. Lexa hesitated for a moment, so long that Clarke almost gave up on the question and went back to reading her book, then Lexa sighed and pulled one of the earbuds out of her ear and held it out to Clarke.

"Come listen."

Clarke hesitated and Lexa patted the spot on the bed next to her. Clarke moved over on to Lexa's bed and sat cross legged beside her, their knees touching as Lexa handed Clarke the earbud. Clarke put it in her ear and had to scoot closer to Lexa so the wires didn't pull. Their shoulders and sides were touching but if it made Lexa uncomfortable she didn't show it. She waited for Clarke to adjust the earbud and her seating positon, then hit play.

Clarke was surprised at the fact that the song that started playing was instrumental only; the piano to be specific. The piece was beautiful; it started off loud and aggressive, then moved in to softer, slower pieces where at times the piano was almost whisper quiet, only to launch in to being loud and aggressive again. It ebbed and flowed in a very natural rhythm and at times Clarke found herself fighting back tears. She tried to figure out what the piece was from, but she'd never heard it before. By the time the song was over, a few tears had rolled down her cheek. Much to her surprise, Lexa reached out and softly brushed one away with her thumb.

"Lexa…that was amazing. What is it? I've never heard anything so…haunting and beautiful."

"It was hers." She whispered, her green eyes coming up to meet Clarke's for the first time since the song started. Clarke's heart skipped a beat when she realized the intimacy of what Lexa had just shared with her.

"Lexa..I…you didn't have to share that with me…I didn't know…."

"It's okay Clarke, if I didn't want you to hear it, I wouldn't have let you listen."

"Thank you."

Lexa smiled softly and nodded.

"What are you reading?"

Clarke looked down at the book in her hands that she hadn't even realized she still had.

"To Kill a Mockingbird."

"Really? The one everyone has to read in high school?"

"Yes, really. This is my high school copy, notes and all. I add to it almost every time I read it."

"I've never read it."

"What? You have to. Here. Borrow it. It's not like I don't know where you live most of the time."

Lexa laughed as Clarke put the book in her lap, pulled the earbud out of her ear and started to get up off the bed. Lexa was surprised to find herself wanting Clarke to stay. She caught the blonde's wrist just before she stood up.

"Clarke? Thanks for not being pushy…"

Clarke's smile was bright and Lexa had the sudden desire to pull her closer and kiss her, but instead she let go of her wrist.

"You're welcome."

Clarke moved back to her bed and thought about picking up her sketchbook until she yawned a few times in a row and realized how tired she was. She crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over her head as she turned to face the wall.

"Goodnight, Clarke." Lexa said softly after a few minutes.

"Goodnight Lexa."

* * *

 

The next night at 7:45pm Clarke's bedroom looked like a tornado had blown through it. She'd gone through her entire closet trying to find something to wear. She wasn't sure why it was such a big deal, since she usually just grabbed something from her closet and went with it.

She'd been thinking about a dress but had text Raven who'd said the club was a pretty decent mix of casual and dressy, so she'd gone with something more comfortable. She'd decided on Black jean shorts, a light blue tank top, black leather jacket and black combat boots that came up to her mid-calf. She'd taken a piece of hair from each side of her face and twisted them until they came together in the back, mostly to keep it out of her face, otherwise it just hung in long waves. She glanced in the mirror one last time and decided she looked fine.

A few minutes later Raven pulled up and honked. Clarke walked out to get in the Jeep and Raven and Luna both rolled down the windows and catcalled and whistles at her as she walked up.

"You guys are impossible." Clarke laughed as she climbed in the backseat.

"And you're hot. You look good, Griffin."

"Thanks. You guys look great too."

Raven had her hair pulled up in a ponytail, she was wearing dark blue skinny jeans that were shredded in a few places down her legs, a grey racer back tank top and black doc marten boots.

Luna's hair was down as it always was; a barely tamed mass of waves and curls. She was wearing a dress with tank top style sleeves that started as grey and faded to black at the skirt, which hung to about mid-thigh. Her shoes were flat leather sandals that had leather straps that crisscrossed up her calves to just below the knee. The dress was tight on her upper body but loose and flowing at the skirt.

"Thanks. Luna always wears dresses out; I'm more of a comfort kind of girl."

"I'm comfortable in my dresses, besides, you like it when I show leg." Luna turned back and winked at Clarke as Raven reach over and ran her hand up her thigh.

"Hmm, yes I do."

Clarke laughed as Luna playfully slapped Raven's hand away. They were a cute couple; Luna had a quiet calm about her that balanced Raven's quirky sarcasm well.

When they got to Arkadia it was already packed and the line was down the building. Raven and the rest of the crew were good friends with one of the bouncers, so they walked right up to the door.

"Thanks Gus!" Raven smiled as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek as he let them in.

"Any time Ray. Octavia and Lincoln are already inside. Anyone else coming?"

"Lexa."

"Really? It will be nice to see her. She hasn't come in forever. And who is this?" He asked with a smile as Clarke walked past him.

"This is Clarke, she's a new EMT. Clarke, this is Gus. Our all access pass to Arkadia and personal security if the shit hits the fan."

"Nice to meet you Clarke."

He shook her hand and then kissed the back of her palm.

"Nice to meet you too Gus, thanks for the VIP entry."

"Any time gorgeous."

They walked in the club and Clarke followed Raven and Luna as they wove through the crowd towards their normal spot. It was a circular booth whose side was attached to the bar. Lincoln and Octavia were already sitting there but stood up to greet them.

"Oh geez, you guys are doing the matching couple thing, it's kinda gross." Raven teased as she hugged Octavia.

Both her and Lincoln were dressed in jeans and white tank tops. Octavia's hair was half up, half down with intricate braids done in the top half. She laughed as she hugged the three girls hello.

"You guys are the hottest couple here I'm sure." Clarke smiled as Lincoln hugged her as well.

"I don't know, you and Lexa will give us a run for our money I'm sure. You look good, Clarke."

"Stop with the Lexa thing you ass." She slapped him playfully on the shoulder "we're just...I don't even know if we're friends."

"Oh please, with the way you two look at each other?" Octavia mimicked the way Lexa often looked at Clarke. Clarke rolled her eyes.

"This is not what I signed up for when I said I'd come. I can get this at work."

"Okay, okay. We'll stop. Besides, here she comes."

Octavia whispered, though Clarke wasn't sure why because the music was loud enough that unless someone was standing close, they wouldn't have been able to hear. Lincoln let out a low whistle as Clarke turned around and she immediately understood why.

"Clarke, you are so screwed." Lincoln laughed but she barely heard him. It was taking all of her self-control to not have her jaw drop to the floor.

Lexa was walking across the dance floor towards their table and she looked otherworldly. Almost everyone she walked past, male and female, turned to stare as she walked by, but she seemed oblivious.

She was wearing a skin tight black dress that stopped just above mid-thigh and black leather boots that came to just above her knees. The dress had tank top style sleeves that showed off her arms and was low cut enough that there was just a glimpse of cleavage. Her hair was down, but parts were pulled back in small braids that joined together in the back. The dress hugged every curve of her body like a second skin and Clarke felt butterflies in her stomach as Lexa's eyes met hers.

"Careful Griffin, you might start drooling." Octavia laughed in her ear as Lexa walked up.

"Still turning every head in the club Lexa." Lincoln laughed as he hugged her in greeting.

"You're one to talk Lincoln. Every girl in here would be all over you if Octavia wasn't already."

"Damn right, I have to let everyone know he's mine." Octavia answered as she too hugged Lexa.

Clarke was surprised when Lexa moved from Octavia and pulled her in to a hug as well. One arm went around her shoulders and the other slid down to the small of her back. Her breath hitched as she returned the hug.

"Hey Princess. Like what you see?"

Lexa's breathe was hot on Clarke's ear and she shivered involuntarily. Lexa pulled back from the hug far enough to look at Clarke, her green eyes sparkling mischievously.

Lincoln and Octavia had slid into the booth, leaving Clarke and Lexa standing off to the side. Clarke pressed her lips together and swallowed as she tried to find her composure to speak. Lexa's hand was still in the small of her back and she found herself wanting to move even closer to the brunette. The corners of Lexa's mouth twitched as she tried not to laugh.

Lexa moved both her hands to Clarke's hips.

"Hey, did I break you?"

"No...I'm sorry. Hi, I didn't know what's wrong with me."

"I'm so hot you couldn't speak?" Lexa joked but Clarke blushed anyways and looked down at her feet. Lexa laughed softly.

"It's okay Princess, you're pretty fucking gorgeous yourself."

Clarke looked up again and when their eyes met Lexa had to fight the urge to pull her close and kiss her. Her tank top and shorts hugged her body, showing more curves than Lexa had ever seen her show. The blue of the tank top made her eyes seem even bluer and Lexa swore she could lose herself in them. Her hands tightened on Clarke's hips as her thumbs ran over the skin on her sides. Clarke smiled and stepped closer, leaning to Lexa's ear and whispering,

"Yes, I like what I see."

She stepped back, breaking Lexa's hold on her hips and Lexa had to fight the desire to grab her and pull her close again. Lexa slide in to the booth next to Lincoln.

"I'm going to grab a drink, I'll be right back."

Clarke announced then headed to the bar. She needed some space away from Lexa to recompose herself. She hadn't felt drawn to anyone the way she was drawn to Lexa. She was starting to think Lexa might feel the same way, but she still wasn't sure if she meant it seriously or was just messing around.

She hadn't been standing at the bar long when the bartender came up and leaned close to be heard over the music.

"Hi, I'm Niylah. What can I get for you?"

"A coke please."

"Just coke?"

"Yes. I don't drink. Just coke is fine."

Niylah arched an eyebrow at her but went about filling up the cup.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing alone in a club, not drinking?"

"I'm here with friends." She gestured over at the table where her friend were sitting.

"Just friends?"

"Yep. I just moved here about a month ago. Plus I'm not really interested in dating right now."

"Well that's too bad."

Niylah winked at her as she handed her the coke.

"It's on the house. And if you ever change your mind about dating, look me up."

"Thanks."

Clarke headed back to the table and slid into the booth next to Lexa. Lexa picked up her drink and took a sip out of the straw.

"Just coke?"

"Yep. I don't drink."

Lexa raised an eyebrow and gave her a questioning look but Clarke just took her coke back.

"So, who wants to dance?" Raven asked happily.

"We do! Octavia volunteered herself and Lincoln. Lincoln groaned but smiled as Octavia grabbed his arm and started sliding out of the booth with Raven and Luna.

"The things I do for her." He muttered as he followed her.

"Clarke, you coming?" Luna asked as Raven pulled her towards the dance floor.

"No, I don't really dance either. You guys go."

"No drinking, no dancing. What fun are you?" Lexa asked quietly from her seat next to Clarke.

"Oh, I can be all kinds of fun. Are you going to join them?"

"Nah, I only dance under the right circumstances."

"Oh? And what would those circumstances be?"

Lexa was about to answer when a tall blonde haired man walked up and leaned on their table.

"Hey, I'm Garett. I was wondering what it would take to get a gorgeous girl like you to dance with a guy like me?"

Clarke looked up, expecting him to be looking at Lexa and was surprised to find him starting straight at her.

"Me? Oh...thanks but I don't really dance..."

Garrett slid into the booth across from them and rested his elbows on the table.

"Well, then I guess it will take some real work. Can I buy you a drink?"

"Thanks, but I don't drink either. This is just coke."

"Wow, I'm really striking out. If I pulled a puppy out of my jacket, would that appeal to you at all?"

Clarke laughed, then looked down at the table and blushed slightly.

"There we go, I got a laugh at least. What's your name?"

"Clarke. This is my friend Lexa."

"Nice to meet you both. So, Lexa, how do I get your friend here to dance with me?"

"I don't know. The puppy sounded pretty convincing."

Garrett raised his eyebrows then pushed his lower lip out in an pout.

"How about a puppydog face instead?"

"Oh geez Clarke, just dance with the guy." Lexa joked and gently elbowed Clarke in the side.

"Alright, Alright. One dance won't kill me. But I'm warning you; I'm not good."

"I'll be the judge of that. Shall we?"

He stood up and offered his hand. Clarke hesitated before taking it and letting him pull her out on to the dance floor.

She actually ended up having fun with Garrett and danced with him for a few songs. He was a good dancer and kept a polite distance between them. She spotted Octavia and Lincoln on the floor a few times and they smiled as they passed her.

As the third song was starting a guy with chin length black hair and piercing blue eyes came up and tapped Garrett on the shoulder.

"Mind if I cut in? You've been hogging this pretty girl long enough."

Garrett raised his eyebrows at Clarke and she shrugged her shoulders. One song couldn't hurt.

"Thanks Garrett, I had fun." She called as the other guy took his place.

"Hey, I'm Aaron."

"Clarke."

He nodded and stepped closer, putting his hands on her hips. She tensed briefly but tried to relax and just have fun. Aaron smiled at her and tried pulling her closer but she kept her distance. His hands slid down her hips to her ass and she put her hands on his wrists and pulled them back up.

"Keep your hands where they belong." She smiled, trying to keep her voice light.

"Sorry" he muttered and turned her in his arms so she was dancing with her back up against his chest. He leaned down and whispered in her ear,

"You're gorgeous, I can't help myself."

It was then that she smelled the alcohol on his breath and started to panic. He pulled her hard up against him and ran his hands up the side of her body and cupped her breasts. She went to pull away but he grabbed her hips, pulling her against him again.

Clarke froze; she wasn't normally timid or passive but occasionally things would trigger flashbacks of her abusive ex and she would freeze. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath to fight the panic that was quickly threatening to take over. Aaron was running his hands over her sides again, sliding her shirt up as he went.

"Stop. It." She said firmly through gritted teeth.

"Oh loosen up and have some fun."

Just then Lincoln caught her eye across the dance floor. He noticed her shirt and tilted his head at her. She shook her head no and within seconds he hand taken Octavia's hand and was dragging her across the dance floor towards Clarke.

Lexa noticed Lincoln's movement and followed his eyes towards Clarke. Anger shot through her at the sight of the stranger pretty much groping Clarke. She got up and made her way across the floor as well, knowing Lincoln wouldn't hesitate to be violent if needed or pushed.

Lincoln and Octavia got to Clarke first and Lincoln put his hand on Aaron's chest and physically pushed him away from Clarke.

"I believe the lady wants you to keep your hands to yourself." He said, his voice ominous.

"And who the hell are you, her body guard? We were having a good time."

"She didn't look like she was having a good time. You need to go."

"Make me." Aaron stepped into Lincoln's space, their chests almost touching. Octavia took a hold of Lincoln's arm just as Lexa walked up.

Clarke felt strong arms wrap around her from behind and she tensed until she heard Lexa's voice.

"Babe, are you causing trouble again? I swear I can't leave you alone for a second and you have guys fighting over you."

Her voice was coy, almost flirty and Aaron turned his attention away from Lincoln to stare at Lexa.

"Sorry boys, she's all mine. And I don't share." She leaned down and kissed along Clarke's neck, biting softly at her pulse point. Clarke moaned softly before she could stop herself and instinctively tilted her neck, giving Lexa better access. Lexa left a trail of kisses up the side of her neck before letting go of her waist and taking her hand.

Clarke let herself be led off the dance floor as Aaron stared, open mouthed after her and Lincoln and Octavia did their best to hide their laughter.

It wasn't until they were almost back to the table that Clarke felt herself starting to shake. Lexa felt it too and looked back at her.

"Hey...are you okay?"

"No...I mean...no. I need, out...of here."

"Okay. Hey, I'm right here. Stay with me."

Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand and Clarke nodded and Lexa led her towards what she hoped was an exit.

Lexa led Clarke upstairs to the roof top patio. She knew not many people would be up there yet. She wove through the few people that were to an empty comer table.

Clarke immediately sat down in a chair and cradled her head in her hands, trying to control her breathing. Being outside was already helping.

Lexa sat down in the chair next to her and waited, unsure what to do. Clarke could feel Lexa's presence and was glad she had decided to stay.

"Thank you." She whispered when she'd gotten better control of herself.

"Are you better now?"

"Yea, just give me a few minutes and I can go back in. You don't have to stay."

"I'm staying."

Clarke nodded then sighed heavily. These episodes were becoming less and less frequent, but she still hated them. She rolled her shoulders and neck to try to get rid of some of the tension then crossed her arms and put her head down on the table.

"There were some issues with my ex…he was...usually I'm okay...but sometimes certain stuff..."

Clarke's statement drifted off into silence and Lexa just waited. She could hear the tears in the blonde's voice and wished she knew how to comfort her. She waited a few minutes before reaching over and putting her hand on Clarke's thigh.

"Hey." She whispered and Clarke sat up and met her gaze. Her blue eyes were full of so much pain it made Lexa want to just hold her and protect her.

"You don't owe me an explanation. And you don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to. And if you're never ready, that's okay too."

Clarke smiled at the fact that Lexa was using her words from the night before to comfort her now. She put her hand on top of the one Lexa had resting on her thigh and squeezed it.

"Thanks Lexa. And thanks for saving me in there. You make a pretty convincing fake girlfriend."

"You were pretty convincing yourself. Don't think I didn't hear that moan when I kissed your neck."

Clarke blushed and looked down at the floor, but she couldn't stop the smile that slowly spread across her face. Lexa laughed,

"Don't get shy on me now Princess. You ready to go back inside? If we're gone too long I think Lincoln will send a search party."

"Yea, I'm okay. I think I'm done dancing for the night though."

"Hm, I don't know about that, I think you owe me a dance."

"You said you don't dance."

"No, I said I only dance in the right circumstances."

"And tonight is the right circumstance?"

Lexa stood up and tugged on Clarke's hand, which Clarke didn't realize until then that she was still holding. Clarke stood up and Lexa pulled her closer and reached out and wiped the tear marks off Clarke's cheeks before pushing a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You are the right circumstance." She whispered. Clarke sucked in a breath and bit her bottom lip as she smiled.

"Alright, I suppose I do owe you something for saving my ass in there. You better be careful with this whole being nice thing though, you're going to ruin your reputation."

Lexa laughed, glad to hear some of Clarke's sarcasm returning. She knew it meant the girl was feeling more herself.

"I don't know about that...wait until after we dance, it might be your reputation that I ruin."

Lexa smirked before letting go of Clarke's hand and turning to head back into the club. Clarke followed her, willing the butterflies in her stomach to calm down. She'd never met anyone who could turn her into a flustered mess as quickly as Lexa could.

When they got back inside Lincoln, Octavia, Raven and Luna were all sitting at the table.

"Sounds like we missed all the excitement Griffin, what the hell?" Raven teased as Clarke sat down but her eyes were full of concern; as were everyone else's.

"What can I say, I love to cause a scene."

"Seriously though, are you okay?" Luna asked, reaching across the table and squeezing Clarke's hand.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks to Lincoln and Lexa. Thank you Lincoln."

"Not a problem. You're part of this crew, we stick together."

"Gus was quite happy to escort that creep out of the club too" Octavia added with a sly smile.

"I'll have to thank him later. And really you guys, thank you. I'm going to go grab a drink, anyone want anything?"

They all said no and Clarke stood up to go walk to the bar. Lexa followed behind her.

"I'll come with you."

"You don't have to, I'm okay Lexa."

"Maybe I just like your company?"

"Oh...I...okay then."

Clarke stumbled over her words.

"You're so easy Princess." Lexa laughed as she moved her way past Clarke and up to the bar.

"Well hello again beautiful." Niylah greeted Clarke with a warm smile. "Coke again?"

"Yes please."

Niylah walked away to get the drink and Clarke could see Lexa watching her.

"Well isn't she friendly."

"Maybe she's not the only one who likes what she's sees." Clarke smiled coyly as she teased Lexa.

Lexa arched one eyebrow and slowly moved closer to Clarke until she was standing behind her. She wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist and whispered in her ear.

"If she likes what she's sees, maybe she should be more aggressive about taking it."

"Maybe not everyone is as confident, or pushy, as you. Besides, she tried; I told her I wasn't interested in dating."

Clarke wasn't sure how she kept her composure with Lexa's body pressed up against her back but she did.

"Hmmm, then this should be interesting..."

Lexa whispered as she nuzzled her face into Clarke's neck and giggled as Niylah walked back up.

Niylah smiled at Clarke until she saw Lexa wrapped around her, then her eyes turned cold.

"I see you've found a new friend."

"Yea...Niylah this is Lexa. Lexa, Niylah."

Lexa let go of Clarke with one hand long enough to wiggle her fingers at Niylah in greeting and then wrapped her arm back around Clarke's waist. Niylah rolled her eyes and Lexa laughed. Clarke blushed and put a ten dollar bill down on the bar.

"This is too m-"

"Keep it Niylah. Thank you."

Clarke untangled herself from Lexa's arms and walked back towards the table. Lexa moved to walk next to her and Clarke elbowed her softly in the side.

"You're terrible. I feel bad now. She was just being nice."

"You don't get what you want by being nice. Besides, it was kind of funny. And you liked it or you would have moved."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"I've heard it a few times, yes."

"Well, as long as you're aware."

"I am. I think it's time for that dance you owe me now."

"Ugh, alright."

Clarke took a drink of her coke and sat it down on the table as they walked up. She pulled her jacket off too and Lexa swallowed hard and had to stop herself from staring at the way Clarke's tank top clung to her body.

"I owe Lexa a dance, and apparently she wants to collect now." Clarke announced to the table as she laid her jacket in the booth.

"Oooh, this should be good. Good luck Griffin!" Octavia called as Lexa took Clarke's wrist and led her out to the dance floor.

People watched Lexa as she moved through the crowd and the ones that noticed her holding Clarke's hand gave Clarke dirty looks.

Lexa stopped in the middle of the dance floor and turned towards Clarke as she started dancing.

The whole club seemed to fall away and Clarke was transfixed by the way Lexa was moving. She moved as if the music were part of her and heaven help her Clarke had never seen anything so seductive.

Lexa smiled and made a come here motion with her finger before hooking her fingers in Clarke's belt loops and pulling her closer.

"The idea is to dance with me, Clarke. Not stand and stare."

"Lexa...I can't dance...like that."

"Sure you can, you just have to learn to let go. Come here."

Clarke's breathing was uneven as Lexa pulled her even closer and put her hands on her hips. She started moving with Lexa to the music but her movements were tense and jerky. Lexa smiled softly at her and turned her around in her arms so Clarke's back was pressed against the front of Lexa. She wrapped her arms around her waist and whispered into her ear.

"Just relax Clarke."

Clarke swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths. It was easier not facing Lexa and having those bright green eyes watching every move she made; though having Lexa's body pressed completely against her and moving the way she was; it was equally distracting in a different way.

Clarke decided to just relax and let whatever happened, happen. She was definitely attracted to Lexa and enjoyed her company. For whatever reason, Lexa seemed to want to be with her over anyone else in Arkadia so she might as well take advantage of it.

Lexa felt the shift as Clarke relaxed and pressed back against her as she started dancing. She had to hold back a groan at the feeling of Clarke's body so close. Once she relaxed, the blonde hand no problems matching her move for move.

"See? Not so bad." She whispered. Clarke surprised her by turning so she was facing her again. She draped her arms around Lexa's neck and pressed herself close again, never losing the rhythm of their dance.

"No, it's not bad at all."

Lexa's smile was wicked as she put her hands on Clarke's hips, shifted so one of her legs was between Clarke's and sharply pulled the blonde against her even closer. She was rewarded by Clarke's sharp intake of breathe, then equally surprised when she felt Clarke's hips grind against hers. She met Clarke's eyes and laughed at the mischievous sparkle in them. Clarke's shirt had moved up as they danced and Lexa ran her thumbs over her skin making her shiver.

Before either of them would have liked the song was over. In the space between songs a tall brunette walked up behind Lexa and pressed up against the back of her and started dancing as the next song started.

"Hey gorgeous, mind if I steal you?"

Before Lexa could reply Clarke had taken her wrist and pulled her away, turning so they were sideways to the other girl and wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck again. She smirked at the girl as Lexa grabbed her hips again.

"Sorry, I don't share." Clarke answered, her voice low.

"I wasn't asking you. I was asking her."

Clarke laughed as Lexa pulled her even closer as the song picked up tempo, paying no attention to the other girl at all.

"I think you have her answer."

Lexa smirked as the other girl rolled her eyes and walked away.

"Possessive, I like it."

"Hm, like you wouldn't have done the same thing."

"Oh, no, I would have. I don't share either. You only owed me one dance though. You okay?"

"Oh, I'm more than okay."

It was Lexa's turn to blush and it didn't go un-noticed.

"Oh, look who's shy now." Clarke teased.

"Shut up and dance Clarke."

They danced for several more songs and Clarke realized that she felt more comfortable molded to Lexa's body than she ever had being that close to anyone before; it felt like she was made to fit there.

"Clarke?"

"Hm?"

"You want to get out of here?"

"The dance floor or the club?"

"Both. It's so crowded now; I'm over it."

"Sure, but I came with Raven and Luna."

"I can take you home….if you want."

"Sure, let's just go tell everyone else."

Lexa nodded and let go of Clarke and started to lead them off the dance floor. Clarke was surprised to find herself missing being so close to Lexa already.

They got back to the table and everyone was still sitting around drinking and talking.

"Well, well, look who's back. The hottest couple in Arkadia." Octavia teased.

"Oh hush." Clarke responded.

"Seriously, you two were hot out there. Everyone was staring." Luna added. Everyone else at the table nodded and Clarke blushed.

"Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it." Lexa quipped.

"Oh, you guys were definitely flaunting it. For someone who doesn't dance, you sure weren't having any problems Clarke."

"Hm, I was just following her lead."

"Right, I'm sure you were."

"Anyways, we're going to head out. It's getting super crowded. Lexa said she would give me a ride home, that way you and Luna don't have to leave."

"Okay cool. Figures the two hermits are leaving together. I'm glad you both came though, maybe you should venture out more often."

"Maybe."

Everyone stood up and hugged goodbye. Clarke thanked Lincoln again for stepping up to protect her on the dance floor. Once goodbyes were said Lexa led the way to the parking lot and out to her car.

"Alright, where to?" She asked once they were buckled in.

Clarke started to give Lexa her address but stopped when she heard her chuckle.

"What?"

"Do you really want to go home?"

"I don't know, what did you have in mind?"

"Do you like pancakes?"

"Who doesn't?"

"You'd be surprised. I know this little place by the beach that has the most amazing pancakes. I'm starving."

"Alright, sounds good."

Lexa smiled as she put the car in reverse. Her hand practically itched to reach over and hold Clarke's, so she put both of them on the wheel. She wasn't sure what was going on between her and the other girl, but she didn't want to push things too fast.

Clarke clasped both of her hands together in her lap to stop herself from reaching for Lexa's hand. The urge was ridiculous and she didn't want to freak Lexa out; although holding hands would be nothing compared to the way they were pressed against each other on the dance floor. The memory made the butterflies start up in her stomach again so she forced it aside. She had decided she was going to let whatever was happening between them happen, but she wasn't going to push anything too fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty long but I didn't want to cut it off anywhere else. Hopefully you guys are enjoying this. Leave comments if you are; they make my writer heart happy.
> 
> Come say hi on instagram @more.than.just.surviving
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

They pulled into the parking lot at the restaurant and Clarke couldn't stop herself from giggling.

"Flappy Jacks? Really?"

"I never said it was upscale, just that they had good pancakes."

"With a name like that, I certainly hope so."

Clarke pulled her jacket back on as they got out of the car and headed towards the restaurant.

The inside looked like any typical American diner you'd see in a movie, complete with red leather booth seats and chrome table edges. Lexa walked to a corner booth and slid into a seat, Clarke sat across from her.

A few minutes later their waitress came out and Clarke was surprised when she called to Lexa from halfway across the room.

"Lexa! It's been forever!"

Lexa's smile was warm and genuine as she stood up and embraced the other woman.

"Anya, it's good to see you."

"You too. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. How is Aden?"

"He's good, growing like a weed. It really is good to see you Lexa. It's been too long."

"I know, I know."

"And who is this?" Anya asked, noticing Clarke for the first time.

"This is my co-worker, Clarke. She's an EMT. She just started at the station about a month ago. Clarke, this is Anya, and old friend of mine."

Clarke's heart sank a little at the fact that Lexa introduced her as a co-worker, not a friend, but she smiled as she stood up and shook Anya's hand.

"Nice to meet you."

"You too. Co-workers huh? Dressed like that?" Anya raised an eyebrow and to Clarke's surprise, Lexa blushed a little.

"We were at Arkadia before we came here." She mumbled an explanation.

"Uh huh." Anya winked at Lexa and Clarke tried hard not to laugh as they both sat back down.

"So what can I get for you? Drinks to start? I'll grab a menu for you Clarke, I already know what Lexa wants."

"I'll take a hot chocolate, and no need for the menu. I'll just have whatever she normally gets." Clarke answered.

"Funny. She always gets hot chocolate too. Got it, two hot chocolates and two smiley sams then."

Lexa looked down at the table and bit her bottom lip as Anya walked away.

"Smiley Sam? Lexa...what the hell am I eating?"

"A smiley face pancake." Lexa mumbled.

"A smiley face pancake? Seriously? I did not expect that from you."

"It's just the right amount of food. The eyes are two over easy eggs, the mouth is a piece of bacon and it's just one pancake. Their pancakes are huge."

"And there is no way to order two eggs, bacon and a pancake?"

"Well...I mean there is...but then it wouldn't be smiley."

Clarke laughed and looked up at Lexa to find her smiling childishly at her.

"First you're sweet at the club, and now you're being cute about food. Your reputation is really crumbling tonight Lexa."

"My reputation? With the way we were dancing tonight you might want to worry about your own Princess. That was a hell of a first impression to make at Arkadia."

Clarke blushed at the memory of the way they had been dancing. She didn't typically let go of her inhibitions that quickly, but with Lexa it had been oddly comfortable.

"Pretty sure it was you everyone was starting at, not me."

"Oh, I don't think so, but its fine if it was. I don't like to share."

Clarke rolled her eyes and decided to change the topic of conversation; she was still having a hard time telling if Lexa's flirting was genuine, or playful.

"So, how did you find this place and its supposedly amazing pancakes?"

"We used to have this thing every time we went to Arkadia where we would find a new restaurant to try afterwards. This was one of them."

"Sounds like a fun tradition, why did that end?"

"I don't know that it has…I just kind of stole you away early tonight. It's been a while since I've been out to Arkadia with them. They might still do it for all I know. Sorry, I guess I should have let you stick around with the group longer…" Lexa glanced nervously down at her hands.

"You didn't make me leave, I wanted to come."

Lexa smiled at her and Clarke could swear she felt her heart melting.

"Two hot chocolates and two smiley sams!" Anya called cheerfully as she brought the food out and set it on the table.

Clarke looked down at her plate and snorted in laughter, then immediately brought her hand up and covered her nose and mouth. Lexa laughed loudly.

"That was attractive."

"I can't help it, look at mine." Clarke whined as she turned her plate to face Lexa. The over easy eggs that made up the eyes had the yolks facing towards each other and they were crooked, the butter patty that had been put where the nose belonged was already melting and the bacon mouth was lopsided.

"He looks more like Drunk Darren than Smiley Sam." She continued.

This time it was Lexa who snorted.

"Okay, maybe you have a point. Just eat it; drunk or smiley, I promise it's amazing."

Clarke turned her plate back around and snapped a picture on her phone before moving her eggs and bacon to one side and folding the pancake in half. Lexa watched her, a confused expression on her face.

"I don't like everything touching. Shut up." Clarke explained without looking up.

"I don't either; I've just never seen anyone else bothered by it. Do you use syrup?"

"No…it's too sweet."

"Same. This is weird."

Clarke just raised her eyebrows as she cut a piece of her pancake and speared it with her fork. She had it half way to her mouth when she realized Lexa was watching her

"Are you really going to watch me eat?"

"Just the first bite."

"That's creepy."

"The longer you wait the longer I'm going to stare at you and the creepier it will get…unless that kind of thing turns you on."

Clarke huffed but took a bite of the pancake and groaned before she could stop herself. It was the perfect pancake; fluffy but not mushy, slightly sweet but not too much and just a hint of vanilla.

"Oh my god that's good."

"Told you." Lexa winked at her before starting on her own plate. They ate in relative silence and Clarke hadn't realized how hungry she was until she was taking the last bite of pancake. She looked over to see that Lexa had finished her whole plate as well.

"I didn't realize how hungry I was."

"I'm just glad you aren't one of those girls who take one bite of something and declare that they are full. Dates like that are no fun."

"Dates?" Clarke questioned and raised an eyebrow.

"I…just…I didn't…you know what I mean." Lexa stammered and Clarke just smiled and picked up her hot chocolate and took a sip.

"Mmm. This is amazing too."

"Anya makes it herself, it's not one of those powdered ones."

"No wonder it's so good."

"Yea, she's pretty amazing."

"You guys seem close."

"We are. I'm bad at keeping in touch, but she forgives me."

"Did you meet her here?"

Lexa sighed and seemed suddenly sad. Clarke wondered what she had done or said for the mood to shift so suddenly.

Lexa hesitated before answering. She had hesitated about bringing Clarke to the restaurant at all because of all of the memories, but it had been so long since she'd been and she thought having someone who didn't know as a buffer might make it easier. In a way it did, she just wasn't sure how much she was ready to tell Clarke.

"She's Costia's cousin…" Her answer was so quiet Clarke barely heard her.

"Oh…it's nice that you guys still keep in touch, she obviously really cares about you." Clarke struggled to find a reply that didn't include saying sorry or stumbling all over herself. She could tell Lexa had a hard time talking about anything related to Costia and she didn't want to make it any worse.

"She does….I'm gonna run to the restroom, I'll be right back."

Clarke nodded and watched Lexa as she walked away. The brunette blew her away by how vastly different she could be. When they'd first met she was afraid they wouldn't get along, but they settled in to a comfortable routine pretty quickly and Clarke never really saw much of the antisocial Lexa everyone else talked about. She was difficult to read and she kept her distance, but she'd never been cold or mean. Now Clarke was getting to see a side of Lexa she hadn't seen at all at work; sweet, considerate, protective and a little vulnerable. It all just made her want to get to know Lexa better.

Clarke was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Anya until she sat down at the booth across from her, where Lexa had been sitting.

"Hey, sorry, I was-"

"Staring at Lexa as she walked away? I get it, she has that effect on people a lot."

Clarke blushed and looked down at her hands.

"So, I know Lexa introduced you as a co-worker so I wouldn't ask questions, but she doesn't bring anyone around anymore. So, what's the deal?"

"I…honestly I don't even know if she considers me a friend? We share a room at the station. We don't not get along, but we don't sit and bond either." Clarke's tone was irritated but she tried to be nice because she assumed Anya was just looking out for Lexa. Anya could hear the irritation in Clarke's voice and softened.

"I'm sorry, I have no right to question you like this. I just…I care about Lexa, and she never brings anyone here. She's been through a lot and tonight she seems…happier. More like her old self than I've seen her be in years."

"I don't know what she's been through, I just know how hard it is for her to talk about it, so she hasn't much, and that's fine with me. I know you care about her, but really, I don't even know her very well yet…"

"It's obvious from the way you two look at each other that there is something between you guys. Just…be careful with her?"

"She seems pretty tough, I'm sure she can handle herself. But…I don't have any intention of hurting her, if that's what you're getting at."

Anya smiled and started to say something when Lexa walked back into the room.

"Anya?" Her tone was low and the look on her face bordered on angry.

"I was just asking her if she would make me some hot chocolate to go. I was asking for a gallon, but she seems to think it won't be good warmed up later, so I settled for a cup." Clark lied and Anya smiled gratefully at her. Lexa's face immediately softened.

"She's right, it's not the same warmed up, but if you're making her one to go…can I get one too?"

"Absolutely." Anya slid out of the booth and went to get their to-go cups. Lexa and Clare both pulled money out to pay for the food but Anya came back with no check.

"It's on the house. Just promise you'll come by more often Lexa."

"I'll try Anya." She whispered as she hugged the girl goodbye.

Anya pulled Clarke into a hug too.

"It was nice meeting you Clarke, I hope we see you around also."

"Thanks, I'm sure I'll be back. The pancakes and hot chocolate are amazing."

They walked out of the building and Clarke headed for the car but stopped when she realized Lexa wasn't with her. She turned around to find her leaning against the walkway railing staring out at the beach that was across the street. She hesitated for a moment and then walked over and stood next to her, their shoulders touching.

"You okay?" She whispered.

"Want to go walk on the beach?"

"Right now?"

"Well…we're already here. Why not?"

"Because its late, freezing and you're dressed in…that." Clarke laughed, gesturing at Lexa's dress and boots. Lexa smirked.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with this earlier…well…maybe a different problem."

"Oh, I don't have a problem with it now either. I just don't know how easy it would be to walk on the beach in those heels."

"I have different clothes in the car."

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Yep. So? Want to?"

"Sure, why the hell not."

Lexa smiled brightly at her and they walked to the car for her to change. She pulled her boots off and pulled on a pair of black jeans before pulling the dress up over her head. She stood there in just her bra rummaging through the back of her car for a top and Clarke couldn't stop herself from staring. Lexa looked up and smiled before pulling a dark grey hoodie over her head.

"I have a pair of sweats if you're cold."

Clarke was pulling off her boots and shivered as she realized how cold it had gotten.

"If you don't mind, that would be great."

Lexa handed her a pair of grey sweatpants and Clarke pulled them on over her shorts.

"Really?" Lexa laughed.

"What? Not all of us are comfortable stripping half naked in the parking lot."

"I'm the only other person out here Clarke."

"Well…not all of us are comfortable stripping half naked."

"You have nothing to be uncomfortable about, but I'll turn around." Lexa replied, giving her that heated stare that always made Clarke blush.

Clarke just raised her eyebrows at Lexa and slowly pulled the sweatpants and shorts down over her hips and stepped out of them. Every movement was slow and exaggerated, her eyes never leaving Lexa. Lexa inhaled sharply and openly stared at Clarke's legs as she kicked the shorts out of her way and stepped back into the sweatpants.

"From modest to tease in three seconds…I like it."

Clarke laughed loudly and broke whatever tension there was between them; Lexa was grateful because if she hadn't she wasn't sure how long she could keep herself from pulling Clarke closer to her.

"Thanks for the pants, its much warmer."

"You're welcome. Let's go."

They crossed the street and walked out onto the sand. It didn't take long for them to be far enough away from the street that the noise faded away and all that could be heard were the waves. It was a clear night with a full moon and as they walked to the edge of the water Clarke stopped and looked up at the stars.

She thought back on how much her life had already changed even though she'd only been in LA for a month. She was happier than shed been in a long time, her nightmares were becoming less frequent as were her panic attacks and she hadn't heard from her ex at all either.

"Hey…come join me?" Lexa called to her quietly. Clarke turned to see Lexa sitting on the deck of one of the lifeguard towers, right in front of the sign that said not to sit on them.

"Pretty sure we aren't supposed to be up there."

"Live a little Princess."

Clarke laughed as she walked over and climbed up to sit next to Lexa.

"Think you'll ever let the Princess thing go?"

"I doubt it. Especially not if you sing more Disney songs."

"It was one time."

"So far."

Clarke elbowed her in the side and Lexa leaned over and bumped Clarke with her shoulder, then just stayed leaning against her. Clarke stared out at the water and watched the waves crashing against the beach. The repetitive noise was soothing and she found her thoughts drifting again. She felt Lexa shift so she was sitting closer, their sides pressed against each other.

"I love the beach, but only at night." Lexa said softly after a while.

"Why only at night?"

"It's too loud during the day. Too many people, it's too hot. I just think it's prettier at night. Something about the stars and the ocean together is just really calming."

"My dad used to bring me to the beach at night with my telescope when I was little. I loved looking at the stars."

"I can tell, you still do."

"It just makes me feel so…small; which is kind of nice sometimes. Everything can get overwhelming but when you look up there, you kind of realize how little you are…insignificant in the grade scheme of things really. Wow…I'm just rambling."

Lexa laughed softly and Clarke looked over to find the brunette watching her.

"It's okay, I don't mind if you ramble."

"What about you? You must have a reason you like coming here."

"It makes me feel…centered. It never changes…the waves keep crashing on the shore no matter what else is going on. They might be bigger, or smaller. Violent or quiet, but they'll always be here, and they keep coming no matter what."

"Resilient?"

"In a sense, yes. Relentless too maybe."

Clarke nodded and the conversation drifted into silence again. Lexa surprised both herself and Clarke by letting her head fall against Clarke's shoulder and rest there.

"You weren't really asking Anya about the hot chocolate earlier, were you?"

"No…"

"What did she say?"

"She said that you'd introduced me as a co-worker but she felt there was something more to it than that. She asked me what the deal was between us."

"What did you tell her?"

"The truth, that I didn't even know if you considered me a friend, that we haven't known each other very long. She said you never bring anyone around and that you've been through a lot and that you seemed happier tonight, to be careful with you."

"She's not wrong."

"About which part?"

"All of it, and I do consider you a friend Clarke…I introduced you as a co-worker hoping she would leave you alone, but I should have known better. Sorry."

"It's okay; she's doing it because she cares about you. I didn't mind."

Lexa let the conversation lapse back into silence. She found herself wondering what it was about Clarke that made everything so easy and comfortable. The sarcasm and flirting were fun, and god knows she found the girl attractive, but beyond that, everything just felt so right with her. It was starting to scare her a little bit. She swore after Costia she would never let herself open up to anyone like that again, but she found herself wanting to tell Clarke everything that had happened; something she hadn't talked about to anyone other than the people who had been there.

"You okay?" Clarke whispered after a while of Lexa being uncharacteristically quiet and still.

"Hm, I'm fine, just lost in thought. Sorry."

"It's okay, you just got really quiet."

"Just relaxed…and comfy." She emphasized comfy by wiggling into Clarke's side more.

"Well, I'm glad I make a good pillow."

"You do, but we should probably get going. It's pretty late, and I start shift tomorrow night."

"I'm off tomorrow, but I start the next morning. You need to sleep though if you start tomorrow night."

"I know." Lexa stayed where she was a minute longer and then sat up and hopped down off the tower. Clarke jumped down next to her and they headed to the car.

"Thanks for coming with me tonight."

"Of course, it was fun. Thanks for saving me from that asshole on the dance floor."

"That's what friends are for."

They walked the rest of the way to the car in silence. Clarke text Lexa her address and the car ride was relatively quiet as well as they listened to the radio and finished the rest of their hot chocolate.

Clarke was a little sad when Lexa's car pulled up out front of her apartment complex.

"Thanks again, it was a lot of fun."

"You're welcome, I had fun too."

Clarke hesitated before getting out of the car; for some reason it felt like the end of a first date where you're trying to figure out if the other person is going to kiss you or not.

"Get some sleep, I'll see you at work Sunday morning."

"Okay."

Clarke pulled the handle and swung the door open and had turned in her seat to get out of the car when Lexa grabbed her wrist.

"Clarke…thanks for being patient…about stuff…"

"That's what friends are for."

Lexa smiled and watched as Clarke got out of the car and walked in to her apartment complex. She thought about the night as she drove home and realized it was the happiest she could remember being in a long time; the thought terrified and excited her at the same time. She could feel herself wanting to be closer to Clarke, and made a mental note that she needed to step back and slow down some before she got hurt.

* * *

Sunday morning Clarke walked in to work and immediately knew something was wrong. Everyone was sitting in the common room, but no one was talking at all, which was very out of character for the normally chatty group.

Octavia was curled in to Lincoln's side and Raven was laying with her head in Luna's lap as Luna stroked her hair.

"What's wrong? Clarke asked, sitting on the end of the couch opposite from Lincoln.

"Bad call last night. House fire. By the time we got there it was too intense to go in, but Lexa went anyways. She was able to get the wife out, but she didn't make it. She tried to go back in for the husband but the roof on the bedroom collapsed before she could get to him."

"Oh shit you guys, I'm so sorry."

Clarke knew death was part of the job, she had lost patients herself, but it didn't make it easy.

"We tried so hard to save the wife, but she just kept coding." Raven whispered from the couch.

"Hey, you guys did everything you could. You all know that."

"Yea, we'll be okay. We just got back in a few hours ago. You might want to go check on Lexa…she probably shouldn't be alone, but that is always where she ends up."

"I don't know that she's going to want me around, but I'll try."

"If she's going to accept anyone being around, it would be you." Luna commented and they all nodded in agreement.

Clarke sighed and headed to her room to see if Lexa was there and wanted company.

Lexa was laying on her bed with her headphones in staring at the ceiling when Clarke walked in. Part of her wanted nothing more than to go to Clarke and let the other girl hold her, and it pissed her off. She hated feeling needy; especially when she hadn't needed anyone in years. She was perfectly capable of getting through things alone.

"Hey." Clarke said softly and Lexa knew the others had already told her what happened.

"Hi." She answered coldly. Clarke cringed and sat down on her bed. It was clear that Lexa didn't want to talk. Clarke rummaged through her bag and found the book she was currently reading and opened it up. She sat cross legged on her bed facing Lexa's and after a few minutes Lexa turned onto her side and faced the wall. Clarke sighed and chewed on her bottom lip. She wanted to do something to make Lexa feel better, but she knew there wasn't much to do.

"I'm going to the gym." Lexa announced as she stood up abruptly.

"Want company?"

"It's a public gym, I can't stop you if you want to go."

Clarke pressed her lips together, trying to keep the hurt off her face. She knew Lexa had just gone through something horrible, but she couldn't help but compare this to the other night at the beach and feel hurt.

Lexa saw the hurt in Clarke's eyes and felt bad for a second before pushing it away. She was letting the girl mean too much and it was only going to get her hurt.

Clarke sighed and went back to reading her book as Lexa walked out the door to the gym. She didn't have long to think about things when a page went out that there was a call. She was relieved for the distraction, but then immediately felt guilty because calls were never a good thing.

She jogged down the stairs and was surprised to see that Luna was the EMT paired with her.

"I told captain I don't want to just sit here and think about what happened. I do better when I'm working, we're all different."

"I can understand that."

"Middle aged male, chest pains." Luna explained as the buckled up and headed to the scene.

They were met out front of the house by a distraught looking red-headed woman.

"Hello Ma'am."

Clarke called out as they walked up the pathway to the house.

"Hi, it's my husband we called about, he's in here."

Clarke and Luna walked into the living room to find a dark haired gentleman sitting on the couch with his eyes closed.

"Hello Sir, you're experiencing chest pains?"

"Yes."

"What kind of pain is it?"

"It feels heavy, like something is crushing my chest."

"Have you taken any aspirin?"

"No."

Luna pulled aspirin out of her bag and gave it to the man. She continued to talk to him as she hooked him up to the EKG. Clarke went back out to the ambulance and got the stretcher and wheeled it up to the house.

"Is he going to be okay?" His wife asked, nervously pacing but thankfully staying out of Luna's way.

"What is your name Ma'am?" Clarke asked softly.

"Candace"

"Candace, we're going to do everything we can to help him and get him to the hospital quickly, okay? Does he have any conditions that we need to know about? Is he on any medications?"

"He has high blood pressure, and he's on medicine for that."

"Do you have a list of his medications?"

"Yes, I'll get that now."

"Great, thank you."

Clarke found that sometimes it was best to give family members a job to do, even if it wasn't necessary, it kept them focused on something other than freaking out.

Luna printed the EKG results and looked up at Clarke.

""Let's get him moving. Let the hospital know it's a STEMI."

Clarke nodded and they moved the stretcher into the house. The gentleman was insistent upon standing up and getting on it himself so they let him. They strapped him on and started wheeling him to the ambulance when Candace showed up with a list of medications.

"Perfect. We're going to transport him to the hospital. Will you hang on to that and give it to the doctors there?"

"Sure. Can I ride with him?"

"Yes, go ahead and get in the passenger seat."

They loaded the passenger and Luna got in the drivers seat and hit the lights and sirens. Clarke gave the man a nitroglycerin pill to put under his tongue and an injection of heparin. She put an IV line in his left arm and fastened an oxygen mask around his face.

"How is your pain sir?"

"Mike. And it's not as bad, but my head is killing me."

"That is a common side effect of the nitroglycerin. I'm going to have you take another pill, okay?"

Mike nodded and she placed another nitroglycerin pill under his tongue. The hospital wasn't far from his home and within minutes they were pulling in to the ER. The cath lab team was already waiting and transferred him to another stretcher and wheeled him away. Candace stood in the hallway looking lost.

"Ma'am? Check in with the ER desk, they will tell you where to go and wait."

"Thank you…for everything."

"You're welcome."

Luna came to stand beside Clarke as Candace walked down the hall to the ER.

"I wish they were all that simple." She said with a sigh.

"You and me both."

They got back in the ambulance and headed back to the station.

"How was Lexa?" Luna asked as she drove.

"She didn't want to talk, barely said two words to me. Really distant."

"She'll come around. She likes you."

"I don't know…"

"I do. I can tell by the way she looks at you. Just give her time."

Clarke nodded and they rode the rest of the way in comfortable silence.

Back at the station Luna went to go check on Raven. Clarke thought about going to her room but didn't want to bother Lexa if she was in there. She ended up in the common room, mindlessly flipping through channels on the TV.

She hadn't been in there long when Bellamy walked in and sat down on the other side of the couch.

"It's quiet in here."

"Yea, rough call earlier. I think everyone is just…processing."

"I heard about it. Those are always hard."

"Yea, they are."

"It's when they aren't that you should probably quit the job."

"True. I can't imagine ever getting used to it though."

"And that is why you're so good at what you do."

Clarke blushed a little and smiled at him. He'd been nothing but nice and supportive since the day she'd started. She felt like she knew him better than she'd known any captain she'd ever worked with. He spent as much time with his team as he could and it showed in how comfortable everyone was around him.

"Well thank you."

"Seriously, I've heard nothing but good things about anyone who has worked with you, and some of these people aren't easy to impress; Octavia specifically."

"They're all pretty great too. It's been really easy to fit in here."

"Good, I'm glad. How is everything going outside of work?"

"Oh, I don't have much of a life outside of work honestly." She laughed, slightly self-conscious.

"No family around here? Not dating anyone?"

"No, to both. I kind of moved here to get a fresh start."

"I can understand that, though I won't lie; I'm surprised you aren't seeing anyone."

Clarke blushed again and shrugged her shoulders. She didn't like to get in to conversations about relationships and why she wasn't in one, so she just didn't reply other than the shrug. Bellamy seemed to pick up on the hint and changed the subject.

"So, since it's slow at the moment, want to try out the pole?"

"That would be awesome."

"Right after you."

He smiled as he stood up and gestured for her to leave the room. As she started to walk past him he put his hand in the small of her back to guide her down the hallway to the pole.

Lexa came around the corner from the gym with the intention of looking for Clarke. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, if anything, just that she wanted to be around the other girl; as much as it annoyed her that she felt that way.

She looked up to see Bellamy with his hand on Clarke's back, the two of them laughing and smiling and was surprised at the jolt of jealousy she felt. She backed up around the corner before either of them noticed her and headed back to her room.

Bellamy walked Clarke down the hall to the pole and unfastened the net that protected people from falling through the hole. He took ahold of the pole with both hands and wrapped one leg around it before stepping off and twirling neatly to the bottom. Clarke smiled down at him.

"That looks like fun!"

"It is, the key is not to grip too much with your hands."

Clarke nodded and mimicked how he hand grabbed the pole and then stepped off the platform. She giggled as she twirled around the pole to the bottom.

It was just like the poles she'd slid down countless times on the playground at school, but the fact that it was an actual fire pole in a firehouse made it special. It was something she'd dreamed of since she knew she wanted to be a firefighter.

"That was so cool!"

"It never gets old."

"I can imagine. Thank you, it's like a childhood dream, ya know?

"I do, and you're welcome. I'm going to make some coffee when I go back upstairs, care to join me?"

"Sure."

They went back upstairs and replaced the pole net then headed to the kitchen to make coffee. Clarke sat at the table while Bellamy made the coffee. The conversation was easy and light; they talked about things like their favorite movies and books, what kinds of food they loved and hated, and other things people talk about when getting to know each other, but Clarke didn't feel like she was being interrogated.

Once the coffee was finished, Bellamy poured them each a cup and then sat down across the table from Clarke as they continued their conversation. Before either of them had realized it, about an hour had passed. Bellamy looked at his watch and cringed.

"Well, as much as I hate to say this because I'm having such a good time, I do have to go get reports done."

"Go, don't worry about it."

He reached across the table and put his hand on top of hers, squeezing it gently.

"I had a good time, really. We should do this again some time. I like getting to know you."

"Yea, sure." Clarke muttered, flustered by his hand on hers "I had a good time too. Thanks."

Bellamy held her hand for a moment longer before letting go and heading to his office. Clarke watched him as he walked away, then sighed. She thought about heading back to her room, but still wasn't sure about Lexa. She really didn't want to hang out alone in the common room though, so she walked to their room.

Lexa was there, laying on her side with her headphones on. She barely glanced up as Clarke walked into the room.

"Hey, are you doing okay?" Clarke asked softly.

"I don't walk to talk." Lexa replied coldly as she rolled her eyes and turned over to face the wall.

Clarke sighed and sat down on the bed to read. She was just going to have to wait for Lexa to come around on her own, if that ever happened.

* * *

It had been a week since the bad call and Lexa was still cold and distant with Clarke. Clarke was at a loss for what to do; she missed the Lexa she had been starting to get to know but anything she tried seemed to irritate the brunette so she just left everything alone.

She supposed things had gotten a little better; Lexa would sit in the room with her now without laying in bed and facing the wall, but the silence wasn't as comfortable as it had been before.

It was late and neither of them could sleep. They were both in bed, Clarke was laying on her side facing Lexa. Lexa was sitting crosslegged in her bed facing Clarke; they were both reading. Clarke tried not to look over at Lexa very much but wasn't usually very successful. She glanced up over her book once and was surprised to see that Lexa was reading the copy of To Kill a Mockingbird that Clarke had lent her. Lexa looked up to find Clarke watching her and instead of looking away quickly like she always did, Clarke smiled at her. Lexa felt the corners of her mouth tug upwards in a small smile before she could stop herself. She sighed softly; no matter how much she was trying to fight it, she missed Clarke. She felt especially stupid since they barely knew each other, but she did.

Clarke was saying something so Lexa pulled one earphone out of her ear and raised her eyebrows, indicating she hadn't heard the first time.

"I-I was just asking if you liked it. Sorry if I'm bothering you..." Clarke mumbled, surprised she'd gotten any reaction at all out of Lexa.

"Just started so I don't know yet."

Clarke nodded and went back to her book, Lexa watched her for a second and put her earphone back in. After a few minutes Clarke yawned and sat her book down before pulling the blanket up around her and falling asleep.

Clarke's sleep was restless from the beginning. She moved a lot and was whimpering. Lexa looked up a few times but let her sleep because it didn't seem that bad.

About a half an hour after she'd fallen asleep she started crying in her sleep, and not a few tears but full, body shaking sobs. Lexa put the book down and scooted to the edge of the bed, contemplating whether or not to wake her up. She knew what it was like to have nightmares that bad, but she also knew if she didn't wake up there was a chance Clarke may not remember she'd had them at all.

Clarke continued to sob and Lexa chewed her bottom lip in worry, then the screaming started.

"No! Stop! Please...you're hurting me! Finn! Please stop!"

Followed by just screams of anguish. Lexa jumped up off her bed and knelt next to Clarke, whispering softly.

"Clarke...wake up. You're okay."

Clarke continued to sob and scream, though what she was saying was unintelligible. Lexa put her hand on Clarke's shoulder and softly rubbed her arm.

"Clarke. Come on Clarke, wake up. You're okay."

She spoke softly, knowing if she was too aggressive Clarke would wake up in a panic. The pained expression on Clarke's face was killing her, she just kept rubbing her arm and encouraging her to wake up.

Finally Clarke's blue eyes flew open and she gasped, then shoved herself back away from Lexa so she was sitting against the wall. She pushed herself as far back as she could and pulled the blanket up around her, covering her face with her arms as if protecting herself.

"Please, stop..."

Lexa instinctively moved with her, murmuring quietly.

"You're okay. Shhhh...it's okay. You're safe."

Clarke's breathing was loud and ragged but she finally seemed to hear Lexa and she lowered her arms and the blanket and looked around the room. Lexa reached out and continued rubbing her arm.

"See? You're fine. It's just me."

It took Clarke a minute to become fully aware of her surroundings and when she finally did she hung her head and ran her hand through her hair, making a fist at the top of her head and pulling.

" _Fuck."_

Lexa took her wrist and gently pulled her hand out of her hair.

"No need for that."

Clarke refused to meet her eyes and pulled the blanket tighter around herself.

"Fuck. I'm sorry...I haven't had one of those in forever...I'm sorry..."

"You can't control your dreams, don't worry about it."

Lexa scooted closer and brushed Clarke's hair back from her face.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be."

Clarke swallowed hard and tried to control her breathing. She realized Lexa had moved close, so close that their sides were touching, and she was gently rubbing Clarke's arm. She looked down at the lack of space between them and then up at Lexa.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Lexa whispered, staring down at the sheets to avoid the hints of panic and fear that were still lingering in Clarke's eyes.

"I don't know...you haven't spoken to me in a week..."

"I know. But I'm here now, if you want me to be."

Clarke nodded, partly hating herself for allowing Lexa to comfort her, but the bigger part of her not wanting to be alone. She leaned her head back against the wall and tried to stop the tears from coming, even though she knew it was useless.

Lexa gently pulled on Clarke's shirt sleeve, encouraging her to move closer. Clarke shook her head.

"Clarke...come here."

Clarke shook her head again, her whole body starting to tremble. She hated the aftermath of her nightmares almost as much as she hated the nightmares themselves. She'd always been alone when she woke up though, and she hated that Lexa was seeing her in the state she was in.

"Okay...I'll leave you alone then."

Lexa moved away from Clarke and started to get off the bed. The thought of being alone send a jolt of panic through Clarke and she grabbed Lexa's wrist. Lexa stopped and just looked at her.

"Stay…please." Clarke whispered, her voice cracking around the tears that she could barely control. Lexa nodded and moved back next to Clarke, leaning against the wall with her and held one arm out. After another moment of hesitation Clarke leaned in to Lexa's embrace, her head resting on the other girls shoulder, her arm draped around her waist. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and pulled her even closer.

"Jesus, you're shaking so much…"

"S-sorry…I c-can't stop…"

"I know, don't be sorry, just breathe. You're okay."

Clarke nodded and took a deep, shaky breath. Lexa slowly ran her hand up and down Clarke's arm. After a few minutes she felt the blonde relax against her.

"I'd like to kill whoever did this to you." She mumbled into Clarke's hair as she leaned her head against the blonde. Lexa had her share of nightmares, but nothing like what she assumed Clarke was dreaming of based on her screams.

"My ex…"

"You don't need to tell me, I'm just saying, whoever did this to you deserves a special kind of hell."

The terror of the nightmare was slowly fading away, but replacing it was the nervousness of being so close to Lexa after not speaking for a week. This was the Lexa Clarke had been getting to know, and she missed it, but she was afraid something was going to screw it up again.

Lexa smiled as she felt Clarke relax even more. She realized just how much she'd missed the other girl, and the realization scared her. She didn't think she was ready to care about anyone as much as she was starting to care about Clarke.

"Better?" Lexa asked quietly. Clarke nodded and sat up, breaking their embrace. Lexa was both relieved and sad.

"Thank you…for staying. And sorry…I'm not always this much of a mess. That one was bad."

"Don't worry about it. I've had them too. I'm glad I could help."

Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand and moved back into her own bed. Clarke lay down and pulled the covers up to her chin. She knew sleep wouldn't come, but she was too exhausted to do anything but lay there in the dark and wait for morning.

* * *

Author's Note:

I am not a firefighter, or an EMT, so any mistakes regarding the medical aspect of things are mine, all mine. That being said, go easy on me regarding that. There is only so much google can teach you and while I do research things, it isn't going to be perfect. Its fiction, just enjoy the story.

If you are still reading, thank you. I hope you're enjoying the story.

Reviews = love lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on instagram, @more.than.just.surviving


	4. Chapter 4

In the days following Clarke's nightmare things went back to normal between her and Lexa; or at least more normal than they had been following the death of the woman in the fire.

Lexa was still more quiet and withdrawn than she had previously been, but the silence between them had gone back to being comfortable. Clarke appreciated the fact that Lexa never mentioned the nightmare and instead acted like nothing had happened. She still missed the Lexa she had been getting to know, but at least it wasn't hard to be around her anymore.

Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, Luna, Monty and Jasper were all sitting in the common room playing games. They were in the middle of a jenga tournament and it was Octavia playing against Raven.

"You're going down O." Raven teased as she slid a block from the tower and placed it on top.

"Not if you knock this shit down before I do Raven, don't get cocky." Octavia countered as she poked the tower for a loose block before choosing one to move.

"I've beaten you every time we've played lately, just accept your fate."

"Someday your mouth is going to distract you so much you'll screw up, just wait."

"Oh, I'm perfectly capable of multitasking with my mouth and hands, isn't that right Luna?"

"Oh my god Raven!" Clarke laughed from her seat on the couch as Luna blushed bright red.

Octavia laughed too, her hands shaking as she placed the block on top of the tower, it swayed, then came crashing down. Raven jumped up from the table and threw her hands in the air in triumph.

"Winner!"

"That was hardly fair, how was I supposed to not laugh at that?!" Octavia whined playfully.

"All is fair in love and Jenga O, sorry."

They all laughed as Raven wandered over to the couch and kissed Luna who slapped her on the shoulder but kissed her back anyways.

Octavia was setting the tower up for the next game because that's what the losers had to do.

"Hey guys, Gus text me today. Arkadia is opening a sister club, Polis. This Saturday is the VIP preview night, he invited all of us. Anyone off?"

"I work but I'm off that morning, so I'm down." Raven answered.

"Same, so I'll go too." Lincoln replied from behind Octavia.

"I'm off, I"ll come." Clarke answered and they all looked at her like she'd grown another head.

"What? Why are you all staring at me?"

"Another club adventure, be careful, you might lose that whole hermit vibe you have going on." Lincoln laughed.

It turned out that all of them were either off, or would be off early enough to make it. The one working the latest was Luna, but she figured they would be there late enough for her to still come.

They were chatting about plans when Bellamy walked in the room.

"Oh, Jenga. Is Raven winning?"

"Of course I am! Want to play against me Captain? New round."

"No, I can't, I don't have long enough. I have to go over maintenance records on all of the trucks, I just came in to see what everyone was so chatty about. It's good to hear you all sounding happy again. Everyone is doing okay?"

"Yea, we're good. We were chatting about a new club, VIP opening night is Saturday, you want to come?" Octavia answered.

"Oh geez, you're all going to a club again? That could be trouble."

"Hey, no one got arrested last time." Luna replied.

"True. Sure, why not, it's been a long time since I've gone out with everyone. Clarke, are you going?"

"Yep, I'll be there."

"Good. Is everyone going to be able to go?"

"Yea, not everyone is off, but they are off in enough time to come at some point."

Bellamy nodded and then headed back to his office.

"Is Clarke going?" Jasper mocked in a sing song voice while batting his eyelashes.

"Oh shut up!" Clarke threw a pillow at him, which he ducked so it ended up hitting Monty who scowled at her.

"Sorry Monty, pick where you sit better."

"I think the captain has a crush on you Clarke." Monty teased.

"I know, you all think he does. You all think Lexa does too. I think you guys need hobbies."

"We have one; picking on you." Octavia laughed.

"New hobbies, you need new hobbies."

"You are our new hobby Griffin, you haven't been here very long. You're still the new toy." Lincoln laughed as he dodged the other pillow Clarke threw in his direction.

They were about to pick who would play the next game of Jenga when some of them got paged to a call. Clarke, Raven and Lincoln all got up and started jogging down the stairs, Lexa was close behind them coming from her room.

"Overturned car, possible passenger trapped inside." Lincoln called out as he and Lexa pulled on their gear.

When they arrived at the scene there was a black chevy tahoe flipped on its roof on the side of the road, smoke pouring from the bottom of it.

Off to the side there was a panicked looking red head woman and several men were on the floor next to the vehicle looking in the back windows.

"I'm going to need to ask you to step away from the vehicle." Lexa and Lincoln both instructed as they started to clear the area around the car. The police pulled up at the same time and helped in keeping everyone back.

Clarke and Raven walked over to the woman.

"Ma'am, were you the only on in the car?"

"No! My daughter is in her car seat in the back seat, but I can't…the doors."

The woman was speaking fairly calmly but when she looked at them, there was blood pouring down the right side of her face.

"Ma'am, I need you to sit down for me okay? We're going to take care of your daughter, but we need to help you as well."

Clarke left Raven to deal with the mother and rushed over to Lexa and Lincoln.

"There is a little girl still in the back seat. Is it safe for me to go in?"

"No, not yet. Give us a second." Lexa answered sternly as they walked towards the fire truck for equipment. As she spoke, something on the underside of the car sparked and the smoke turned black.

Clarke grabbed her medical bag and a fire proof blanket and got down next to the car and looked in the window.

The little girl looked to be about four years old with a curl mop of red hair and bright green eyes. She was alert and looked terrified but wasn't crying yet.

"We're going to get you out of there, okay? Just be brave for a few more minutes." Clarke called to her. The little girl nodded, but her eyes were wide and glassy with tears.

"Clarke! Get away from the car!" Lexa called as she sprayed the underside of it with the fire extinguisher.

Clarke checked the ground in front of the window for glass or fluids that could be gas or something else flammable. Seeing none, she laid one of the blankets on the ground. She glanced at Lexa and Lincoln and noticed the car was still smoking, she needed to hurry.

She took the glass breaking hammer and tapped the window gently.

"I have to break the window to get you out okay? Do me a favor, look the other way and close your eyes really tight."

The little girl did as she was instructed and Clarke broke the window with as little force as possible then used the handle to clear the broken glass out of the window frame. She then folded the blanket back and moved the glass pieces out of her way.

"Lexa?" She called, checking in on the fire situation.

"Hurry up Clarke, stable for now but I have a bad feeling."

Clarke grabbed a neck brace and got down on the ground and pulled herself through the window. Thankfully the car wasn't smashed, so there wasn't an issue of not having enough room.

"Hey, I'm Clarke. I'm going to get you out, but first I want to put this around your neck to make sure you stay safe, okay?"

The little girl nodded and Clarke quickly fastened the neck brace before cutting the straps that were keeping the little girl in her car seat and slowly lowering her to the ground.

"Do you hurt anywhere?"

"N-no. I want m-my m-m-mommy."

"I know sweetie, you're being so brave. Your mommy is outside, just another few seconds okay? Raven! Back board."

"Already here." Raven answered from just outside the vehicle.

"Clarke, hurry up!" Lexa called.

Clarke turned herself around and gently took the girl under the arms and started backing out of the truck. Raven was right there as they got out and together they slid and strapped the little girl onto a back board.

"Get clear!" Lexa yelled as copious amounts of black smoke started pouring from under the truck despite the fire extinguishers. Clarke and Raven moved the girl quickly back from the truck, Lincoln and Lexa started backing away once everyone else was clear. They had already put in a call for the bigger truck that had the foam to handle more serious vehicle fires.

"We're clear."

Clarke called and no sooner had the words left her mouth the truck exploded into flames. The force knocked Lexa backwards.

"Lexa!"

Clarke yelled and ran over to kneel at her side.

"I'm okay Clarke." Lexa reassured her through her mask as she started to get back up.

"Are you sure? You didn't hit your head on anything?"

"No, I'm fine. Go."

Raven had finished loading the little girl into the ambulance. Her mom's head wound had stopped bleeding with the pressure bandage Raven had applied so she was riding in the back next to the stretcher by her daughter.

They were both dropped off at the ER to be checked out and get xrays before being released. Clarke sighed and let her head fall back against the head rest on their way back to the station.

"That one was intense." Raven commented quietly.

"Yea, I'm just glad no one was hurt. That explosion was too close for comfort."

"No kidding. Had we cut it any closer you would have been in the car when it happened."

"I trust Lincoln and Lexa to let me know if I needed to get out."

"You were pretty worried about Lexa." Raven wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke.

"I would have been worried about anyone thrown backwards by an exploding car Raven, it's kind of part of my job description."

"Part of your job, right. You just keep denying that there is something going on with you two if that's what works for you Griffin."

"It's working just fine, thank you very much."

Raven laughed and rolled her eyes at Clarke as they pulled back into the station. No one was in the common room so Clarke decided to go back to her room. She was sitting on the bed drawing in her sketch book when Lexa walked in.

"Hey."

"Hi. You feeling okay?"

"Yes Clarke, I told you I'm fine."

"You got thrown backwards by an exploding car Lexa, it's a valid question."

Lexa huffed at her and turned to sit on the bed, wincing as her right shoulder ached when she put weight on it. Clarke noticed.

"See? You're not okay. What's wrong?"

"I'm fine Clarke, I'm just sore. Probably from hitting the ground."

"Sore where?"

"Just my right shoulder, it's not a big deal."

"Let me put something on it, it will help with bruising and the soreness."

"You don't need to put anything on it, I'm fine."

"It's the least I can do after the other night…please?"

Lexa was about to argue with Clarke more but she saw the look on Clarke's face and remembered how distant she had been being so she just huffed and pulled her shirt off over her head.

"Fine, go ahead?"

Clarke stared, caught off guard at the sight of Lexa in just her sports bra and pants and then dug through her bag for the cream she was talking about.

"It's called Arnica. It's for muscle pain and bruising."

Lexa turned sideways on the bed and pulled her hair over one shoulder so it was out of Clarke's way. Clarke dug some of the cream out of its container and rubbed it between her hands until it was warm and smooth.

She put her hands on Lexa's shoulders and started gently massaging them. Lexa tensed at first, then relaxed as Clarke's hands smoothed over her sore muscles.

"Is this okay?" She asked, referring to the pressure of the massage.

"Mhmm."

"Not too hard?"

"No, its fine."

"Can you…move your bra straps? I could get your shoulders better…or if you just take it off I can do your whole back…."

"Trying to get me naked?"

"N-no…I just…nevermind, it's fine."

"Clarke, I'm joking."

Lexa pulled her bra off over her head, pulled a blanket up over the front of her, then moaned softly as Clarke worked at her shoulders closer to her neck.

"Feel good?"

"Mhmm."

Clarke laughed softly and got more arnica, rubbing it up the sides of Lexa's neck and down the middle of her spine. She slowly ended up massaging Lexa's whole back until the once tense muscles felt like butter underneath her hands. Clarke bit her lip as she continued to massage Lexa's shoulders; the girl was stunning and Clarke wanted to run her hands over more than just her shoulders and back. The temptation to lean down and kiss her already exposed neck was almost too much for her to resist.

Lexa sighed and let her head hang as Clarke moved from her back to her neck. Her skin was tingly and warm and if she were being honest, it felt damn good to have Clarke touching her. Clarke moved from her neck to her shoulders and made one more pass along her spine, which made Lexa shiver.

"All done. Any better?"

"I don't even know what hurt. You're really good at that; remind me not to argue with you if you volunteer again."

Clarke blushed as she stood up from Lexa's bed and the other girl pulled her shirt back over her head.

"I'm going to head to the gym. You should probably skip it for today and give your shoulder a break."

"Are you kidding me? I'm so relaxed right now I don't know if I could stand, let alone do anything at the gym. I'm just going to lay here. Thank you again."

"You're welcome. Oh, before I forget. There is a new club called Polis opening this Saturday. A bunch of us are going to opening night, if you want to come."

"Uh, I'll think about it."

"Okay, see you later."

Clarke smiled as she headed towards the gym. She was shocked Lexa let her give her the massage, but she was happy that she had. Any step forward, no matter how small, was better than the silent treatment she'd received for a week. She hoped thinks would get back to normal soon because the more time she spent around Lexa, the more she wanted to get to know her.

* * *

Saturday night Clarke took one last glance in the mirror before heading out to Raven's car. She was wearing black jeans that were shredded down the front of the legs, a white tank top that was shredded along both sides, black boots and a black bomber jacket. Her hair was half up, half down.

"Looking good as always Griffin."

Raven smiled as she climbed in the passenger seat.

"Thanks. You look good too. A dress though?"

Raven was wearing a simple navy blue shimmery dress that hung to her knees and black heels.

"Luna requested it." Raven answered with a shrug.

"Well I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

"She better, I'm really not a dress type of girl."

"Me either most of the time."

They pulled in to the club and walked past the line to the VIP entrance. Octavia, Bellamy and Lincoln were already there. They had grabbed a table not too far from the bar on the edge of the dance floor.

Octavia was wearing black leather pants and a red tank top. Lincoln had on jeans, a white T-shirt and a black leather jacket. Bellamy was wearing khaki colored cargo pants and a plain white T-shirt as well.

"Oh look, you guys don't always have to match. That's refreshing." Raven teased as she hugged all of them hello.

Clarke hugged Octavia and Lincoln as well, but was surprised when Bellamy pulled her against him in a tight hug.

"You look amazing." He whispered in her ear, making her blush.

"Thanks."

"Lexa! You came!" Octavia called and Clarke turned to see Lexa walking across the floor towards their table and she wondered how the hell one person could be so attractive.

She was wearing tight black leather shorts and a sheer black tank top over a black racer back sports bra, her bellybutton piercing sparkled in the clubs' lights and drew attention to her amazing abs.

"Of course, new club, I have to come check the place out."

She stopped just far enough away from everyone that they took the hint that she didn't want hugs. She smiled at Clarke approvingly as she looked her up and down and for a moment things felt like they used to.

"Clarke, come dance with me." Bellamy said as he took her hand and tugged her towards the dance floor.

"What-I don't really...dance..." Clarke stammered, but she was already halfway out there so she went with him.

"Just one song, I promise. I just wanted an excuse to steal you away for a second."

"Uh, okay. Sure."

He smiled and put his hands on her hips, pulling her closer but not uncomfortably so.

"I don't really know how to dance well. I've pretty much got one move and that's it so...sorry, but this is it."

He said as he playfully moved his hips to the music. Clarke laughed and put her hands on his shoulders.

"It's fine, it's not like I'm a professional either."

Lexa stared open mouthed as Clarke followed Bellamy out on to the dance floor. She sat down at the table and watched them, a pit of jealousy building in her stomach as he put his hands on Clarke's hips, then getting worse as she laughed and put her hands on his shoulders.

"If looks could kill, my brother would be so dead right now." Octavia spoke softly as she sat down next to Lexa.

"Sorry...I just..."

"Don't like seeing her with anyone else?"

"No..." Lexa admitted quietly.

"So do something about it."

"That's your brother Octavia, he obviously is in to her."

"Not like you are. And she's not in to him like she's in to you."

"You think so?"

"Lexa...you're so oblivious sometimes. You guys dancing at Arkadia had everyone in the damn club turned on. And the way she looks at you. And how different she was last week when your dumb ass wasn't talking to her. Yes, I know so."

"I don't know if I'm ready...ya know?"

"You're never going to feel ready. Costia wouldn't want this for you and you know it. Just give it a chance Lexa. Go."

Lexa looked back out at Clarke and Bellamy dancing as Bellamy ran his hands up Clarke's sides and she grimaced; god it was driving her crazy that someone else was touching Clarke.

"Fuck..." she muttered, knowing Octavia was right.

"Oh, I'm sure that will come, but for now how about just dancing with her?"

"Shut up O. But thank you."

"Someone has to tell you to pull your head out of your ass, and everyone else is intimidated by you."

Lexa laughed as she stood up and weaved her way through the crowd on the dance floor to Clarke and Bellamy.

"Hey captain, mind if I cut in?" She asked as she walked up beside him.

"I don't mind if she doesn't."

"Sure." Clarke smiled nervously as Lexa took Bellamy's place. She danced in front of Clarke, not reaching out to touch her at all.

"Hey..." Clarke said softly.

"Hey."

"So...why now? We've hardly been talking but you want to dance with me?"

Lexa sighed; she knew Clarke was hurt, she just hoped she hadn't screwed everything up.

"I'm sorry...I know I've been an ass lately."

"A little bit."

"I just...I'm not..." Lexa stumbled over her words before taking a deep breath and looking Clarke in the eyes. "I've missed you."

Clarke swore her heart skipped a beat when Lexa said she missed her, and the sincerity in her forest green eyes gave her butterflies.

"Lexa...why did you come out here? You could have told me this back at the station, why right now?"

"I couldn't...watch Bellamy with his hands all over you anymore. It was driving me crazy..." Lexa looked down at the floor as she spoke so she missed Clarke's slow smile.

Clarke stepped closer to Lexa, but not quite touching her.

"Oh it was, was it?" She spoke low, her voice raspy and Lexa nodded, still not looking up at her.

Clarke danced slowly around Lexa, moving behind her but not touching her.

"Well what if I told you that I'd rather it be you with your hands all over me?"

Lexa spun around and faced Clarke, her eyes dark and Clarke's breath caught in her throat as she bit the corner of her bottom lip and smiled.

Lexa reached out and grabbed Clarke's hips, pulling her flush against the front of her body and barely held back a groan at how good it felt to have Clarke in her arms again. She ran her hands under Clarke's shirt and let them rest on her sides, just under her bra line as they started moving together.

Clarke draped her arms around Lexa's neck and leaned close, whispering in her ear.

"I missed you too."

Before softly kissing her neck.

"Fuck Clarke..." Lexa hissed at the unexpected contact.

"Hmm?" Clarke hummed into Lexa's neck as she smiled against her skin.

Lexa took a firmer grip on Clarke's sides and turned her around in her arms, wrapping her arms around her waist from behind. Her hands moved under Clarke's shirt and across her stomach.

Lexa nuzzled her face into the soft skin of Clarke's neck and then kissed it and left a trail of light kisses up the side of her neck to her earlobe.

"Turning me around is cheating." Clarke laughed as she shivered from the feel of Lexa's lips on her skin.

"Maybe..."

"No maybe, it is." Clarke answered by slowly pressing her ass against Lexa's hips as they danced, eliciting a low groan from Lexa.

"And that's not?"

"You started it."

Lexa let go of Clarke's waist and the blonde turned to face her again. She ran her hands under Lexa's shirt, her thumbs running over her abs before stopping to rest on her sides.

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's neck and smiled shyly at her as they danced.

The song ended, but they didn't move away from each other. About half way through the next song a tall red headed guy walked up behind Lexa and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Mind if I steal this gorgeous blonde from you for a dance?"

Lexa's first reaction was to say no, but she wasn't sure if Clarke had completely forgiven her for being such a jerk.

"That's up to her." She answered as she unwrapped her arms from Clarke's neck. Clarke shook her head no and pressed herself closer to Lexa, burying her face in her neck. Lexa chuckled as she put her hands on Clarke's hips.

"I guess that's a no." She smirked at the guy and he rolled his eyes and walked away.

"You wanna get off the dance floor for a while?" Lexa asked as the song came to an end.

"Hmm, I dunno, I kinda like it here."

"I thought you didn't like to dance?"

"Oh, it has nothing to do with the dancing. Though...maybe I've been underestimating it a little bit."

"Come on, lets head back to the table."

Clarke whined in protest as Lexa unwrapped herself from around her, took her hand and led her back to the table. Everyone else was out on the dance floor so they decided to check out the outside area of the club.

Unlike Arkadia, Polis was all one level with several doors that led outside. Once outside there was a decent sized dance floor surrounded by various couches and chairs arranged into smaller seating sections. Lexa weaved her way through the seats to a couch in the far back corner. She let go of Clarke's hand as she sat down and Clarke sat on the other side of the sofa and tucked her legs underneath her and faced Lexa.

"I just wanted quiet for a minute." Lexa said softly.

"Yea, I understand. It's nice out here."

"Yes, it is. I wanted to be able to talk to you without having to yell...or be so close to you I'm talking in your ear."

"Hm, I don't mind the latter."

"I'm sorry Clarke. For pushing you away like that. It wasn't fair. I just...I have a hard time getting close to people."

"Lexa...If I pushed anything, I'm s-"

Lexa cut her off, shaking her head no.

"No. It's nothing you did Clarke. Not at all. It's me and my...issues. I'm just more comfortable with you than I have been with anyone in a long time, and it freaked me out. And then we had that one call...and dealing with that was hard...I just kind of shut down. But you didn't deserve that."

"You don't have to share anything with me that you don't want to share."

"I know..." Lexa sighed, and then looked down at her lap, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

Clarke waited a little while for Lexa to continue and when she didn't, she moved closer and took her hand.

"Hey...talk to me. Even if it's to tell me you're done talking...but don't just shut down."

Lexa took a deep breath and focused on the circle Clarke was rubbing on the back of her hand with her thumb. She thought back on her conversation with Octavia and realized she was right; Lexa was never going to feel ready for any of this, but at least with Clarke she wanted to try. She hadn't wanted to try with anyone in a long time.

"I know I don't have to share anything with you, what scares me is that I want to..."

Clarke's smile about melted Lexa's heart.

"And I want you to...but only when you're ready. Just please don't shut me out. I can wait, I can even leave you alone if that's what you want, but please don't push me away like that for no reason..."

"I'll try not to, I promise. But sometimes it's just what I do, even if I don't mean to..."

"Okay, I can work with that."

"You forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you. Everyone messes up."

Lexa tugged on Clarke's arm, pulling her against her side. Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa's waist and Lexa kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you." She whispered in to Clarke's hair. Clarke smiled and her thoughts wandered to how oddly comfortable she was with Lexa. She hadn't been comfortable with anyone since everything had happened with Finn. She wasn't looking for a relationship; she'd actually been studiously avoiding one. And then she'd met Lexa and found herself wanting to be closer to the other girl; both physically and emotionally, which was rare for her, especially the physical part. She usually shied away from physical contact aside from a brief hug, but she found herself wanting to melt into Lexa.

"What are you thinking about?" Lexa asked while running her fingers through Clarke's hair.

"You."

"What about me?"

"How...comfortable I am with you. It kinda freaks me out. I'm not usually very physical with people..."

Lexa flinched as she remembered how she'd pulled Clarke to her when they were dancing; she wondered if she'd misread things or made Clarke uncomfortable.

"Clarke...I'm sorry if I was too much when we were dancing...I thought..."

"What? No. Lexa it was fine, more than fine, but that's what I'm talking about. With anyone else that would have caused a panic attack; you saw me with that one guy."

"Well...I didn't grab your boobs..."

Clarke laughed and playfully slapped Lexa's stomach.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"I know. Things just feel...right."

"Yes...and it's kind of terrifying..."

"It is. So...we take it slow."

Clarke nodded against Lexa's chest and felt the other girl sigh.

"We should go back inside." Clarke muttered.

"We should. Or we could wait for them to come find us."

"Oh god, we'd never heard the end of it."

"We won't anyways."

"True, but this would be worse." Clarke stood up and pulled on Lexa's hand until she stood up with her.

"You know what sounds good right now?" She asked as Lexa hooked her fingers in her belt loops and gently tugged her closer.

"Hm, what?"

"Smiley face pancakes, hot chocolate and the beach."

Lexa smiled and let her hands rest on Clarke's hips, her fingers still tucked through her belt loops.

"That does sound pretty perfect, but should we leave early again?"

"Probably not...maybe we'll just stay for a little bit longer, then go?"

"Whatever you want."

"What I want, is you to myself." Clarke whispered as she put her hands on Lexa's shoulders, running one thumb along her collar bone. "But we came with the group, you're right, we should probably stay a little longer this time."

"Okay, then let's get back inside."

Clarke nodded and stepped away from Lexa, turning to walk back inside. She felt ridiculous for missing Lexa's touch the second she stepped away from her, and then Lexa hooked a finger through her belt loop, tugged her closer and grabbed her hand, lacing her fingers between Clarke's.

Clarke smiled and squeezed Lexa's hand as they walked back inside and wove their way through the crowd to the table.

"Oh, look who decided to join the rest of us." Octavia teased as they walked up and sat down. They were still holding hands and Octavia raised one eyebrow at Lexa who blushed and shook her head no, hoping Octavia would just leave it alone.

Luna had shown up and her and Raven were out on the dance floor. Octavia and Lincoln were sitting at the table drinking and Bellamy had gone to the bar to get a drink.

"I'm going to get a drink, anyone want anything?" Lexa asked as she reluctantly let go of Clarke's hand and stood up.

"Coke please." Clarke requested; Octavia and Lincoln shook their heads no. Clarke watched Lexa walk away, glaring as a few other girls stared at her as she walked past. She turned her attention back to the table to find Octavia and Lincoln starting at her, a knowing look on both of their faces.

"You've got it for her so bad Griffin."

Octavia smirked and Clarke blushed bright red.

"Just quit it Octavia."

"You realize that's the first time you haven't denied it?"

"I-she..."

"I know. She's got it just as bad for you. I'm glad, Lexa's had a rough few years. She's been...different since you started. I think you're good for her."

Just then Bellamy walked back up to the table and slid into the seat next to Clarke.

"Hey, you're back!" He smiled at Clarke and patted her knee.

"Yep, Lexa and I went to check out the patio area."

"Oh so that's where you disappeared to. Is it nice?"

"Yea, a lot bigger than Arkadia."

Lexa walked back up to the table and scowled at the fact that Bellamy was sitting next to Clarke. She sat Clarke's coke down in front of her and then sat down on the other side of Bellamy.

"Hey Lexa, it's nice to see you out with the group again." Bellamy said as she sat down.

"Yea, it had been too long." She answered quietly.

"A really long time, the last time I remember you going out with everyone was when Costia was still alive."

Clarke's stomach dropped at the anguished look on Lexa's face. She had no idea Costia had died; she just assumed it had been a relationship that had ended badly.

"Yea...I...excuse me..."

Lexa stood up from the table so fast she almost knocked the chair over and she quickly disappeared into the crowd on the dance floor.

"What the hell is wrong with you Bellamy?" Octavia asked, the anger clear in her voice.

"What? It's been a little over three years O, I didn't know it would bother her that much still. I'm sorry."

"Still not something you bring up here, no matter how long it's been. But especially since she hasn't been coming out with us at all. You're so dense sometimes."

"I'm gonna go find her." Clarke announced as she stood up. Bellamy grabbed her wrist.

"She usually likes to be left alone. She'll be fine."

Clarke pulled her wrist out of his hand.

"Then she can tell me she wants to be alone."

Octavia grinned at someone challenging her brother; since he was captain people usually just listened to what he said.

"Clarke! Hey!"

Luna called as she and Raven came up to the table. Clarke briefly hugged Luna in greeting.

"I'll be back." She called over her shoulder as she headed the way she'd see Lexa go.

"What's wrong?" Raven called after her. Clarke heard Octavia start to fill them in before the noise of the club drown them out as she got farther from the table; she hoped Lexa was still at the club and hadn't decided to just leave.

Lexa couldn't make it outside fast enough. She felt like the walls were closing in around her and there wasn't enough air. She pushed through the people on the dance floor and out the door to the patio where she took several deep breaths.

She made her way to the corner furthest from the club and sank down onto the couch. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and rested her forehead on her arms.

She bit her bottom lip hard in an effort to keep the tears in check but it didn't work and they slowly rolled down her cheeks anyway.

"Dammit." She muttered to herself; she shouldn't be this affected just by someone saying her name. Not after this long. She hated it and wondered if it was ever going to get any easier; if she'd ever be able to hear her name without feeling like her world was coming undone or if she'd ever be able to talk about her or think about her with a smile instead of this never ending ache in her chest.

She wanted to leave, to just get up and make her way out of the club and go home so she could sit alone and be broken by herself. She knew she could do it; she could make it out of the club without anyone from the group seeing her leave. She also knew none of them would come find her. They knew she wanted to be left alone when she was like this and most of them had given up on trying to comfort or help her a long time ago. The only thing keeping her there was the fact that she had promised Clarke she would try not to just shut down.

So she just sat there, trying to make herself as small as possible and calm her nerves enough to go back inside and, at the very least, say goodbye rather than just running out.

After a while she felt the couch cushion next to her sink under the weight of someone sitting down. She didn't have to look to know it was Clarke; the fact that she hadn't said anything was indication enough.

Clarke pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, mimicking Lexa's position and just sat there quietly. After a few minutes she leaned against Lexa's side gently. Lexa tensed at first, and then leaned into the contact.

Clarke smiled and decided to push her luck by putting one arm around Lexa's shoulders and pulling her closer. Lexa sighed and leaned further into Clarke's side. After a few minutes she uncurled from her position and turned and curled in to Clarke's side, burying her face in the blondes shoulder. Clarke let go of her knees and shifted her position so Lexa was more comfortable and felt Lexa move even closer and sigh.

Clarke waited, running her fingers slowly through Lexa's hair and over her shoulder, lightly making random patterns over her skin. She was shocked that Lexa was letting her stay around, let alone accepting any sort of comfort, so she was willing to wait quietly until Lexa was ready to talk.

Lexa took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to say. She wanted to tell Clarke the whole story, but not yet and not here. She appreciated the fact that Clarke wasn't talking, or pushing her to talk. So many people over the years had pushed her to talk, Clarke was the first person that was okay with her silence.

"I'm sorry." Lexa finally whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Hm, freaking out over someone saying her name and practically running out of the club maybe?"

"Nope."

"Being an overly emotional basket case who won't talk about her feelings?"

"Nah."

"Ruining your night by running outside and now you're sitting out here babysitting me rather than being inside with the rest of the group?"

"I'm exactly where I want to be. Besides, I was the one who wanted to leave. You talked me in to staying longer."

"Maybe next time we should just go with your plan."

Clarke laughed and the sound made Lexa's heart feel a little lighter. She sat up so she could look at Clarke.

"Thank you, for being here."

"Of course. Thank you for staying, when you left the table I was afraid you'd left."

"I wanted to."

"Why didn't you?"

"You."

Clarke's smile was soft, but a little sad and Lexa furrowed her eyebrows at her in confusion.

"Lexa...don't stay for me. If you need or want to be alone, then go..."

"I...need to stop running away and avoiding everyone and everything because she might be mentioned. I just...I've never had a reason to want to try before I guess..."

"So...do you want to go back inside?"

"I'm going to try. I can't promise I'll stay very long."

"You don't have to stay at all if you don't want to."

"You're amazing, you know that?"

The words came out before Lexa could stop herself or think about what she was saying. She'd never had anyone be as patient or understand as Clarke had been so far, and they barely knew each other, even though it felt like Lexa had known her for forever. The butterflies in Lexa's stomach churned as she hoped she hadn't said too much too soon, but Clarke just laughed softly and smiled.

"You're not bad yourself Lexa."

Lexa blushed and tucked her head back against Clarke's shoulder, then sighed.

"Alright, lets go try this whole hanging out with the group thing again."

She stood up and pulled Clarke with her. When they got back to the table Octavia, Lincoln and Bellamy were still sitting there. Octavia noticed Clarke and Lexa walking back and glared at Bellamy while saying something Clarke couldn't hear.

"Lexa...I'm so sorry." He said as they sat back down.

"It's fine Bellamy." She answered shortly, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Clarke squeezed her hand.

"It's not fine. I should have thought about what I was saying, it's just, it's been so long and I th-" he stopped short when Octavia kicked him in the shin under the table and glared at him. "Anyways, I'm really sorry. I was an insensitive asshole."

"Thanks." Lexa mumbled, the corners of her mouth barely turning up in a smile; she'd seen Octavia kick her brother.

The conversation turned to work related things but Clarke wasn't paying attention. She was watching Lexa and the fact that she kept shifting around uncomfortably in her seat, avoiding looking at Bellamy.

"Clarke?" Bellamy tapped her on the shoulder and she realized he'd asked her a question.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said can I talk you in to one more dance?"

Clarke hesitated; she didn't really want to leave Lexa but at the same time she thought getting Bellamy away from the table for a minute might help her relax some.

"Uh, sure."

She squeezed Lexa's hand before standing up and heading to the dance floor with Bellamy. She glanced back at the table when she was about halfway to the dance floor and noticed Lexa watching her, a pained expression on her face.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to take my jacket off." She told Bellamy as she headed back to the table.

She shrugged her jacket off as she walked up to the table and hung it over the back of the chair next to Lexa.

"Just one song. I wanted to get him away from you for a little bit." She leaned down and spoke quietly in to Lexa's ear. Lexa reached up and ran her hand over Clarke's side, her fingers touching skin through the rips in the shirt. Clarke's breath caught in her throat and Lexa smirked.

"One song, then you're all mine."

Clarke arched one eyebrow at her as she started to walk away.

"Prove it."

Clarke tossed her hair over her shoulder and made sure to swing her hips more than normal as she walked away from the table. Lexa groaned and dropped her head into her hands; the blonde was going to be the death of her. She looked up to see half of the people on the dance floor watch Clarke as she walked by.

"Don't worry about it, she only has eyes for you Lexa, trust me." Lincoln teased.

"He's right, you should see the way she looks at you. The same way you look at her." Octavia agreed.

Lexa smiled at them both; they had been some of her closest friends for a long time and she knew they wouldn't say anything if they didn't believe it.

"Thanks you guys. She's...different."

"I'm glad you're giving her a chance. It's about time."

"I don't have a choice, honestly. I haven't been drawn to anyone like I am to her."

"You deserve to be happy Lexa." Octavia smiled at her. Lexa rolled her eyes but smiled back. Against her better judgement she turned to watch Clarke and Bellamy.

They made their way to the middle of the dance floor and Clarke turned to face Bellamy. He put his hands on her hips as they started dancing.

"Are you having a good time?" He asked over the music.

"Mostly."

"I'm surprised Lexa came back, she usually leaves when she gets upset."

Clarke saw a flash of disappointment in his eyes and she wondered if he had said something about Costia on purpose.

"I'm glad she came back."

"Me too, but it just means I have to work a little harder for your attention."

He winked at her and slid his hands higher up her waist, his thumbs running over her skin through the rips in her shirt. She just smiled back at him, not wanting to cause any more drama for the night.

Bellamy tightened his grip on her waist and pulled her closer. She laughed and put her hands on his chest, which he took as a sign of affection but she used it as a buffer so he couldn't pull her any closer to him.

As the song came to an end Clarke saw Lexa making her way across the dance floor from the corner of her eye. She came up behind Clarke, wrapping her arms around her waist and pushing Bellamy's hands away in the process.

"My turn Captain." She sneered as she rested her chin on Clarke's shoulder.

"Oh, I don't think so. You stole her away after the first song last time too."

"Hm, that's because you only claim her for one song."

"We could always dance together."

Lexa raised one eyebrow at him as she moved around in front of Clarke. She squeezed herself between the two of them by putting one hand on Bellamy's chest and gently pushing him backwards a few steps.

"I don't think so, I don't share."

She left Bellamy standing, open mouthed as she turned to face Clarke. She put her hands on Clarke's hips and pulled her closer, possessively running her hands up Clarke's sides under her shirt, like she was trying to erase all traces of Bellamy's touch.

"Damn Lexa...did you miss me?" Clarke laughed, her blue eyes sparkling mischievously. Lexa shifted her position so one of her legs was between Clarke's, pulling her even closer, then linked her fingers together in the small of Clarke's back.

"Jesus Christ Lexa."

Clarke gasped at the feeling of Lexa's hips grinding against hers.

"I told you, I can't stand seeing him touch you."

"Well if this is what happens, maybe I'll let him touch me more often." Clarke teased as she ran her hands over Lexa's stomach, her fingers tracing the definition lines between her abs. Lexa shivered at the heat left by Clarke's touch.

"You better not." She whispered in Clarke's ear before kissing her neck, then sucking on it gently, swirling her tongue over the pulse point.

Clarke moaned and dug her fingers into Lexa's hips; the rest of the club seemed to disappear around them because her touch left a trail of fire along Clarke's skin and damn if Lexa's mouth on her neck wasn't one of the best things she'd felt in a long time.

Lexa gently bit down and lightly ran her teeth across Clarke's skin before pulling back. She laughed at Clarke's quiet whine of protest.

"What's that for?" She asked, her green eyes sparkling.

"Feels good, don't stop." Clarke answered her voice breathy in Lexa's ear. Lexa chuckled, happy to oblige with Clarke's request she kissed her neck again, leaving a trail from her collarbone to just below her earlobe and back before stopping again.

Clarke smiled and buried her face in Lexa's neck to hide the fact that she was blushing; she wasn't typically so forward but there was something about Lexa that she couldn't seem to get enough of.

Bellamy had made his way back over to the table and was sitting with Octavia, Lincoln, Raven and Luna. He was trying to pay attention to the conversation but he kept watching Clarke and Lexa.

"You don't stand a chance against her big brother, you should just give up now." Octavia laughed.

"You don't know that."

"Bellamy…look at them. The only reason any of that is legal is because they still have clothes on." Raven replied and the rest of the table laughed. Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"She danced with me again when I asked her to."

"Pretty sure that was just to get you away from Lexa for a minute since she looked like she wanted to crawl out of her skin with you at the table. Plus, she does not dance with you the way she dances with Lexa. I mean look at them." Lincoln replied, turning in his seat to watch Clarke and Lexa for a second before turning back and raising his eyebrows at Bellamy.

"I'm trying to not look at them actually."

"Just admit defeat Captain; Clarke only has eyes for Lexa."

Bellamy shrugged and ran his hand through his hair.

"We'll see."

"Okay sure." Octavia laughed.

"Shut up, they're coming back." Luna announced as she saw Lexa and Clarke heading back to the table.

"Having fun?" Raven asked, shooting a knowing look at Clarke whose face was still flushed.

"Yes, but we're going to take off."

"Ya know Griffin, you come with me but you always leave with Lexa, I'm going to start taking it personally pretty soon." Raven teased.

"Oh, it's personal Reyes. Haven't you heard of saving the best for last?" Lexa replied and the whole table laughed as Clarke blushed and slapped her on the shoulder.

"Oh my god Lexa shut up."

Everyone hugged each other goodbye and Bellamy held on to Clarke a little longer than she would've liked before kissing her on the cheek.

"Thanks for dancing with me, I had fun."

"Yea, me too. I'll see you at work." She called over her shoulder as Lexa practically dragged her out of the club.

"Oh my god, could you be any more obvious?"

"Oh, I definitely could but I'm not sure it would be socially acceptable."

Clarke rolled her eyes as Lexa pulled her close to her side and put her arm around her waist as they walked to the car.

"Pancakes?" Lexa asked as they got in the car.

"Best idea you've had all night."

"I think it was your idea first, we probably should have gone with it then."

"Maybe, but I'm glad you stayed even though it was kind of shitty for a while."

"Yea, me too."

Lexa smiled and didn't hesitate to reach for Clarke's hand as she drove. Clarke smiled as she wove her fingers between Lexa's and let their hands rest on the console between them. A lot had happened since the last time they'd been together like this; it had been a rough few weeks, but she was definitely happy with where things seemed to be going.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Any technical mistakes regarding the firefighter/medical procedures are mine. I do as much research as I can, but I'm going to get things wrong. Just enjoy the story. 
> 
> Reviews = love
> 
> Come say hi on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving
> 
> Thanks for reading! Sorry this update took a while, its been busy because of the holidays.


	5. Chapter 5

Trigger warning. I'm not going to say what, because I think that is the same as a spoiler, but I wanted to post something. So...you'll just have to guess, or read at your own risk. Nothing is super graphic, no one dies, but beyond that I'm not giving you much but I felt the need to put something

_______________________________

“Oh my god twice in one month, the world has got to be ending.” Anya called out as Lexa and Clarke walked through the door at Flappy Jacks. 

She crossed the room quickly and pulled Lexa into a hug, then hugged Clarke as well. 

“I had a feeling I’d be seeing you again.” She whispered in Clarke’s ear before letting her go. 

“Same as last time?” She asked, referring to their food order. 

“Yes please.” Clarke answered as she slid into one side of the booth. Lexa smiled as she sat down across from her. 

“What is that smile for?”

“Nothing. Just funny how quickly Anya has taken a liking to you. She doesn’t like a lot of people, especially when it comes to me.”

“What can I say, I’m pretty damn likable.”

“Yea you are.” 

“You’re one to talk.”

Lexa laughed at how comfortable Clarke was becoming around her; at first it had been easy to leave her a flustered mess but lately she’d been holding her own with the comebacks. 

“So, where did you work before you came here?” Lexa asked, putting her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands. She wanted to get to know Clarke better. 

“Ketchum. Idaho.”

“Wow, that had to be a culture shock.”

“Yes and no. I grew up here. I moved to Ketchum for some peace and quiet, and to get my life straightened around.” She laughed softly as she said it and Lexa tilted her head. 

“Why is that funny?”

“Because it ended up being some of the worst years of my life.”

“How so?”

Clarke looked down at the table and picked at a suddenly very interesting string on her shirt sleeve. She’d never told many people about her past and how she’d come undone when her dad died. She liked the way Lexa looked at her now and she was afraid all of that would change if she knew everything. 

“Hey...you don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry if I pushed too far.” Lexa reached across the table and squeezed Clarke’s arm as she spoke. 

“You didn’t. It’s just hard. People...think differently of me.” 

“Try me?”

“I want to tell you.... for some reason.... but not here?”

Clarke spoke softly and turned her arm so her hand was palm up on the table as she reached for Lexa’s hand. 

Lexa traced a slow line down her forearm and along the lines on her palm. As her finger slid over Clarke’s wrist she noticed several scar lines; thin and a silvery white in the harsh lights of the diner. Clarke’s breath stopped as Lexa gently ran her thumb over them, her expression unreadable. Clarke went to pull her arm away but Lexa took ahold of her wrist and shook her head no as she ran her thumb over the scars again. Clarke shivered and Lexa finally looked up to see her normally bright blue eyes had gotten dark and stormy. 

“It’s not what you think.” Clarke’s voice came out as a raspy whisper. 

“Even if it is, it’s okay.” 

Clarke had to blink hard to keep her tears in check; it wasn’t the reaction she had been expecting. 

“Did you guys want food or am I interrupting something here?” Anya spoke after clearing her throat at the end of the table.

“Both.” Lexa answered with a wink as she let go of Clarke’s hand. 

“So I see.” Anya teased as she set their plates down. 

“God how are these even better than I remember?” Clarke said after her first bite of pancake. 

“They tend to get better every time.”

“I’m screwed then, they are addicting. I don’t know that I can ever eat pancakes anywhere else.”

“Anya will be happy to hear that.”

“Wait, she makes them?”

“It’s her recipe. She doesn’t always cook them. But sometimes yes. She owns this place.”

“Oh, I had no idea. I thought she just worked here.”

“No, her and Costia took it over when Anya’s parents passed away. Cos didn’t have much to do with the daily ins and outs, but she still loved the place.”

A said smile played across Lexa’s lips and then she realized how easily Costia’s name had rolled out of her mouth. She looked up to find Clarke smiling at her; she’d realized too. 

They finished their meal in comfortable silence, said their goodbyes to Anya and headed towards the car. 

“Beach?” Clarke asked and Lexa smiled. 

“I’m always up for the beach but I wasn’t sure if you’d be.”

“It’s cold, but we’ll be fine.”

“I have sweatpants and a blanket in the car.”

“You should probably take the sweatpants this time. But we can grab the blanket.”

Lexa nodded and they walked to the car. Lexa stripped out of her shorts without hesitation and Clarke envied her confidence; she also admired the view as Lexa changed. Lexa looked over and caught her starting so she purposely took longer pulling the pants up over her ass and hips. Clarke pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to stop the stupid smile from spreading across her face; damn the girl was gorgeous. 

“Should I take my jacket?” Clarke asked as Lexa grabbed the blanket from the car. She came over and ran her hand along Clarke’s side as she walked past. 

“Hm, I don’t think so. I like that shirt. I’ll keep you warm.”

Clarke laughed as she hooked her arm through Lexa’s as they walked towards the beach. Their sides brushed against each other as they walked and Clarke found herself leaning into the contact. 

They walked down the beach to the same lifeguard tower they’d sat at before and Clarke didn’t hesitate to climb up next to Lexa. They scooted back until their backs were up against the tower, their legs stretched out in front of them. Lexa spread the blanket out over their laps and leaned her shoulder against Clarke. 

“So, you really want to know about why I moved to Ketchum? And the shitstorm that was my life.” Clarke asked quietly, staring out at the ocean as she spoke. 

“I want to know whatever you’re comfortable telling me.”

Clarke sighed, her breath shaky. Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders. Clarke hesitated, and then shifted so she was leaning in to Lexa’s side, her head resting on her shoulder. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything Clarke.”

“I know. I want to.... it’s just.... hard.”

Lexa waited for a while and had just about given up when Clarke started talking. 

“It all started when my dad died. It was the middle of my senior year of high school. He was diagnosed with brain cancer and was gone within the month.”

Clarke both felt and heard Lexa’s sharp intake of air. She waited for the typical reaction of sorry or oh my god you poor thing, but when nothing came she continued.

“My dad and I were really close. His death was...it tore my world apart. I didn’t know how to deal with anything I was feeling, so I didn’t. At first, I was super withdrawn. I would stay in bed for days without eating or moving much at all. Everyone stopped coming around eventually because...how do you even deal with someone who is that persistent in being miserable? The only one who didn’t give up was my mom, but she was dealing with his death too.

Anyways, after a while of that I did the complete opposite. I turned into some sort of wild child. I was out partying. All the time. I slept with pretty much anyone who would stand still long enough. I drank. I did everything I could to shut my mind off. To stop missing him. To stop hurting in this place that nothing could touch.” 

Clarke stopped for a second and swallowed hard, willing the tears not to fall. But it didn’t matter, they rolled down her cheeks anyhow. 

“Scoot forward.” Lexa whispered. Clarke moved forward and Lexa rearranged herself so she was behind Clarke. Once she was situated she had one leg on either side of her; she tugged on the back of her shirt and Clarke scooted back until her back was against Lexa. Lexa pulled the blanket up over their laps and wrapped her arms around Clarke. She smiled a little when she felt Clarke relax into her. 

“I knew everything I was doing was wrong, but I couldn’t stop. And part of me didn’t want to stop. I’d always been that perfect kid, you know? Good grades, always polite, teacher’s pet; I didn’t want to be any of that anymore. I wanted to be anyone but me. 

The drinking got really bad. There would be huge chunks of time, days at a time, where I didn’t remember anything. I was out of school more than I was in it, and when I was there I was drunk, or having sex in the bathroom, or both. They finally put me on in home suspension but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. 

In home suspension was the start of me...hurting myself. I didn’t cut, I scratched. My thighs and stomach mostly. I just wanted out of my own skin. Which probably sounds ridiculous...”

“No, it doesn’t.” Lexa’s voice was barely above a whisper in Clarke’s ear. She pressed her face into Clarke’s neck and ran her hands over her stomach as if she were trying to erase whatever had been there at one point. Clarke closed her eyes for a second and let herself get lost in Lexa’s touch. 

“At one point I left home. It wasn’t a conscious thing; I just went to a party one night and didn’t come back. That was the turning point. I don’t’ remember everything, but I remember sobbing to the girl I was sleeping with, begging her to do something, anything to make me forget, to just make everything stop. I remember her tying off my arm and putting the needle in my vein. And then…nothing mattered. It was like some kind of magic. I remember feeling…intensely happy. And then nothing.”

“Clarke…” Lexa’s voice was a strangled whisper. She couldn’t stop her own tears, brought on by the story and the pain in Clarke’s voice. She’d had no idea when she asked Clarke to share her past that it would be anything like this.

Clarke turned her head back to look at Lexa and was surprised to see the tears running down her face. Lexa tucked her face against Clarke’s neck, embarrassed at her reaction. This was supposed to be about Clarke. Clarke reached back and ran her fingers over Lexa’s cheek before continuing. 

“I woke up in the hospital. They said I’d almost died. Whatever the girl had given me had been cut with something, or she’d given me too much, but I almost OD’d. She waited over night to take me to the hospital and had she waited much longer I wouldn’t have made it. I’ll never forget the look on my mom’s face when I woke up. She was completely broken…and I had done it to her. She could see all the scratches and shit on my thighs and stomach, I had hardly been eating so I looked like death. Her eyes when she looked at me Lexa…I swear I think in that moment she wanted me dead. In that moment, I wanted me dead.”

Lexa’s arms tightened around Clarke subconsciously. Clarke smiled through her tears and squeezed Lexa’s arm.

“I was angry, and sad, and more confused and scared than I’d ever been in my entire life. It took me a few days of being in the hospital before I realized I wanted to stop. So, I went home, I went to regular therapy sessions, and I…healed as much as I could. I stopped therapy after a month or so, but I didn’t get back in to all the self-destructive behavior. I got all the credits I needed to graduate high school but I had no desire to go to college. I’d been accepted in to several different art schools before my dad passed away, but I didn’t want anything to do with any of them. I had no idea what I wanted. My mom was a doctor, my dad was an engineer, I had always been an artist. That’s just how it always was; but I wanted something different. Anything different than what I had been my whole life. 

I did some random google searches and decided to join an EMT program. The initial program was about a year long. I thought having something to focus on would help, but it didn’t. Everything reminded me of my dad. Absolutely everything and I couldn’t handle it. I decided I needed to leave in order to get my life together and somehow stop being the emotional train wreck I had become. 

I literally googled small cities and just randomly picked Ketchum.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. I just wanted away. I didn’t realize it then, but it was myself that I wanted away from, which of course isn’t possible, but…it was what I felt like I needed. So I went.”

“Clarke…I had no idea…you didn’t have to share any of that with me, god I feel…horrible.”

“I don’t tell many people. You’re the second person I’ve told.”

“Who was the first.”

“Finn…my ex.”

“Thank you…”

“For what?”

“Trusting me enough to share with me…everything you went through…”

Clarke tensed, waiting for the judgement or for Lexa to slowly back off once she realized how messed up Clarke was. 

“You’re thanking me…for telling you how messed up I am…that’s new.”

“We’re all messed up in our own ways Clarke. You’re brave.”

“I’m not brave Lexa…I was weak…I couldn’t handle any of it.”

“Not many people could. You were a kid, you lost your whole world. It’s not surprising you fell apart. But you chose to change it…everything you went through, and you still chose to change…that’s brave.”

The tears rolled freely down Clarke’s cheeks and her body shook with silent sobs. She had expected Lexa to run the other way, or tell her how messed up she was; how broken she had been, and still was. She didn’t expect her to be supportive, let alone compliment her or call her brave. 

“Hey…shhhh…where is this coming from.” Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair trying to calm her down. 

“I-I thought you’d leave…I’m so…”

“Leave…why would you think I would leave?”

“Because, no one wants to be around someone like me. I’m so messed up Lexa….”

“Clarke…who the hell…Finn?” Lexa’s voice was cold as she realized where Clarke’s thought process was coming from. Clarke nodded slowly, confirming her suspicions. 

“Look…I don’t know what he said to you, and maybe someday you’ll tell me, but it doesn’t even matter because he was wrong. If anything, this just makes me want to know you more.”

Clarke’s crying had slowed and she was no longer sobbing. Lexa rested her chin on Clarke’s shoulder.

“It’s been a tough night for something that started out as clubbing.”

“No shit.” Clarke laughed through her tears.

“I think we’ve dug up enough of the past for tonight.”

“I agree.”

“Seriously though, thank you Clarke. I know how hard that was for you…and I’m glad you shared it with me.” 

“Me too.”

Clarke turned in Lexa’s arms and wrapped her arms around the other girl’s waist. She wasn’t sure what was going on between the two of them, and she didn’t really care. She felt more raw and open than she had in years and she just needed to be close.  
Lexa sighed as Clarke burrowed closer to her, pressing a soft kiss on her collar bone before resting her head on her shoulder.

“You okay?” Lexa asked as she ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair. Clarke nodded against her and Lexa recognized her need to just be quiet for a minute.

“Do you want to leave?”

“Not yet, I’m good right here…if you don’t mind?

“Not at all, I’m right here, for as long as you need me to be.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

In the weeks following their night at Polis things settled into a new normal between Clarke and Lexa. They never discussed their relationship again after saying they would take it slow, but it had definitely progressed into something that blurred the line between a close friendship and something more. They spent all of their free time at the station together, either in their room or in the common room. Everyone had been pretty accepting of it without asking questions and what was going on worked for them without needing a label. 

Clarke was glad; she wasn’t sure she was ready to date but she was happy with the way things were with Lexa. She assumed the other girl felt the same way since she hadn’t said anything to the contrary and things between them were easy and comfortable. 

They were sitting in the common room, Lexa was watching some documentary on the TV and Clarke was curled up against her side reading a book. Lexa had her arm around Clarke’s waist and would absentmindedly run her thumb over the skin on Clarke’s side.

Octavia walked in and smiled at them before sitting down on the other couch. Lexa had changed so much since Clarke had started at the station, and even more so in the weeks following Polis. Clarke was good for her; she was slowly become the Lexa that Octavia had known before Costia’s death and it was nice to see. 

“Comfy Clarke?” Octavia teased.

“Mhmm.” Clarke answered without looking up from her book. Lexa smiled and tighten her arm around Clarke’s waist. 

“Ugh, Lexa, can we watch something actually entertaining? Please?”

“This is entertaining.”

“It’s a squid documentary Lexa, I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite of entertaining actually.”

“Clarke doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.” 

“Clarke wouldn’t have a problem with you watching paint dry; her nose is buried in that book. She’s not paying a damn bit of attention to the TV.”

“She’s right” Clarke mumbled, still reading. 

Lexa huffed and tossed the remote to Octavia. She ran her hand up Clarke’s side under her shirt. 

“Whatcha reading?” She whispered, leaning her head against Clarke’s. Clarke turned the cover so Lexa could see it but didn’t answer as she kept reading. 

“Hm, what’s it about?” Lexa drummed her fingers against Clarke’s side. Clarke raised one eyebrow but didn’t answer. Lexa ran her hand higher up her side until she felt Clarke shiver like she knew she would. Clarke finally looked at her and Lexa smirked at the disgruntled look on her face.

“Hi.” 

“Did you want my attention?”

“Yep, Octavia took my entertainment.”

“Dammit O, give her the remote back.” Clarke whined. 

“Not a chance. Squids are boring. Plus if I can’t find anything to watch I can always watch Lexa try to drag you out of that book.” 

“Ugh. Why me? Fine. Find a movie Octavia.” 

Clarke tossed her book on the table and tucked her feet up onto the couch, curling farther into Lexa’s side. She draped her arm across Lexa’s waist, her hand running lightly across her abs in the process making Lexa suck in a sharp breath. Clarke grinned and made random patterns across Lexa’s stomach. 

“Better?” She whispered into Lexa’s ear.

“Hmm, but that is distracting.” 

“Oh? And this?” Clarke softly kissed Lexa’s neck and ran her teeth over her skin.

“Fuck…Clarke…” Lexa dug her fingers into Clarke’s hip. Clarke laughed and let her head rest on Lexa’s shoulder again. 

“That’s what you get for wanting my attention when I’m reading.”

“You two should consider getting a room. Oh, wait, you have one. Go to it?” Octavia teased as she flipped through movies on Netflix. 

“Payback for having to watch you and Lincoln for years.” Lexa teased.

“Touché.” 

“Watch me what?” Lincoln asked as he walked in the room and sat down next to Octavia, kissing her on top of the head as he did so.

“Clarke and Lexa are being gross, I told them to go to their room but Lexa said she’s just getting even for having to put up with us for so long.”

“Sounds fair…but did I miss them finally making out or something?” 

“Oh my god I can’t with you guys.” Clarke whined and buried her face in Lexa’s shoulder. The whole teams newest goal was to see them kiss, which for whatever reason they hadn’t yet. It had gone so far as them taking bets on how long it would be. Lexa laughed. 

“You do realize that we’re going to fuck up your betting on purpose, right?” 

“No, they need to realize it’s none of their damn business and it won’t be announced anyways so no one wins anything.” Clarke laughed, her face still buried. 

“Clarke, you’re such a fun sucker.” Raven added as she walked in the room. Clarke groaned.

“I’m going to the gym. There are too many of you now; I’m out numbered and it’s not fair.”

Clarke extracted herself from Lexa’s embrace despite her whine of protest, grabbed her book off the table and headed towards their room to change. Octavia threw a pillow at her as she left. 

“You can run but you can’t hide!” 

Lexa shook her head and smiled as she watched Clarke leave. 

“Seriously though Lexa, what the hell are you waiting for? Kiss her, ask her to be with you, you guys are ridiculous.” Octavia teased.

“We’re fine with where we are right now. There doesn’t need to be a label or a time line.”

“She’s perfect for you, you know that right?” Lincoln added. Raven and Octavia nodded in agreement. 

“She’s pretty fucking amazing. Whatever happens, happens.” Lexa explained as she stood up from the couch.

“Going to the gym?” Raven asked with a sly smile.

“Maybe.” 

Lexa laughed and headed to her room. She was going to go to the gym, but she wanted to make sure the teasing wasn’t actually bothering Clarke. She got to their room to find Clarke in her gym clothes but sitting on the edge of her bed reading her book. 

“Almost made it to the gym.” Lexa smiled as she leaned against the doorjamb.

“Yea, I just wanted to finish this chapter.” 

Clarke smiled but Lexa heard a difference in her voice. She walked over and sat down next to Clarke on the edge of the bed and smiled when Clarke leaned against her without thinking. She loved how physical the blonde could be about showing her affection. A few minutes later Clarke finished the chapter and set the book down. 

“Coming to the gym with me?” 

“After you tell me what’s wrong. And don’t say you’re fine, I can hear it in your voice.” 

Clarke sighed; most of the time she loved how well Lexa could read her, but sometimes it was frustrating. 

“It’s no big deal.”

“That’s just a bullshit version of I’m fine. Nice try. Was it the teasing about us kissing?” 

Clarke hesitated and then nodded against Lexa’s shoulder. She knew the rest of the team was just playing around, but it was something that Clarke was really insecure about. She was comfortable being physical with Lexa to a certain point, and being flirty, but kissing was a different level of intimate for her and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet; even though sometimes it really felt like she was. She worried a lot that Lexa was and would get tired of waiting.

“Clarke…it doesn’t matter what they think.” 

“I know that, I worry what you think.”

Lexa sighed; they’d had this conversation before and she couldn’t figure out what to say to make Clarke feel any better, but she kept trying. 

“I think I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time…that’s what I think.” 

Clarke’s breath caught in her chest and she sat up and looked at Lexa. 

“Seriously?” 

“Yes, seriously. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks or says about our relationship. I told you, I don’t’ need the labels to know how you feel about me. You show me all the time. Please…stop beating yourself up. I’m fine. We are fine.” 

Clarke looked down at her hands and blinked back tears. Lexa pulled her into a hug and Clarke tucked her head under Lexa’s chin. 

“Thank you. I’m sorry I’m such-“

“No. Stop calling yourself a mess. That asshole fed you that line of bullshit and I won’t let you do that to yourself.”

“You’re going to make me cry.”

“It’s just the truth Clarke. I swear I want to kill him and I don’t even know what happened with you two. But the self-doubt…he did that…”

Clarke felt Lexa’s arms tighten around her and smiled at how protective she was.

“I’m okay Lexa.”

“I know you are…but I hate it.” 

“You’re too good to me.”

“No I’m not, he wasn’t good enough.”

“I promise I’ll tell you everything some day…”

“I know, whenever you’re ready, I’m sure its only going to make me hate him more.”

“Hmm…yea.”

“So, were you ever going to actually go to the gym? Or did you just want out of that room?”

“I mean, I was going to, but then I wanted to finish that chapter that I was so rudely interrupted from. And now there is a ridiculously good looking brunette with her arms wrapped around me…which is highly preferred over the gym.”

“What if the ridiculously good looking brunette said she would go to the gym with you?”

“That might provide additional incentive. Especially if she promised to feed me afterwards.”

“It’s not my night to cook.”

“But…I want grilled cheese…and no one else makes them right.”

“Alright, fine, gym and grilled cheese then. How is it you always get what you want from me?”

“Skills and charm…and you can’t stand to hear me whine.” 

“All of that is true. Come on, get up. Gym time.” 

Clarke stood up and stretched as the page went off for a call.

“Change of plans.” Lexa stated as they headed down stairs.

“You too?” Clarke asked. They weren’t always on calls together even if they were both working. 

“Yep. House fire, possible trapped residents. Fuck.” 

They hurried even faster; house fires with residents inside were sometimes some of their hardest calls. Lexa started pulling on all of her gear when Lincoln and Octavia came running down the stairs along with Raven and Luna. 

“Everyone?” 

“Well, not everyone, but teams of three. I guess it’s pretty bad already.”

“Dammit. Let’s go people.” Lexa called as she climbed into the truck. 

They pulled up to the house and neighbors were already spaying it with garden hoses. The whole right front side of the house was engulfed in flames and there were a few people sitting on the curb with their heads in their hands and one woman frantically screaming in the front yard.

Octavia, Lincoln and Lexa got to work getting hoses set up. There was already a police officer trying to get information from the screaming woman. Raven and Luna went to attend to the people on the curb, Clarke went over to the woman who was screaming.

“She won’t talk, just screams. The ones on the curb were about to pass out, I think from the smoke.” The police officer stated as Clarke walked up. She nodded and stepped up to the screaming woman.

“Ma’am! I need you to talk to me so we can help you.” 

She didn’t even seem to register Clarke’s presence, just kept starting at the house and screaming.

Clarke took a deep breath and grabbed the woman’s shoulders and shook her.

“Stop! You need to stop so we can help you!”

The woman shook her head and seemed to focus on Clarke as if seeing her for the first time.

“My kids! They’re in the bedroom and there was so much smoke and I couldn’t get to them and oh my god!”

“Where is the bedroom?”

“All the way in the back on the right. I have to go. I can’t….”

“How many kids? How old?”

“Two…girls…5 and a baby….10 months.”

She started screaming again, this time it was blood curdling. 

“Raven!”

Raven was at her side in seconds.

“Take her away and if she doesn’t calm down, sedate her. She’s going to give herself a heart attack. Her kids are in there.”

Raven nodded and physically guided the woman to the ambulance. 

“Lexa! Two kids, girls, 5 years and 10 months. Bedroom is in the back right corner.”

She saw Lexa nod and look at the house. She motioned for Lincoln and that she was going around the back. They followed as another truck pulled up and started hooking up hoses.

Clarke watched as Lexa disappeared around the back of the house. She waited with a lump in her throat for what seemed like an eternity. Raven had sedated the mother and had her on a stretcher. Another ambulance had come and they were ready and waiting to take the kids to the hospital. 

“It’s been too long.” Clarke muttered.

“She knows what she’s doing Clarke.”

“I know…but it’s been too long….” 

As she spoke, Lincoln came running from the back of the house carrying the five year old girl. She was still conscious, but barely. Raven laid her on a stretcher and strapped an oxygen mask to her face.

“Just breathe for me okay sweetie? You’re going to be just fine.”

The little girl nodded, her eyes wide and filled with tears. 

“Where is Lexa?”

“She was right behind me. There was no crib in that bedroom. I think she went to go look for the baby in the other bedroom. She’ll be okay Clarke.”

Clarke paced back and forth until she finally saw Lexa running from the back of the house. She had the baby in her arms with her breathing apparatus over the baby’s face instead of on her own. She shoved the baby into Clarke’s arms before collapsing on the ground. 

Monty and Jasper were pulling up in a second ambulance and Clarke yelled to them as they opened the doors.

“Jasper! Get Lexa!”

She carried the baby to the stretcher already waiting. She checked for signs of life even though she could tell from how limp the baby was that it was unlikely. 

She laid the little girl down and started chest compressions; thirty compressions with two fingers just below the breast bone, followed by two breaths. 

“Come on kid. Breathe.”

Clarke muttered as she started compressions again. 

“Defib someone!”

She called out as they were moving the stretcher into the ambulance. She got on top of it and continued CPR as Raven flipped the switch on the defibrillator to the pediatric setting. She opened the pads and Clarke stopped CPR so they could attach the pads; one of the left side of the chest and the other to the back.

“Clear!” 

Clarke waited for the machine and hit the button when the screen said “shock”. She immediately started CPR again.

“Come on…come on….”

Clarke was barely aware of the face that the ambulance was moving. She kept up with chest compressions. Raven held an oxygen mask over the baby’s face, only moving it for Clarke to give rescue breaths. Clarke was about to use the defibrillator again when the baby gasped.

“Yes! Come on…breathe for me.”

A few seconds went by and there was another gasp, then the steady rise and fall of the baby’s chest started. 

Seconds later they pulled in to the hospital where there was already a team waiting to take the baby. Clarke watched as they wheeled her away and then sat down heavily on the bumper. 

“She’ll make it Clarke.” Raven whispered as she sat down next to her. 

“Yea, I’m sure she will.” Jasper added.

Clarke looked up at them and smiled weakly. 

“Thanks guys. I hope so. Are we going back?”

“No, everyone has been transported. They’re working on getting the fire under control.” Raven answered.

“Lexa?”

“She’s okay. Back in there on the hoses.”

Clarke nodded as they got back in the ambulance. She strapped in to her seat and ran her hands over her face.

“Hey, you okay?” Raven asked.

“Yea, that was just a hard one. It was close.”

“Yea, it was. But this isn’t just about the baby…”

“No, it’s hard watching Lexa run in to a burning building.” 

“It’s her job, and she’s damn good at it.” 

“I know. I know it is. But it’s different…Luna is with you. Octavia and Lincoln are together. I just have to stand there and wait.”

“Yea…it’s going to suck. And it’s only going to get harder the closer you two get.”

“I know.”

“Just…know what you’re signing up for going in to it.”

“I do…I’m okay with it. It’s just new…and harder than I imagined.”

“It is. You’ll be fine though. You were awesome tonight.”

“We all were, it’s a team effort.”

Raven smiled at her and they rode the rest of the way back to the station in silence, the only sound coming from the Taylor Swift song that Jasper was blaring on the radio. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was several hours later when Lexa came back to the station. She opened the door quietly in case Clarke was sleeping, but she should have known better. Clarke had been lying in her bed, trying to read but too distracted wondering about Lexa. Lexa barely made it in the door and Clarke was right in front of her, wrapping her arms around her so tight Lexa could barely breathe. Clarke clenched the back of Lexa’s shirt in her fists and buried her face in her hair. She still smelled like smoke but Clarke didn’t care. 

Lexa smiled and wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her closer and sighing into her shoulder as she let herself relax into Clarke’s embrace.

“Are you okay?” Clarke mumbled, unwilling to let go and look for herself yet. 

“I am now.” God, it felt good to hold her. 

“You know what I mean Lexa.” 

“Yes Clarke, I’m okay. I’m fine. Look at me.”

Clarke pulled back far enough to look into Lexa’s green eyes. Her face was smudged with black in a few places, but otherwise she looked fine. 

“See? I’m okay.” 

Clarke let out a heavy sigh. 

“Thank god. That was…I didn’t realize how scary it would be watching you do that…”

“It’s my job Clarke.”

“Doesn’t make it any less scary.”

“I know.”

“At least Octavia goes with Lincoln. I just stand there as you go running in to burning buildings.”

“Don’t get any ideas, you are not running in to burning buildings. I need you outside of them.”

Lexa’s hands tightened on Clarke’s hips as she pulled her close again. 

“I’d understand if you said it was too much.” Lexa whispered against Clarke’s neck. Clarke tensed and pushed Lexa back gently.

“What?” 

“I know how scary it is….to be there and watch me run into burning buildings. It’s not like you’re at home waiting on the couch. You’re there, watching it happen. You’ll be there if shit goes horribly wrong….and I would understand if you said it was too much…but if you’re going to, please say it now…because…”

“Lexa…I knew what your job was when we met.”

“I know…but changes in feelings make things different. I’d understand if you wanted out.” 

“Do you?” Clarke’s voice was angry and Lexa’s eyes flew up to meet hers and saw the dark storminess in them. 

“No. Not at all…I just…I care about you Clarke. A lot. And if it’s too much…I just want to know now, and I wouldn’t-“

“Stop it. If you want out because you think I’m going to bail, then say so now.”

“Clarke…no…that’s not what I meant…”

Lexa swallowed hard and pulled Clarke close, pressing her forehead against the other girls. A few tears escaped from her eyes and rolled slowly down her cheeks. 

“I know what it’s like to lose someone to this…I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone, so all I’m saying is if you didn’t realize how hard it was going to be, I understand if today would change your mind.”

Clarke softened as she realized Lexa was talking about Costia. She reached up and wiped one of the tears away with her thumb.

“Lexa…I don’t want out. I want you.”

She felt the hitch in Lexa’s breath and watched as more tears ran down her cheeks. She had to fight the urge to pull Lexa closer and kiss her. In the same instance, she decided she was sick of fighting. 

She slid her hand behind Lexa’s neck and pulled her forward and kissed her. Lexa moaned softly into her mouth before kissing her back. Her hands wrapped around Clarke’s waist, pulling her closer. The kiss was soft and slow and Clarke only pulled back when her lungs were burning for air. Lexa moved with her as she pulled back, placing another soft kiss oh her lips before smiling at her. 

“Well damn, that was worth the wait.” She whispered. 

“Still think I want out?” 

“No, no I do not.” 

Clarke smiled and kissed her again; softly, then deeper as she pulled Lexa’s bottom lip between her teeth before pulling back. 

“Damn Clarke.” 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

Lexa grinned and Clarke snuggled her head under her chin again.

“I think I’m out of the mood for the gym.” Clarke mumbled as she yawned. 

“Yea, me too.” 

“Grilled cheese and a mindless movie?” 

“Sounds awesome. Let me shower first.”

“Yea, you smell like a house fire.” 

Lexa laughed for a second, then sounded somber.

“Clarke…the baby…”

“Shit Lexa I’m sorry. She was breathing and had a pulse when we dropped her off. I had to do CPR and use the defibrillator but by the time we dropped her off at the ER she was doing everything herself. Obviously, I don’t know if she made it, but she had a chance. Because of you.”

“And you. I got her out of the building but you got her breathing again.”

“We’ll call it even. Now go, shower. I’m starving.”

“Alright. Chef picks the movie though.”

Clarke laughed as Lexa headed towards the shower. She thought back on the kiss and how right it felt and she smiled. Then she started wondering if she was moving things to fast too soon. She decided to try and not over think things for once and just go with what felt right; and everything about Lexa so far had felt more right than anything ever had. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Fifteen minutes later Lexa had showered and changed into pajamas. She walked back to their room as she towel dried her hair. 

She opened the door slowly and smiled at the fact that Clarke was curled up asleep on her bed. She pulled a blanket over her and headed down to the kitchen to make grilled cheese; she’d just bring it back to the room and wake Clarke up to eat. Might as well let her sleep for now. 

As she walked downstairs Lexa thought about their kiss. It was the first time she’d kissed anyone since Costia and she was surprised at how easy it had been. In the moment, all she’d wanted was to lose herself in Clarke. And afterwards, the feelings of regret and guilt that she thought would follow simply hadn’t come. All she really wanted to do was kiss Clarke again, but she would leave that up to Clarke. She knew the blonde was hesitant about that level of intimacy and she was willing to wait and let Clarke take the lead. 

She also thought about how it had become increasingly easier to think about Costia without feeling like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. She could almost smile at some of the memories now rather than feeling like her heart was going to shatter. Clarke seemed to make it easier to breathe somehow. 

Lexa was so lost in her own thoughts as she cooked that she didn’t notice that Clarke had come in the kitchen until she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind her. Lexa smiled and leaned into Clarke’s embrace. 

“I fall asleep and you’re going to eat without me? That’s not nice.” 

“Actually, I was going to bring it back up to the room for you.”

“Hmm, that was sweet of you. What were you thinking about when I walked in? You didn’t even hear me.”

“You actually. Well, you and Cos.” 

“Really?”

“Mhmm.”

Clarke didn’t press for more information. She knew Lexa would share if she wanted to. She also knew how hard it was for her to talk about Costia at all, so it made her smile that she was starting to be able to do it a little more often without the horrible, pained expression on her face. 

Clarke turned her head and kissed Lexa neck briefly before started to let go of her waist. Lexa grabbed her arm. 

“No, stay?” 

“You want me to stand here like this while you cook?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“You okay?”

“Yes, why?”

“Just different, I’m usually the cuddly, clingy one.”

“Technically you still are.” Lexa laughed as she flipped the sandwiches in the pan. 

“You know what I mean.”

“I just...want you close?” Lexa shrugged. Clarke kissed her neck again then rested her head against the back of Lexa’s shoulder. 

“I’m okay with close.”

Lexa smiled and finished cooking the sandwiches. 

“You still want to watch a movie?” She asked as she put them on plates. Clarke yawned as she let go of Lexa to take hers. 

“I’ll probably just fall asleep on you.”

“We can go back to the room if you want.”

“The answer is still the same.” 

“Let’s just go to the room then, no sense in having to wake you up and convince you to walk up the stairs.”

“You could always just carry me upstairs.” Clarke teased. Lexa raised her eyebrows and set her sandwich on the counter. 

“Lexa...I was joking. Don’t...Lexa stop it no!” 

Clarke set her sandwich on the table and giggled as she tried to back away from Lexa but she already had one arm around her back, just under her armpits and she stooped down and put the other one behind her knees, easily lifting her into her arms bridal style. 

“Stop screeching like that, the whole place is going to hear you.” Lexa scolded. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. 

“You are being ridiculous, put me down.”

“Hmm, doesn’t seem like you want to be put down. I could easily carry you up the stairs.”

“Yes, I’m aware. I’ve seen you work out.”

To emphasize her point Clarke ran her fingers over Lexa’s bicep, tracing the lines of her tattoo and smirking as goosebumps appeared on Lexa’s skin. 

“So are you just going to stand here and hold me?”

“I could. I’m not entirely opposed to the idea.”

“The grilled cheese will get cold. And you’ll have to make me a new one.”

“So picky.”

“It’s not the same if the cheese isn’t all stretchy.”

“You are crazy adorable sometimes; do you know that?”

Clarke blushed and tucked her head against Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa laughed softly before setting Clarke down. They took their sandwiches upstairs and Clarke sat cross legged on her bed and was taking a bite of hers before Lexa even sat down. 

“God these are so good.” She mumbled around the first bite. 

“You’re just hungry.”

“No. You make the best grilled cheese. I swear. It’s like an art form. There is the perfect amount of cheese. The bread is just crunchy enough but not hard. You are to grilled cheese what Anya is to pancakes.”

Lexa chuckled as she sat down on her bed facing Clarke. Clarke was a little disappointed that Lexa didn’t sit on the bed with her, but tried not to show it. 

“So, pancakes and grilled cheese I know you like, but what is your absolute favorite food?” Lexa asked as she bit into her own sandwich. 

“Oh geez...that’s a hard question. Are we talking like out at a fancy restaurant or just food food?”

“Just the first thing that comes to mind when I ask.”

“Macaroni and cheese.”

“Classic comfort food, why am I not surprised.”

“My dad used to make it for me when I was upset. Maybe that’s why. What about you?”

“I love pasta too, anything with Alfredo sauce. But pizza is a close second.”

“Yes, pizza is amazing. I know a place that makes the best Alfredo. They’ll put it on whatever type of noodles you want. You should let me take you sometime.”

“You should ask me out sometime.” 

The words came out before Lexa even thought about them and Clarke about choked on the bite of sandwich she was chewing. 

“I mean, you know, if you wanted to....” Lexa continued and she could feel the blush starting in her cheeks; she stared down at her lap and fidgeted with her hands. 

Clarke smiled slowly, amused at watching the normally composed Lexa seem embarrassed and flustered. 

“Please stop staring at me like that and say something.” Lexa’s voice had shifted to a whisper and Clarke laughed. 

“Ask you out huh? Like on a date?”

“I mean...if you wanted to...if not it’s fine I get it I just...it just came out....”

“Lexa...look at me.” 

Lexa looked up, her eyes finally meeting Clarke’s with a shy smile. 

“Will you go on a date with me?” 

“That depends, where are you taking me?” 

“Oh my god you’re such a punk!” 

Clarke unfolded her legs, pulled her blanket up over her head and pouted. She heard Lexa get up off her bed and felt her weight shift as she climbed onto hers. She gasped in surprise when she felt Lexa’s weight settle on her lap.

Lexa was straddling Clarke’s legs, her weight resting on the blonde’s thighs as she pulled the blanket down. 

“And you’re five.” She teased as Clarke glared at her; the affection in her blue eyes giving away the fact that she wasn’t actually upset. “Yes, I will go on a date with you, and I don’t give a shit where we go, as long as I’m with you, I’m in. It took you long enough to ask.”

“Maybe I wanted to make sure you were worth asking.” 

“Or maybe.... I just leave you speechless so much you had a hard time finding the words...” 

Lexa whispered as she reached out ran one finger down Clarke’s neck to her collarbone. She continued down the front of her chest, between her breasts, down the middle of her stomach and traced a light circle on the skin around her bellybutton where her shirt had ridden up between them. 

Clarke sucked in a sharp breath as she watched Lexa’s finger move slowly down her body. She’d never met anyone who could drive her crazy with simple touches the way Lexa could. She swallowed hard, trying to find her voice.

“That’s probably more accurate...you do tend to leave me speechless...”

“Hmm....I know.... it’s kind of one of my favorite things about you...”

Lexa leaned forward and kissed the side of Clarke’s neck, smiling at the low moan it drew out of the blonde’s mouth before continuing down to her collarbone, where she lightly bit the skin there. Clarke hissed as her body arched into Lexa’s mouth. She felt Lexa smile into her skin as she kissed further down her chest, lightly kissing the top of one breast just along the neckline of her shirt. 

“That I’m a stuttering idiot half the time?” She managed to concentrate enough to form the sentence despite the way her body was responding to Lexa. 

“No... that you get so in to me that you can’t form words...it’s really attractive actually...” 

Lexa continued her trail of kisses and bites up the other side of Clarke’s neck as she slid her hands up Clarke’s sides, moving her shirt with them as she lightly raked her nails along her skin. Clarke’s whole body shivered and she leaned her head back against the wall. 

“Fuck...” 

Lexa kissed along the top of Clarke’s shoulder, then bit down harder than normal and sucked on the skin, swirling her tongue across it.

“Jesus Lexa...so good...but that’s going to leave a mark...”

“Good.”

Lexa switched her attention to Clarke’s other shoulder. She could tell from Clarke’s breathing and the fact that she had one hand wrapped in Lexa’s hair and the other in her shirt that she was starting to overwhelm the blonde. 

She pressed one more, gentle kiss into her neck before relaxing against the front of Clarke, her head tucked into the space under Clarke’s chin. Clarke relaxed, sighing as she wrapped her arms around Lexa, running one hand idly down the middle of her back. 

“Too much?” Lexa whispered. 

“No... god no...maybe I should ask you out more often.”

“Maybe we should see if you even survive the first date.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Maybe.”

“Should I be afraid?”

Lexa raked her teeth over Clarke’s collarbone, placed a few barely there kisses along her jawline before taking her earlobe between her teeth and tugging slightly.

“Hm, I don’t know, should you?” 

Clarke growled in back of her throat as she took ahold of Lexa’s hips and yanked her closer, their bodies molding against each other seamlessly. Lexa groaned at the sudden contact and Clarke rocked her hips up, grinding them against Lexa, which made her gasp. 

“God, Clarke…”

“You’re not the only one who can play this game.” 

Clarke’s whisper was low and raspy, her breath hot against Lexa’s neck as she ran her tongue down to her collar bone in a trail of sloppy kisses that were mostly tongue and teeth. Clarke’s hands moved from Lexa’s hips across her abs, her fingers tracing the lines between the muscles because she knew it drove Lexa crazy. Lexa whined and wrapped her hands in Clarke’s hair, dragging her lips back up the side of her neck. Clarke smiled and flicked her tongue against the skin behind Lexa’s earlobe before resting her forehead against Lexa’s. 

“You drive me crazy.” Lexa grinned, willing her breathing to slow down and her heart to stop beating out of her chest. 

“The feeling is mutual.” 

“So, when is this date you’ve asked me on?”

“When are you off?”

“End of my shift is mid-day tomorrow. You?” 

“Tomorrow morning. So... tomorrow night?” 

“Works for me.” 

“Are we really doing this?” 

“What?”

“Going on a date.”

“Clarke…are you really nervous about going on a date? It’s not like we haven’t been out together before…or…you know…” She gestured at the lack of space between them. 

“Not nervous really. I mean, maybe a little. It’s just different. Makes it seem more official? Real?”

“Hey, if you’re not ready, it’s fine. I know you don’t like the whole labels thing, this doesn’t have to change that.”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t mind the labels, I just don’t know if I’m ready for them. If you’re ready for them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Costia I guess. I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to take her place or push you to get over her or anything like that.”

Lexa smiled softly and tucked a piece of Clarke’s hair behind her ear. She pulled back so she could look at Clarke better when she spoke.

“I would never think that of you Clarke. You’ve been more patient and understanding about that than anyone I’ve ever met. I know you aren’t trying to replace her. No one can replace her. But that doesn’t mean I can’t move forward. Honestly, I never wanted to until you came along.”

“And now?”

“I haven’t felt like this in a long time, and I don’t want to fight it, or mess it up. So if you want to go on a date, I’d love to go. If you’re not ready, or don’t want to for any other reason, that’s okay too.”

“So, I guess we’re going on a date then.” 

“Good. We should probably get some sleep.”

Clarke huffed and pressed her face into Lexa’s neck. 

“That means you have to move, and I kinda like you here.”  
“I kinda like me here too, but this is not a very comfortable sleeping position.”

“Stay with me?” 

“Sleep in your bed?”

“Mhmm.” 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea Clarke. We’re at work. Bellamy is pretty lax about the whole dating your co-workers thing, but I don’t think he’d appreciate us sleeping in the same bed. If he knew we were…more than just friends he would probably change our rooming assignments.”

“I’m pretty sure he knows. I’m pretty sure everyone knows.”

“Probably, but why really make a point by sleeping in the same bed. Unless you want a new roommate?”

“No. I’m attached to the one I have, thank you very much.”

“Yes, quite literally. Come on, I’ll be like five feet away.”

“So far.”

“So dramatic.”

“So what?” 

Lexa laughed and kissed the top of Clarke’s head as she pulled herself out of Clarke’s embrace. Clarke huffed and whined as Lexa moved to her own bed but she finally laid down and pulled the covers up around her chin. 

“Good night Lexa.” 

“Good Night Clarke.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Authors Note: I am not a firefighter or an EMT, so there will be mistakes. Please just ignore them and enjoy the story. As always, thank you for reading. Reviews = Love, happiness and joy, so leave me some!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving


	6. Chapter 6

“I have literally nothing to wear!” 

Clarke groaned and flopped down onto her bed, then rolled onto her side to stare at her laptop screen. 

“I’ve missed you.” The warm voice on the other side of the Skype call said quietly. 

“I’ve missed you too Harper, but you know why I haven’t called.”

“I know, and I understand, I just miss you.”

Clarke smiled softly at the blonde. Harper had been one of her few friends in Ketchum before she’d met Finn, and the only one he’d let her keep in touch with. 

“He hasn’t been bothering you, has he?”

“No. He came around for a week or so, insisting that I knew where you were. I called the police the last time and he hasn’t been back.”

Clarke twirled a piece of her hair around her finger nervously. 

“Clarke...I didn’t tell him anything. I’d never do that.”

“I know, I know. He just...he still scares me Harper. And I don’t want him to hurt you.”

“I’m okay Clarke. So, tell me more about this girl that you’re tearing apart your closet for.”

“She’s...incredible. You’d like her. She’s been so patient with me. And she’s gorgeous.... like her own kind of art form level of gorgeous. I don’t know what the hell she sees in me.”

“Clarke shut up. You’re pretty god damn gorgeous yourself. Sounds like you’re really in to this girl.”

Clarke sighed heavily and got up again to dig through her closet. 

“I am. A lot. And if I’m being honest it scares me. And it’s not just because she’s stunning, though it’s definitely a nice bonus. She’s just...I can’t explain it. Everything just seems to click.”

“Don’t push her away Clarke, not if the connection is as strong as it seems like it is.”

“I’m not. I don’t want to, which I think is what scares me so much. God, I like her Harper...” 

“She sounds awesome. I’m happy for you. Do you have a picture of her?”

“No.”

“Take one some time. I’d like to see how gorgeous she is for myself.”

Clarke laughed as she pulled on a pair of faded jeans that were ripped across the thighs and a pair of black, knee high boots. She rummaged through her closet more and pulled on a simple, fitted black long sleeve shirt then turned the computer around so Harper could see. 

“You look great Clarke.”

“Thank god because she’s supposed to be here in ten minutes and I haven’t done my hair or makeup.”

“Makeup? Wow. You’re going all out.”

“Just eye makeup. I gotta go though.”

“Thanks for calling. It’s been too long. I was worried.”

“Thanks for answering. Sorry about the random number email address, it’s just...”

“I understand Clarke. It’s no big deal. I’m just glad you called. Try to call again when you can, okay?”

“I will.”

“Good luck tonight. I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”

“Thanks. Talk to you later.”

Clarke ended the Skype call with Harper, a sad smile crossing her face. She’d missed the other woman. She was the only tie that Clarke still had to Ketchum and she intended to keep it that way. If it wasn’t for the fact that Harper had saved her a few times when it came to Finn, she probably wouldn’t have made it out. 

Clarke shook her head to clear the memories and checked her phone, where there was already a text from Lexa. 

Lexa: On my way, should be on time

Clarke huffed and threw her hair up in a messy version of a French twist; a few strands escaped and hung down around her face. She left them there, her hair was always unruly. She quickly put on some eyeliner, mascara and eyeshadow; blending it from white to a blueish black at the outside corners of her eyes. She had just finished when she heard a knock at her door. 

“Coming!” 

She clenched her hands into fists at her sides for a second, willing them to stop shaking. She had no idea why she was so nervous. It wasn’t like she’d never been alone with Lexa. They slept in the same room together more often than not. 

She opened the door and whatever nerves she had been feeling completely melted away when Lexa smiled at her. 

“Hey, you look amazing.” She let her eyes wander over Clarke’s body and Clarke swore she could feel her stare on her skin. 

“It’s just jeans and a shirt.” She scoffed. 

“Doesn’t change my answer.” 

“Thanks, you look amazing too.”

Lexa wore dark grey leggings and a forest green shirt that hung off one shoulder. She smiled again as she reached out and pulled Clarke close, kissing her on the cheek. Clarke had to fight the desire to wrap her arms around Lexa’s neck but she knew if she did they’d end up never leaving her apartment. 

“You ready?” Clarke whispered in Lexa’s ear before pulling back. 

“Yep.” She reached out and twirled a piece of Clarke’s hair around her finger. “I like it up, shows off your neck.” 

She smirked as she ran her finger lightly over the mark she’d left on Clarke’s neck and shoulder the night before. Clarke blushed bright red. 

“Dammit Lexa, I forgot about that.”

She reached up to undo her hair but Lexa stopped her by grabbing her wrist. 

“Leave it up, it lets people know you’re mine.” She winked and Clarke felt a burn low in her stomach that had nothing to do with nerves and everything to do with wanting to pin Lexa to the wall and leave her breathless. 

“Yours huh?” 

“Mhmm.” 

Clarke cocked her head and Lexa and smiled. 

“Unless...that’s a problem.” Lexa added quietly, looking suddenly shy as her gaze dropped to the floor. It was so easy for her to get wrapped up in Clarke and she got carried away sometimes. 

Clarke reached out at lifted Lexa’s chin with one finger until their eyes met. 

“It’s not a problem at all. We should get going though, my idea of a date isn’t standing in my doorway all night.” 

“Alright, let’s go.” 

Lexa stepped out of the way so Clarke could come outside. 

“Are you sure you don’t mind driving? I mean, I’m the one who asked you out.” Clarke asked as they got in Lexa’s car. 

“I don’t mind at all. Where are we headed.”

“It’s by the Santa Monica Pier. Head that way and I’ll get directions when we get closer.” 

Lexa nodded and after she’d been driving for a while she reached over and ran her fingers along the tears in Clarke’s jeans. Clarke giggled and pushed her hand away. 

“That tickles.”

“It does?” Lexa repeated the motion and Clarke pushed her hand away again.

“Yes! Stop it.”

“Make me.” Lexa reached for her thigh again and Clarke grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together. She looked over to find Lexa grinning at her. 

“Got what I wanted anyhow.”

“Oh my god you’re a dork. You can always just reach for my hand if you want to hold it. Or ask.”

“Maybe, but this was more fun.” 

Clarke softly shook her head. Lexa constantly amazed her; she could be so cold and distant, but at the same time warm and compassionate. The more time she spent around the brunette she more she saw; most recently her playful side was starting to show more. 

“You’re cute.” 

“Am not. I’m a tough, brave, strong fire fighter. I’ll kick your ass.”

“Hm, but you’re also cute.” 

Lexa laughed and squeezed Clarke’s hand, letting them rest together on the console between them for the rest of the ride.

_______________________________________________

They walked up to the front of the restaurant and Lexa looked at the sign, perplexed. 

“Jaha’s? What kind of a name is Jaha’s for an Italian place?”

“The girl who took me to Flappy Jacks is judging somewhere based on its name?”

“At least it made sense. What is a Jaha?”

“The owners last name.” 

“You know the owner?”

“Yea...it’s been a while.”

“You okay?”

Lexa could hear something off in Clarke’s voice and squeezed her hand. 

“This was my dad’s favorite place. I haven’t been here since before he died...”

“Clarke...we don’t have to stay.”

“No, I want to stay. I wanted to bring you here. Their pasta is amazing.”

“I don’t care how amazing it is, nothing is worth upsetting you.”

“I’m okay Lexa. I guess I just didn’t realize I’d never been here without him.”

“Babe, are you sure?”

A small smile played at the corners of Clarke’s mouth that she had to try really hard to hide at the fact that Lexa called her babe. She knew the brunette hadn’t realized it and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. 

“Yes. I’m totally sure. Come on, let’s go eat I’m starving.” 

Lexa hesitated and Clarke tugged on her hand, all traces of the sadness in her eyes was gone and she smiled encouragingly at Lexa as they walked through the front door. 

“Clarke Griffin? Holy shit...is that really you?” 

“Hey Wells, yes, it’s really me.”

“Dad! Clarke is here!”

A tall African American guy with close cut hair and dark brown eyes came from around the front counter and wrapped his arms around Clarke in a tight hug. Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand as Clarke returned his embrace. 

“God it’s good to see you.” He mumbled into her shoulder. His hug lasted a little too long for Lexa’s liking, especially when his hands slid low on Clarke’s hips and he stepped back to look at her. 

“You look really good Clarke.”

He pressed a kiss to her cheek and pulled her close again, one hand moving to the small of her back and Lexa clenched her hands at her sides. 

“Thanks Wells, you look good too. It’s been a long time. It’s good to see you.” 

Clarke stepped back from his embrace and he followed for half a step, reaching for her hand in what seemed like an old habit before stopping himself. 

“Lexa, this is Wells. An old friend of mine. Wells, this is Lexa, my g...date.” 

Clarke fumbled for a word accurately describe Lexa and barely stopped the word girlfriend from coming out of her mouth. 

“Nice to meet you Wells.” 

Lexa stepped forward and shook Wells’s hand while possessively wrapping her other arm around Clarke’s waist and pulling her closer. 

“You too Lexa. Date huh Clarke? I thought you didn’t date anymore?”

“Things change.”

“Uh huh. First date?”

“Technically.” Lexa smirked as Wells noticed the bite marks on Clarke’s neck. He looked like he was about to respond when an older gentleman came out from the back. 

“Mr JaHa!” Clarke called and pulled away from Lexa to greet him with a hug. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Thelonious! God it’s good to see you Clarke.”

“You too! You look good.”

“I am, I am. And who is this pretty girl with you?”

“This is Lexa. We’re here on a date.”

“Lexa, pleased to meet you. I’m Thelonious Jaha, the owner of this fine establishment.”

“Nice to meet you too sir. Clarke has been raving about your Alfredo.”

“Clarke has always been to kind to me. Since you’re on a date, do you want a cuddler table?”

“Oh my god you still have them? Yes please!”

“We do, they are typically reservation only but I believe we can make an exception. Right this way.”

Clarke was beaming as she took Lexa’s hand. 

“Cuddler table? Clarke what the hell?”

“You’ll see. It’s what I called them as a kid and it just kind of stuck, but it’s amazing.” 

Thelonious led them to a small back room. One wall was completely glass and it faced the ocean. Lining the glass wall were about five small tables, no more than four feet long and two feet wide. Each table had one booth seat, just big enough for two people. They were high backed and curved at the arms, effectively blocking out the rest of the restaurant when you were seated, leaving just the ocean view out of the glass wall. Lexa slid into a seat, followed by Clarke.

“Oh...wow...this view is outstanding.”

“It is what keeps the place booked.” Thelonious answered.

“Oh hush, your food is amazing.” Clarke smiled at him warmly. 

“Speaking of food, do you know what you want? Or do you need a menu.”

“Order for me?” Lexa asked, absentmindedly leaning into Clarke’s side as she stared out the window. 

“My usual, and... angel hair Alfredo for her.”

“Anything to drink?”

“Just water please.”

Thelonious nodded and walked away to give the kitchen their order. Clarke smiled as Lexa shifted and slid her arm behind Clarke’s waist, pulling her close. 

“Cuddler tables?”

“Well...it fits.”

“It does.” She ran her hand over Clarke’s hip and up her side. Clarke smirked when she realized what Lexa was doing.

“Did he touch me too much for your liking?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in her answer and Clarke’s stomach fluttered. 

“You have nothing to worry about.”

“Is he an ex?”

“That doesn’t change my answer.”

“But is he?”

“Kind of. He was my best friend growing up. When we got to high school he wanted more than just a friendship. It took him all of freshman year to convince me to try.”

“And?”

“We dated for a year.”

“Was he your first?”

“My first what?”

“Anything? Everything?”

Clarke leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder and stared out at the ocean as she contemplated the answer. 

“I’m sorry, that was rude and pushy and I had no right to ask.” Lexa whispered after Clarke had been silent for a few minutes. 

“No, it’s fine that you asked. I didn’t even think that. I was just...thinking. He was my first boyfriend, but nothing else. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. And I never slept with him.”

“I’m a horrible date. Getting all jealous and weird and then playing twenty-one questions about your ex and your sex life. I’m so smooth.”

Clarke laughed loudly, then covered her mouth with her hand. She turned her head and kissed the side of Lexa’s neck. 

“You’re fine. It didn’t bother me. Besides, I kind of like your jealous side.”

“Don’t encourage my bad behavior.”

“The bad girl thing is hot though.”

“Oh really?”

“Mhmm. Especially if you’ve got handcuffs and whips at home.” Clarke deadpanned, and Lexa’s mouth went dry before she saw the glimmer in Clarke’s eyes and the barely concealed smile. 

“You ass!” She laughed and shoved her against the side of the booth. 

“I can’t believe you fell for that so easily.” 

“Ass. You’re an ass.”

“The look on your face was great.”

“Have I said you’re an ass?”

“Maybe a few times, but I’m cute, and you like me, so it evens out.” 

“Maybe.” 

“That’s fine, I’ll stay on my side of the booth then.” 

Lexa glared sideways at Clarke who stuck her tongue out and leaned against the side of the booth. Lexa pretended to pout, which only lasted a few minutes before she reached out and hooked a finger in Clarke’s belt-loop and tugged. 

“Come here, you ass.” 

“Calling me an ass does not make me want to come closer to you.”

“Clarke...” Lexa whined her name and pulled harder “come here.” 

“Why should I?”

“Because...you’re too far away and you don’t like it any more than I do.”

Clarke laughed and slid closer to Lexa, sighing as Lexa wrapped her arm around her waist and squeezed her hip. 

“Much better.” Clarke whispered as she leaned in to Lexa.

“I agree. So, who was your first?”

“My first what?”

“Whatever firsts you want to tell me about.”

“Honestly…god this sounds horrible…”

“You don’t have to tell me. I really probably shouldn’t ask. I just like knowing more about you I guess.”

“Its fine, it just makes me sound like such a whore. I guess if the shoe fits though. I don’t really remember who I lost my virginity to. It was after my dad died and I was pretty much sleeping with anyone willing. I remember getting drunk at a party and making out with a few people and waking up in bed alone naked and sore.”

“Clarke, I’m sorry.”

“It was my own choice.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it any less shitty.”

“Yea, go figure. I was the girl who was waiting for the right person. I had all those stupid visions of it being some romantic, perfect night.”

“Life happens.”

“Yea, no shit. And as far as my first love…I don’t know. My first instinct is to say Finn, because I thought I was in love with him, but looking back I think I was more in love with the idea of him than with the actual person. So I don’t know that I’ve really fallen in love with anyone yet.” 

“Well then maybe that perfect, romantic first time isn’t off the table.”

“Maybe in a way, I guess not completely.”

“My first was in a movie theater.”

“Shut up, it was not.”

“It was. I was seventeen. I had been dating this girl for a few months and we were so in to each other, physically anyhow. We were all over each other constantly. It wasn’t planned, but we were making out in the back row. Things got really intense and I ended up straddling her lap. One thing led to another and then her hand was down my pants and I was begging her not to stop.”

“Well aren’t you a rebel.”

“Yea, well, she broke up with me the next day. Said she thought she was in to girls but figured out that she wasn’t.”

“Oh god, that had to hurt. I’m sorry.” 

“At the time I was crushed. I thought I was madly in love with her when in reality it was all physical.”

“Was she your first girlfriend too?”

“Kind of. I’d been on a few dates with other girls. We’d say we were together only to break up a week later type of thing. She was the first person I’d been with for any extended period of time. My first love was Costia. I didn’t know it was possible to love a person that much until I met Cos.”

Clarke smiled at the warmth in Lexa’s voice when she said Costia’s name. It was obvious how much she’d loved the other girl and Clarke was glad she was able to start talking about her. 

“Shit, I’m sorry Clarke. What the hell kind of thing is that to say on a date.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“That was rude of me. I’m here on a date with you talking about how in love I was with someone else…I’m sorry.” Lexa looked away and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to stop the tears.

“Lexa look at me.” 

Lexa slowly raised her eyes to meet Clarke’s and was surprised by the warmth she found in them.

“It doesn’t bother me that you talk about her. It’s obvious how much you loved her. I feel special that you’re willing to talk to me about her. I know how hard it is for you. Please don’t feel like you can’t talk about her with me. If you want to talk about her, I want to hear it.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do. She was important to you. Its okay to talk about her. Its okay to still miss her. Its okay to still love her. You’ll always love her. That doesn’t bother me. It shouldn’t bother anyone that cares about you.”

“Clarke… I… don’t even know what to say to that.”

“Say you believe me.”

“I do. Thank you.” 

Clarke smiled and kissed her cheek as Thelonious walked up to the table with their food. 

“Grown up Mac N Cheese for Clarke, and Angel Hair Alfredo for Lexa. Enjoy ladies.”

“Thanks Mr. JaHa.”

“Grown Up Mac N Cheese?” Lexa asked as he walked away.

“Yep. It has chicken and bacon in it, as well as like eighty-seven kinds of cheese. It’s all kinds of perfect.” 

“Well this smells amazing.” 

“It tastes even better than it smells.” 

“Are you going to watch me eat?”

“Just the first bite; consider it payback.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and twirled some of the pasta around on her fork before putting it in her mouth. 

“Holy shit, that’s good. Really good. Like amazingly good.”

“Told you.” 

Lexa reached over and stabbed some of Clarke’s pasta with her fork and took a bite.

“Ugh, that is too. Wow.” 

“Yep. It’s perfect.”

Clarke took a bite of the Mac N Cheese and closed her eyes. It had been years since she’d tasted it and there was nothing like it anywhere else. Tears unexpectedly came to her eyes as she remembered sitting across from her dad the last time she’d eaten here.

It was about a week before his diagnosis and they had been having a father daughter date night like they used to when she was little. They would go out and eat, and then go get ice cream and make the most ridiculous flavor combinations they could think of and then walk around the pier together and just talk. 

Clarke didn’t realize she was crying until she felt Lexa brush a tear off her cheek with her thumb.

“It makes you miss him.” 

“So much…it still feels like a punch in the gut sometimes.” 

“I’m so sorry babe, do you want to leave?” 

“No, the taste just brought back memories of the last time we were here. It was a dad daughter date night tradition. We ate here and then went and made gross ice cream combos and walked on the pier. It’s one of the last happy memories I have of him.” 

“Are you sure you want to stay.”

“Yes. I’m also sure of something else.”

“What?”

“I really like it when you call me babe.” 

Lexa’s mouth dropped open when she thought back and realized the pet name had come out without her realizing it. 

“Clarke…it just came out…I didn’t…”

“I know, but don’t you dare say sorry. Unless you don’t mean it.”

“No, I do. The only time it comes out is if I mean it. It’s not something I consciously do. I’m not big on pet names.”

“Me either actually, but when you say it, I like it.” 

“Good to know.” 

“This has kind of been a mess of a first date.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. The view is gorgeous, so is the ocean, the food is amazing and the company is too. I’d say its pretty much perfect.” 

Clarke blushed and went back to eating her Mac N Cheese. Lexa bumped her softly with her shoulder.

“I mean it.” 

“I know you do.”

“And after this I think we should try this gross ice cream combo thing you speak of.”

“Lexa…you don’t have to do that.”

“I know, I want to.”

Clarke just smiled and went back to eating. She knew if she didn’t she would just end up an overly emotional mess, so it was best not to speak for a while. 

They finished their meal and said goodbye to Wells and Thelonious. 

“Have you called your mom and told her you’re back in town?” Wells asked as he hugged her goodbye, again holding on for longer than what Lexa considered acceptable. 

“No. And you won’t either. Neither one of you.” The harsh edge in Clarke’s voice surprised Lexa.

Both men nodded in agreement and they walked out of the restaurant towards the pier for ice cream. 

“Hey…you’re mad, what’s wrong?” Lexa asked, hurrying to keep up with Clarke’s annoyed walked.

“They know I don’t talk to my mom, yet they ask anyways. It’s just irritating. I swear, if they tell her I’m back, I’ll kill them.” 

Lexa could hear the tears in Clarke’s voice and she was walking so fast Lexa almost had to jog to keep up. 

“Clarke…stop.” 

Lexa grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a hug. Clarke hesitated for a second before wrapping her arms around Lexa. Lexa ran her hand up and down Clarke’s back until she felt her relax.

“Talk to me, because that got awfully intense pretty quick.”

“Wells knows. He knows how hard things are between my mom and I. He knows why we don’t speak, he knows… and he still asks and it just hurts because at one point he was my best friend and I know he thinks differently of me now. Everyone does after all the shit that happened after my dad died. I get it, I really do, but your best friend is supposed to be different, ya know? I just feel like he brings up my mom on purpose to hurt me and it does, but not the way he thinks it does. And it just pisses me off that I let it get to me.”

“It should piss you off that he acts that way. And no one should think any differently of you. You went through a lot. Maybe the way you coped with it wasn’t fantastic but…that shouldn’t change anything if people really care.” 

“I’m such a-“

“Don’t you dare.”

“But its true Lexa.”

“No. Shut up. You’re human. You’re one damn amazing human. If that asshole could convince you that you’re a mess by saying it to you all the time, then I’m going to convince you of how amazing you are by saying it to you all the time.”

“Please don’t” Clarke laughed and leaned back so she could look at Lexa; her green eyes were so soft they were almost grey and Clarke was pretty sure she forgot how to breathe. 

“But it’s true.” Lexa whispered. Clarke shook her head softly, amazed at Lexa’s ability to make her feel better all of the time. 

“Come on, I need to school you in the fine art of gross ice cream.”

They walked in to the ice cream shop and Clarke explained the rules.

“You only get two flavors, one scoop of each. In a cup, no cone, no toppings. They mess with the flavors. Once you order something out loud you can’t change your mind, and when the first person is ordering the other has to wait outside. The ultimate goal is to have it be so gross we won’t eat it, that is a win.”

“Why does the other person have to go outside?”

“No inspiration from other people’s orders.”

“Wow, serious stuff here.”

“Totally.”

“So…what do I win if I win?”

“Winner chooses the prize, but it has to be something the loser agrees to and deems reasonable.”

“Alright. I’m ready.”

“To order?”

“Yes.”

“Well that was fast. Alright, I’ll go outside.”

Lexa waited until she was outside before ordering her ice cream. Clarke came in and ordered hers and they both sat down at a table.

“Okay, so now what?” 

“I eat yours, you eat mine, and we switch.”

“Alright, I apologize ahead of time.”

“Oh lord…”

Clarke took Lexa’s bowl and stared down at it.

“You have to get both flavors at the same time.”

She explained as she dug in. She put in in her mouth and almost immediately spit it into a napkin. 

“Oh geez…that’s just wrong Lexa.” 

“Isn’t that the point?” 

“Yes but…ugh…I can’t get the taste out…hurry up.”

Lexa took a bite of Clarke’s combo and made a face but was able to swallow it.

“Ya know, it was super gross at first but then not as bad as you’d think.”

They switched bowls and Lexa spit hers out too, Clarke was able to eat hers. 

“Ugh, I should have figured you would win. What the hell was that?”

“Orange sherbert and mint n chip. Yours?”

“Coffee Mocha brownie and bubble gum.”

“Gross, but not as bad as mine. God that was nasty.”

“It really was. You want to go walk on the pier?”

“Sure, if you want to.”

They threw their ice cream away and headed out onto the pier. It was somewhat crowded and Lexa got stuck behind a crowd of people while they were crossing the street. Clarke leaned against the railing and looked out at the water as she waited. 

“Hey gorgeous.” A slightly slurred voice said from behind her. She glanced over to see a drunk guy who couldn’t have been more than seventeen staring at her ass. 

“Not interested.” She rolled her eyes and looked back out over the water.

“Don’t be such a cunt.” He muttered as he leaned on the rail next to her. 

“You’re drunk, too young, and I’m not interested.”

“Well maybe I am.” 

He reached out and grabbed her ass but before Clarke could do anything Lexa had ahold of his arm and was twisting it behind him, pinning him to the pier’s railing. 

“She said she’s not interested. Touch her again and I will break your arm. Got it?”

“Fuck…god damn…let go.”

“Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” Lexa twisted his arm harder and pulled up on it.  
“Yes! I won’t!”

“Good. Get the fuck out of here and go have some coffee, get sober.” Lexa let him go and shoved him away. He ran away from them as best as he could, stumbling around as he went. 

“Holy shit Lexa.”

“I swear Clarke, I get separated from you for two minutes. You okay?”

“Lexa…”

“What?”

“What? That was…damn.”

“He was being inappropriate.”

“Okay but…you can’t do that to everyone who touches me.”

“Yes, I can, actually.” Lexa grinned and Clarke smacked her shoulder. 

“Technically you can, yes, but…it’s a bit uncalled for.” 

“Don’t worry Clarke, I’m not going to go all crazy violent on everyone just for looking at you. That guy was a creep. He needed to be taught a lesson.”

She reached out and wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist, drawing her close to her side. 

“Obviously I need to keep you closer.”

“Hmm, no complaints here.”

“Good. Go on the Ferris wheel with me?”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, come on, its got to be gorgeous up there at night. All the lights and the ocean. Please?”

“Alright, fine.” 

Clarke kept herself wrapped about Lexa while they waited in line for the Ferris wheel. They climbed in the bucket and sat across from each other. Clarke talked herself in to being okay until the ride started moving. She gripped the railing around the edge of the bucket so hard her knuckles were white and just started at the floor.

“Oh my god, its so pretty.” Lexa exclaimed as she stared out over the water.

“Mhmm.” Clarke muttered. Lexa looked over at her.

“Hey, what is wrong?” 

“Nothing. Fine.” 

“You’re so not fine Clarke.”

Lexa started to get up to move next to her and Clarke panicked.

“Don’t! Please don’t make it move. Please Lexa, I’m begging you.”

“Clarke…look at me Clarke…what’s wrong?”

Clarke managed to make herself look at Lexa for a split second before looking down at the floor again. 

“Are you afraid of heights?”

“Maybe a little bit…”

“Babe, why did you come on this?”

“You wanted to. I thought I’d be okay.”

“I feel horrible. Please let me come sit next to you.”

“No! It will move.”

“Clarke…I can’t sit over here with you panicked like that, you’re killing me.”

“Lexa, please just stay there, I’ll be fine.” 

Lexa huffed and stood quickly, pivoting around the middle bar and sitting down on the seat next to Clarke. The bucket barely swayed. Clarke screeched and wrapped herself around Lexa, practically climbing in her lap and buried her face in her neck. 

“God Clarke you’re shaking. Just tell me no next time, please?”

“But I wanted to come with you. I’m sure it would be pretty, if I could look.” 

“It is, but it’s not worth this.”

She slowly ran her hand up and down Clarke’s arm and back and gradually Clarke stopped shaking. 

“I feel so stupid. It’s a Ferris wheel, not a rocket in to space.”

“Its okay to be afraid of things.”

“You’re always so understanding.”

“Maybe you’re always hard on yourself.” 

“Maybe you just like me so you’re too easy.”

“I do like you, but I’m not too easy because of it. I’m just treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Look…all the city lights shine on the water. Its so pretty.” 

Clarke turned her head from where it was buried in Lexa’s neck and hair and looked out over the water.

“Oh..wow.” 

“Hey, look at you looking out and stuff.” 

Clarke snuggled closer to Lexa but didn’t bother hiding her face anymore, instead she cautiously looked around. They were close to the top of the ride and the view was incredible. 

“Maybe being with you makes it worth being scared.” She whispered and kissed Lexa’s neck. 

“So, I think I know what I want for winning the gross ice cream thing.”

“Right now?”

“Yes.” 

“What could you possibly want right now?”

“You. Kiss me?”

Clarke stared at her, open mouthed.

“Unless, of course, the loser deems the request unreasonable or disagrees. But I really, really, want you to kiss me.”

“You do?”

“You have no idea. All night, from the second you opened the door at your apartment.”

“Yea, me too.” 

“So?”

“So, the loser agrees to your request.” 

Lexa grinned as Clarke wrapped her hands in her hair and pulled her forward. Their lips met in a kiss that started off slow, but quickly turned into something more needy and desperate than either of them had planned. It was all tongue and teeth and lip pulling until Clarke wrapped her hand in the front of Lexa’s shirt and gently pushed her back; not breaking their contact, but slowing them down. 

Lexa groaned as Clarke kissed her deeper, and with more feeling than the frantic mess that had been going on seconds before. She slid her hands down Clarke’s sides and let them rest on her hips as Clarke ran her tongue over her bottom lip softly; asking rather than taking. Their tongues met and it was like something clicked into place and everything just felt right. All of a sudden Lexa didn’t register anything but Clarke and everywhere the blonde was touching her felt like it was on fire but she never wanted it to stop. She whined softly when Clarke finally pulled back, moving with her and pulling her bottom lip between her teeth gently, not quite willing to let go of the feeling just yet. Clarke laughed and kissed her again, leaning into it and pushing Lexa against the rails of the bucket, not even caring when it swayed some. She pulled back again and rather than follow Lexa just smiled. 

“That was totally worth the disgusting ice cream.” Lexa whispered and Clarke laughed loudly. 

“Yes, it totally was.”

Lexa reached out and took Clarke’s hand, weaving their fingers together. She pulled Clarke into her side and they sat there looking out at the water and the lights until they started down the other side of the ferris wheel where the view wasn’t as great. 

“Lexa?”

“Yea.”

“You don’t have to ask.”

“Hm?”

“If you want to kiss me…you don’t have to ask…”

“Clarke…I don’t mind. I know you’re not sure if you’re ready for all of that yet. I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have chosen that as what I won. It wasn’t very fair.” 

“I’m not upset. And you have no idea how much it means to me that you’re willing to be so patient with me.”

“Of course I am.”

“So…I’m just saying…you don’t have to ask. I know I’ve said I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but…maybe I am.”

“Clarke…if you’re not sure. It’s really okay. I mean, don’t get me wrong, that kiss was amazing and I would be lying to your face if I said I didn’t want to do it again, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable was the furthest thing from my mind. Nothing has ever felt that right.”

Lexa’s breath stopped for a second at the sincerity in Clarke’s eyes. She leaned down and kissed her briefly before pulling away; Clarke smiled. 

“I could totally get used to that.” Lexa whispered. 

“Yea, me too.” 

Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulder.

“Hey, you aren’t shaking anymore.”

“Yea…I think Ferris Wheels might be my new favorite thing.” 

_________________________________________________________________

Clarke fidgeted with the fingers of Lexa’s hand that was resting on her thigh as they sat in the car outside of her apartment building. Lexa turned her palm up and took a hold of Clarke’s hand and squeezed it. 

“I had a really good time tonight.” 

“Yea, me too.”

“Even though your date had a really inappropriate and rude choice of dinner conversation?”

“Lexa...I told you it didn’t bother me. I actually think it’s sweet that you want to know all that stuff about me.”

“Even if it started with me being stupidly jealous?”

“You’re not stupidly jealous. Finn was stupidly jealous...and insanely possessive...trust me, I know the difference.”

“Fuck...Clarke I’m so sorry.... I didn’t even realize how that would make you feel...god I just screw shit up.”

Lexa looked down at her lap. She felt horrible. She knew Clarke’s ex had been abusive. She hadn’t even thought about the jealously and possessiveness that typically went along with it. Her mind went to how possessive she’d acted at the club, especially after Clarke had danced with Bellamy. 

“Lexa no. You’re nothing like him. Please don’t feel bad. I swear if it bothered me I would say something. He was...terrifying. You’re nothing like that.”

Clarke pulled on Lexa’s hand until she was closer and kissed her cheek softly. 

“I promise.” She whispered. 

“I just don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you in to anything. We talked about taking it slow and I feel like we haven’t really.”

“Things change. No one has ever been more patient with me than you have Lexa. Everything is fine. More than fine. Strangely intense and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary sometimes...the way you make me feel...but it’s never a bad thing.” 

“Strangely intense is a good description.”

“It is, but I don’t want to fight it.”

“Me either.”

“Good, then we agree on that at least. Come in, watch a movie with me? We never did get around to it the other night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Lexa, I’ve been sitting in your car for twenty minutes fidgeting about getting out because I’m not ready for tonight to end. Yes, I’m sure.” 

“Do you have popcorn?”

“Yes.”

“M&Ms?”

“No.”

“Reese’s pieces?”

“No.”

“Ice cream?”

“No...why do I get the feeling this is not going in my favor?”

“Some sort of chips?”

“No.”

Lexa laughed as she put the car in drive. 

“Where are we going?”

“You are seriously lacking in movie night provisions. We’re going to fix it. And then we’re going to watch movies.”

Clarke smiled and ducked her head, trying to hold back a giggle. 

“Don’t you dare call me adorable.” Lexa warned, half laughing herself. 

“I wouldn’t dare.”

________________________________________________

Thirty minutes later they were walking in the front door of Clarke’s apartment with several bags of junk food and a giant stuffed raccoon. 

“I still can’t believe you bought me this huge raccoon Lexa.”

“Movie night requires a cuddle buddy. I can’t believe you don’t have any stuffed animals.” 

“My plan was to cuddle with you, you dork.” She whispered in her ear as she squeezed past her into the kitchen, her hand trailing along Lexa’s hip as she went. “And I had stuffed animals, but there was only so much I could take with me when I left Finn...”

“Wow, I’m just so damn smooth tonight I can’t stand myself. I’m sorry Clarke.”

“There is no way you could have known that, so hush. Besides, he’s a cute way to re-start my collection.” 

Clarke plopped the raccoon onto the couch and went back in the kitchen to help unpack. 

“I really don’t think all of this junk was necessary though.”

They’d gotten cool ranch and nacho cheese Doritos, Cheetos, m&ms, Reese’s pieces, skittles, nerds, vanilla ice cream, caramel and chocolate syrup, root beer and twinkies. 

“Movie night is about the junk food Clarke. You never know what you’re going to crave.”

“Apparently you crave the entire junk food aisle.” 

“Not true. I didn’t get beef jerky. Where is your popcorn?”

Clarke pointed to the cupboard and moved to put the ice cream in the freezer. 

“Uh, Clarke?”

“Yea?”

“There is a gun next to your popcorn?”

“Umm, Yea...sorry, I forgot it was in there. It’s loaded so if you move it be careful.”

Lexa grabbed the popcorn and closed the cupboard door. 

“Why do you have a gun with your popcorn?”

“That cupboard is closest to the door.”

Clarke busied herself putting things away and avoided looking at Lexa until she stopped her by putting her hands on her hips. 

“Why do you have a gun?” She asked softly. Clarke’s eyes met Lexa’s and she didn’t have to answer. 

“Finn?” 

Clarke nodded slowly, tears filling her eyes. 

“God Clarke...what did he do to you.” 

Clarke dropped the bag of candy she’d been holding on the counter and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck, burying her face in the side of it. 

“Not tonight, Okay? Some time, but not tonight.”

“Of course. I wasn’t really asking for an answer, just thinking out loud. Whenever you’re ready.” 

Clarke kissed the side of Lexa’s neck and hugged her a little tighter before letting go. 

“So what movie are we watching?” Lexa asked as she put the popcorn in the microwave. 

“Have you seen Legend?”

“With Will Smith?”

“No, that’s I am Legend. Legend, it’s an old Tom Cruise movie about unicorns.”

“Never heard of it.”

“Then that’s what we are watching. It was one of my favorites as a kid. I have extra PJs if you want to change?”

“That would be awesome.”

Clarke went in her room to change and brought out an extra pair of black pajama pants and an old t-shirt for Lexa. 

When she came out from changing Clarke was sitting in the middle of the couch with the raccoon, a bowl of popcorn, the m&ms and Reese’s and two cokes. She also had several pillows and blankets. 

“Is there even room in there for me?” Lexa laughed. 

“I’m sure you can squeeze in somewhere, though the raccoon is not fond of sharing.”

“I will throw his fuzzy ass out of the window.”

Clarke laughed as Lexa wiggled herself onto the couch between her and the raccoon. Clarke dumped the candy in the popcorn and mixed it all together as she started the movie. 

Clarke ended up laying down with her head in Lexa’s lap, cuddling the raccoon to the front of her until she reluctantly got up to use the restroom. 

“Where are you going? You were keeping me warm.”

“Bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

When she came back out Lexa was laying on her back, stretched out on the couch with the raccoon behind her head as a pillow. 

“Couch hog.” Clarke teased as she lifted Lexa’s feet to sit at the end of the couch. 

“Too far away Clarke.” Lexa whined as she sat down. 

“Where do you suggest I go Lexa? You kind of have the whole thing claimed.”

“No I don’t.” 

Lexa let her right leg hang off the couch and held her arms out. 

“I am not laying on top of you.”

“You know you want to.”

“No.”

“Don’t lie Clarke, you’re so cuddly it’s not even funny. Come here.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Seriously?”

“Mhmm. Come here.”

Clarke huffed and crawled onto the couch between Lexa’s legs. She held herself up with her arms and looked down at Lexa. 

“Are you sure?”

Lexa tugged on the front of Clarke’s shirt until she finally laid down, her head resting on Lexa’s chest. Lexa smiled as she wrapped her arms around Clarke; one at her hips the other by her shoulders. 

“There, are you happy?”

“Very.” Lexa smiled. 

“Me too.”

Clarke sighed and relaxed into Lexa. It wasn’t long before she felt her eyelids start slipping shut. It didn’t help that Lexa had undone her hair and was running her fingers through it. 

“You’re going to put me to sleep if you keep doing that.” 

“Go ahead, I don’t mind.”

“I didn’t ask you to come over so I could fall asleep on you...literally.”

“Hmm, but I don’t mind.”

Lexa ran one hand slowly up and down Clarke’s back and smiled when she felt the girl relax even further. 

“You’re doing that on purpose.” Clarke mumbled, already half asleep. 

“Shhh.” 

Clarke gave up and closed her eyes. A few minutes later Lexa smiled as she felt Clarke’s breathing deepen and knew she was asleep. 

She finished watching the movie and was kind of glad Clarke was asleep because the ending made her cry. 

She shook Clarke gently to wake her up. 

“Clarke, the movie is over.”

“Mkay.” 

“Babe, wake up, it’s late. I should get going.”

“Hm, just stay. Comfy. Warm.” 

Clarke mumbled and burrowed closer to Lexa, her arm somehow finding its way around Lexa’s neck. 

“Clarke...”

“Staaaaay.” 

“You really want me to stay?”

“Mhmm.”

“Your half-asleep Clarke.”

“So stay, I’ll go back to sleep.”

“Fine. I’ll stay, do you want to move to your bed? I’ll sleep here.”

“No. Staying here.”

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat and it took her a second to speak without stuttering. 

“You literally want me to stay right here? Like this?”

Clarke raised herself up on one arm and opened one eye. 

“You’re waking me up too much. Yes. I want you to stay right here. And I want to go back to sleep right here. You’re comfy, and warm, and I have zero desire to get up unless you want me to. I’m quite content to sleep here for the rest of the night. Unless you don’t want me to.”

Lexa grinned. 

“You’re so blunt when you’re half asleep. I’ll stay, go back to sleep.” 

Clarke sighed and dropped her head back on to Lexa’s chest and shifted around until she was comfortable again. 

“Thank you.” She mumbled before drifting off to sleep again. Lexa just smiled and threw one of the blankets over both of them. She was happy Clarke had asked her to stay because truthfully, she didn’t want to leave either. 

She was happier and more content laying there with Clarke in her arms than she had been in a long time. She closed her eyes and it wasn’t long before listening to Clarke’s even breathing made her drift off to sleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading. 
> 
> Reviews = Love, thank you to those of you who have been leaving them. 
> 
> Come say hello on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke woke up and smiled at the fact that Lexa’s arm was still wrapped around her. Lexa’s shirt has shifted up in the middle of the night and Clarke had shifted down so her face was pressed against the bare skin of Lexa’s stomach. She reached out and lightly ran her finger down the middle of her stomach and over her bellybutton ring. 

“You have a thing for my abs, don’t you?” Lexa’s voice was raspy with sleep and it made Clarke smile.

“Hmm, I have a thing for all of you, but your abs are fairly impressive. You’re so damn fit, and I’m so not.” 

“Shut up, you’re gorgeous.” 

Clarke blushed and Lexa laughed. 

“You literally slept on top of me all night, you don’t get to be shy, come here.” 

Lexa tugged on Clarke’s shirt.

“What do you mean come here? I’m on you already?”

“You know what I mean, come here.” 

Clarke laughed and moved up until she was even with Lexa; she held herself up with her arms and smiled down at her, her hair hanging down around their faces. 

“Here?”

The early morning light was shining through Clarke’s hair making it almost glow and none of the worries or stresses of life had hit her for the day yet. Her smile was easy and genuine; it was the happiest and most relaxed Lexa had ever seen her look and it took her breath away. 

“You are so fucking stunning.” She whispered as she hooked one finger in the neckline of Clarke’s shirt and pulled her closer “But I was thinking a little closer.”

Clarke blushed, then sighed as Lexa’s lips met hers and she found herself wondering if she would ever get used to what it felt like when Lexa kissed her. 

“Good Morning.” Lexa whispered, kissing her forehead briefly after she pulled back from the kiss. 

“Good morning. I could get used to waking up like this.” Clarke mumbled as she laid back down. She tensed briefly as she realized what she had implied, but then felt Lexa laugh and run her fingers lightly over her shoulder. 

“Yea, me too.”

Clarke laid there for a few minutes before moving to stand up. 

“Where are you going? I was almost asleep again.”

“Sorry. Bathroom and coffee.”

Lexa groaned and stretched out on her side, arching her back and stretching her arms above her head. Clarke smirked at the fact that the pants she was wearing had slid down on her hips and her shirt had ridden up, exposing most of her stomach. Lexa noticed her staring and smiled. 

“Like what you see?” 

“You know I do.” 

Lexa laughed as Clarke walked into her room. She washed her makeup off from the night before and ran a brush through her hair before giving up and throwing it up in a messy bun before heading back out into the living room. 

Lexa was sitting up on the couch with her legs crossed holding the raccoon in her lap. 

“I got lonely.” She whined when Clarke laughed at her. 

“Regular or French vanilla coffee?” Clarke called from the kitchen. 

“Surprise me.” 

“You’re getting French vanilla then.”

“That’s not how surprises work.” Lexa whispered from right behind Clarke’s shoulder, causing her to jump. 

“What the hell, are you some kind of ninja? I didn’t even hear you get up.”

“That’s how surprises work.” 

Lexa’s voice was low as she wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist and dropped a kiss on her shoulder. She ran her finger over the marks that were already fading. 

“These are almost gone.”

“Mhmm” 

Clarke smiled as Lexa moved with her around the kitchen as she got out the stuff for coffee, never letting go of her waist. 

“You won’t be able to see them much longer.”

“Yes, that’s generally what happens.”

“Well that’s no fun.” 

Lexa smirked and leaned down to Clarke’s neck, sucking hard on the skin at the base of her neck. The sudden contact sent what felt like an electric shock through Clarke’s whole body. She groaned and her head fell back against Lexa’s shoulder. 

“Lexa...god...fuck...I can’t.”

Lexa sucked harder, then released some of the pressure and gently swirled her tongue across the skin before softly kissing it. 

“Can’t what?” Lexa whispered as she kissed up the side of Clarke’s neck. 

“Anything.” 

The word came out as a breathy whine and Lexa smiled into Clarke’s neck as she worked her way down to her collarbone before stopping and letting her chin rest of Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. 

“You could warn a girl.” She whispered after a few seconds. 

“More fun this way.” 

“Hmm, I see how it is. I’ll remember that.”

“Good.”

“Now get out of my kitchen, you’re distracting as all hell.”

“I’ll behave. I promise. But your hair was up and your neck was just there and I couldn’t help myself. Maybe you’re the distracting one.”

“You sound like a vampire. And do not bite me.” 

“Funsucker.”

“No, you’re the one doing all the sucking.” 

Lexa laughed and kissed Clarke’s neck again. Clarke ducked out of her arms. 

“Quit it Lexa!”

“You like it, don’t lie.”

Clarke spun around and faced her, stepping to her space and causing her to step back against the counter. 

“The problem is I like it too much.” Clarke’s voice was low, her eyes dark as she put one hand on the counter on either side of Lexa. “Here, let me show you.”

Clarke leaned forward and slowly ran her tongue up the front of Lexa’s neck before ghosting a trail of kisses along her jawline. Her hands found their way under Lexa’s shirt and she drug her nails along bare skin as she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders. She pulled one earlobe between her teeth and pulled gently before moving down her neck and over her shoulder, pausing periodically to nip at the sensitive skin. 

“God Clarke...”

Lexa moaned and Clarke raked her nails down her back to her hips and pulled her closer. 

“Fuck, yes.”

Lexa hissed as she wrapped her hands in Clarke’s hair and pulled her mouth away from her neck. Clarke pulled the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth and smirked before kissing Lexa slowly. 

“Damn you feel good.”

Lexa whispered before tucking her face in to Clarke’s neck. 

“You do too. And now we’re even. Get out of my kitchen so I can make coffee.”

“Fine, I’ll go cuddle with the raccoon.”

Lexa pouted as she walked back out to the living room. Clarke laughed as she went about making the coffee. 

A few minutes later she walked out to the living room with cups for both of them. 

“Sorry, I didn’t ask what you wanted in it. I just made them both the same.”

“It’s fine, I’m not picky. I actually was never much of a coffee drinker until I met Costia.” 

“Did she like coffee a lot?” 

Clarke wrapped her hands around her mug and sat down on the end of the couch opposite Lexa and tucked her feed underneath her; the raccoon was between them. 

“Yes, it was like some sort of art form to her. She loved trying different little coffee places and would get so irritated at me for not being able to taste the difference when it was really good. She even tried learning to make those designs in the foam.” 

“Oh god, I hate those. I can never drink them. They’re too pretty.”

“I used to tell her the same thing so she would stick her finger in mine and mess it up for me.” 

Lexa laughed softly at the memories and then had to blink back tears at the fact that it was the first time in over three years that she’d been able to remember and smile. 

She looked up at Clarke who smiled knowingly at her. 

“How did you guys meet?” 

“At work. She was a firefighter too. Which surprised everyone that met her initially.”

“Why?”

“She was...happiness personified. She was so easy to talk to. She loved everyone, always saw the good in everyone. She was super passionate and creative and intense. She seemed like she would be an artist or a writer more than a firefighter, but she loved it.” 

“What else was she passionate about, besides coffee?”

“A lot of things. Sometimes just as passing phases. She took up pottery for a while; she was determined to make a vase. Once she did she was over it. She loved music. And the stars. She had entire constellations made on her ceiling from those glow in the dark sticky stars. It was insane. She loved books. She had a thing for elephants.” 

“I’m kind of jealous of her ceiling.” 

“Her ceiling was crazy. She set it up with a projector and made dots where all the stars went. It took us days to find the right stars and another week to get them up. It was pretty awesome though when it was done. She sprained her wrist falling off the ladder and somehow it was my fault for not catching her.” 

They both laughed and Lexa caught Clarke’s eyes again. 

“I haven’t talked about her in so long...”

“Why not?”

“I couldn’t. It hurt too much.”

“And now?”

“I don’t know...it’s different with you...it’s the first time I’ve remembered her and smiled or laughed.”

“Thank you...for sharing her with me.”

“Her death damn near killed me, and for the longest time I wanted it to. I didn’t know how to be me without her and I didn’t want to try.” 

Lexa shifted on the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest. Clarke just waited, knowing Lexa would either talk about it or change the subject. 

“There was a car accident. A school bus had spun out of control in the rain. It wrapped around a tree on the side of the highway. Most of the kids got out but there were some that were hurt and couldn’t. It was raining so hard when we got there. 

The big truck blocked the scene for us, there were flares and police blocking the lane like there should have been. We were going to have to cut the bus open to get to one of the kids. I had gone to the truck to get.... I don’t even remember what anymore.” 

She paused for a second, surprised that she’d forgotten any detail about that day. She looked over at Clarke who just smiled at her. 

“You don’t have to do this Lexa.”

“I know...I just can’t believe I forgot...this has haunted my nightmares for years...”

“Lexa...if you’re not ready...”

“Anyways, I had gone to the truck. Octavia and Costia were at the bus and all of a sudden there was this ungodly sound. Metal screeching, glass breaking, it sounded like the world was ending. 

A semi-truck on the other side of the highway had lost control in the rain. The driver tried to get control but it jackknifed and ending up sliding across the highway straight at us. I screamed for Costia and Octavia to move but it all happened too fast. 

The truck slammed into our big fire truck and the ambulance that was parked there. It spun the ambulance around and pushed the big truck into the school bus.”

Lexa heard Clarke’s gasp but kept talking because she knew if she didn’t she never would. 

“Octavia ended up under the school bus, which is why she survived. Costia...almost got clear. It pinned her to the front driver’s side corner of the bus. 

She was still alive when I ran up there but I could tell she wasn’t going to make it. There was...so much blood and she...I could see it in her eyes.”

“Lexa...”

She looked up to see tears streaming down Clarke’s face. 

“Typical Cos she told me everything was going to be okay, that she was going to be fine. That I was going to be fine.”

She heard a strangled sob come from Clarke’s side of the couch and looked up to see the blonde cover her mouth with her hand. 

“I just held her hand and told her how much I loved her...how much she’d changed my life. I climbed up on the bus so I could kiss her and just sat there with her. She died in my arms, telling me everything was okay. 

I don’t remember pulling Octavia from under the bus, but that’s what everyone said happened. I don’t remember much for about a week. They had to keep me sedated.”

Lexa stopped talking and Clarke wasn’t sure what to do. She was sobbing but Lexa was oddly calm, until she wasn’t. 

It started as quiet crying but quickly moved into gut wrenching sobs and sounds that Clarke had never heard a person make before. 

She was torn as to whether or not to comfort Lexa. She didn’t know if she had the right to, or was the right person to until she heard Lexa choke out her name.

“Clarke...please...”

Lexa reached out for Clarke and she was across the couch in seconds pulling Lexa into her arms. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and dug her nails into her shoulders so hard it hurt but Clarke didn’t care. 

“Lexa I’m so sorry.”

“It still hurts so much...”

“Of course, it does. God it’s horrific and I can’t even imagine going through that. I’m so sorry...”

Lexa took a deep breath and tried to slow her crying but she couldn’t. She had somehow been okay while she was telling the story, but then it felt like something inside had snapped and she couldn’t hold anything back anymore. 

“I-I’m s-s-sorry.” 

“Don’t you dare be sorry. Cry as long as you need to cry, I’m right here.” 

Lexa somehow managed to get closer to Clarke and Clarke wasn’t sure she’d ever had anyone hang on to her as tightly as Lexa was. She started sobbing even harder. 

“Hey, Hey. You have to breathe. Lexa, breathe babe.”

Lexa’s whole body shook from the force of her crying. She stopped trying to control the torrent of emotions and just let them come; clinging to Clarke was the only thing that kept her from feeling like she wasn’t going to completely lose herself. She could hear Clarke telling her to breathe but she couldn’t seem to make her body listen until she felt Clarke’s hand running up and down her back. She focused on the feeling for a few seconds; long enough to suck in a few shaky breaths before the sobs took over again. 

She’d never told anyone how Costia had died. The only people who knew were the people who had been there, or who had been around, when it had happened. She had known it would be hard, what she didn’t know was that it would be like being back when it happened. The images of Costia, the sound of her voice, the feeling of her taking her last breath were just as vivid as the day they’d happened. She’d spent so long pushing them away that telling the story made them hit her just as hard as they had the first time.

Clarke did nothing to stop her own tears as she held Lexa. She’d seen people die, it was part of her job, but she couldn’t imagine seeing someone she loved so much dying in such a horrific way. 

“I’m so sorry...”

She whispered into Lexa’s hair. It took Lexa about twenty minutes to stop uncontrollably sobbing. Clarke just held her the whole time and rubbed her back or ran her fingers through her hair; anything she could think of that might be comforting. 

When Lexa’s crying had slowed to a steady stream of tears rather than the uncontrollable sobs, she finally looked up at Clarke. 

“You’re still crying.” She said quietly, reaching up to wipe tears off Clarke’s face. 

“So are you.” 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry...”

“I know that. But I care about you Lexa, watching you hurt like that...I can’t not cry. It’s okay.”

“I’ve never talked about her with anyone before.... not since she died....and I’ve never told anyone about her death...the team knows because they were around when it happened.”

“Thank you...for trusting me enough to tell me.”

“Thank you for being patient enough to listen...and to wait until I was ready. I know you asked the team about her and they wouldn’t tell you much. Most people are super pushy after that. You never have been.”

“Of course not.”

Lexa smiled and put her head back on Clarke’s chest. Her crying had finally stopped and she just felt exhausted.

“I haven’t cried like that in a long time...not since right after she died. I didn’t know I’d completely break down like that.... I’m s-“

“Shh. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m glad you’re comfortable enough with me to let go like that. Obviously, you needed to and I don’t think you do that around very many people.”

“No one.”

“No one?”

“No. I don’t fall apart like this with anyone. Not anymore.”

“Well I feel special then.”

“You are special, Clarke.”

Clarke rested her head on top of Lexa’s and sighed.

“Am I keeping you from something? It’s your day off, I’m assuming you have plans other than holding me while I fall apart?” 

Lexa asked after a few minutes. 

“I have nothing else I’d rather be doing actually. No plans at all. You?”

“No, nothing.” 

“Do you want to just stay?” 

“Yes. If you don’t mind?”

“I’d prefer if you did actually.” 

“You hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Pancakes?”

“You know what Anya is going to assume if we show up there in the morning.” 

“Yes, especially if I go in wearing your clothes.”

“Which you are not doing.”

“But its comfy, and it smells like you.”

“You can keep it, but you’re not wearing it to breakfast. Its bad enough you left a damn hickey the size of Texas on my neck.” 

Lexa lifted her head and looked at the fairly dark mark on Clarke’s neck and laughed. 

“Sorry about that, I guess I might have gotten a little carried away.”

“A little?” 

“Hey, it’s just my way of letting everyone know you’re already taken.”

“We’re going to need to come up with another way because I look like a fifteen-year-old who’s been making out with her first boyfriend.”

“Oh I’m way better at that than any boyfriend you’ve had.” 

“Yes, you are. You drive me crazy, but no more vampire marks.”

Lexa pouted and kissed her neck gently. Clarke laughed.

“At least until these are gone. I don’t need them everywhere all the time.”

“Alright fine, I’ll control myself. Let’s swing by my place so I can get clothes and then go to Flappy Jacks?”

“Sounds like a good plan.”

Lexa stood up and held out her hand for Clarke. She tugged her close once she was standing.

“Seriously Clarke… thank you. It actually felt good to talk about her and smile and laugh. Even breaking down about her death again… I think I needed that. Thank you for being there.” 

“You’re welcome.” She smiled and hesitated briefly before kissing Lexa’s cheek. Lexa noticed and caught her wrist as she stepped back. 

“You’re not sure about where we stand now, are you?” Lexa asked.

“I just… I know how much you love her. And… after everything you told me today I just don’t want to… I’m not sure if I can… I don’t know… I don’t want to step on any toes I guess? Or push anything too far?”

“How I feel about Costia doesn’t change anything between us, okay? Nothing is different now than it was last night or this morning in the kitchen. You just know a little more about her now.”

Clarke nodded but Lexa could still see the uncertainty in her eyes. She pulled on Clarke’s wrist until there was only a few inches between them. 

“Lexa... you don’t have to-“

“Shhh.”

Lexa brought her hand up to Clarke’s face and ran her thumb along her jawline. Clarke blushed and looked down. 

“Look at me.” Lexa whispered and Clarke brought her eyes back up to meet Lexa’s. 

“You know your eyes were the first thing I noticed about you?” Lexa continued in a raspy whisper as her hands drifted to Clarke’s shoulders.

“Really?”

“Mhmm. From the first time I saw you in our room I wondered what it would be like to let myself get lost in them.”

Clarke tried to look down but Lexa caught her chin with one finger and held her gaze.

“And?” Clarke managed to choke out even though her mouth had gone completely dry. 

“It’s even better than I thought it would be.” Lexa smiled and leaned forward, pressing her lips to Clarke’s in a soft, sweet kiss. Clarke hesitated, then kissed her back and she could feel Lexa trying to show her everything she’d been saying; nothing had changed between them. Clarke was smiling when they finally pulled back from the kiss. 

“Are we okay now?” Lexa asked. 

“Yes, thank you.” 

“Of course. Now let’s go get food, I’m seriously starving.”

“Alright, let me go change and we’ll run to your house.”

Clarke turned to walk into her bedroom and Lexa noticed the marks from her finger nails on Clarke’s shoulders. She stopped her and ran her finger over them lightly. 

“You could have said something.”

“It was what you needed at the time, its not a big deal. Besides, consider them another mark that I’m taken.”

“Oh lord, if Anya sees them we will never hear the end of it.”

“Well unless I wear a long-sleeved turtleneck, she’s going to see something. You clearly have some explaining to do.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t know how those got there. I am not prepared for Anya’s teasing.”

“Well you better get prepared quick, because if she asks, I’m telling her it was you.”

“You suck!”

“Again, it is you that sucks. And she makes amazing pancakes, I can’t risk her being upset with me.” 

“I see where your loyalties lie.”

“Yes, with the people who have amazing food.”

Clarke laughed as she headed in to her bedroom. She could hear Lexa cleaning up the kitchen and living room while she changed and realized that having Lexa around all of the time was something she could get pretty used to really quickly. 

________________________________________________

“Make yourself comfortable, I’m just going to change and bush my hair. You can come in the bedroom if you want.”   
Clarke nodded and wandered through the living room as Lexa headed towards her bedroom. She wasn’t surprised that the apartment was sparsely furnished and the decorations were simple. The sofa in the living room was black leather, as was the chair and ottoman set in the corner. The TV was mounted to the wall. There were very few knick knacks sitting around. On one of the walls hung a beautiful painting of a galaxy; the colors in it made Clarke want to reach out and touch it. It also made her want to paint, which she hadn’t wanted to do in years. 

She wandered down the hallway and into Lexa’s bedroom where she stood staring into the closet trying to pick a shirt. She had changed into black leggings and was standing there in the leggings and her sports bra. Clarke walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

“Hey.” Lexa said quietly, leaning into Clarke. 

“This one.” Clarke whispered, reaching past her into the closet and tugging on the sleeve of a dark purple long-sleeved shirt.  
“Okay, but you have to let go of me so I can put it on.”  
Clarke laughed and let go of Lexa as she pulled the shirt on over her head. Clarke sat on the bed as Lexa brushed her teeth and ran a brush through her hair. She was pulling it up in a ponytail when she noticed that Clarke had walked over to the dresser and picked up the only picture she had in the whole house.  
It was a framed picture of her and Costia taken during summer. They had been washing one of the fire trucks in shorts and bikini tops. Costia had her arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck and they were both smiling at the camera. 

“She was so pretty.”  
Clarke said quietly as Lexa came up and stood beside her. Costia had curly red hair and bright hazel eyes, in the picture her hair was wet so some of it clung to the sides of her face, but typically it hung in loose spiral curls down to the middle of her back. 

“Yes, she was.”

“I can see what you mean when you said everyone loved her; you can see it in her eyes.”  
Lexa could hear a difference in Clarke’s voice and realized what she was doing.

“Clarke…please don’t compare yourself to her.” Lexa said gently as she took the picture away and set it back down on the dresser.

“Do I remind you of her?”

“No, not at all. Please don’t do this Clarke.”

“I try not to, but its kind of hard. I’m not saying I don’t want you to talk about her, because I do, but my own insecurities get in the way sometimes.”

“I know they do, I can hear it in your voice. I don’t compare you to her, and I’m not looking for someone who reminds me of her or is just like her. Please… just be you. I like you, I want to be with you, don’t make it in to something else.”   
“I’ll try not to, as long as you promise to not stop talking about her around me. I don’t want that.”

“I won’t, I promise. We’ll figure it out.”

“Thank you.”

Clarke kissed her briefly and smiled at how easy it was becoming.   
“Breakfast?”

“Yes, I’m starving.”

“Great, lets go then.”

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬  
“Oh my god, you’re here in the morning? Does that mean what I think it means?” Anya teased as they slid into their booth. She raised one eyebrow at the mark on Clarke’s neck and laughed.

“Well that answers that question.”

“No, it’s not like that.” Clarke stammered.

“Oh? So, someone other than Lexa has been sucking on your neck?”

“No! It was her, it’s just…it doesn’t mean…oh never mind. I just want pancakes.”

Anya and Lexa both laughed as Clarke blushed and hid her face in her hands. 

“I’ll get the pancakes going. Lexa, Aiden is here, I know he’ll be excited to see you.”

“Send him out if he wants to come say hi.”  
Anya smiled and walked towards the kitchen.

“Who is Aiden?”

“Anya’s son, he’s ten. Him and Costia were really close. He was mad at me for a long time after she died because I wouldn’t talk to anyone. We’re just now rebuilding the relationship.”

“Aunt Lexa!”   
A boy with sandy colored blonde hair came running across the dining room. Lexa stood up just as he got to her and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. 

“Hey kid, how are you?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too buddy.” 

“You never come.”

“I know, I know. I’ll try harder.”

“You always say that.”

“I know Aiden, I’m sorry. I come as much as I can. I have a friend I want you to meet. This is Clarke. Clarke, this is my nephew Aiden.” 

Aiden let go of Lexa’s waist and turned to Clarke, smiling until he saw the hickey on her neck. He turned to Lexa, his expression angry, pained, and confused.

“You said you’d never love after Aunt Cos! You promised no one would replace her! She can’t replace her, I Hate you! And I hate her!”

He stormed out of the restaurant as Anya came walking into the room.

“Aiden! You will not speak that way, get back here!”

He ignored her and stormed outside anyways. Lexa turned to Clarke, almost in tears.

“Shit Clarke, I’m so sorry. I had no idea he would get that upset.” 

“It’s okay.”

“No, its not. I’m going to go talk to him and make him apologize.” Anya said angrily.

“No, please don’t. Can I try talking to him? Please?”

“Clarke, that’s probably not a good idea…” Lexa warned.

“What do I have to lose, he already hates me. Just let me try?”

Lexa nodded and Clarke walked outside where she’d seen the boy take off to. He was sitting on a bench in the break area outside. 

“What do you want?” He practically spat the words at her as she sat down.

“To talk to you.”

“Go away, I hate you.” 

“You don’t even know me; how can you hate me?”

“You can’t replace Costia.”

“Of course not, no one can.” 

“Lexa promised. She promised she would never replace her, that she would never love anyone like she loved Cos.”

“I know, she’s told me the same thing.”

“But she lied, she’s in love with you, I can tell by the way she looks at you.” 

“I don’t think so, but even if she is, that doesn’t mean she loves Costia any less. We can love more than one person. She would never try to replace Costia.”

“Does she tell you about her?”

“A little bit, it’s still hard for her to talk about it. She sounds amazing.”

“She was. I still miss her.”  
“I know. My dad died when I was younger and I still miss him too. No one could ever replace him, just like no one will ever replace Costia. Not for you, not for your mom, and not for Lexa. I would never try to replace her, I don’t want to.”

“You don’t?”

“No, of course not. Lexa loved her, I wouldn’t want to replace that.”

“Do you love Lexa?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t known her very long, but I care about her a lot.”

“She looks at you the way she used to look at Costia almost…”

“Maybe she can care about both of us.”

“Yea…I guess she probably can. I’m sorry I was so mean.”

“It’s okay, everyone says things they don’t mean when they’re upset. Maybe we can try to be friends? I like your Aunt Lexa a lot, and I’d like to spend time with you too if that’s okay?”

“Yea, that’s okay. I’m going to go tell her I’m sorry.”

“I’ll wait out here so you can talk to her.” 

Aiden nodded and walked back inside. A minute later Anya walked out and sat down next to Clarke.

“Thank you, for talking to him. Not many people would have done that after the way he treated you.”

“He’s a kid and he’s hurting, there’s no reason to take it personally.” 

“What you said to him was sweet.”

“I meant it. No one can replace her, that’s not how it works.”

“I know. He’s right though, she does look at you the same way she used to look at Costia sometimes. She’s falling for you Clarke.”

“The feeling is pretty mutual Anya, I’m not out to hurt her.”

“I don’t think you are, it’s just…we almost lost her when we lost Costia. I wasn’t sure she would ever be herself again, and then you came along. She’s changed so much since you started coming around. You’re good for her.”

“She’s good for me too.”

“You ready to go back inside?”

“Sure, I’m sure Aiden is done talking to Lexa.”

“Would you mind if him and I joined you for breakfast? He hardly gets to see Lexa.”

“Not at all.” 

They walked back in the restaurant and Aiden was sitting across the booth from Lexa showing her something in a notebook. Clarke walked up and slid into the booth next to Lexa. Lexa reached under the table and squeezed her knee as she mouthed the words ‘thank you’ without ever looking away from what Aiden was showing her.

“Wow, you drew all of these?” She exclaimed as he flipped through the book.

“Yep. Mom says if I keep practicing on my own she’ll get me art classes during summer.” 

“That’s awesome. Keep it up then.”

“Art classes are a lot of fun.” Clarke added.

“You draw?” Aiden asked.

“Yea, I used to. I don’t very much anymore.”

“Will you draw something in my book?”

“I guess so, what do you want me to draw?”

“Can you draw a dragon?”

“Sure.”

Clarke took the book and pencil from him and started sketching. She was self-conscious at first because Aiden and Lexa were both watching, but it soon faded as she got lost in the drawing and nothing else mattered.

After about thirty minute she had a sketch of a dragon perched on top of a castle turret, breathing fire. 

“Wow, you’re really good.” Aiden exclaimed as she slid the book back to him.

“You can add the details and color if you want, it could be practice.”

“Thanks!” 

Lexa reached for her hand and squeezed it under the table. 

“I had no idea you could draw like that.”

“Yea…I don’t do it much anymore, its one of those parts of me I left behind when my dad died, but thank you.” 

“You shouldn’t give it up, you obviously love it. I could tell by the way you got lost in it.”

“Yea, maybe I’ll start drawing again sometimes.”

Clarke smiled at Aiden who was busy adding shading and details to her dragon drawing. She found herself fighting the desire to lean into Lexa and wasn’t sure when it had become such a natural reaction to being around her. She scooted closer in the booth until their legs were touching. Lexa noticed and smiled at her.

A few minutes later Anya came out with a plate full of pancakes.

“I hope everyone is hungry!”

“Starving. Thank you so much.”

Clarke smiled and plucked a pancake off the stack and plopped it on her plate, then put one on Lexa’s. Anya raised one eyebrow at her.

“She has you serving her already?” 

“I…just…she doesn’t…I’m just going to eat and shut up.”

Anya laughed as she served pancakes to herself and Aiden.

“Are you a firefighter too Clarke?” Aiden asked around a mouthful of pancakes.

“No, I’m an EMT. Lexa saves people from the fires and I start medical treatment on them on the way to the hospital in the ambulance.”

“Do you do surgery and stuff like that?”

“Not surgery, that waits until the hospital, but I can start treatment to get people stable or ready for surgery. Or I can do things to stop or slow down bleeding, or try to get people’s heart started again if its stopped. Things like that.”

“Can you use one of those machines that shock people? Where they yell clear first on TV?”

“Yes, I can if I need to.”

“That’s so cool. Have you ever done it?”

“Yes, I have.”

“Does it really work?”

Clarke glanced uneasily between Lexa and Anya, not sure of how much to say to Aiden. The reality of her job was that it didn’t always work, but she wasn’t sure if she could say that to a child. Anya smiled softly at her and nodded.

“It can…but it doesn’t always. Sometimes people don’t make it, no matter how hard we try to save them.”

“Doesn’t that make you sad?”

“Of course it does.”

“That would be a really hard job. You must be really brave.”

“She is.” Lexa added with a smile as she squeezed Clarke’s knee under the table. 

“I try to be. There are good moment too, the times we do save people make it worth it.”

“It would be pretty cool to save someone’s life. Too bad you weren’t there for Costia’s accident, maybe you could have saved her.”  
Clarke felt Lexa tense next to her and saw Anya do the same on her side of the table. 

“Aiden…” Anya warned.

“I’m sorry mom, it just came out.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t there, but there were people there who do the same job I do, and everyone did everything they could to save her. They all worked with her and loved her, but like I said, sometimes even our best isn’t enough. And it really sucks.”

Aiden poked at his pancake with his fork for a minute before responding.

“Yea, it does suck.” 

Anya reached over and ruffled his hair with her hand and he ducked away from her laughing before going back to eating his pancake.

“Hey, why don’t you go get that drawing that your teacher wants to enter in the art show and show Lexa?”

Anya mentioned after a few minutes of silence. 

“Oh yea!”

Aiden happily ducked under the table to get out of the booth and Anya rolled her eyes but he was already jogging to the back of the restaurant. 

“Clarke…thank you for being so good with him. Lexa, wherever you found her you can keep her.” 

“Yea…she’s pretty damn amazing.” Lexa smiled and put her arm around Clarke’s waist, pulling her close. Clarke leaned into her side and blushed. 

“You guys…its not a big deal. He’s a kid and he’s hurting.”

“It is a big deal, most people are not patient or understanding like that. You’re good with him. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” 

Lexa placed a quick kiss to Clarke’s temple before letting go of her as Aiden came back up to the table holding a framed picture. 

He turned it around and smiled as he showed Lexa and Clarke.

Clarke heard Lexa’s sharp intake of breath but didn’t dare turn to look at her because she was having trouble holding back her own tears.  
It was a drawing of Costia; the right hand side was a closeup of her face, towards the middle was a full body drawing of her in her firefighting gear, the left hand side was of the ladder truck and the background and edges were flames. The title of the picture at the bottom was “my hero”. The drawing wasn’t perfect, but there was a lot of emotion in it and you could tell it was Costia. 

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s leg, her finger nails digging into her skin even through her pants. Clarke reached back and took her hand, squeezing it hard. 

“That’s amazing Aiden. I can see why your teacher wants you to put in the art show.”

“Do you think I should? I’m not very good at drawing people yet.”

“I totally think you should. It’s awesome. I’ve only seen one picture of Costia and I knew it was her. You really captured her eyes right.”  
Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand even tighter. She knew Clarke was talking to Aiden to give her time to compose herself and she couldn’t thank the other girl enough. 

“Aunt Lexa? Do you like it?”

“I love it. It’s amazing just like Clarke said. Your Aunt Costia would have loved it too buddy.”

“If I put it in the art show, would you come?”

“Of course, if I didn’t have to work, but if you let me know ahead of time I can try to take the time off.”

“Awesome! Clarke…would you come too?” 

“If you want me to, I would certainly try.”

“Cool! Maybe I’ll tell my teacher I want to enter it. First place wins five hundred dollars. I could donate it to a charity for firefighters or something like that.” 

Aiden announced happily as he headed back to put the drawing back. Lexa practically collapsed into Clarke’s side.

“God Anya, you could warn a person.”

“Lexa I’m sorry. I had no idea it was going to be that drawing. He did this amazing drawing of the beach at sunset that he said his teacher asked him to enter. I didn’t know he’d been asked to enter the one of Costia too. I wouldn’t have done that to you.”

Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s shoulders.

“You okay?” 

“Yea, I’m fine. I just…wasn’t expecting that. Thank you, for stalling for me.”

“Anytime.”

Lexa smiled and pressed her face in to Clarke’s shoulder for a second before sitting up and scooting away from her as Aiden came back to the table.

They finished breakfast, the conversation among them shifting to random chit chat; mostly about Aiden and school. 

“Alright you, we have to get going. You’re already late for school, which is fine because I know you haven’t seen your Aunt in a long time but it is a school day and you do have to go.”

“Aw, alright.”

Clarke scooted out of the booth so Lexa could say goodbye to Aiden. He wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug.

“Please come back soon. I miss you a lot.”

“I will. I promise.”

“I’ll tell mom to tell you when the art show is. Please come.”

“I’ll try my hardest, I swear.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Much to Clarke’s surprise he let go of Lexa and hugged her too.

“I’m sorry I was mean to you. You’re actually pretty cool and if my aunt is going to fall in love with someone else I’m glad its you.”

“I…thank you.”

He smiled as he let go of her and ran off to get his backpack.   
“I agree, if she’s going to fall in love with someone again, I’m glad it’s you too.”

Anya smirked as she hugged them both goodbye. Clarke blushed and stared at the floor. Lexa stepped in to her space and put her hands on Clarke’s hips.

“I agree with them ya know? If I do end up falling in love with someone again…I’ll be glad if it’s you too.” 

Clarke’s mouth went dry and she was pretty sure her heart was beating so hard Lexa could hear it from where she stood. She wasn’t ready for any of this, but at the same time she was more ready than she’d ever been. She bit her bottom lip and brought her eyes up to meet Lexa’s.

“Yea…me too…”

“Why don’t we get out of here, I could use some air.”

“Sounds like a great idea.”

They walked out the front door and out of habit headed toward the beach and what had become their lifeguard tower. It was early enough in the morning that not many people were there. Clarke took Lexa’s hand as they walked, weaving her fingers into the spaces between Lexa’s and leaning into her side as they walked. 

“Thank you for being so good with Aiden. I know Anya already said it, but seriously…thank you. I wasn’t expecting him to get that upset or pick up on the fact that we’re….not just friends quite so quickly.”

“I’m thinking this huge hickey might have been his first clue.” Clarke joked as she elbowed Lexa softly in the side.

“I know, but I didn’t think of that. He’s a kid.”

“Not that it matters, but can I ask why he calls you Aunt Lexa?”

“Costia used to tell everyone all the time that she was going to marry me. She’d been saying it for over a year. She encouraged him to call me that and it just stuck.”

“Had she proposed to you?”

“No…not yet.”

“Lexa…I’m sorry.”

“I have the ring…Anya gave it to me. I guess she had bought it and was planning something.”

“Oh my god…Lexa…”

“Clarke…I wasn’t going to tell you…”

“Why?”  
“I don’t want things about Costia to make you doubt yourself…or us. You’re amazing Clarke…”  
They’d reached the lifeguard tower and Lexa hopped up on the platform and turned and helped Clarke up.   
“Lexa…my own insecurities are going to get in the way. It’s just who I am, but I don’t ever want you to feel like you can’t talk about her, or tell me things about how she made you feel. Please don’t hold back that part of yourself from me. She was an important part of your life and I wa-“  
Lexa cut her off by stepping in front of her, putting her hands on her hips and backing her up against the wall of the lifeguard tower. Clarke gasped and reached for Lexa but she caught her wrists, sliding her hands down and weaving their fingers together on both hands. She slowly lifted their arms, pinning both of Clarke’s hands to the wall above her head.   
She smiled slowly, the look in her eyes was almost predatory and it took Clarke’s breath away. Lexa leaned forward and kissed Clarke’s neck, slowly making her way from her collarbone to just below her earlobe. She felt Clarke’s ragged breathing against her skin and it gave her goosebumps. 

“Lexa…”

“Hmmm.” 

Lexa hummed into her skin as she moved back down her neck and lightly sucked at the swell of her breasts just above the neckline of her shirt. Clarke whined and arched her body closer to Lexa. Lexa smiled and stepped closer, stopping Clarke from moving too much, which triggered another whine as she kissed up the other side of her neck. 

“God Lexa…please.” 

Her kisses were soft and slow, she could feel Clarke’s hearbeat racing through the skin on her neck and it made her smile.

“Please what?”

“I don’t know…I can’t…jesus Christ…”

She hissed as Lexa gently bit at the skin on her neck before stopping to meet her gaze. Her blue eyes were dark with passion and Lexa smiled. 

“You okay?”

“Lexa…stop teasing me and fucking kiss me.” 

“So demanding for someone pinned to the wall.”

Lexa chuckled and kissed her neck again.

“Oh my god… Lexa…”

“Technically this is kissing you Clarke.” 

“You know what I want.”

“Mhmm.”

Her slow assault on Clarke’s neck continued until the only thing Clarke could do was whimper, then she finally kissed her. Clarke groaned when their lips finally met, her tongue instantly running over Lexa’s bottom lip, wanting more. Lexa happily obliged, deepening their kiss as she let go of Clarke’s hands and ran her hands over her sides.

Clarke had other ideas and took ahold of Lexa’s shoulders. She put one of her legs between Lexa’s and stepped away from the wall, pivoting them so Lexa was pinned to the wall and Clarke was in front of her, never breaking their kiss. Lexa moaned as Clarke’s hands found their way under her shirt and she lightly drug her nails across her abs.  
Clarke’s leg was still between Lexa’s so when she took ahold of Lexa’s hips and pulled her close, the friction against her thigh was enough to send a jolt through Lexa’s body so hard she gasped and pulled back from the kiss.

“Fuck Clarke…oh my god…”

She looked up to find Clarke smirking and realized she’d done it on purpose. She kissed her again, harder and deeper and Clarke melted into her arms. She smiled and pulled on her bottom lip with her teeth before letting her go. Clarke let out a shuttering sigh and rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Wow… holy shit…”

“That good huh?” Lexa teased, her hand softly running up and down Clarke’s back.

“Uh, yea. Whatever I did to deserve that, let me know because I will definitely do it again.” 

“So you like being pinned against the wall?” 

“Apparently.” 

They both laughed and Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke’s hair. 

“Thank you…for being so understanding about Costia. I really wish you wouldn’t compare yourself to her though. If I didn’t just prove I’m in to you, I’m not sure what else I can do.”

“Lexa…you don’t have to do anything. Look, I promise to try to not let my insecurities get in the way if you promise to not hold back when it comes to her. I really, really don’t want you to do that. I swear, no matter how insecure I get, I want to know. I want you to be able to talk about her…I really do.”

“I know you do. I believe you Clarke, and I promise, I won’t hold back. I just…I want you to realize how amazing you are. So, I have every intention of showing you.” 

Clarke blushed and pressed her face into Lexa’s neck and sighed. Lexa just stood there, happy to hold her for a while and just be. 

“What do you want to do today?” 

“I don’t really care, honestly.” 

“Want to head back to your place and go from there?” 

“Sure, that’s fine with me.”

“We could attempt actually watching a whole movie together, since you fell asleep on me last time we tried.”  
Lexa teased as she let go of Clarke and jumped down the from the tower.

“Oh, don’t even go there. That was your fault. You were comfy and then you were playing with my hair and pretty much put me to sleep. Did you like the movie at least?”

Clarke asked as she jumped down and they headed towards the car.

“I did, the ending made me cry though.”

“I knew it would.”

“Tell anyone and I will deny it.”

“You secret is safe with me.”   
Lexa smiled and reached for Clarke’s hand, only realizing that the movement had become automatic when Clarke was pressed against her side as they walked to the car. She knew she was falling in love with the blonde, she just wasn’t sure she was ready to admit it; but in moments like these, when she was so comfortably pressed against her side like she’d been made to fit there, she also wasn’t sure how much longer she wanted to wait.   
__________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a whole lot of "action" in this chapter, but hopefully you liked getting to know a different side of Lexa/a little more about her life. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading. Reviews = love. Come say hi on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a few weeks since Clarke and Lexa’s first official date when Lexa had ended up spending the night. She’d ended up spending the following night as well and they had made a pretty natural progression to spending most, if not all, of their free time together. 

 

Their relationship still didn’t have an official label, but it worked for them and had become very comfortable. So Clarke was surprised when Lexa suddenly started becoming more withdrawn again. She was still around, but much quieter than she was normally and at work she’d started spending more time in their room rather than the common room. 

 

“Hey, has Lexa been in here at all today?” She asked Octavia and Lincoln, who were laying together on the couch watching a movie. 

 

“No, I haven’t seen her in here in a day or so I think. Everything ok?” Lincoln answered. 

 

“I don’t know. She’s been...quiet. Nothing bad, just not herself.”

 

“You should ask her.” Octavia said with a pointed look at Clarke.

 

“I take it there’s something you know that I don’t?”

 

“It’s hers to tell. But...just ask.”

 

“Alright...”

 

Clarke sighed and headed to their room. She found Lexa sitting on her bed, her legs crossed and her head leaning back against the wall with her eyes closed. 

 

Clarke closed their door quietly and climbed onto the bed next to her. Without opening her eyes Lexa held her arm out and Clarke curled against her side, smiling when Lexa wrapped one arm around her waist and softly kissed the top of her head. 

 

“Hey gorgeous.” She said quietly as she tugged one earphone out of her ear. Clarke could barely hear the music but could tell it was Costia’s song. 

 

“Hey yourself.”

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Nothing. You weren’t in the common room so I came to find you.”

 

“Not in the mood for people.”

 

“Do you want me to go?”

 

“You don’t count.”

 

“What’s wrong Lexa? You’ve been different for a few days now.”

 

Lexa ran her fingers over Clarke’s arm and sighed. As much as she’d been trying not to be different, she knew she had been. She hadn’t pushed Clarke away, but she’d definitely been less social and a lot quieter. 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

“It’s okay, just talk to me. Or tell me you don’t want to talk to me...”

 

“No, it’s not you. It’s just...Costia’s birthday is next weekend. It’s always hard. She was so in to her birthday. She called it her favorite holiday.”

 

Lexa smiled at the memory and Clarke laughed softly. 

 

“I’m sorry. I can imagine it would be hard. My dad’s first birthday after he died was horrible. I spent it drunk and high trying to forget.”

 

“I can understand that actually. It’s just weird this year. I’m happier than I’ve been in a really long time... but this is still hitting me hard in some ways. In other ways it almost feels like... not that I’m forgetting... but like I’m...”

 

“Moving on? Getting better?”

 

“Yea... maybe both.”

 

“Lexa... if we’re moving things too fast, or if you’re not ready for this, I-“

 

“No. It’s not that. I mean it is that. It’s you. But it’s not a bad thing Clarke. I want this. I want us. I want _you._ It’s just different.”

 

Lexa’s arm tightened around Clarke’s waist as she spoke and Clarke draped her knee across Lexa’s thigh as she moved closer. 

 

“After my grandma died, on her birthday my dad had each of us choose one of our favorite things about her and we did that to celebrate. My mom loved learning to bake from her, so we all baked cookies together. My dad loved discussing books with her, so we all sat and talked about our favorite books and read parts of them out loud. I loved going to the park with her as a kid because she taught me about all the plants and animals there, so we all went on a nature hike. Maybe...try doing some of Costia’s favorite things? Or go her favorite places?”

 

“Would you go with me?”

 

“Of course, if you want me to.”

 

“I do.”

 

Clarke kissed her neck softly and smiled. 

 

“Then I’ll come. Any idea where you want to go?”

 

“She always wanted to go to the Griffith Park Observatory but we never made it. So maybe there? And....I don’t know. Flappy Jacks and the beach I guess?”

 

“Whatever you want. It’s about you and what makes you happy in remembering her.”

 

“I don’t know that I want to do things we did...but maybe stuff she wanted to do? Make new, happy memories on that day instead of reliving the old ones? She would like that better. Oh! There is a pottery painting place she wanted to go to...Color me Mine. We can do that too.”

 

Clarke smiled at the happy tone in Lexa’s voice.

 

“Whatever you want... but are you sure you want to make new, happy memories with me? It’s her birthday...”

 

“Yes, I’m sure. You make me happy Clarke. And I don’t want to spend that day alone anymore. She wouldn’t like it. I don’t like it. Before you came along I swore I was fine with being alone forever... and maybe I would have been. But... things are better with you. I’m better with you.”

 

Clarke swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist. 

 

“I’m better with you too.”

 

Lexa closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, her fingers absentmindedly running through Clarke’s hair or over her upper arm. The more time she spent with the blonde, the more time she wanted to spend with her and the stronger her feelings became. More and more often she found herself wanting to say I love you; but she wasn’t sure Clarke was ready to hear it. 

 

“So... I wouldn’t be opposed to making things official between us if that’s something you want...” 

 

Lexa said quietly as she let her fingers trail down Clarke’s arm and onto her side. She felt the hitch in Clarke’s breath and hoped she hadn’t pushed things too far. 

 

Clarke swore her heart skipped a beat and she sat up so she could look at Lexa.

 

“Is that what you want?”

 

“If it’s too much, or too soon, it’s fine...we just never talk about it...which is also fine... I just don’t want you to feel like-“

 

“Lexa. Just answer the question.”

 

“I want whatever makes you happy. I just know that you feel insecure sometimes the more I talk about Costia. And I just want to make sure you know what you mean to me...that I’m in this for us. All things Costia aside... and if putting a title to it makes you happy then... it’s what I want.”

 

“I don’t want it to be just about me Lexa. I’m fine with how things are. I want it to be a mutual thing, not something you’re doing just for me.”

 

Lexa looked down at her lap and took Clarke’s hand in hers, fidgeting with her fingers. She hated that she was so nervous about messing things up, but Clarke was the best thing that had happened to her in a long time. She wanted things to be more than what they were. They always half joked about Clarke being hers but she wanted it to be real. She was just afraid it was too much. 

 

“Hey. Relax. Why are you so nervous?” Clarke said softly as she pulled her hand away from Lexa’s and rested it on her knee, squeezing it softly. 

 

“I don’t know. It’s stupid I guess. I just don’t want to screw this up.”

 

“Screw what up?”

 

“Us.”

 

“What are you talking about? You’ve done nothing to screw anything up. It’s okay to talk about things. I don’t feel like you’re being pushy if that is what this is about.”

 

“Yea. We both worry about it a lot, don’t we?”

 

“Yea, I guess we do.”

 

“We should probably stop worrying about it so much.”

 

“Probably not a bad idea.”

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

 

Clarke’s eyes flew to Lexa’s face to find her biting her bottom lip to keep from smiling. 

She wrapped her hand in the front of Lexa’s shirt and pulled her into a kiss. Lexa’s hands automatically went to Clarke’s waist and she pulled her over until she was straddling her lap, never breaking their kiss. Clarke let go of Lexa’s shirt and slid her hand behind her neck, pulling her deeper into the kiss. Lexa moaned into the kiss and slid her hands up Clarke’s sides, making her shiver. Clarke didn’t pull back from the kiss until she was breathless. She smirked at Lexa as she sat back, her weight resting on Lexa’s thighs. Lexa smiled and gently ran her hands back down Clarke’s sides, letting them rest on her hips.

 

“So…is that a yes?”

 

“Is this what you really want Lexa?”

 

“Yes. More than I’ve wanted anything in a long time.”

 

“Then yes, it’s a yes.”

 

Lexa didn’t bother trying to hide the smile that spread across her face; Clarke didn’t either and for a moment they just sat there smiling at each other until Clarke blushed and hid her face in Lexa’s neck. Lexa just laughed softly and wrapped both arms around her.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“It took you long enough.” Clarke teased as she kissed Lexa’s neck.

 

“Took me long enough? You could have asked me ya know.”

 

“I’m teasing you. It doesn’t matter who asked.”

 

“I know. You make me ridiculously happy, you know that?”

 

“Good, because the feeling is mutual. I feel like… something should be different.”

 

“Different how?”

“I don’t know. I kinda want everyone to know I’m yours…officially.”

 

“Well… I mean… I can think of one way…”

Lexa muttered as she leaned down and kissed Clarke’s neck, sucking lightly on the skin before swirling her tongue across it.

 

“Lexa… stop it.”

 

“But you said…”

 

“Yes, but that is not what I meant. Ugh…god that feels good…I hate you.”

 

“No, you don’t.”

 

Lexa smiled as she worked her way down Clarke’s neck to her collar bone, gently grazing her teeth along her skin as she went.

 

“Just one?” She asked quietly.

 

“Lexa no.”

 

She tugged Clarke’s sleeve down so her shoulder was exposed and softly kissed along the top of her shoulder. Clarke whimpered and wrapped one hand in Lexa’s hair.

 

“No one would see it over here.”

 

“Lexa…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You drive me crazy.”

 

“I know…is that a yes?”

 

Lexa swirled her tongue in the hollow space near Clarke’s collar bone before kissing up the side of her neck to just below her ear.

 

“You know you want me to.” She whispered, her breath hot against Clarke’s skin giving her goose bumps.

 

“Mhmm.” Clarke moaned, her other hand drifting down Lexa’s side to her hip.

 

“So…is that a yes?” Lexa asked again, her mouth barely leaving Clarke’s skin as she kissed back along the top of her shoulder.

 

“God, yes. Go ahead.”

 

Lexa smiled as she sucked on the skin at the top of Clarke’s shoulder hard enough that it burned before swirling her tongue across it, then kissing it softly. Clarke groaned and squeezed her hip before leaning against the front of her and burying her face back into her neck.

 

“Mine.” Lexa laughed as she ran her hand down Clarke’s back.

 

“Yes. Yours. Totally and completely yours.”

 

“I really like the sound of that.”

“Me too.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes and relaxed against Lexa as the brunette ran her hand slowly up and down the middle of her back. Their peace didn’t last long as the page went off for a call.

 

Clarke huffed as she climbed off Lexa’s lap and headed out the door and downstairs, Lexa close behind her.

 

“At least you’re going too I guess.” She smiled over her shoulder as they jogged down the stairs.

 

Raven and Lincoln met them downstairs at the trucks.

 

“House fire, everyone is out but there is a kid who is injured.”

 

Everyone nodded as they grabbed gear and got into the trucks

 

* * *

 

 They pulled up to the scene and Clarke noticed there wasn’t much smoke coming from the house. There were a few people out front spraying it with a garden hose and a woman sitting on the curb holding the limp body of a small child. A man was pacing near her, looking incredibly agitated. The woman was rocking back and forth, her face buried in the kid’s shirt.

 

“She’s dead. My baby is dead. Oh my god she’s gone.”

 

Clarke could hear the woman crying as she got closer.

 

“Ma’am? What happened? Can we see your child please? We’re here to help.”

“No! You’re too late! She’s gone.”

The woman wailed and clutched the little girl to her chest. Clarke immediately noticed bruising to the little girls face and upper arms.

 

“Ma’am, please let me have her. We can try to help if you tell me what happened.”

Clarke slowly reached for the little girl, knowing every second mattered.

 

“Don’t touch her!” The man yelled, suddenly stepping between Clarke and the woman. Clarke noticed his scraped and bloody knuckles and scratches on his upper arm, as well as one along his cheek. His eyes were wide and panicked.

 

“Hey, sir? Can you maybe tell me what happened so Clarke and I can help?” Raven stepped between Clarke and the man, trying to diffuse the situation. To Clarke’s horror, the child still hadn’t moved or shown any signs of life.

 

“We were all asleep. The next thing I know the fire alarm is going off and we all run outside. Clarissa wasn’t outside, so I ran back in for her and found her in her bedroom just lying on the floor like that. I think she might have panicked and ran into the door and knocked herself out.”

 

The man explained in a rush, his speech was slightly slurred and Clarke could tell from his body language that he was lying. She knelt down next to the woman.

 

“Ma’am. Please. Let me see Clarissa so I can try to help her. I know you think she’s gone, but she might just be unconscious. I can’t help if you don’t let me try.”

The woman looked up, her eyes swollen and red, her face blotchy and puffy. Clarke could see bruising on her neck and arms and it made her sick to her stomach.

 

“Please?”

 

The woman nodded an Clarke gently took Clarissa in her arms and moved her to a stretcher. Raven followed closely behind her. Clarke checked for breathing and a pulse and found neither. She immediately started CPR and Raven prepped the defibrillator.

 

She placed the chest pads and administered the first shock, then immediately started CPR again even though she was almost certain it was useless; the girl’s lips were blue, and her skin was cold.

 

“Come on baby, come back for me.” She muttered as she did chest compressions.

 

“Clarke…” Raven whispered “Clarke, she’s gone. Call it.”

“No! I’m not giving up.”

 

She prepped the machine and administered a second shock, immediately continuing CPR. She was vaguely aware of police cars pulling up and Raven touching her arm.

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Raven…I can’t…this had nothing to do with the fire. Look at her. Look at the mom.”

“I know that Clarke. The fire is already out, the police have already been called and are here. You have to call it. She’s gone.”

 

Clarke couldn’t bring herself to stop CPR and hoping against all hope that the little girl would fight back. It wasn’t until a familiar hand closed around her arm that she finally slowed, then stopped chest compressions.

 

“Clarke… you have to let her go.”

 

Lexa’s voice was soft in her ear and she numbly called the time of death. She turned away from everyone and ran both hands through her hair as she tried to get a grip on her self-composure. She turned to look for the mother and was sick to her stomach to find her wrapped in the arms of the man who had been pacing beside her; the man she was certain had beaten the little girl to death and was also probably responsible for the bruising on the mother as well.

 

Clarke stormed towards the man and woman but only made it a few feet when strong arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her back.

 

“Let go! He beat the shit out of them and someone needs to make him pay for it!”

 

“Hey, hey… shhh.”

 

Lexa pulled her to the other side of the firetruck and pushed her back against it, standing in front of her so she couldn’t leave.

 

“Lexa… that little girl didn’t die because of that fire. That man…. he…”

 

“I know. Babe I know. But you have to stop. That isn’t our job and if you go over there yelling and accusing you’re just going to make the police’s job that much harder.”

 

“But he… killed that girl. And the mom is over there hugging him… and he hits her too…”

 

“I know.”

 

“No, you don’t! That woman needs help… she doesn’t see that she can leave. She has to leave…”

 

“You’re right, I don’t know. Not like you do. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to see this. I can’t even imagine how it feels, but you can’t do this. Not here. You can’t fall apart here. You have to do your job. Give your statement. That is how you help that little girl and that woman. Not this. Not here. You can fall apart later.”

 

Clarke finally looked up into Lexa’s eyes and everything else faded away for a second. Lexa could see the shift in her and put her hand on her shoulder.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yea. I mean, no. But I can pull it together. Thank you.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Clarke took a deep breath and walked back over to the ambulance where the police were taking Raven’s statement and were ready to take hers. She kept shifting her glance to the woman as she spoke and finally the officer addressed it.

 

“She’s not pressing charges and won’t say that he had anything to do with it. Horrible, I know, but we’ll do everything we can.”

 

“Do they know what started the fire?”

 

“Not yet, but it was only in the living room, nowhere near the girl’s room, so their story doesn’t add up at all. I know it doesn’t help, but there will be a full autopsy done on her and the cause of death will have nothing to do with the fire. Hopefully we’ll have enough evidence to catch him on something.”

 

“Hopefully she wakes up and realizes she can leave him. Right now, she’s scared, but he’ll kill her. He killed that little girl.”

 

“This one seems personal to you. Don’t lose that. I saw you trying to save that little girl. That passion will keep you good at this job; just don’t let it overwhelm you too often.”

 

Clarke nodded and finished her statement then climbed back into the ambulance and buckled her seatbelt as Raven started it.

 

“You okay?”

 

“It’s never easy when we can’t save them.”

“This was more than that for you though. You want to talk about it?”

 

“No, not really.”

 

“Okay, but if you do, I’m here. Lexa isn’t the only one who cares about you. We’re all your family now.”

 

“I know Raven, thank you. I just… can’t.”

 

Raven nodded and the ride back to the station was in comfortable silence.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke and Raven got back to the station first. Clarke skipped the common room completely and headed for the shower. She turned the water up so hot she could barely stand it and stood there letting it run over her. She pressed her forehead against the wall as she let the water course over her shoulders and back, trying to ease some of the tension she seemed to feel everywhere. 

 

She knew she’d gotten too personally involved in the call, but it had been hard not to. Every time she thought she was finally getting over everything that had happened with Finn, it seemed like something would happen to remind her of just how close to the surface everything really was. 

 

She lost track of how long she stood in the shower but felt herself starting to get dizzy because of the heat and knew it was time to get out. She wrapped her hair in a towel, threw her pajamas on and headed to her room. 

 

Lexa was waiting for her, sitting cross legged on her bed, a grilled cheese sandwich on the table next to her. She smiled gently as Clarke walked in and closed the door.

 

“Comfort food? I can make Mac N cheese if you prefer that?”

 

“No. I’m not really hungry.”

 

“I know, but you’re going to eat anyways. Sit down, I’ll do something with your hair.”

 

“Lexa...”

 

“Clarke, sit. Eat the sandwich. Just... let me take care of you?”

 

Clarke pressed her lips together in a line before sitting down on the bed and picking up the sandwich. Lexa smiled and got on her knees on the bed behind Clarke. She unwrapped the towel from her hair and used it to gently squeeze the water out of it, drying it some. She ran her fingers through it until all the tangles were out. 

 

Clarke quietly ate the sandwich, realizing once she started eating that she actually was hungry. She sighed and relaxed some as Lexa ran her fingers through her hair then put it in a lose braid. By the time she was done, Clarke was done with the sandwich and leaned back against Lexa’s chest. 

 

“Better?” Lexa asked quietly. 

 

“A little. Thank you.”

 

“Of course. You want to talk about it?”

 

“I... don’t know.”

 

“Okay. Scoot for a second.”

 

Clarke scooter forward and Lexa sat down, unfolding her legs so they were stretched out on either side of Clarke. As soon as she was situated Clarke was in her arms, curled up with her side against Lexa’s chest. She wrapped her arms around Lexa as she started to shake. 

 

Lexa sighed and wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her closer. 

 

“What can I do?” She whispered. 

 

“N-nothing. I’m f-fine.”

 

“Babe... you’re not fine. You’re shaking.”

 

“I know. I’m ok-kay. Just don’t leave.”

 

“Of course not.”

 

Clarke rested her head against Lexa’s chest as tears quietly rolled down her cheeks. It was the same reaction she had after her nightmares, which didn’t surprise her. The call had triggered a lot of the same feelings. 

 

“I’ve been that woman Lexa... I’ve stood there defending someone who... did that to me. I just... she needed help... that little girl...”

 

“I don’t know what to say...”

 

Lexa’s voice was soft and hesitant, very unlike her and Clarke could hear the hesitation. 

 

“I know. I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier today. I didn’t mean it. I know you were just trying to help. I was just so angry... I’m still angry.”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You were right, I don’t know what it’s like.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, you were trying to help. I didn’t need to be like that and I’m sorry.”

 

“Well, I forgive you.”

 

“And I hope you never know what it’s like. No one deserves to know what it’s like.”

 

“No... including you.”

 

Clarke laughed softly. 

 

“Why are you laughing?”

 

“Finn used to tell me I deserved it... and for a long time I believed him.”

 

Lexa clenched her teeth together and tightened her arms around Clarke. 

 

“No. That asshole was wrong. No one deserves that. Especially not you...you’re...”

 

Lexa let the sentence trail off into silence because she couldn’t finish it without crying. The thought of someone intentionally hurting Clarke was horrifying enough, but to imagine someone telling her she deserved it was too much. 

 

Clarke leaned away from Lexa and turned so she could look at her and was surprised to see tears in her eyes. 

 

“No, no, don’t cry. I’m okay.”

 

She cupped Lexa’s cheek in her hand and softly ran her thumb over it before kissing her.  

 

“I’m supposed to be the one comforting you.” Lexa whispered as she pulled back. 

 

“You are. You have no idea.” Clarke tucked her face back into Lexa’s neck. “Thank you, for talking me down today. I really could have made an idiot out of myself. I didn’t think I’d react like that... I shouldn’t have.”

 

“It’s normal when something hits that close to home. The first car accident I responded to after Costia died I completely froze. Lincoln had to practically carry me to the truck, they gave me oxygen. It was bad.”

 

“I can only imagine.”

 

“It’s okay to be human.”

 

“I just... I get scared sometimes that I’m going to lose myself again like I did when my dad died...”

 

“I think the fact that you’re afraid that you will makes it a lot less likely.”

 

“Maybe. I never really thought of it like that... I’ve also never admitted that to anyone before... I’m always afraid of people’s reactions... when they find out how... broken and messed up I am...” 

 

“And you’re not afraid of mine?”

 

“I... it would be a lie if I said no, because I still am a little. I still feel like... you’re too good to be true. But mostly I’m not.”

 

“Good. Because you’re not broken, and you’re not a mess. At least not to me.”

 

“Maybe someday I’ll believe you.”

 

“That’s the goal.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes and sighed as she relaxed further against Lexa. It wasn’t late, but she was suddenly exhausted and found herself drifting off to sleep. Lexa smiled and ran her fingers through the parts of Clarke’s hair that was already falling out of the braid and over her upper arm. 

 

“I’m gonna fall asleep.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“But Bellamy...”

 

“Isn’t here right now. Don’t worry about it. I’ll wake you up in a little while. Just sleep.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Mkay, but...” Clarke tugged on Lexa’s shirt as she laid down on the bed. “Comfier this way.” 

 

“Also, more obvious...”

 

Lexa laughed as they both ended up lying on their sides facing each other. Clarke snuggled into the front of Lexa, wiggling her way under her chin, draping one arm across her waist and sliding one leg between hers. 

 

“Just for a little bit?”

 

“Like I’m supposed to be able to say no to you now?” 

 

“Hmm, probably not.”

 

Clarke’s breath was hot against her neck and she was so comfortably pressed against her that Lexa gave in, sighing as she wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders. 

 

“Sleep. I’ll wake you up in a little bit.”

 

“Mkay.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes and was asleep in a few minutes. Lexa smiled and ran her fingers through the blonde’s hair as she tried to remember the last time she’d been so content. 

 

* * *

 

 It took Clarke a second to remember where she was when she woke up. She had turned on her stomach at some point and Lexa was laying across her upper back. She smiled at first and then remembered they were at work. 

 

“Shit. Lexa. Get up.”

 

“No. Go back to sleep.”

 

“Lexa. You were supposed to wake me up. We’re at work. Get up.”

 

“Ugh. Who cares.”

 

“Bellamy probably will if he finds us like this.”

 

“Jealous.” Lexa mumbled as she kissed the back of Clarke’s neck and slipped her arm between her waist and the mattress.

 

“He’s not jealous. He’ll be pissed.”

 

“Is jealous. He wants you. But you’re mine.”

 

“Babe?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Up. We have to get up.”

 

“But why.”

 

“Oh my god you’re impossible.”

 

“And comfy. Sleep.”

 

“Lexa...I mean this in the nicest way possible... get off me.”

 

“Noooo.”

 

Clarke groaned and raised herself up with her arms, laughing as Lexa clung to her for a second before rolling off to the side. She grabbed Clarke’s shirt as she was getting out of the bed. 

 

“Come back.”

 

“You’re the one who said we shouldn’t sleep in the same bed here.”

 

“I lied.”

 

“You did not. But you’re half asleep. Go back to sleep.”

 

“You owe me ice cream.”

 

“I do?”

 

“For leaving.”

 

“Okay fine.”

 

Lexa sat up and crossed her legs, pulling the blanket across her lap. 

 

“Rocky road. Or vanilla. There is always vanilla.”

 

“Wait, you want it now?”

 

“Yes. You woke me up. Might as well eat ice cream.”

 

“You were supposed to wake me up.”

 

“Well...you were all cuddly and comfy and I just fell asleep.”

 

“Ok fine. I will go get you ice cream. But if you fall asleep while I’m gone, I’m shoving it down your shirt.”

 

Lexa laughed as Clarke headed downstairs to get ice cream. She was halfway through scooping the first bowl when Bellamy walked into the kitchen. 

 

“Hey Clarke. You’re up late.”

 

“Yea, ice cream calls.”

 

“I heard about the call today.”

 

“Yea...it was a hard one. I wish I could have saved her...”

 

“It wasn’t your fault, from what I heard it was already too late when you guys got there.”

 

Bellamy had walked over and was standing next to her at the counter. He reached over and put his hand over hers, squeezing it gently. 

 

“Maybe. But maybe had I got her mom to let go of her sooner...”

 

“Don’t beat yourself up with the maybes. You’re good at your job Clarke, you can’t save them all. You know that.”

 

“I know. It doesn’t ever get easy though.”

 

“No, it doesn’t.”

 

He moved his hand from hers to her shoulder and squeezed it before sliding his hand across her upper back and pulling her sideways into a half hug.  

 

She smiled at him and stepped to the freezer to get another tub of ice cream, just as an excuse to get his arm off her. 

 

“So, I was wondering...”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Would you want to go out sometime? Get dinner? Or go to a movie? Or just coffee?”

 

Clarke bit her bottom lip and fidgeted with the spoon she was holding for a second before looking up at him and smiling. 

 

“Bellamy, you’re a really nice guy, and I’m flattered. But I’m seeing someone. I’m sorry.”

 

“Not that it’s any of my business, but is it Lexa?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I didn’t know you guys made it official.”

 

“We did, but even if we hadn’t yet...I’d still say no. I’m just not like that.”

 

“No, I get it. I respect that. Just...be careful.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Lexa... she hasn’t been okay since Costia died. She has dated a few girls but was never really serious. They didn’t know that though and when she had one of her moods and ended it with them it just wasn’t nice. I’d hate to see you go through that.”

 

“I... didn’t know she’d dated anyone else since Costia.”

 

“A few girls. Nothing serious, to her anyhow. Just be careful.”

 

He smiled at her again before walking out of the kitchen. Clarke finished scooping the ice cream and headed back upstairs. 

 

“Took you long enough. I was going to send a search party.... Hey. What’s wrong?”

 

Clarke shook her head as she handed Lexa her bowl of ice cream and sat down on her bed facing Lexa.

 

“Sorry, Bellamy came in the kitchen and was talking to me for a little bit about the call.”

 

“And... what else did he say? You’re upset.”

 

“He... asked me out.”

 

“Really? See. I told you he wanted you.”

 

“Yea. It was weird.”

 

Lexa moved across the room and sat on Clarke’s bed next to her. 

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Clarke swirled her spoon around her bowl of ice cream, feeling stupid for wanting to ask. 

 

“I told him no, that I was seeing someone. He asked if it was you, I told him yes. He told me... to be careful. That you hadn’t been the same since Costia died. That you’d dated a few girls and then would just break up with them when you got in one of your moods. He said they thought things were serious, but you never did...”

 

“And do you believe him?” 

 

Lexa’s voice was quiet but serious and Clarke looked up to find her green eyes glassy with tears. She looked down at her lap again and as she realized it was her own insecurity about not being good enough for Lexa that had her stressed out. If she stepped back from that, everything Bellamy had said sounded ridiculous. Lexa had been nothing but open and honest with her regarding her feelings for Costia and everything that had happened after she died. She looked back up at Lexa.

 

“No. I don’t. I started to... but that was my own shit, worried about not being good enough for you. If I take that out of the equation there is no way in hell I believe him.”

 

“Good, because it’s not true. There hasn’t been anyone else since Costia. Just you. That son of a bitch...” Lexa started to get up from the bed and Clarke put her hand on her thigh. 

 

“Don’t. He’s not worth it. There’s been enough drama today. Just let it go. Eat your ice cream.”

 

Lexa clenched her teeth together and Clarke could see the anger in her eyes. 

 

“Lexa please. It’s not worth it.”

 

Clarke squeezed her thigh and after a moment’s hesitation Lexa leaned back against the wall and took a bite of her ice cream.

 

“Why is there both rocky road and vanilla?”

 

“Because Bellamy had his arm around my shoulders and I wanted away from him. So, I got more ice cream out.”

 

Lexa huffed when Clarke mentioned Bellamy touching her and Clarke laughed. 

 

“And you say he’s jealous?”

 

“He’s just... he can be a nice guy. But he’s also an ass when he doesn’t get what he wants.  You can ask Octavia and Lincoln, there hasn’t been anyone since Costia. He’s lying to you.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry I let it get to me for a second. I shouldn’t have.”

 

“It’s okay. It would have gotten to anyone. Thank you for saying something and not just worrying about it or letting it fester.”

 

Clarke nodded and leaned against Lexa’s shoulder as she ate her ice cream. 

 

“Would you have said yes had he asked before today?” Lexa asked quietly. 

 

“No. I might have said yes had I not met you, but even then... probably not.”

 

“I just didn’t know if things between didn’t have a title if it would have been different...because if you wanted-“

 

“No. I don’t. I don’t want him. I want you. Hush.”

 

Lexa laughed, and they ate their ice cream in silence for a while, leaning against each other’s shoulder. 

 

“I wasn’t even interested in a relationship until I met you...” 

 

Clarke confessed, breaking the silence. 

 

“Me either. I honestly didn’t think I ever would be. But I’m glad you came along and changed my mind.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Clarke reached across Lexa and set her bowl on the nightstand at the end of the bed and just left her arm draped across Lexa’s stomach. Lexa set her bowl down too and wrapped one arm around Clarke’s shoulders, running her hand up and down over her upper arm. 

 

“You always do that when someone else has touched me and you don’t like it.”

 

Clarke muttered against her shoulder.

 

“Sorry. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it’s subconscious. I didn’t even realize it just now. Though I do hate that he touched you. Especially since I know it made you uncomfortable.”

 

“Don’t be sorry, I think it’s cute.”

 

“Cute? Most people would find it kinda weird.”

 

“We’ve gone over this, I’m not most people.”

 

“True. You’re so much better than most people.”

 

Clarke smiled and slid her hand under Lexa’s shirt, running her fingers lightly over her stomach. Lexa leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes as Clarke softly kissed her neck. Clarke’s hand drifted higher up Lexa’s body until she reached the bottom of her bra, then ran her index finger slowly down the middle of her stomach before resuming the same trail. She kissed up the side of her neck before kissing her lips. Lexa smiled into the kiss and slid her hand behind Clarke’s neck, wrapping her fingers in the hair at the base of it and pulling her closer. Clarke went willingly, her hand still moving over the same path on Lexa’s stomach. 

 

Lexa pulled back from their kiss long enough to whisper,

 

“You don’t have to stop there ya know.”

 

The next time Clarke’s fingers brushed against the bottom of her bra. Clarke hesitated briefly then ran her hand up further, her fingertips lightly tracing across Lexa’s breast along the top of her bra cup. Lexa whimpered, then moaned as Clarke cupped one breast and ran her thumb over her nipple.  Her body arched in to Clarke’s touch as she ran her hand over her ribs and back down her side. 

 

Clarke smiled as she felt Lexa’s grip in her hair tighten. She pulled back from their kiss and kissed along Lexa’s jawline, then her forehead before resting her forehead against the brunettes. 

 

“You’re so...” 

 

Clarke’s statement trailed off into silence because she couldn’t find the words to accurately describe how Lexa made her feel. 

 

“Yea, you too.”

 

Lexa whispered back, finally opening her eyes, staring into Clarke’s blue ones and letting herself get lost in them. She brought her hand up to Clarke’s face and ran her thumb along her cheek bone. Clarke smiled at her and Lexa swore she could feel her stomach drop. 

 

“What’s that look for?” Clarke asked. 

 

“Nothing... just you.”

 

Clarke blushed and tried to tuck her face back against Lexa’s neck but Lexa stopped her. 

 

“Don’t hide. Look at me.”

 

Clarke brought her eyes back up to meet Lexa’s.

 

“I meant it earlier, when I said I was happy you came along and changed my mind about a relationship. You have no idea Clarke...”

 

Out of habit Clarke tried to look away but Lexa wouldn’t let her. 

 

“Look at me. Don’t look away because you feel like you don’t deserve what I’m saying. I mean it.”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened slightly, and Lexa laughed. 

 

“Surprised I know why you hide?”

 

“I probably shouldn’t be, but a little, yes. I just... I know you mean it. I believe you. I just don’t understand why.”

 

“That’s not your job. Just accept it. But stop hiding from it. Try to stop believing all the things that asshole told you about yourself.”

 

“I’m trying... it’s not that easy...”

 

“I know, just trust me enough to try.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly, and Lexa smiled, then kissed Clarke briefly before pulling her close to her chest. 

 

“We should probably go to bed.” Clarke muttered against Lexa’s neck as she yawned.

 

“Technically we’re in bed.”

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s shoulders, turned and laid down on her back, pulling Clarke down with her so she was laying on top of her. 

 

“There, more in bed.”

 

“Yes, but still in the same bed, which we shouldn’t do at work.”

 

“Do you really want to get up?” Lexa pouted as she ran her hand down the middle of Clarke’s back. Clarke propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at Lexa. 

 

“You know I don’t. But you’re the one who said we shouldn’t sleep in the same bed here, and you were right.”

 

“I really should learn to shut my mouth sometimes.”

 

“Hm, only sometimes.”

 

Clarke smirked and leaned down and kissed Lexa, her tongue immediately running over her bottom lip. Lexa moaned softly as their tongues met, her hands running up Clarke’s arms to her shoulders, pulling her closer. She shifted and bent her knee, bringing one thigh up between Clarke’s legs. Clarke automatically rocked her hips against the friction, then groaned, pulling away from the kiss and resting her forehead against Lexa’s chest as a burning desire she hadn’t felt in years pooled low in her stomach. 

 

“Lexa...oh my god...”

 

Lexa hummed, her hands running down Clarke’s sides to her hips where she pulled Clarke tighter against her leg. Clarke whimpered and clenched her fists in the sheets trying to regain some sort of control. 

 

“I want you.” Lexa whispered in her ear, her voice raspy. 

 

“Fuck...Lexa....stop...please...”

 

She whined, and Lexa immediately dropped her leg down flat on the bed and let go of Clarke’s hips

 

“Shit. Clarke...I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to-“

 

“Shhhh. No. It’s not that. I want you too. God I want you. But not like this. Not here...not right now...”

 

“I’m sorry...” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s hair as she ran her hand down her back. 

 

Clarke looked up at her, her pupils still blown wide with desire, her face flushed. 

 

“Stop saying sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’ve never been with anyone that makes me feel... like this. You don’t even have to touch me, and I practically fall apart. It’s crazy. Don’t be sorry for that. Just... right now isn’t the right time. I don’t want it to be like that.”

 

“I’m-“

 

“Don’t you dare.” 

 

“I just-“

 

“No.”

 

Lexa huffed, and Clarke kissed her forehead. 

 

“No more sorry. You’re... incredible and you have nothing to be sorry for.”

 

“Okay. And now I guess we’re even for that day on the lifeguard tower.” 

 

Lexa raised one eyebrow and Clarke laughed loudly. 

 

“So, is that what that was about?”

 

“No... not really. I just... kinda lost control there for a second. You have that effect on me. But it works.”

 

“Alright, we’re even then. And now, as much as I hate to say it, it would probably be best if we moved to separate beds for the night.”

 

“Probably not a bad idea.”

 

She kissed Clarke briefly before letting go of her. Clarke rolled on to her side against the wall and Lexa got up and moved to her own bed, feeling somewhat ridiculous at not wanting to be so far from Clarke; since when had she become so needy?

 

Clarke smiled as she pulled the covers up over her. 

 

“Lexa... thank you... for taking care of me today.”

 

“What Can I say, I’m a good girlfriend.”

 

Clarke smiled brightly at her use of the word girlfriend and Lexa winked at her as she shut off the light. 

 

“Yea you are, the best. I’m glad you’re mine.”

 

“I feel the same way about you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa shook Clarke’s shoulder gently to wake her up and laughed as the blonde grumbled an unintelligible response and pulled the blanket up over her face. 

 

“Babe, come on, just wake up for a minute.”

 

“If you’re not waking me up to crawl in bed and cuddle with me I’m not going to be very happy.”

 

“As inviting as that sounds, no. I’m waking you up to tell you I’m leaving. Offsite training. I’ll be gone most of the day. I didn’t want to leave without saying bye.”

 

Clarke whined and sat up, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck. Lexa sighed and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist. 

 

“I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

 

Clarke pressed her face against Lexa’s neck for a minute before leaning back and kissing her. 

 

“I’ll miss you.” She said quietly, feeling ridiculously needy until Lexa smiled. 

 

“I’ll miss you too gorgeous. Go back to sleep. It’s early.”

 

“Be careful.”

 

“I will be.”

 

Clarke bit back the I love you that almost naturally rolled out of her mouth and instead kissed Lexa one more time before flopping back into bed and pulling the blankets up over her head. She heard Lexa’s quiet laugh as she pulled the door closed behind her. 

* * *

 

 “Hey, everything okay with you and Lexa?” 

 

Octavia asked as she sat down on the couch across from Clarke later that afternoon. 

 

“Yea, everything is really good actually.” Clarke smiled, blushing slightly. 

 

“Oh, you’re blushing. What is that about?”

 

“We... you won’t make a big deal or have to tell everyone will you?”

 

“Nah, but you know how it is here. Nothing stays quiet long.”

 

“I know, but it doesn’t have to get broadcast either.”

 

“No, I won’t. You should know that by now.”

 

“We made things official yesterday.”

 

Octavia smiled brightly. 

 

“Good. I’m happy for you guys. You’re so good together.”

 

“Thanks. She’s... something else. She told me... what happened to Costia... I’m so sorry.”

 

“She’s never told anyone that before.”

 

“I know. I can understand why. It was horrific. I can’t even imagine.”

 

“It was. I still have nightmares. I still run it through my head and wonder if I could have saved her somehow. It could have been me...”

 

“You know you couldn’t have saved her.”

 

“I know, but god I wish I could have.”

 

“From what Lexa has told me, she sounded like an incredible person.”

 

“I’m glad she’s talking about her again.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Is it hard for you?”

 

“No. Not hearing about her. Like I’ve told Lexa, she was a huge part of her life. I want her to be able to talk about her. Getting out of my own way is hard... I compare myself to her. That and I know how much Lexa loves her and I feel like...”

 

“Like she’ll never love you that way?”

 

“Sometimes, yea. Or like it’s too soon and I’m pushing too much.”

 

“No one could push Lexa in to anything. So, anything she’s said to you is how she really feels. She’s not a pushover by any means and she doesn’t say things if she doesn’t mean them. Besides, I know Lexa. She’s really in to you. The only other person I’ve ever seen her look at the way she looks at you was Costia.”

 

“Anya and Aiden said the same thing.”

 

“You’ve met Anya and Aiden?”

 

“Yea...we’ve gone to Flappy Jacks a few times...”

 

“Wow. She must really like you quite a bit. She won’t even go to Flappy Jacks with any of us anymore.”

 

“I’m sorry...”

 

“No, don’t be. I’m glad. You’re good for her.”

 

“Thanks. And thanks for telling me to just ask her what was wrong. She told me about Costia’s birthday. Can I... ask for your opinion on something? There’s something I want to do for her, but I don’t know if I should. But you have to swear you’ll keep it a secret.”

 

“I swear. Ask away.”

 

Clarke told Octavia about what she was planning for Costia’s birthday and watched as the other girl’s eyes glassed over with tears. 

 

“Clarke... that’s amazing. Lexa will love it I’m sure.”

 

“You don’t think it’s weird to for me to give my girlfriend something on her dead girlfriend’s birthday?”

 

“I mean when you say it like that it sounds a little strange, but no. I don’t. Not at all. I think it’s really sweet that you want to do something. Most people wouldn’t be that understanding.”

 

“You don’t think she’ll think it’s weird?”

 

“No. She’ll cry. Hell, I’m crying, but I don’t think she’ll think it’s weird at all.”

 

“Thanks Octavia.”

 

“Any time. Ya know, we all thought Lexa would never date anyone again. Seems like she was just waiting for the right person.”

 

Clarke blushed and looked down at the table. Everyone said how good she was for Lexa; what none of them realized was just how good Lexa was for her. 

 

“She’s probably better for me than I am for her, honestly. And according to your brother she’s dated before me anyhow.”

 

“What? No, she hasn’t. She hasn’t even looked at anyone. There have been a few girls that came through here that practically threw themselves at her. She’d have nothing to do with them and they were all devastated when she finally just flat out told them they had no chance.”

 

“Yea well. Bellamy’s version of that is they were dating but Lexa wasn’t serious about it and would just randomly end it with them.”

 

“When, and more importantly why, did he tell you any of that?”

 

“Last night... after he asked me out and I told him no. He asked if it was because of Lexa and told me to be careful.”

 

“Sometimes I’d like to hit him in the face with a brick. Don’t pay attention to that. Lexa isn’t like that. She’s the most loyal person I’ve ever met.”

 

“I’m not. I mean... it was hard to hear and worried me for a minute but I talked to Lexa about it.”

 

“Good. I can’t believe Bellamy asked you out. I told him at Polis to give up, that you only had eyes for Lexa.”

 

“You did?”

 

“We all did.”

 

“Your brother is a nice guy...it’s just...”

 

“He’s not Lexa?”

 

“Pretty much.”

 

“The connection between the two of you has been pretty obvious from the beginning. Where is she anyhow? You guys aren’t usually very far apart.”

 

“Offsite training. She woke me up this morning to tell me goodbye.”

 

“Ugh. That means I’ll be doing it soon. We do it in rotations. It’s a long ass day. She’ll be tired when she gets back. Is today the last day of her shift?”

 

“Yea, mine too.”

 

“They usually do it the last day of our shift.”

 

“I’m off in an hour. She’s off later, probably when she gets back from training.”

 

“Most likely. So, I have to ask, even though I’m pretty sure I know the answer. Have you two fucking kissed yet?”

 

Clarke blushed at the memory of the two of them in her bed last night and nodded. 

 

“I figured, with the way you guys hang all over each other. The idiots around here still have bets going on.”

 

“No... we’ve kissed.”

 

“I get the feeling you might have gone a little further than kissing but that’s none of my business.”

 

“I don’t know, are you sure you don’t want to start taking bets on that too?”

 

Octavia arched one eyebrow at Clarke before laughing. 

 

“No. I don’t. Lincoln and I went through the same shit. So don’t feel special.”

 

“You and Lincoln are such a cute couple.”

 

“Thanks. He’s... amazing. He’s totally my soulmate. I can’t even explain to you how much I love him.”

 

“It’s pretty obvious he feels the same way about you.” 

 

“We had a rocky start. When I started here I was determined to prove that I was just as capable as the men, so I was super bitchy any time he tried to talk to me. But he won me over.”

 

“I can see you being like that.”

 

“I still am a little bit, but this team is pretty chill. We all work together well. You fit in pretty seamlessly too, which isn’t easy.”

 

“Thanks. I like it here a lot.”

 

“Good, I’m glad. I’m gonna head to the gym. It was good to just talk to you for a little bit. I think you should totally go with what you have planned for Costia’s birthday. She’ll love it. She’ll end up a crying mess I’m sure, but she’ll love it.”

 

“Thanks Octavia. I’ll see you later.”

 

Clarke pulled her phone out of her pocket and text Lexa.

 

 **Clarke:** Hey you. Do you want to come over tonight? If you’re too tired I totally understand.

 

It took Lexa about a half an hour to text her back. 

 

 **Lexa:** Of course I want to come over. I’m starving tho, so you’ll have to feed me. 

 

 **Clarke:** I think I can handle that. Let me know when you’re on the way.

 

Lexa didn’t text back right away, but Clarke didn’t expect her to. She gathered a few things out of her room at the station at the end of her shift and headed to the store to grab a few things to make dinner.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that evening Clarke had put together her plan for Costia’s birthday and was in the kitchen working on dinner when her phone buzzed with Lexa’s text.

 

 **Lexa:** Hey babe, I’m on my way home. I’m starving and exhausted so I’m not sure how much fun I’ll be. You still want me to come?

 

 **Clarke:** of course. You can just eat dinner and crash if that’s what you want. 

 

 **Lexa:** be there in about half an hour

 

Clarke smiled at the fact that Lexa always referred to wherever they were going to be as home; she’d said it in reference to both of their apartments. 

 

She was making chicken Alfredo for dinner and was kind of nervous about it. She hadn’t made it in years and she hoped it wasn’t horrible. She put the pasta in to boil and it ended up being perfect timing and she had just drained it when Lexa walked in the door. 

 

“Oh my god it smells so good in here. What are you making?”

 

“Your favorite.” Clarke called from the kitchen. 

 

“I didn’t mean you had to cook for me. I would have been happy with you ordering pizza.”

 

Lexa said as she slipped her shoes off and walked into Clarke’s room and dropped her bag on the floor by the closet. 

 

“I know, but I wanted to. Hopefully it’s good.”

 

“If it tastes half as good as it smells it will be fantastic.”

 

Lexa smiled as she walked into the kitchen. 

 

“Go sit, I’ll bring you some.”

 

“Hm, I want you before I want food. Come here.”

 

Clarke laughed as Lexa tugged on her shirt. She turned away from the stove and in to Lexa’s arms. Lexa wrapped her arms around her waist, pulled her close and kissed her before she rested her head on her shoulder and whispered,

 

“I missed you.” 

 

Clarke sighed happily and ran her hands up Lexa’s back to her shoulders. 

 

“I missed you too.” 

 

Lexa moaned softly as Clarke’s hands moved over her back and shoulders. 

 

“You ok?”

 

“Yea, just tired and sore.”

 

“Go sit. I’ll feed you, then give you a massage and you can go to bed.”

 

“Why are you so perfect?”

 

“Because you deserve it. Go. Sit down.”

 

Clarke leaned back and kissed Lexa’s cheek before ushering her towards the couch. She made them both bowls of pasta and handed Lexa hers before sitting down on the other end of the couch with her own. 

 

“Clarke this is fantastic.”

 

“Are you only saying that because you’re starving?”

 

“No, it’s really good. You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble, but thank you.”

 

“It wasn’t that much trouble. Octavia said how tired you’d be, and I know it’s your favorite.”

 

“You’re too good to me.”

 

Clarke smiled, and they ate in comfortable silence. Lexa finished and set her bowl on the coffee table. 

 

“So good.”

 

“Do you want more?”

 

“No, I’m stuffed. There is something I do want though.”

 

“Oh? What’s that?” Clarke asked as she set her bowl on the table as well.

 

“I think you know.” 

 

Lexa smirked as she unfolded her legs and moved across the couch towards Clarke. 

 

“Do I though?”

 

“Pretty sure you have an idea.” 

 

Clarke turned so her back was against the arm of the couch and let her left leg hang off the side as Lexa crawled closer to her. Lexa moved one knee between Clarke’s legs and put one arm on either side of her on the arm of the couch, their faces only a few inches apart. 

 

“I don’t know...maybe you should be a little more obvious...”

 

“Oh really?” 

 

“Yea. I mean, you should learn to just take what you want.” 

 

Clarke ran her hands up Lexa’s sides, pulling her shirt with them before letting them rest just under her bra. She raised her eyebrows at Lexa and bit her bottom lip as she smiled. 

 

“I always get what I want, Clarke.” 

 

Lexa whispered before crashing her lips against Clarke in a deep kiss that was all tongue from the start. Clarke moaned into the kiss as she wrapped one hand around the back of Lexa’s head, pulling her closer. 

 

Lexa wrapped one arm behind Clarke’s neck and slid the other behind her upper back, her full weight resting on Clarke instead of the couch. Clarke brought her left leg up and hooked her foot behind Lexa’s knee while her other hand trailed down Lexa’s back and over her ass, where she grabbed it firmly and pulled Lexa even tighter against her. 

 

“God damn...” Lexa hissed as she pulled back from their kiss. 

 

“Mine.” Clarke laughed, then whimpered as Lexa kissed down her neck and over the swell of her breast before resting her head just under Clarke’s chin and relaxing into her. 

 

“Yes, yours. God I fucking missed you.”

 

“It was only a day.”

 

“So?”

 

“I just... we might be a little ridiculous, but I missed you too.”

 

“I’m okay with ridiculous if it means coming home to this. Or waking up to this. Or just... this.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Lexa tried to hold back a yawn but couldn’t and Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. 

 

“You’re tired. Let’s go to bed.”

 

“But I like it here.”

 

“You need to sleep in a bed. Come on. Get up. I’ll put stuff away then come give you a massage. Go. In the bedroom, face down on the bed, naked from the waist up.”

 

Lexa laughed and lifted herself up against the arm of the couch, so she could look at Clarke. 

 

“You sure this isn’t some sort of plan to just get me naked?”

 

“Please. I could have you naked on the couch right now if I wanted to.”

 

“Ugh, you’re right. You could. I like the confidence though, it’s hot as hell.”

 

“You’re hot as hell. Now go. Half-naked in my bed.”

 

“As you wish.”

 

Lexa laughed as she got up and headed to Clarke’s bedroom. Clarke picked up their bowls and cleaned up the kitchen before heading in the bedroom herself. She walked in the door and had to stop for a second because the sight of Lexa practically naked in her bed damn near took her breath away. 

 

Lexa had changed into pajama shorts and was lying face down, topless in the middle of the bed. Her long legs were crossed at the ankles, her shorts ended just past the curve of her ass. Her back was toned, as were her shoulders and arms and she could see the slight swell of the side of her breasts. 

 

“God damn...” she muttered as she walked into the bathroom to get arnica for the massage. Lexa chuckled. 

 

“Like what you see?”

 

“You’re stunning. Of course I like what I see.”

 

“Hmm. Good.” 

 

Clarke crawled onto the bed and hesitated briefly before straddling Lexa, her knees by her hips, her weight somewhat resting on Lexa’s ass.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

“Mhmm. Whatever you want to do is fine Clarke.”

 

Clarke rubbed the Arnica between her hands until it was warm and easily spread. She started at the small of Lexa’s back and ran the heels of her hands up along each side of her spine, which immediately earned a low moan. 

 

“Oh my god that feels good.” 

 

Clarke smiled and repeated the motion and few times before using her thumbs and fingers to work into the muscles across the rest of her back. She slowly scooted up until she was working on her shoulders and arms. Lexa would occasionally whimper or moan softly when Clarke got to a particularly sore area, but for the most part she was quiet. Clarke worked on her shoulders, then neck before moving back down her back. Over the course of about thirty minutes she worked her way up and down Lexa’s upper body a few times until her muscles no longer felt tense. 

 

“Better?” She asked quietly as she moved off of her. She could tell by Lexa’s breathing that the other girl was starting to fall asleep. 

 

“You are magical.”

 

“I’m going to take that as a yes. I’ll be right back, I’m going to wash my hands.”

 

“Mkay.” 

 

In the time it took Clarke to wash her hands and come back, Lexa had put on one of Clarke’s old t-shirts and was curled on her side facing away from Clarke.  

 

Clarke crawled in bed quietly, not sure if Lexa was awake or not. 

 

“Too far away.” Lexa mumbled.

 

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

 

“Not asleep. Was waiting for you.”

 

Clarke turned on her side and scooted up behind Lexa, wrapping her arm around her waist and smiling as Lexa wiggled herself closer. Clarke rested her head against the back of her shoulder. 

 

“Go to sleep babe.”

 

“I will now. Thank you, Clarke, for everything tonight.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Lexa closed her eyes and sighed contentedly as she fell asleep to the feeling of Clarke making random patterns with her fingers across the skin of her stomach.


	9. Chapter 9

The weekend of Costia’s birthday came quickly and Clarke had taken half of a personal day so she had the whole Saturday off with Lexa. Lexa had insisted upon spending the night at Clarke’s Friday night, saying she didn’t want to wake up alone. 

 

Clarke woke up before Lexa and contemplated getting up to make coffee, but that was before she realized that Lexa arms were wrapped around her waist and their legs were intertwine so getting up would wake her up too. 

 

She’d been laying there for about fifteen minutes before she felt Lexa start stirring around next to her. She mumbled something in her sleep and tightened her hold on Clarke’s waist. 

 

“Hm?” Clarke asked quietly in case Lexa wasn’t waking up.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Letting me stay. I didn’t want to be alone this morning.”

 

“Of course.” 

 

Lexa curled into Clarke’s side and buried her face in her neck. A few minutes later Clarke felt her start to cry. 

 

“I’m also sorry if I’m a mess today.”

 

“Oh babe, don’t worry about it. I just don’t know what to do...”

 

“Nothing. Just being here is enough.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hip and took a few deep breaths, trying to get her emotions under control. She had told herself as she fell asleep that she wasn’t going to break down this year like she had been. Then she’d woken up happy that she was next to Clarke and all the emotions had just hit her. 

 

“God I’m such a wreck.” She mumbled into Clarke’s skin. 

 

“You are not. It’s okay to still hurt.”

 

“You’d think it would get easier.”

 

“It does. It already has, you just don’t see it. Think about this time last year.”

 

“I laid in my bed at home in the dark in my room all day and refused to communicate with anyone. Which is really shitty. They miss her too.”

 

“See? Even if we don’t leave this bed today, at least you aren’t alone.”

 

“We’re leaving the bed. I refuse to keep being sad and depressed on her birthday. She would hate it.”

 

“Whatever you want to do.”

 

“Once I’m done with this fit, I want to get up and go to Flappy Jacks.”

 

“Okay. Does Anya know you’re coming?”

 

“No... I didn’t want to tell her and then back out.”

 

“I can understand that.”

 

Clarke turned on her side, despite Lexa’s whine of protest, so she could look at her. 

 

“Good morning.” 

 

She smiled as she reached out and wiped the tears off her face. Lexa huffed and buried her face back in Clarke’s neck. 

 

“One rule for today.” 

 

“Oh god, what?”

 

“No more I’m sorry. You can cry or fall apart today as much as you need to, but I don’t want you apologizing all day for it. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

 

“I’ll try.”

 

“Okay good. And... if at some point you want to be left alone, just tell me. Today is about whatever you want to do. Even if it changes half way through something.”

 

“Okay... thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

A few minutes later Lexa unburied her face from Clarke’s neck. She had stopped crying, but her eyes were still red and puffy. 

 

“Good morning.” She whispered as she kissed Clarke softly. “Laying here with you all day is so tempting.” 

 

“If that’s what you want.”

 

“Stop making it so easy. You’re comfy and warm and...”

 

“And?”

 

“God it sounds so cheesy. When I’m upset, somehow it seems like it’s easier to breathe if I’m with you.”

 

Clarke felt her chest tighten as her feelings for Lexa threatened to overwhelm her. She reached out and ran her thumb over Lexa’s cheek. 

 

“It doesn’t sound any cheesier than the way I feel about you. I’m glad I help though.”

 

“More than you realize.” 

 

“You ready to get up?”

 

“No, but I’m going to anyways because if I don’t I never will.”

 

Clarke nodded and moved to get up but Lexa grabbed her shirt and pulled her close for another kiss. Clarke smiled as Lexa wrapped her arms back around her. 

 

“Getting up requires letting me go.”

 

“I know, that’s the biggest problem.”

 

“Come on. We can cuddle later.”

 

Lexa reluctantly let go of Clarke and they got ready to go to Flappy Jacks.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa stood outside the restaurant with a death grip on Clarke’s hand. 

 

“Can I do this?”

 

“Of course you can.”

 

“She’s going to cry.”

 

“I’m sure she will. She’s going to be happy to see you I’m assuming.”

 

“If she cries, I’ll cry. And I don’t want to lose control.”

 

“You won’t. I’ll be right there. You’ll be okay.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Lexa... you wanted to do this. That has to mean things are getting easier for you. It will be hard but you’re not going to totally fall apart.”

 

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded at Clarke and they headed in the restaurant together. 

 

Anya looked up as the front door closed behind them and dropped the stack of menus she’d been carrying. She practically ran across the room and Clarke could see she was already crying as she wrapped her arms around Lexa, hugging her tightly. 

 

Clarke started to let go of Lexa’s hand, but Lexa squeezed it tighter so Clarke just stood there as Lexa hugged Anya back with one arm. 

 

“Lexa... oh my god... I can’t believe you came. I didn’t think you’d ever come here on her birthday again. Thank you. She’d be so happy. I’m so happy.”

 

“I know she would... that’s why I came. S-she’d hate how depressed I’ve been on her birthday. So...I - I’m trying...”

 

Lexa stuttered some around her own tears and slowly let go of Clarke’s hand to wrap both arms around Anya once she was sure she wasn’t going to completely lose it. 

 

“I love you so much Lexa.... I’m so glad you came.”

 

“I love you too Anya... I’m glad I came I just... I still miss her so much.” 

 

The last part of Lexa’s statement came out as a strangled sob and she dug her fingers into Anya’s shoulders. 

 

“Of course you do. We all do. Oh honey... you don’t have to go through this alone...”

 

Lexa took a few deep, shaky breathes as Anya held her and let her cry. 

 

“I know... I just couldn’t before...”

 

“All that matters is now. You want birthday pancakes?”

 

“You still make them?”

 

“Every year on her birthday.”

 

“I’d love some.”

 

Lexa let go of Anya and smiled at her. 

 

“Good. Go wash your face. I’ll take Clarke to the usual table and get the pancakes going. Do you mind if I eat with you?”

 

“Of course not.” Lexa laughed as she headed to the bathroom. Anya turned to Clarke and started crying all over again. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I didn’t do anything. She wanted to come. She asked me to come with her.”

 

“You... I can’t even begin to thank you enough. I’ve seen her more since she started bringing you here than I have in the years since Cos died. She was so lost for so long. I really thought we’d lost her for good. You’ve been so good for her...”

 

“It’s not me. She wanted to come.”

 

“A lot of it has to do with you. I can see it when she looks at you. You’re helping her heal. I can’t believe she came today. I just... she became part of this family and I love her so much. Just... thank you.”

 

Anya pulled Clarke in to a brief but tight hug.

 

“You’re welcome.” 

 

Clarke blushed as she returned Anya’s hug and followed her to a booth. She slid in one side and it wasn’t long before Lexa slid in next to her, immediately leaning against her side. 

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yea. I just... want to be close.”

 

“It’s fine. It’s more than fine.”

 

Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist and squeezed.

 

“You want to tell me what birthday pancakes are?”

 

“Anya made them up for Costia one year. She loved cake batter ice cream, so Anya made pancakes. They have sprinkles in them, they’re sweeter than normal, and she serves them with some frosting type syrup. I don’t even know. But they’re so good and no matter how much Cos begged, she would only make them on her birthday.” 

 

“Those sound amazing.”

 

“They are. I think it was one of Costia’s favorite parts of her birthday.”

 

Lexa laughed, then turned her face in to Clarke’s shoulder, trying to hold back tears. 

 

“Ugh, it’s going to be a long day.” She muttered, irritated at herself.

 

“You’re fine. It’s okay to still be sad, or hurt, or anything else you feel.”

 

Lexa sighed and blinked a few times until the tears went away then sat up.

 

“We’ll see if you’re still this patient and understanding after you’ve spent all day with my over emotional self.”

 

“Lexa... I understand what it’s like to lose yourself after someone you love dies. I will be this patient with you for as long as you need me to be.”

 

Lexa looked sideways at Clarke and smiled as she reached for her hand. Clarke wove their fingers together and let their hands rest on her thigh. 

 

“Alright, I hope you guys are hungry and brought your sweet tooth.”

 

Anya called out with a smile as she walked up to the table with a stack of pancakes on a plate topped with whipped cream and a candle. 

 

“Anya that looks amazing. And oh my god they smell so good.”

 

Clarke commented as Anya set the plate down and slid into the booth across from her and Lexa. Lexa wiped the tears out of her eyes as she whispered,

 

“Happy Birthday Cos.”

 

And then blew out the candle. Anya reached across the table and squeezed her hand briefly before handing them plates and serving them pancakes. 

 

“Oh they’re so pretty too!” Clarke commented as she looked at the rainbow sprinkles all throughout the pancake. 

 

“So I know you both don’t typically use syrup but these aren’t the same without it.”

 

“She’s right, they aren’t.” Lexa commented as she took the syrup container from Anya and drizzled it across her pancake and then reached over and did the same to Clarke’s. 

 

“Just a little though, because it’s so sweet.”

 

Clarke took a bite of the pancake and practically moaned. 

 

“Anya. How the hell. This is amazing. Super sweet yes, but somehow it manages to taste like cake and pancake at the same time. I can see why they were Costia’s favorite.”

 

“Thanks. She really did love them. Looking back I probably should have made them for her more often.”

 

“But then they wouldn’t have been as special.”

 

“True. I just think of all the things I could have done differently, ya know? Like told her I loved her more...”

 

“I get it. I felt the same way when my dad died. I still do sometimes. But... you can’t beat yourself for forever. Besides, I’m sure she knew how much you both loved her. It’s pretty evident to me, so I’m sure it was to her too.”

 

Anya smiled softly at her and squeezed her hand. 

 

“Thanks Clarke.”

 

Lexa smiled at the interaction between the two of them. She’d had a feeling about Clarke from the first night she’d spent time with her at Arkadia and felt the sudden urge to bring her to Flappy Jacks. Anya and Aiden were two of the most important people in her life and she was glad they seemed to love Clarke just as much as she did. 

 

 _Love._ That thought was occurring more and more often in regards to the blonde and every time it did, it felt more and more right. She glanced sideways at her, watching her for a second while she was still talking to Anya; she was gorgeous, but beyond that there was something about her that just made everything feel okay. She’d never felt it with another person, not even with Costia. It was a very strong sense of belonging and a connection that went deeper than anything she could really put into words. 

 

“Lexa, do you remember that?”

 

Anya asked and Lexa snapped out of her train of thought by shaking her head. 

 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, what?”

 

“I know you weren’t, you were too busy staring at Clarke like she just hung the moon in the sky.”

 

“Well, can you blame me?”

 

Lexa smirked and Clarke blushed and poked at her pancake with her fork. Anya laughed,

 

“I was telling Clarke how excited Costia was the first time she brought you here on her birthday for these.”

 

“Yes, oh my god, it was pretty much the only thing she’d talked about for a week. She was so excited for me to try them. They lived up to the hype.”

 

“I think that’s what I miss the most about her... her ability to be so excited over things. She never really lost that childlike quality when it came to being excited or happy. Most adults hold back, Costia never did.”

 

“I miss everything about her... but if I had to pick one thing... I think it would be her determination and how it carried over to anything I did too. She had so much faith in me that it made me have it in myself.” 

 

“It’s nice to talk about her with you.” Anya said quietly while still smiling at Lexa. 

 

“It’s nice to talk about her. I’m sorry Anya... it was just... I can’t even explain how hard it was. How hard it’s been until recently. I know I was a shitty person for a while but-“

 

“Lexa, you’ve never been a shitty person. Everyone deals with things differently. There is no blame in this, it’s just nice to be able to talk about her with you.”

 

Lexa nodded and squeezed Clarke’s hand under the table. Clarke ran her thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand in slow circles until she felt the other girl relax her grip. 

 

“I wish I could have met her.” 

 

“She would have loved you.” Anya’s response was quick and so confident sounding it almost brought tears to Clarke’s eyes. Lexa nodded in agreement and the conversation lapsed into a comfortable silence as they all ate their pancakes; each of them lost in their own train of thought. 

 

“So what else are you two doing today?”

 

Anya asked once everyone was done eating. 

 

“We’re going to go to that painting place she always wanted to try...Color Me Mine. And then the Griffith Park Observatory tonight. I’m not sure what else. Maybe the beach at some point.” Lexa answered.

 

“Sounds like fun.”

 

“Yea, that’s the point. I want to start making new, fun memories on her birthday rather than being sad. She would hate me being sad, today of all days.”

 

“She hated any time you were sad, or upset, or mad, or sick, anything but happy. She only ever wanted you to be happy.” 

 

“She hated when anyone was sad.”

 

“Yes, but you specifically. I remember her getting up and dancing around this place just to make you laugh when you’d had a bad day or a rough shift.”

 

Lexa giggled at the memories.

 

“Too bad no one ever got that on video.”

 

“Oh...I did. When you’re ready, I’ll send it to you.”

 

“Thanks Anya, but not yet.”

 

“I know. Whenever you’re ready. And if you guys have time later and want to swing by again, text me. Aiden would love to see you.”

 

“Yea, maybe tonight if Clarke doesn’t mind.”

 

“I already told you I’m just along for the ride today babe. Whatever you want. Scoot out so I can run to the bathroom before we leave though please?”

 

Lexa slid out and let Clarke get up. Anya smiled at her broadly as she sat back down. 

 

“Did she just call you babe?”

 

“She did.”

 

“When are you going to make it official with her? You’re clearly falling in love with her Lexa. And she’s amazing.”

 

“About a week ago.” 

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yep. We talked about it and I told her I was fine with making things official if it was what she wanted. She said it wasn’t just about her, that she wanted it to be mutual. I really wanted it, so I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes.”

 

“I’m so happy for you.”

 

“Thanks. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time...”

 

“I know, I can tell. I think she’s great. Have you told her you love her yet?” Anya winked and Lexa laughed as she shook her head. 

 

“No... I don’t know if she’s ready to hear that yet. It seems awfully soon.”

 

“You didn’t deny it though.”

 

“No... but it scares me kind of. And I don’t want to mess this up.”

 

“Scares you? There isn’t much that scares you Lexa.”

 

“I’ve never felt like this before Anya. It’s different than it was with Cos...”

 

“It’s going to be. You can love more than one person, but you never love the same way twice. Falling in love with her isn’t going to change what you had with Costia, or make it any less important.”

 

“I know... but I don’t think either of us are ready to go there yet. I’m happy with where things are. There’s no need to rush.”

 

“No, there isn’t. She’s pretty awesome though.”

 

“Yea, I think so too. I’m glad you and Aiden like her. It’s important to me. You’re family.”

 

“Well she has our approval. Aiden loves that dragon drawing. He added details but hasn’t colored it yet because he can’t pick the perfect color and doesn’t want to mess it up.”

 

“I’m sure she’d draw him another one if he did. I’ve never seen her draw before. She has a sketchbook in our room at the station but I’ve never seen her actually drawing.”

 

“That’s because I don’t do it often.” Clarke said quietly as she walked back up to the table and slid in next to Lexa “but she’s right, I’m happy to draw him another dragon if he messes up the one I already did. So just tell him to color it.”

 

“I will. Thank you. I’ll get this cleaned up and let you two get on with the rest of your day.”

 

They all stood up and hugged goodbye. 

 

“Thank you guys for coming, totally made my day.”

 

“You’re welcome. Thank you for the pancakes, those were incredible.” Clarke smiled. 

 

“You’re welcome. You’ll have to get Lexa to bring you here on your birthday so I can make them for you.”

 

“I... no. They were Costia’s thing. I couldn’t. But thank you, that’s sweet of you.”

 

“Costia wouldn’t mind. The offer stands if you change your mind.” 

 

Lexa smiled and slipped her hand into Clarke’s as they walked out the front door. 

 

“Lexa... I wouldn’t...”

 

“Clarke. It’s okay. She really likes you or she wouldn’t have offered. And she’s right, Costia wouldn’t mind.”

 

Clarke blushed and leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder as they walked to the car. 

 

“Where to next?” Clarke asked as they got to the car. She turned and leaned against the driver’s door; Lexa stepped in front of her and put her hand on Clarke’s hips. 

 

“Color me mine isn’t open yet.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“So... I was wondering... “

 

“Yes?”

 

“It’s a really weird request, or at least I feel like it is. So if you want to say no it’s totally fine, I get it. I probably shouldn’t even ask because it’s just-“

 

“Lexa?”

 

“.... yea.”

 

“Yes, I’ll go to her grave with you. And it doesn’t bother me, and I don’t think it’s weird.”

 

Lexa’s wide eyes slowly met Clarke’s but she couldn’t find the words to say anything. 

 

“Unless... god that isn’t what you were going to ask and I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry. Fuck what is wrong with me, to think that-“

 

“Shh.” 

 

“Lexa... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed th-“

 

Lexa silenced her with a soft kiss then stepped closer and buried her face in Clarke’s neck. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist and just stood there, waiting until she was ready to talk. 

 

“It’s what I was going to ask.” Lexa whispered after a few minutes of silence and smiled when she felt Clarke’s sigh of relief. 

 

“How did you know?”

 

“It was the only thing I could think of that would make you that nervous to ask. You looked like you were going to throw up. I couldn’t just stand there and let you be that uncomfortable about something that doesn’t make me feel weird at all. I’m actually flattered that you want me to go.”

 

“How are you even real?”

 

Clarke laughed and ran her hands up Lexa’s back before wrapping them around her shoulders. 

 

“Seriously. You don’t find it at all creepy that your girlfriend is asking you to go to her dead girlfriend’s grave? On the dead girlfriend’s birthday?”

 

“When you say it like that it sounds strange. But... does it matter to anyone but us?”

 

“No...”

 

“And do you want me to come with you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And I don’t mind going. That’s all that matters.”

 

Lexa leaned back so she could look at Clarke. 

 

“You swear it doesn’t freak you out?”

 

“I swear.” 

 

“Thank you...”

 

“You’re welcome. Let’s go?”

 

Lexa leaned forward and kissed Clarke again before smiling and nodding.

 

“Yea, lets go.”

* * *

 

 

“These flowers are gorgeous Lexa. What are the bright blue ones called?”

 

“Salvia. They represent healing. The star gazer lilies were her favorite, but they also represent romance, wealth and prosperity. The little blue ones are forget me nots... the meaning in this case is literal.”

 

“They’re amazing. So pretty. How do you know so much about flowers?”

 

“It started as a joke, but we would get each other one flower as a message and you had to figure it out yourself. So, I spent a lot of time on google looking up flowers.” 

 

“That’s adorable.”

 

“It was fun.” 

 

The drove the rest of the way to the cemetery in silence. Clarke held the bouquet of flowers in one hand and Lexa’s hand in the other. 

 

They drove in the gates and to the back of the property. Lexa parked and stared up a slight slope to a tree at the top. She squeezed Clarke’s hand subconsciously. 

 

“Do you want me to stay in the car?” Clarke asked quietly. 

 

“I... I don’t know. I don’t think so?  But maybe?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I haven’t been here in a long time. I don’t come much. It’s... hard.”

 

“I understand. It took me a long time to go to my dad’s grave.” 

 

“It took me almost a year to come here after the funeral.” 

 

Clarke just squeezed her hand in response and they sat in silence for a while until Lexa finally sighed and opened the door. 

 

Clarke got out and walked around to the driver’s side as Lexa got out. She leaned back against the car and just quietly waited. 

 

Lexa stood there for a few more minutes then slowly started walking towards Costia’s grave. She hadn’t taken Clarke’s hand so Clarke stayed at the car. 

 

Before Lexa realized how far she’d gone she was standing and staring down at Costia’s headstone. She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat. 

 

“Hey you. Happy Birthday. I still miss you... so much. Fuck Cos... it still hurts. And I know you’d be mad at me for pushing everyone away but I didn’t know what else to do.” 

 

Lexa stopped talking for a minute and just let the tears roll down her face. She’d always felt a combination of awkward and comforted standing and talking at her grave. 

 

“I’m trying though. I’m determined to make today happy. For the first time I want to though. A lot of it is because of Clarke. She’s been... incredible. You’d like her. I swear I’m falling in love with her Costia. I never thought I’d say that after you but... I am. And I hope you’d be okay with it. I’m pretty sure you would be but part of me feels guilty. You’d tell me I was being stupid. I brought you flowers. I miss our game. I just miss you... but for the first time since you died... I’m pretty sure I’m going to be okay...”

 

She let her one-sided conversation drift off into silence and after a few minutes turned and headed back to the car and Clarke. 

 

She didn’t say anything, because she knew she didn’t need to, she just walked in to Clarke’s arms. Clarke set the flowers gently on the hood and wrapped her arms around Lexa, slowly running one hand up and down the middle of her back until Lexa sighed heavily and stood up. 

 

“Doing okay?” Clarke asked quietly. 

 

“I think so? Come with me this time?”

 

“Of course.” 

 

Lexa took the flowers in one hand and Clarke’s hand in the other and walked back to Costia’s grave. 

 

“Her headstone is beautiful...” 

 

Clarke stated as she looked down at the rectangular stone. There was a galaxy etched along one corner, stretching in a arch from the top left to the bottom right of the stone. It was darkest in the corner and lighter towards the middle where most of the writing was. Along the very bottom was the quote “You belong among the stars in the night sky.”

 

“Thanks. I think she’d like it.”

 

“I’m sure she would. That quote is awesome. So unique.”

 

“It’s from something I read to her once... I told her it reminded me of her and she loved it. The full thing is You belong among the stars in the night sky. Somewhere in the endless darkness you’ll find your place, and everything on earth will pale in comparison to you.” 

 

“That’s beautiful... I can see why she liked it so much.”

 

“Yea... I never dreamed it would become so literal so soon.”

 

Lexa looked down at the ground as she pulled the vase out of the middle of Costia’s grave so Clarke wouldn’t see her tears. 

 

As Lexa went and got water for the flowers, Clarke went to the car and looked for the tool kit she was almost certain Lexa would have in the back. She grabbed the scissors out of it and headed back to Costia’s grave. 

 

When Lexa got back she found Clarke on her knees next to the headstone clipping the grass back away from the edges and using the scissors to dig a line around the edge of the stone to keep it back and make it look cleaner. She put the vase in the ground and stuck the flowers in it before kneeling next to Clarke. 

 

“Thank you... you don’t have to do that...”

 

“I know. I wanted to... unless you don’t want me to. I’m sorry, I should have asked...”

 

“No, it’s fine. It’s really sweet actually.”

 

Clarke smiled and kept working until all the way around the headstone was clean. She leaned down and blew away the dirt and grass clippings before sitting back on her heels. 

 

“There.”

 

Lexa leaned against her side, resting her head against her shoulder. 

 

“Have I said thank you?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“Have I told you that you’re amazing?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“And that I don’t deserve you?”

 

“Lies.”

 

Lexa laughed and Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist. 

 

“If you don’t deserve me then I don’t deserve you either, so just hush with that. Do you want to stay longer?”

 

“If you don’t mind...”

 

“I don’t mind at all, this just isn’t a very comfortable position to sit in. Do you want me to stay here, or go back to the car?”

 

“Stay, please.”

 

Clarke nodded and stood up, walking to the head of Costia’s grave before sitting back down, her knees tucked up to her chest in front of her. Lexa followed and used her foot to nudge Clarke’s legs apart. She sat down between them and leaned back against the front of her. Clarke smiled sadly as she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s stomach and hooked her chin over her shoulder. She knew how much the other girl was hurting and wished there was more she could do to help. 

 

“You still doing ok?”

 

“A lot better than I thought I would be.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes and pulled Lexa tighter against her. They sat that way for a few minutes before Lexa turned her head and kissed Clarke on the cheek. 

 

“I know I’ve already said it, but thank you for everything today.”

 

“I wish I could do more.”

 

“What you’re doing is more than enough Clarke.”

 

“I just wish I could take it from you... all the hurt...”

 

“I know, but you can’t. Being here for me today though means more than you know. Without you I’d be spending today hiding in my bed alone... it’s what I used to think I wanted. But it’s not.”

 

It took almost all of Clarke’s willpower to not tell Lexa she loved her. It wasn’t the right time or place and she wasn’t even sure she was ready to say it, or that Lexa was ready to hear it, but she was sure she felt it. What she’d thought was love when she first got with Finn was nothing in comparison to what she felt for Lexa.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Lexa asked quietly when Clarke was unusually quiet for a few minutes. 

 

“Nothing, sorry.”

 

“That so wasn’t nothing Clarke.”

 

“You. Us. Just... how much has changed since I met you. How much I’ve changed. How much happier I am. Just... everything I guess. How it seems to just... click. Everything feels so right.”

 

“Yes it does.” 

 

Lexa put her hands over Clarke’s on her stomach and weaved their fingers together. They sat in silence for a while longer and Lexa felt more at peace than she had all day. She had been worried that it would feel weird being at Costia’s grave with Clarke, but it didn’t at all. It felt oddly peaceful and comforting. 

 

“We should head to Color Me Mine.”

 

“If you’re ready to go?”

 

“Yea, I am.”

 

Clarke stood up from behind Lexa and headed towards the car, leaving her alone to say goodbye. Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke walk away, amazed at how the girl seemed to always know what she needed.

 

“I’m gonna go Cos. I almost didn’t come today, but I’m glad I did. I still love you. I’ll always love you. But I hope you’re okay with me falling in love again... because Clarke is amazing. I think you’d be okay with it. I know you’d want me to be happy, and she makes me so happy Cos...”

 

Lexa stood there for a minute, lost in her own thoughts when a sudden gust of wind picked up, swirling her hair around her face. She sputtered and coughed, getting the ends of it out of her mouth and then turned around, facing the wind so it blew it out of her face. On the ground about fifteen feet behind her was a single yellow flower. She looked around for someone who might have dropped it but in one was in sight. She walked over and picked it up, laughing when she realized what it was; a yellow daffodil. They signified new beginnings. 

 

“Thanks Cos.” She whispered as the wind died down as suddenly as it had picked up. She tucked the flower into the bouquet on Costia’s grave and headed towards the car. 

 

“What are you smiling about?”

 

Clarke asked as Lexa slid into the driver’s seat and took her hand, kissing the back of it before letting them rest together on the console. 

 

“New beginnings.”

 

“Sounds like a good reason to smile.”

* * *

 

 

“I’ve never painted pottery in my life.” Lexa said as they walked in to Color Me Mine.

 

“Me either.”

 

“Yea but you’re artistic.”

 

“So what. Just have fun with it. What do you want to paint?”

 

“I have no idea.”

 

“Well, should we do the whole cute matching girlfriend thing and make matching cups or something?” Clarke said with a quiet giggle as she leaned in to Lexa’s side.

 

“I mean we could. Or... you could pick something cool to make and I could just sit and watch you?”

 

“No! You have to paint too. A cup does not require that much artistic ability.”

 

“Ok fine. I’ll paint a cup. What are you going to paint?”

 

“I don’t care. Pick something.” 

 

They wandered the store for a while looking at the various pottery items available to paint before Lexa stopped at a dragon figure that was sitting with its tail curled around its feet. 

 

“This is cool.”

 

“Yea, I could paint it for Aiden.”

 

“Aww, don’t you want to make something for you?”

 

“No. I don’t really need anything. Unless we need matching cups.”

 

Lexa elbowed her in the side as she picked up the dragon. 

 

“You don’t mind?”

 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I did. Come on. Get your cup. Let’s go paint.”

 

Lexa picked one of the mugs off the shelf and sat down at the table where Clarke had put the dragon. Clarke was busy getting different colored paints and came back to the table when she was done. 

 

“Alright. I’m going to teach you how to paint a galaxy. Paint the whole thing black.”

 

“Oh, you are over estimating my skill level. Which is zero.”

 

“No I’m not. Paint it black.”

 

Lexa huffed and started painting her mug with the black. Clarke did the same with the dragon. 

 

“What are you going to do with the dragon?”

 

“Galaxy with a white underbelly and wing webbing.”

 

“Oh he’ll love that.”

 

“I wanted to do something different. Plus this way there is a visual for you too.”

 

“Because I’m obviously that inept that I will need a demonstration to understand?”

 

“No! I just... sometimes it easier to do artistic things if you can follow along with someone... I didn’t mean to offend you... I’m sorry.”

 

Clarke stared down at her paint and swirled the brush around in it. Lexa smirked and reached out with her brush and poked Clarke in the cheek with it. 

 

“Hey!” 

 

Clarke looked up to find Lexa smiling at her, her green eyes bright with barely contained laughter. 

 

“I was joking with you. You didn’t upset me. It’s sweet.”

 

“So you repay me by painting on my face?”

 

“It’s a good look for you.” Lexa laughed as she reached out and wiped the paint off Clarke’s cheek with her thumb. 

 

“Oh really?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“I think it would look better on you.” Clarke swiped her paintbrush in a diagonal line across Lexa’s cheek. 

 

“Oh you did not just do that...”

 

“What are you going to do about it?”

 

Lexa stuck two of her fingers in the paint and before Clarke even realized what was happening she had swiped them from her forehead down the front of her nose.

 

“Lexa!” 

 

Lexa flopped back in her chair and was laughing so hard she didn’t realize Clarke had stuck her thumbs in the paint until she was practically in her lap, both hands cupping her face as she spread the paint under her eyes like a football player. 

 

“Ha!”

 

“Oh my god Clarke! We’re going to get kicked out.”

 

“Not if you shut up.”

 

“I wouldn’t be yelling if you hadn’t just covered my face with paint!”

 

“But you look cute... kinda like an angry raccoon...”

 

“I’m so getting you back.”

 

“No, not here or we will get kicked out. I win.”

 

“Only for now.”

 

“Still winning.” 

 

Clarke grinned at her and Lexa laughed, then pulled on her shirt until she was close enough to kiss. Clarke smiled into the kiss and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck, pulling her closer. 

 

“Hey, pretty sure we’ll get kicked out for sure if you’re sitting on my lap making out with me covered in paint. I don’t think that’s the kind of place they run.”

 

“Hm, might be worth it.” 

 

Clarke muttered and kissed Lexa one more time before scooting off her lap and standing up. 

 

“We have to take a picture before we wipe the paint off our faces.”

 

Lexa huffed but smiled when Clarke moved behind her and wrapped her arms around her neck. She pulled out her phone and took a few selfies before putting it back in her pocket. 

 

They both went in the bathroom and washed the paint off of their faces. As they sat back down one of the store employees came over to the table. 

 

“Everything going okay here?”

 

“Yes, fine, thank you.”

 

“Looks like you’re running low on black, did you want me to get more for you?”

 

“Yes please.” Clarke answered then glared at Lexa, who was barely holding back a fit of giggles. 

 

“You’re impossible.”

 

“You’re gorgeous.”

 

“So are you.”

 

“Oh you’re getting quick with the replies. That used to make you blush. I have to step up my game.”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“God, you’re so fucking perfect.” 

 

Clarke bit her lip and smiled as she looked down at the table, trying not to blush too noticeably. Lexa laughed. 

 

“I win.” 

 

“This time.”

 

The store employee returned with more black paint and they resumed painting. Clarke walked Lexa through painting a galaxy on her mug as she did the same on Aiden’s dragon and before they knew it a few hours had passed. Lexa realized she’d spent the whole time laughing and having fun with Clarke and hadn’t thought of Costia at all. The realization made her stop mid brush stroke.

 

“What’s the matter?” 

 

“Nothing... I just realized I haven’t thought of Costia the whole time we’ve been here. Normally on her birthday I spend all day thinking about her and crying, or sleeping...”

 

“Lexa, I... don’t know what to say?”

 

“It’s okay. It’s not a bad thing. This is what I wanted for today. I wanted to have fun. It’s what she would want. There were just times after her death where I never thought I’d get here. I never thought I’d be able to think about her and smile or laugh instead of fall apart. I never thought I’d be able to make it through her birthday and be happy... thank you.”

 

“It’s not me Lexa. You’re making the choice to do things differently. I’m just along for the ride.”

 

“Maybe so. But you... have been the reason I’ve wanted to do things differently.”

 

“Well I’m glad you’re having a good time. I am too. I think we’re done with these though.”

 

“Me too. I can’t wait to see how they come out. It sucks we have to wait two weeks.”

 

“Yes it does. Sign your name on the bottom and we’ll go turn them in.”

 

They both signed their names on the bottom of their pieces and turned them in at the front. 

 

“Where to now?”

 

Clarke asked as they walked to the car, her hand finding its way in to Lexa’s automatically as they walked. 

 

“I don’t know. I thought I wanted to go to the observatory, but I kinda wanted to do that at night and the more I think about it the more I want to go to the beach across from Flappy Jacks tonight.”

 

“Okay, that’s fine. Do you want to go back home for a while?”

 

“I kinda want to stay out of the house. What about the movies?”

 

“Whatever you want babe, like I said, I’m along for the ride.”

 

“We could always go see some random movie that’s about to leave theaters and just sit in the very back and make out.” Lexa said, half laughing as she wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke.

 

“If that’s what you want.”

 

Lexa’s mouth fell open and she stopped and turned to Clarke. 

 

“Seriously? Would you really?”

 

“You seem surprised.”

 

“Well kinda. I mean... I was sort of kidding...”

 

“Hm, too bad. A few hours of nothing to do but make out with you in the dark sounds fairly appealing but if that’s not your thing...”

 

Clarke smirked and stepped in to Lexa’s space. She put her hands on Lexa’s hips and looked up at her. 

 

“You are always my thing.” 

 

Lexa whispered before leaning down to kiss her. Clarke let her get close before putting her hand on Lexa’s chest and stepping back. 

 

“Save it for the movies.” She laughed before turning towards the car. 

 

“Are you serious? Get your ass over here.”

 

“Nope!” 

 

“Don’t make me chase you.”

 

Clarke glanced behind her to see Lexa reaching for her and laughed as she took off running through the parking lot.

 

“Dammit Clarke!”

 

Lexa called as she ran after her. Clarke laughed as she zig zagged between cars, passing theirs and running out to the far end of the parking lot. Lexa cut a path diagonally through the cars and cut Clarke off as she got to the last row. Clarke tried to duck away but Lexa wrapped one arm around her stomach and spun her around, pulling her against her chest as she laughed. 

 

“Caught you! So you’re gonna make me work for things now?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Well I think since I caught you, you owe me a kiss.”

 

“Nope. I told you, save it for the movies.”

 

Lexa whined and wrapped her other arm around Clarke, then ran both hands slowly up her sides. 

 

“You know you want to.” She muttered as she felt Clarke shiver under her touch. 

 

“Hmm, Dammit Lexa. You know what that does to me.”

 

“Mhmm, and this.”

 

She kissed her neck, slowly working her way up to her ear. 

 

“This too.” She whispered in her ear as she pulled Clarke harder back against her then smiled as the blonde whimpered. 

 

“Fuck Lexa...”

 

“So are you gonna kiss me now?”

 

“No?”

 

“Wrong answer.” 

 

Lexa turned Clarke around in her arms and smiled at how dark her blue eyes were. 

 

“I can tell you want to... your eyes get this amazing shade of dark blue and-“

 

Clarke silenced her with a chaste peck on the lips. 

 

“There.”

 

“That was not what I had in mind.”

 

“You didn’t specify. You just said for me to kiss you. And I did.”

 

“That... is cheating.”

 

“Well, if you’d stop arguing about it we could go to the movies and I can kiss you how I want to.”

 

“Oh? And how is that?”

 

Clarke smirked as she draped her arms loosely around Lexa’s neck and whispered,

 

“Until you can’t breathe and you forget your own fucking name.”

 

Lexa’s mouth went dry at the look in Clarke’s eyes and she tightened her grip on the other girls hips. Clarke smiled slowly. 

 

“So, are you going to take me to the movies or not?”

 

“Yes I am. Let’s go.”

 

Lexa let go of Clarke’s hips, took her hand and practically drug her to the car. 

* * *

 

They were standing in line at the concession stand of the theater; Lexa was standing behind Clarke with her arms wrapped around her waist while they waited. 

 

“Clarke...babe....I don’t understand why we need anything from the snack counter. We aren’t going to be watching much of the movie.”

 

“It’s the movies Lexa. You have to get popcorn. And a pretzel. And a slurpee.”

 

“Get a blue slurpee.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Is my favorite.”

 

“So why don’t you get a blue slurpee?”

 

“Because I don’t want one.”

 

“But why do I have to get blue? I mean I like blue. But I usually get coke.”

 

“But I like blue better.”

 

“So?”

 

“So If you’re gonna taste like slurpee... it might as well be my favorite.”

 

“Oh my god you are the biggest dork.”

 

“Am not.”

 

“Pretty sure you are. Any other flavor requests?”

 

“I don’t like raisinettes.”

 

“So a red slurpee and a box of raisinettes, got it.”

 

“You suck.”

 

“And yet here you are, with your arms wrapped around my waist anyhow.”

 

“Hm, I kinda like you a lot.”

 

“Even though I suck?”

 

“Yep.”

 

Clarke laughed when it was her turn to order and Lexa refused to let go of her so she stepped up to the counter with Lexa still wrapped around her, her head resting on her shoulder. 

 

“Hi, what I get for you?” The kid behind the counter asked with a bright smile and a brief strange look at Lexa.

 

“Hello. Can I get a medium popcorn, a large blue slurpee, a pretzel and a box of M&Ms please?”

 

“Sure, anything else?”

 

“No, that’s it.”

 

“Does your...attachment there want anything?”

 

“Girlfriend, and no thank you, I don’t want anything.” Lexa answered from over Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke laughed as they walked to the side to wait for their order.

 

“You are kind of attached ya know?”

 

“I’m aware, I just don’t care. Unless you do?”

 

“You know I don’t, but you are going to have to help me carry stuff.”

 

“Still don’t understand why you got anything to eat. I’ll keep your mouth busy enough.”

 

“Oh my god Lexa.” 

 

Lexa laughed and let go of Clarke’s waist as her order came up. Lexa took the slurpee and pretzel, Clarke took the M&Ms and popcorn and they headed to their theater. 

 

“Where do you want to sit?” Clarke asked as they walked in to the empty room. 

 

“Top row? In the corner? Middle?”

 

“Middle. I think the corner would look kinda obvious if we end up being the only people in here.”

 

“Okay.”

 

They walked up to the back row and as soon as they sat down Lexa leaned over and kissed Clarke’s neck. 

 

“Hey, wait until the actual movie starts.”

 

“Ugh. But why.”

 

“Because. Waiting is half the fun.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Mhmm. Pretzel?”

 

“You drive me nuts.”

 

“I know, but you like me anyways.”

 

Clarke smiled as she ran one finger up Lexa’s leg, from her knee to mid-thigh before resting her hand on her leg. 

 

“Something like that, Yea.” 

 

Clarke smiled, flipped the arm rest between them up and curled in to Lexa’s side. They shared the pretzel and Clarke munched on popcorn and M&Ms while the trailers played. She wasn’t really paying attention to what was on the screen, rather to Lexa’s fingers making random patterns on the skin on her side just under the hem of her shirt. 

 

She took a few drinks of the Slurpee as the movie started to play then turned and kissed Lexa’s neck, running her tongue along the side of it down her collar bone. Lexa gasped.

 

“Omg that’s cold.”

 

“Mhmm.” Clarke hummed in to the skin on her neck as she slipped her hand under her shirt. 

 

“Jesus, so is your hand oh my god...”

 

Clarke giggled as her hand slowly trailed up Lexa’s body and across the front of her bra. 

 

“Fuck Clarke oh my god...”

 

Clarke slid her hand back down and let it rest on Lexa’s ribs as she pulled Lexa’s bottom lip between her teeth slowly, then let it go before kissing her neck again. 

 

Lexa whimpered and wrapped one hand in Clarke’s hair, gently pulled her away from her neck. Clarke smirked and avoided Lexa’s attempt at kissing her as she swung one knee over her lap so she was straddling her. 

 

“Jesus Clarke. Be more obvious.”

 

“Shh. No one else is in here.”

 

Clarke slipped both of her hands under Lexa’s shirt and kissed the other side of her neck. Lexa ran her hands up Clarke’s sides under her shirt, smiling when Clarke shivered the way she always did. She hesitated when her thumbs grazed the bottom of Clarke’s bra. 

 

“It’s ok, don’t stop.” 

 

Clarke whispered in her ear as she flicked her tongue behind it. Lexa ran her hands up further until she was cupping both of Clarke’s breasts, then ran her thumbs over the front of her bra and squeezed gently.  

She smiled as she felt Clarke’s fingers dig in to her ribs in response and she ran her thumbs slowly back and forth until she could feel Clarke’s nipples harden through her bra. 

 

“Fuck Lexa....”

 

Clarke’s voice was a breathy moan in her ear.

 

“Hm?” Lexa hummed as she moved her thumbs in a slow circle. Clarke felt like she was going to come completely undone and she wanted more. 

 

“God, so good...” she moaned and arched into Lexa’s touch. Lexa smiled and ran her hands back down Clarke’s sides, letting them rest on her hips. Clarke whimpered in protest and Lexa ran her hands softly up her back, pulling her closer. 

 

“Not here babe.” She whispered, kissing her neck. 

 

“Lexa...”

 

“Clarke, I swear to god you moaning my name like that has got to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. Not here though, it’s not going to be like that with you.”

 

Clarke groaned, then kissed Lexa with a passion that took her breath away.  Lexa wrapped both her hands in Clarke’s hair, pulling her closer as their tongues met. Clarke happily obliged, kissing Lexa deeper and smiling at the deep moan it drew from her mouth. Lexa pulled back, breathless but Clarke followed, barely giving her time to breathe before she was kissing her again, her hands coming up to her shoulders and pushing her back against the seat. Lexa’s hands moved from Clarke’s hair to her hips, pulling her even closer until their bodies were completely flush against each other. 

Clarke stopped kissing her long enough to whisper,

 

“God you feel so good.”

 

Before Lexa’s bottom lip was between her teeth again. Her next kiss was softer; less needy and more passionate and Lexa wasn’t sure which she like better; the only thing she was sure of was that the movies were the best idea she’d had in a long time.

 

“Ahem, excuse me, ladies?” 

 

The both jumped at the sound of the man’s voice coming from the end of the aisle. Clarke pushed herself off Lexa’s lap and half fell into the seat next to her. The guy laughed quietly. 

 

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you can’t...keep your actions a little more...family friendly?”

 

“Of course. We’re so sorry.” Clarke stammered, thankful that it was dark because she was pretty sure her face was six shades of red. 

 

“Enjoy the movie.” The guy chuckled as we walked back down the stairs. As soon as he was gone Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s shoulder as Lexa laughed. 

 

“Oh my god! What the hell were we thinking?”

 

“It’s funny Clarke. Don’t worry about it. Besides... that was hot as hell... until we had company. I’d so chance it again.”

 

“No. He will be back. I am not doing that again.”

 

“I bet I could change your mind, come here.”

 

Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke and pulled her closer as she kissed her neck.

 

“Lexa quit, you know he’s going to come back!”

 

“Hmm, not for a little while.”

 

“Babe…I will die if he catches us again.”

 

“Somehow I think die might be a bit of an over exaggeration. Just kiss me.”

 

“Lexa..ugh…”

 

Clarke huffed as Lexa gently bit her neck and all of a sudden she wasn’t sure how much she cared about getting caught again. She tilted her face up and their lips met in a long, slow kiss. It was soft and sweet; a stark contrast to the way they’d been moments before and Clarke could feel herself falling even harder for Lexa.

 

“See? Not dying.” Lexa whispered as she pulled back and Clarke curled up against her side again.

 

“No, not dying, but we also didn’t get caught. That was embarrassing.”

 

“It wasn’t that bad. It’s only us in here.”

 

“True. I guess it was worth it.”

 

“It was totally worth it. You drive me crazy.” Lexa ran her hand over Clarke’s side and let it rest on her ribs, drumming her fingers gently against her side.

 

“I drive you crazy? I’ve never been with anyone that makes me feel the way you do by barely touching me.”

 

Lexa blushed and kissed the top of Clarke’s head. Clarke sat up, so she could look at Lexa.

 

“I mean it Lexa. I’ve never been this comfortable with anyone physically. I never have been a very physical person, unless I was super drunk, but especially after Finn… it’s so different with you.” 

 

“I know you mean it Clarke, and I’m glad you’re comfortable with me, it means a lot that you trust me that much.”

 

Clarke smiled and tugged on Lexa’s sleeve until the brunette tucked her feet up on the seat next to her and curled up against Clarke’s side. Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa and rested her head on top of Lexa’s. They half watched the movie for a while then Lexa ran her index finger along Clarke’s thigh and made random patterns along the top of her leg.

 

“That tickles.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Quit it.” Clarke giggled and shifted in her seat so her legs were further away from Lexa.

 

“Well that’s no fun.”

“Find something else to amuse yourself, like watching the movie.”

 

“Nah, you’re more fun.”

 

Lexa sat up, leaned over and kissed Clarke. As she did, she moved over her lap so she was straddling her then pulled back and gave her a coy smile.

 

“Are you serious?” Clarke laughed “Get off me.”

 

“But… what’s the worst that could happen? We get kicked out of a movie we aren’t watching anyhow?”

 

“Lexa… what are we, fifteen?”

 

“No… I mean… we’ve kind of acted like it today most of the day?”

 

“True, we pretty much have.”

 

“So why stop now?”

 

Lexa’s smile was wicked as she scooted backwards off Clarke’s lap and crouched in front of her, her hands resting on Clarke’s thighs.

 

“W-what are you doing?” Clarke stuttered as Lexa leaned forward and slid her shirt halfway up her stomach as she leaned close.

 

“Driving you crazy.”

 

Clarke could feel Lexa’s breath on her skin as she answered then leaned forward and softly kissed just above her belly button. Her hands slowly moved up Clarke’s sides as her lips and tongue moved up her stomach.

 

“Holy shit Lexa…” Clarke moaned and gripped the armrest on one side of her and wrapped her other hand in Lexa’s hair. Lexa smiled as she moved higher, moving back over Clarke’s lap and kissing the swell of her breasts along the neckline of her shirt.

 

“Want me to stop?” She whispered, laughing softly.

 

“No…please don’t…my god…”

 

Lexa’s hand slowly trailed over the same path she’d made with her mouth, then ran between Clarke’s breasts and slid behind her neck, pulling her into a deep kiss.

 

“You’re going to be the death of me and I don’t even care.” Clarke whispered as Lexa pulled back from the kiss and moved back into the seat next to Clarke.

 

“See, we didn’t even get caught.”

 

“Such a daredevil.”

 

“Hm, only because I want you that much.”

 

Clarke blushed and leaned against Lexa. It wasn’t much longer until the movie was over and they got up to leave. Lexa took Clarke’s hand once they were down the stairs. Much to Clarke’s horror the guy who’d caught them making out was standing at the door as they left.

 

“Did you enjoy the movie?” He asked, winking at Lexa.

 

“Very much so, thank you.”

 

He glanced around then leaned closer and spoke quietly.

 

“For what it’s worth, that was really hot and I didn’t go back in later even though my manager told me to. You guys were alone so I don’t get what the big deal was.”

 

“Thanks for that.”

 

Lexa laughed and Clarke hid her face in her shoulder as they walked away.

 

“That was kinda creepy.” She muttered once they were far enough away that the guy wouldn’t hear.

 

“What?”

“Him saying it was hot. How long did he stand there and just watch? Kinda gross.”

 

“Kinda, but what are we going to do? Go say something about him? We weren’t exactly supposed to be doing what we were doing.”

 

“I know, just…ew.”

 

Lexa laughed and wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulder as they headed to the car.

 

“It’s almost dark, do you want to head to Flappy Jacks for dinner?”

 

“Yea, I’ll text Anya. Are you ever going to tell me what’s in the backpack that’s in the back of the car?”

 

“You noticed?”

 

“Yes, its been driving me nuts all day. I keep waiting for you to take it out but you haven’t.”

 

“Later, at the beach.”

 

“Ugh. Can I have a hint?”

 

“Nope. But you don’t have to wait much longer.”

 

“Fine.”

 

Lexa pulled her phone out of her pocket and let Anya know they were on their way back to the restaurant.

 

* * *

 

 

“Aunt Lexa!” Aiden called as soon as they walked in the door. He’d been sitting at one of the tables drawing but dropped his pencil as soon as he saw Lexa and ran across the room to her.

 

“Hey bud.” Lexa said with a smile as he crashed into her and wrapped his arms around her waist in a bear hug.

 

“Mom said you were here this morning and I was said I missed you.”

 

“I came back just for you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

“Thanks! I drew a picture for Costia’s birthday, do you want to see?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Clarke saw the anxiety flicker across Lexa’s face. Aiden smiled and came over and hugged her.

 

“Hi Clarke! I’m glad you came too! Want to see the dragon? I finished it today at school.”

 

“I’d love to.”

 

“Cool, come over here.”

 

He headed back to the table and Lexa reached for Clarke’s hand. Clarke took it and squeezed it.

 

“You’ll be okay.” She whispered and Lexa smiled briefly.

 

“Here is the dragon.”

 

Aiden flipped to the dragon sketch Clarke had started. He had added scales, shading and color. The dragon was dark red with gold wing webs and underbelly scales. The sky was night time; he’d added a galaxy streaking across the sky and a moon in one corner. He’d also drawn the stones of the castle.

 

“It looks amazing Aiden. I love the colors you picked for the dragon.”

 

“Thanks! That part took me forever. It was so hard to pick.”

 

“I have a hard time choosing colors sometimes too.”

 

“Especially dragons, because they can be anything.”

 

Clarke nodded and Aiden flipped the page.

 

“This is what I drew for Aunt Costia.”

 

He turned the book so it was landscape and Clarke smiled. It was a picture of Costia drawn as if the Aiden had been standing behind her. She was sitting, staring out at the ocean at night. The sky was full of stars and the waves were breaking just beyond her feet.

 

“It’s beautiful Aiden.” Clarke said with a sad smile as she squeezed Lexa’s hand.

 

“I know it’s not really a birthday picture but she loved the beach, and the stars, and I thought about her a lot today so this is what I came up with. Do you like it Aunt Lexa?”

 

“Of course I do Aiden, it’s amazing.”

 

“Thanks. I thought it might make you sad, so I was afraid to show it to you.”

 

“It does make me a little sad; I still miss her a lot, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show me things.”

 

“I know, but mom always said the reason you didn’t come around much anymore is because you were still really sad, so I didn’t want to make you really sad again because I miss you.”

 

“Oh Aiden, I’m sorry. Your mom was right. I was really sad for a long time, but I’m getting better. I promise I won’t stay gone for a long time again, ok? And you can show me anything, and talk to me about Cos any time you want to.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yea, really. I’m so sorry buddy. I was so busy being sad myself that I didn’t realize I might be making other people sad by staying away. Grown ups are dumb sometimes. Can you forgive me?”

 

“Yes. I love you.”

 

“I love you too kid.”

 

Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand and pulled Aiden in to a hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his face against her stomach and they stood like that for a minute before letting go. Clarke brushed the back of her hand across her eyes to get rid of the tears that were forming in her eyes.

 

“Hey! You guys are back, I didn’t know you were here already.”

 

Anya walked over and hugged them both.

 

“I’m glad you came back, Aiden really wanted to see you.”

 

“Yea, we just talked about that. I’m going to be around more often.” Lexa smiled as she ruffled Aiden’s hair. He laughed but ducked away from her.

 

“Hey Clarke?” He asked, sounding almost shy.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Would you mind drawing another dragon for me?”

 

“Of course not.”

 

Clarke sat down at the table and flipped to a clean page in Aiden’s sketch book. He said next to her and leaned against her shoulder as he explained his idea, tracing his finger over the page as he discussed the placement of certain things.

 

Lexa felt her heart swell watching them; it constantly amazing her how Clarke seemed to just fit seamlessly into her life and make everything make sense again.

 

“Can you come help me in the kitchen?” Anya asked; she was smiling too watching Clarke and Aiden.

 

“Sure. I’ll be right back you guys.”

“Okay Aunt Lexa.” Aiden said, not really paying attention. Clarke glanced up at her and smiled before turning her attention back to Aiden.

 

Lexa followed Anya into the kitchen.

 

“What’s up? You never need help in the kitchen, especially not from me.”

 

“No, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I heard what Aiden told you I said… and I didn’t mean to make him upset with you. I just didn’t know how else to explain it to him when he asked for you all the time.”

 

“Anya, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who crawled in a hole with my hurt and depression for so long without realizing how much it was hurting other people. Like I told Aiden, I’m getting better, and I won’t stay gone like that anymore.”

 

“Good, because we’ve missed you a lot.”

 

“I’ve missed you guys too, I was just too lost to see it.”

 

“He likes Clarke quite a bit already.”

 

“He’s not the only one.”

 

“Did you guys have a good time today?”

 

“Yea, we did. We went to Costia’s grave, then Color Me Mine, then the movies. I decided to skip the observatory. I wanted to go there at night to see the stars, but tonight I wanted to come here and be with you guys.”

 

“She went with you to Costia’s grave?”

 

“Yes, she did, and she was amazing about it. I was so afraid it was going to be weird or freak her out, but it was actually really comforting.”

 

“I know I’ve said it before, but I’m really happy for you.”

 

“Thanks Anya, me too.”

 

“Alright, lets get out there with food before my child turns her into his personal art slave.”

 

“I don’t think she minds. What did you make?”

 

“Meat loaf and purple potatoes.”

 

“I should have known; Costia’s favorite.”

 

“Today is always all about her.”

 

“Just how she liked it.”

 

Lexa grabbed a few plates and her and Anya headed back out into the dining room.

 

“Alright, sketchbook of the table please. Dinner is ready.”

 

“Aww man!” Aiden whined. Clarke laughed she closed the book at set it on one of the extra chairs at the table.

 

“I’ll finish it before we leave, I promise.”

 

“Awesome, thanks!”

 

“Whatever that is, it smells fantastic. Is there anything you can’t cook Anya?”

 

“Cheesecake.”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“Pretty much.”

 

“Good to know.”

 

Anya laughed as she set the plates down. Lexa bumped Aiden with her hip.

 

“Out of my spot kid.”

 

“But why?”

 

“She’s my girlfriend, I sit next to her when I’m around.”

 

“Girlfriend?” He asked, glancing between the two of them. Lexa forgot Aiden didn’t know things between them had become more official.

 

“Yea, girlfriend.”

 

“Cool! But I get to sit next to her later when she finishes the drawing.”

 

“Deal.”

 

Aiden got up and moved to the other side of the table to sit next to his mom. Lexa sat down next to Clarke and squeezed her knee under the table.

 

“How long has she been your girlfriend?” Aiden asked as he took a bite of meatloaf.

 

“Aiden! That isn’t any of your business.” Anya scolded.

 

“It’s okay, he can ask. About a week.”

 

“Have you kissed her yet?”

 

Anya groaned and hid her face in her hands, Clarke almost choked on the bite of potato she had in her mouth and Lexa just laughed.

 

“Yes I have.”

 

“Sorry, I was just wondering how long you had to be with someone before kissing them.”

 

Anya looked like she wanted to melt into the table and Clarke was having a hard time holding back her laughter; Lexa on the other hand seemed to be enjoying the conversation.

 

“Oh, and what makes you wonder that? Is there someone you like?”

 

“N-no. I mean… I don’t know. Maybe.”

 

“Well, you’re a little young to be kissing anyone anyways sir.”

 

“Ew. I know that. I just wondered.”

 

“Come back to me when ew isn’t your first thought about kissing and we can have this conversation then, okay?”

 

“Deal.”

 

“Oh thank god that’s over.” Anya huffed and everyone at the table laughed. The conversation throughout the meal was easy and natural and Clarke found herself watching Lexa laugh and smile more than she’d seen her do before. They talked about Color Me Mine and Aiden said he wanted to go some time. Anya talked about a few new pancake recipes she wanted to try and Clarke volunteered to be the taste tester. The conversation eventually drifted to Costia.

 

“I think she’d like it that you came today Aunt Lexa.”

“I know she would, she always liked all of us spending part of her birthday together.”

 

“Remember when she got the bouncer and made mom put it up even though it took up all of the grass in front of the restaurant?”

 

“Yes. It ended up getting so crowded that day; everyone stopped to see what the huge bouncer was about.” Lexa laughed at the memory.

 

“We should do that again. Maybe for my birthday? Mom?”

 

“Maybe, we’ll see.”

 

“Cool! Clarke you’d have to come too. Bouncers are awesome.”

 

“Of course I’d come, I love bouncers.”

 

“Mom, did you make cake?”

 

“Of course I did. Is that my hint to go get it?”

 

“Please?”

 

Anya laughed and started clearing the table. Clarke got up and helped her, following her into the kitchen with the dirty dishes.

 

“He’s a good kid.”

 

“Thanks. He’s a pain in my ass sometimes, but I love him. He likes you.”

 

“I’m glad; I know how important you both are to Lexa.”

 

“She’s important to us too. We both love her a lot.”

 

“I can see that.”

 

“You do too.”

 

“I... don’t know that we’re ready to go there just yet.”

 

“I can see it in the way you two look at each other.”

 

“She’s… I’ve never felt like this about anyone else, but I don’t want to mess it up either.”

 

“I know, she says the same thing about you.”

 

Anya smirked as she carried the cake out of the kitchen. Clarke’s mouth fell open and she stood there for a second before rushing to catch up to Anya.

 

Aiden insisted on singing happy birthday so they did, and then Lexa blew out the candles and they all ate cake.

 

Clarke picked up Aiden’s sketch book and started working on the dragon again and Aiden promptly kicked Lexa out of her seat. So he could watch Clarke draw. Anya and Lexa chatted for a while as Clarke finished her drawing and Clarke smiled as she realized how at home she felt.

 

“Alright, I’m leaving the wings off this time. More practice. I drew the base for where they should be, but you have to draw them.”

 

“Okay! These are fun.”

 

“Well I can’t wait to see it finished. The other one came out great.”

 

“Thanks Clarke!”

 

He hugged her around the shoulders and picked up the pencil to start working on the wings.

 

“Hey, put that down for a second to say good bye. The girls have to get going.”

 

“Aww man!”

 

“I know, but we’ll come back. We’ll plan a trip to color me mine too.”

 

“Awesome. Clarke too?”

 

“If you want me to. If not I understand if you want to spend time with your Aunt.”

 

“No, I want you to come so you can help me paint.”

 

“Then we’ll plan it when we can all go.”

 

Aiden smiled and hugged them both goodbye before sitting back down with his sketchbook. Anya shook her head and walked them to the door.

 

“Thank you for coming back. He’s so excited about seeing you again Lexa.”

 

“I’ve missed him too. And you. Things will be different.”

 

Anya hugged them both and they headed to the car. Lexa slipped her hand into Clarke’s.

 

“Thank you for everything today.”

 

“Any time.”

 

“Now do I get to know what is in that backpack?”

 

“Yes you do, we’re taking it out to the tower on the beach.”

 

“Alright…”

 

They grabbed a blanket and the backpack out of the car and walked out to the lifeguard tower.

 

“The anticipation is killing me.” Lexa laughed as Clarke handed her the backpack and climbed up onto the tower.

 

“I just hope you like it.”

 

“I’m sure I will.”

 Clarke bit her lip and stared at the ground, suddenly very anxious about what she was about to do.

 

“Hey… I’m sure I’ll love it. Don’t stress out.”

 

“I just… I don’t know. I can’t turn back now.”

 

“No, I’m dying to know what it is.”

 

Clarke took a deep breath and unzipped the back pack. She took out parts of a telescope and put it together. Lexa stood and watched her in puzzled silence. She took a piece of paper out of the backpack and looked at it for a while, then looked through the telescope. She went back and forth between the paper and the telescope a few times, making adjustments for a while before motioning for Lexa to come over.

 

 

“Look in there.”

 

Lexa looked through the telescope and found it was focused on a small group of stars.

“See that cluster of stars?”

 

“Yea..”

 

“See the one furthest right? Here?”

 

Clarke pointed to a printout of the same cluster as she pointed out the specific star she was pointing to. Lexa looked in the lens again.

 

“Yes, I see it.”

 

“Okay, can you see it without the telescope?”

 

Clarke leaned over Lexa’s shoulder and explained how to find the star without the telescope. It took a minute, but Lexa finally saw it.

 

“Oh, there it is! Okay…Clarke…what is this about?”

 

Clarke swallowed hard and pulled another piece of paper out of the backpack and held it out to Lexa.

 

“That star is Costia’s. So… when you look up there, it’s like she’s there looking back. You told me how much she loved stars, so I thought she would like having one named after her. And I thought it might help you to have her up there…watching over you…”

 

Lexa stared down at the certificate that Clarke had handed her which named the star as Costia and gave its coordinates.

 

“It comes with a poster too, but I didn’t want to bring it out here and have it get messed up. I got it framed, it’s in my closet…”

 

Clarke let her sentence trail off into silence because Lexa still hadn’t looked up at her. She was still staring at the certificate in her hand. She looked up the at sky, then back at the certificate. She couldn’t find the right words to explain to Clarke exactly what the gift meant to her.

 

“Lexa…please say something. I’m sorry if I overstepped somehow…”

 

Lexa slowly shook her head no and knelt down to put the certificate in the backpack before practically throwing herself in to Clarke’s arms. Clarke staggered backwards a step as she wrapped her arms around Lexa who had her face buried in her shoulder. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, her fingers digging into her back as she started crying.

 

Clarke ran her hand up and down Lexa’s back and just waited. She could feel Lexa shaking.

 

“Clarke…” It was all Lexa could manage to choke out before the sobbing started.

 

“Shit, babe, I’m sorry-“

“N-no.”

 

“Okay…but breathe.”

 

Lexa took a few deep, shaky breathes and fought to get the words out because she knew Clarke thought she’d done something wrong.

 

“T-thank you.”

 

She felt Clarke immediately relax against her so she let the crying continue for a few minutes until it gradually tapered off.

 

“Y-you have no idea how much this means to me Clarke… its beyond perfect.”

 

“I’m glad you like it, I was nervous as hell about it.”

 

“Like doesn’t even begin to cover it. I…no one has ever done something like that for me. You didn’t have to do any of this; nothing you’ve done today. You didn’t know Costia, but you’ve spent all day having it be about her.”

 

“No, I never knew her, but I know you. I just… you’ve gone through so much hurt. I just wanted to do something that might help a little.”

 

“You’ve helped more than a little Clarke. I… don’t know how to put what this means in to words. It’s amazing. You are amazing. I… you’re just…”

 

Lexa pulled away from Clarke’s neck and kissed her, trying to pour everything she was feeling in to it. She pulled back and was surprised that Clarke was crying. She wiped the tears of her cheeks.

 

“Why are you crying?”

 

“I don’t know…that kiss…you…I’m just happy you like it so much. I… care about you a lot Lexa. I hope you know that.”

 

“I do. You show me all the time. I don’t show you nearly enough.”

 

“Yes you do.”

 

“Can we sit here for a little while?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Lexa sat down with her back against the tower and motioned for Clarke to sit between her legs. She wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist, pulling her back against her as she sat down. Clarke happily went into Lexa’s embrace and let her head fall back against the other girl’s shoulder as she stared up at the sky. She smiled, then sighed as Lexa kissed her neck. She tilted her head and closed her eyes, relaxing against Lexa and just letting herself get lost in the feeling.

 

“Thank you for letting me be part of everything today. I’m glad you had a good day.” Clarke said softly as Lexa stopped kissing her neck and rested her head on her shoulder.

 

“Today was absolutely perfect, I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to get you to understand how much it meant to me, but thank you.”

 

Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ear as she stared up at the stars; Costia’s specifically. She smiled at how happy it would make Costia to have her own star. She thought back over the day and how easy things had been with Clarke, and how much fun she’d had. She thought about Costia for a while, and how much she’d loved her but it didn’t take long for her thoughts to drift to the girl she currently had wrapped in her arms and just how much she was starting to love her too.


	10. Chapter 10

Trigger Warning: This chapter gets heavy and dark. Some of it is not easy to read. I won’t go in to detail because that is the same thing as a spoiler, but consider yourself warned. Some ugly things are discussed in this chapter.

 

__________________________________________________________________________

 

In the weeks following Costia’s birthday things had settled in to a normal routine for Lexa and Clarke. When they weren’t at work, they were at each other’s apartments. They mostly stayed at Clarke’s but would occasionally stay at Lexa’s. 

 

They went to Flappy Jacks a few times a week to hang out with Aiden and Anya and had made plans to take Aiden to Color Me Mine when they picked up the pieces they’d already painted. Clarke was happier than she could ever remember being, and so was Lexa. 

 

Clarke had gotten off earlier in the afternoon and was already sitting on the couch in her apartment reading when Lexa came through the door after her shift. Clarke could tell by how hard she closed the door that something was wrong so she just stayed quiet as Lexa went in the bedroom to change. Lexa didn’t pull away from her anymore when she was upset, but Clarke knew the brunette would come to her on her own terms. 

 

A few minutes later Lexa came out into the living room wearing shorts and one of Clarke’s T-shirts. The shirt was longer than the shorts so it looked like she didn’t have anything on underneath it. Clarke smirked as she openly stared at Lexa’s legs over the top of her book as she walked over to the couch. 

 

Lexa took Clarke’s book out of her hands and laid it face down on the coffee table so she wouldn’t loose her place before crawling onto the couch next to Clarke. She curled against her side and buried her face in the blondes neck with a heavy sigh.

 

Clarke leaned her head against the top of Lexa’s and wrapped one arm around her. She knew she would talk when she was ready; although sometimes she never did. 

 

“There was a house fire. Only the mom made it out. The kids were asleep downstairs, the mom upstairs and by the time the smoke alarm upstairs went off the the fire was at the stairs and she couldn’t get down. We got her from a second floor window. She was begging for us to try to go in and get the kids, but we couldn’t. It was too intense. I wanted to try...”

 

“Jesus...I’m so sorry...” 

 

“Her screams Clarke... they were horrible. She was trying to run in to the house herself. Lincoln had to practically drag her away...”

 

“I can imagine. That’s horrible.”

 

“I felt so bad that we couldn’t even try, but the whole bottom of the house was totally engulfed in flames. We couldn’t have... they were probably already gone.” 

 

“I’m know you wanted to, but you can’t always save them. As shitty as it is.”

 

“I know. I just... they were kids. And her screams. I can still hear her...”

 

Clarke pulled Lexa closer to her and just held her; she knew there was nothing she could do or say to make anything any better. It was part of their jobs. 

 

Lexa moved impossibly closer to Clarke and sighed. She rarely let anyone see her break down; even with Costia she’d held back some times and kept those emotions to herself. There was something about Clarke and their relationship that made her feel comfortable letting go with her. She was so strong and even tempered most of the time that she felt like it was what everyone expected of her. It was what she expected of herself. Even after Costia’s death, she hadn’t allowed anyone to see her grieve. She’d become more quiet and withdrawn because she’d had a hard time controlling her emotions sometimes. So, rather than let anyone see her break down she’d just stopped being around anyone. 

 

Lexa slid her arm across Clarke’s stomach and squeezed her in the closest thing she could manage to a hug in the position they were in. 

 

“Thank you.” She mumbled against the skin of her neck. 

 

“For what?”

 

“For always being okay with me falling apart.”

 

“Of course. That’s what I’m here for.” 

 

“I know, but just...thanks.” 

 

“You’re welcome. I l.... hate it when your upset, so if this helps I’m happy to do it.”  

 

Clarke half stuttered as she almost told Lexa she loved her. It was a slip she found herself having to correct more and more often lately and she was starting to wonder if it was time to just say it. 

 

“Being with you always helps. Do you want me to let you get back to your book?”

 

“Nope. This is just fine.”

 

“Good, because I was only offering to be polite.”

 

“Of course. Get up for a second though. If we’re staying here I want to be more comfy.”

 

Lexa grumbled but got up. Clarke turned so she was stretched out on the couch with her back against the arm. 

 

“There, come here.” 

 

She held her arms open and Lexa laughed but laid down on her stomach on Clarke, her head resting on her chest just below her chin. She sighed, content, when Clarke wrapped her arms around her.

 

“Ya know, I remember the first time I came over here and wanted you to lay on me and you didn’t want to.” Lexa teased. 

 

“Oh, I wanted to. I just... things were different. I didn’t want to seem so clingy.”

 

“Hm, I like it when you’re clingy.”

 

“I’ve noticed.”

 

“I also like it here.”

 

Clarke laughed as Lexa wiggled against her and slid one arm behind her neck and wove her fingers into her hair. Clarke idly ran one hand up and down Lexa’s back and smiled as she felt her relax. 

 

“Do you want to just stay home tonight?” She asked quietly. They had plans to go out but hadn’t picked where yet. 

 

“No, you’ve planned to go out since last weekend. We can go.”

 

“Babe, that call was horrible. If you don’t feel up to going out, I totally understand. We can stay in and order dinner. I don’t care. I like being with you either way.” 

 

“Why are you so perfect?”

 

“I’m not perfect Lexa.”

 

“Why are you so perfect for me then?”

 

“That I don’t know, but I’m glad you think so.”

 

“We can go out. It will take my mind off things.”

 

“You better not just be saying that because you think I want to.”

 

“I’m not. Well...maybe a little. But I really do want to go. It will take my mind off things. Any ideas where to go yet?”

 

“Hmm, maybe. Do you want to get dressed up or be casual?”

 

“I’m fine with either.”

 

“Just dinner? Or dinner and something else?”

 

“Hm...dinner and something else like...walking around on the pier that night we went to JaHa’s sounds nice. Not something like dinner and a club. I’m not in the mood for that many people.”

 

“We could go down to Long Beach, eat dinner at one of the restaurants at shoreline village and then walk around the harbor?”

 

“That sounds perfect.”

 

___________________________________

 

“I’m glad we came.” 

 

Lexa said with a smile as she slipped her hand in to Clarke’s as they walked out of the restaurant and towards the path that went around the harbor. 

 

“Me too. It’s pretty out here at night.”

 

“Mhmm.” 

 

They walked along in silence for a while until Clarke asked,

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course. Anything.”

 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, please just tell me, okay?”

 

“I doubt there is anything I wouldn’t be comfortable telling you; but okay.”

 

“I just... you’ve never brought it up on your own so I didn’t want to ask but I ju-“

 

“Clarke? Just ask babe. It’s okay.”

 

Lexa laughed as she bumped Clarke with her shoulder. 

 

“You never talk about your parents...”

 

“Yea. That’s because I never really knew them. They died when I was three, so I hardly remember them at all.”

 

“Oh...I’m so sorry. See, this is why I shouldn’t ask shit.”

 

“It’s fine. It’s not something I mind talking about I just... it hadn’t come up between us. I don’t know why. I grew up in and out of foster and group homes mostly. I never stayed in one place very long until I was sixteen.”

 

“Wow... that had to have been hard.”

 

“In a way. But it’s all I knew. I’ve always been pretty closed off when it comes to most people. I think it’s why I didn’t get adopted. People want kids who are lovey and cuddly and I just...wasn’t.”

 

“What changed when you were sixteen?”

 

“I ended up in a foster family who... understood me I guess. My foster mom’s name was Indra. She wasn’t overbearing or super affectionate. She didn’t encourage me to call her mom or try to do the whole mother daughter bonding thing. She let me know she was there for whatever I needed and pretty much left me alone at first. Once I’d been there for a few months she sat me down and talked to me about school. She encouraged me to get in the honors program and push myself. She told me I was smart and that I needed to find something I was passionate about and apply myself to it. To make an identity for myself other than just being a foster kid.”

 

“She sounds pretty amazing.”

 

“She is. She was the perfect match for me. I’d always been a good student, but I never tried any harder than I needed to. I never really thought about the future or what to do with my life. She gave me that sense of direction. I started doing more in school. I started working out. I never joined any sports because it wasn’t my thing but I realized how much of an outlet working out was for me. And I eventually decided I wanted to be a firefighter.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I didn’t want an office job. Everyone told me I’d make a good lawyer, but I wanted something that mattered more than that. Not that lawyers don’t make a difference, because they do, but I wanted something more...immediate? I just kept coming back around to firefighting.”

 

“Do you keep in touch with Indra?”

 

“Not as much as I should. She moved to Texas just before Costia died. I told her what happened and have checked in with her a few times since then but... I should be better about it.”

 

“I’m sure she understands.”

 

“Not everyone is as understanding as you are Clarke.”

 

“The ones who matter should be.” 

 

“Maybe. What about you? I know about your dad. But why don’t you talk to your mom anymore?”

 

“Our relationship kinda fell apart after I ended up in the hospital. Things were never the same after that. She got really upset when I told her I was moving. Said she couldn’t believe I would just leave her. She couldn’t understand why I felt like I needed to.”

 

Clarke’s voice had gotten darker and Lexa could tell she was getting upset. 

 

“I’m sorry...”

 

“It was hard. I tried keeping in touch with her when I moved to Ketchum.  But...I told her about the first time Finn hit me and she was livid. She demanded that I leave him and wouldn’t listen to anything when I tried to tell her what had happened and that it wasn’t a big deal.”

 

“But it was a big deal.”

 

“I know that now... but I couldn’t see that then. After that conversation any time we spoke she would tell me to leave him. I told her I was sick of hearing it and that if she didn’t stop I wouldn’t call her anymore. She told me to not bother calling then. So I didn’t.”

 

“She doesn’t know you left him?”

 

“No.”

 

Clarke’s voice was low and angry. Lexa pulled her against her side and slid her arm around her waist. 

 

“Hey. It’s okay. I understand where you were coming from.”

 

“Do you? Because most people think it’s a pretty shitty reason and that I’m stupid for not speaking to her; that I’m stupid for staying when I had someone who was supportive about me leaving.”  

 

Clarke’s voice just got angrier and she pulled away from Lexa’s embrace. Lexa stopped and pulled her to the side of the walkway. She moved so Clarke’s back was against the railing and she stood in front of her. 

 

“Hey...look at me.” She said softly, her hands gently resting on Clarke’s sides. Clarke hesitated for a minute before looking up at Lexa. 

 

The anger in Clarke’s eyes nearly took Lexa’s breath away. The only time she ever saw the other girl get really angry was when the discussion had to do with her mother. 

 

“I’m sorry I brought her up. I shouldn’t have. I know how angry it makes you.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“No, it’s not. But I’m not here to judge you Clarke. I don’t think you’re stupid. You were doing what you felt was right for you at the time. You had been through a lot.”

 

“I was stupid.”

 

“Babe... I know Finn made you think you were worthless and that no one would ever want you because of everything in your past. I’m sure he told you that you were lucky you found him because he was the only person that could look through all of that and still love you, but he was wrong.” 

 

As she spoke she stepped closer to Clarke and ran her thumbs over the skin just under her shirt. 

 

“So please... don’t do this to yourself. I’m so sorry I brought up your mom. I won’t again unless it’s something you want to talk about. I promise.”

 

The softness in both Lexa’s voice and eyes, combined with what she said made Clarke practically melt. Lexa could see the change in her eyes and smiled as Clarke slipped her arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug. 

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t get like that. I know you don’t mean anything by it I just... I’m mad at myself over it. But I shouldn’t get so angry so quick. I’m not angry at you.”

 

“I know. It’s okay.”

 

Lexa leaned back and kissed Clarke’s forehead. 

 

“Let’s keep walking? With no more talks about parents or other overly emotional subjects? It’s really pretty, and I want to go to that lighthouse over there.” 

 

“Deal. The view from the lighthouse is pretty. You can see the Queen Mary.”

 

“The fact that the lighthouse lights up rainbow colors is pretty cool too.”

 

“Yea, it is.” 

 

Lexa smiled, slipped her hand back in to Clarke’s, and tugged her back out onto the walkway. 

 

“Do you really believe what you said... about someone else being able to look at everything in my past and still love me?  

 

Clarke asked softly, staring at her feet as they walked. 

 

“Of course I do.” 

 

“You don’t even know all of it yet though.”

 

“It doesn’t matter. Everyone has shit in their past. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean no one is going to love you. I might not know all of your past, but I know you now. You are not a bad person Clarke.”

 

Clarke smiled and pulled Lexa close to her side. Lexa let go of her hand and draped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders. 

 

“Thanks.” Clarke whispered and kissed Lexa’s cheek.

 

“Any time.”

 

They walked the rest of the way to the lighthouse making small talk about things that had happened at work, shows they wanted to catch up on watching on Netflix and whatever else the conversation drifted to. 

 

When they got to the top of the hill they walked around the lighthouse but all of the benches were taken. Bright spot lights in the ground shone up at the lighthouse, making it change colors. Clarke stood over one of the lights, 

 

“Look! I’m rainbow!” 

 

“Yes you are.” 

 

Lexa laughed as Clarke twirled in place over the light. 

 

“Ooh, I wonder if you can make shadow puppets on the lighthouse?” 

 

She started making shapes with her hands and then pouted when they didn’t show up on the side of the lighthouse. Lexa laughed a little louder then covered her mouth when a few people turned to look. 

 

“You’re so cute.” 

 

“Oh am I?”

 

“Yep. Also a little dorky.”

 

“What color do you like me best in?” Clarke asked with a smile as she stood on the light and twirled around again. 

 

“Hmm. Purple.”

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes, why?”

 

“I assumed you’d say blue.”

 

“Well, I think you’re both wrong. I think you look best in green.” 

 

Lexa and Clarke both turned to look at the tall, blonde man who was walking up to stand next to Lexa. He’d been sitting on one of the benches and noticed both girls when Lexa had laughed. 

 

“Oh really? And why is that?” Clarke quipped, still standing on the light. 

 

“No reason. The reality is you’re gorgeous in any of the colors. I just happen to like green.” 

 

He smiled and winked at Clarke. Lexa narrowed her eyes and glared at him but he didn’t notice, he was too busy staring at Clarke. 

 

“Well thanks, that’s nice of you to say.” 

 

She smiled as she walked back over to Lexa and wrapped her arm around the brunettes waist. 

 

“Of course, I’m just telling the truth. You are gorgeous.”

 

“She is. She’s also taken.” Lexa practically growled as she draped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders. The guys eyes widened in surprise and Clarke bit her bottom lip to stop herself from giggling. 

 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you two were...”

 

“Yep, she’s mine.” 

 

“Well that’ll teach me to just start flirting then won’t it? You’re both gorgeous, by the way, I just have a thing for blondes.”

 

“Yea, me too.” Lexa laughed. The guy blushed and walked back over to his group of friends. 

 

“So possessive.” Clarke whispered as she turned to stand in front of Lexa, facing her. 

 

“Hell yes I am.”

 

Lexa’s hands found Clarke’s hips and pulled her close. 

 

“Mine.” Lexa said in Clarke’s ear, her voice low.

 

“Quite happily yours, yes.” 

 

Clarke kissed Lexa’s neck until Lexa wrapped her fingers in her hair and pulled her head back. 

 

“He’s right, you know, you are gorgeous.” 

 

“Shut up and kiss me.” Clarke whispered. Her eyes were dark and she slid her hands under Lexa’s shirt, her thumbs running over her abs and smirked when Lexa moaned softly. 

 

“Does that amuse you?” Lexa asked, her mouth hovering close to Clarke’s. 

 

“What, this?” Clarke ran her hands over Lexa’s abs again, making her shiver.

 

“Yea, that.”

 

“I don’t know that it amuses me...it kind of amazes me that I turn you on.”

 

“Hm, you have no idea.”

 

Lexa tilted her head and kissed along Clarke’s jawline to her neck. She felt Clarke’s hands tighten on her hips as she ran her tongue over her collarbone.

 

“Lexa...”

 

“God that breathy moan you’ve got going on drives me nuts.”

 

“We’re in public babe.”

 

Lexa smiled and her lips finally met Clarke’s in a soft kiss. Clarke pulled Lexa’s bottom lip between her teeth as she pulled back and Lexa followed her for one more short kiss. 

 

“There’s an open bench, you want to sit for a while?” 

 

“Mhmm.” Clarke answered as she pressed a quick kiss against Lexa’s neck before turning and walking over to the bench before someone else claimed it. 

 

The benches were wide with no arms or backs so instead of sitting next to her, Lexa stepped up on the bench and sat behind Clarke, one leg on each side of her. Clarke leaned back against her and sighed happily when Lexa wrapped her arms around her. 

 

She liked being with Lexa regardless and she also loved when Lexa wanted to be close or held but nothing was the same as what it felt like when Lexa held her. 

 

“What was that sigh for?” Lexa asked, her head resting on Clarke’s shoulder. 

 

“Just happy. This is my favorite.”

 

“What is?”

 

“You holding me like this. It probably sounds really corny but I just...you feel like home.” 

 

Lexa closed her eyes and pulled Clarke closer as she buried her face in the blonde’s neck. 

 

“Clarke I...”

 

Clarke felt Lexa’s breath catch and she ran her fingers gently over her arms. Lexa smiled at the fact that Clarke was comforting her automatically; without even knowing what was wrong. She moved Clarke’s hair away from her neck and kissed it, slowly making her way down the side of her neck and across the top of her shoulder. Clarke sighed and let her head fall back against Lexa’s shoulder. 

 

“I was going to remind you that we’re in public but fuck that feels good.” 

 

“Hmm. It’s dark anyhow.” 

 

Lexa whispered as she softly bit at Clarke’s pulse point then swirled her tongue across the skin. 

 

“I don’t think I’d care if it wasn’t.”

 

“Oh?” 

 

“Mhmm...Jesus Lexa...more...”

 

Clarke hissed, then moaned as Lexa drug her teeth along her skin before sucking on it again. 

 

“More is going to leave a mark.” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear as she moved to kiss the other side of her neck. 

 

“I don’t care...Lexa please...”

 

Clarke shifted so her head was resting on Lexa’s other shoulder, giving her better access to the other side of her neck. Lexa smirked and slowly worked her way down Clarke’s neck, her lips barely touching the skin. Clarke whined and pressed back against her. 

 

“Shhhh...just wait.” 

 

Lexa’s voice was low in Clarke’s ear and her hands ran gently down her sides as she kept softly kissing her neck. Clarke took a deep breath and tried to relax; she rest her hands on the top of Lexa’s thighs then gasped and dug her fingers into the skin as Lexa suddenly sucked hard on the skin at the top of her shoulder.

 

“God...yes...so good...”

 

“You are so incredible,”Lexa whispered as she kissed Clarke’s skin softly before resting her chin on her shoulder. “I’m so lucky you’re mine. And I don’t think you sound corny at all; you feel like home too, Clarke.”

 

Clarke smiled and relaxed in to Lexa’s embrace as she stared out over the water. 

 

“It’s really pretty here.” Lexa said quietly after a while. 

 

“It is, but you know what sounds really good right now?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Going home, getting in the jacuzzi for a while, then cuddling. With or without Netflix.”

 

“That sounds pretty perfect. We’ll have to swing by my place to grab a swim suit, which is fine because I need more clothes anyways, but let’s go.”

____________________________________

 

Clarke stood in the bathroom tugging on the straps of then black bikini she’d changed in to. She wasn’t typically too self conscious about her body but she also realized this was the most of it Lexa had ever seen. She pulled a t-shirt over her head and walked out into the living room where Lexa was already waiting. 

 

“Jesus Christ...”

 

Lexa’s voice was low as Clarke walked out in to the living room. The shirt she was wearing over her swim suit came down to just below her ass, leaving her legs completely exposed. Lexa let her eyes slowly wander over Clarke; her fingers ached to run over her legs. 

 

Clarke blushed at the desire that was so evident in Lexa’s eyes and wrapped her towel around her waist. 

 

“Fun sucker.” Lexa teased as she stood up off the couch. 

 

“You’ll get to see soon enough. Come on.” 

 

Lexa stood up off the couch and followed Clarke out the front door. She moved closer to the blonde as they walked to the jacuzzi. She reached out and slid her arm around Clarke’s waist and then slid her hand lower and grabbed her ass through her towel. Clarke squeaked and jumped away from her. 

 

“Lexa!”

 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” 

 

“It’s fine...just unexpected.”

 

When they got to the jacuzzi Clarke went and turned on the bubbles. When she turned back around Lexa was pulling her t-shirt off over her head. Her swim suit was a dark green two piece; the top tied behind her neck. The bottoms had high cut sides that made her incredibly toned legs look a mile long. Clarke bit her bottom lip and held back a groan. She’d never wanted anyone the way she wanted Lexa. 

 

Lexa smirked at her as she tossed the shirt onto a chair and stepped down into the water.

 

“You coming?”

 

“I am.”

 

Clarke smiled coyly and slowly pulled her shirt off over her head. She bit her lip as Lexa openly stared at her. 

 

“Clarke...you’re stunning.”

 

Clarke blushed as she walked down the stairs into the jacuzzi, moaning softly as the hot water enveloped her. 

 

Lexa met her at the bottom of the steps. Her hands went to Clarke’s hips; she pulled her close and kissed her. Clarke moaned into the kiss as Lexa’s hands moved over the wet skin of her stomach. Lexa pulled back from the kiss, her mouth moving to Clarke’s neck and then the swell of her breasts, lightly kissing, sucking and nipping at them. 

 

Clarke whimpered and arched into Lexa, her hands weaving into her hair, pulling her mouth closer. 

 

“Oh my god Lexa...”

 

“This is what I wanted to do to you at the lighthouse.” Lexa stated before kissing Clarke again then pulling away to sit down. Clarke swallowed hard and took a second to catch her breath before sitting down next to Lexa. 

 

“God this feels good.” She sighed as she sunk down into the water up to her neck and moved back so the jets massaged her back and shoulders. 

 

“It really does. Good idea.” 

 

Clarke smiled and moved closer to Lexa, smiling when Lexa wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close. Clarke leaned against Lexa’s shoulder and Lexa leaned her head against the side of the jacuzzi and stared up the sky. 

 

The combination of the hot water, jets and Clarke pressed against her made most of the stress from the call earlier in the day practically melt away. 

 

“Looking for Costia’s star?” Clarke asked quietly. 

 

“No. Thinking about you.”

 

She turned her head to look at Clarke and smiled at the surprised look on her face. 

 

“Don’t look so surprised. You’re on my mind a lot. Thank you for taking care of me tonight.”

 

“Of course. And you’re on my mind a lot too.”

 

“Oh I am?”

 

“Yea, you are.” 

 

Clarke’s voice dipped lower as she moved over so she was straddling Lexa’s lap. Lexa smiled, her hands moving to Clarke’s hips like they were made to fit there. She started to sit up but Clarke stopped her by leaning forward and kissing her neck. 

 

“No, stay.” She whispered as she kissed down the side of Lexa’s neck and her hands slid over her abs underwater. As she kissed lower her hands moved higher. She cupped both of Lexa’s breasts running her thumbs across her nipples and slowly kissing the top of them along the line of her bikini. 

 

“Clarke...oh my god...” 

 

Lexa moaned and tightened her grip on Clarke’s hips. Clarke smiled and kissed back up the side of her neck, her hands sliding back under water across Lexa’s abs as she sucked hard on the side of her neck, making her gasp.

 

“Fuck!” 

 

Clarke marveled at the way Lexa’s body responded to her touch. Her ab muscles practically rippled as she lightly ran her fingers over them, Lexa’s breathing changed, her chest heaving as Clarke’s hands found her breasts again and she made a low whining sound in her throat any time Clarke’s teeth grazed across her skin. 

 

“Look at me.” Clarke whispered, her voice husky. 

 

Lexa lifted her head and their eyes met, both of their pupils wide with desire. They held each other’s stare for a minute before their lips crashed together in a heavy, passionate kiss. 

 

Clarke put both hands behind Lexa’s neck, her fingers tangling in her wet hair pulling her closer. Lexa gripped Clarke’s hips tighter and pulled her flush against the front of her; she groaned into the kiss at the contact. Clarke shifted  so she was straddling Lexa’s thigh and moaned as she rocked her hips against the friction. 

 

“Fuck...I need you...”

 

She panted in Lexa’s ear as she untied the top of Lexa’s bikini from behind her neck. Lexa whimpered but pushed against Clarke’s hips to stop her. 

 

“Clarke...wait...”

 

“Lexa please...” Her voice was a plaintive shine that nearly made Lexa lose her resolve, but she pushed back a little harder. 

 

“Babe...hang on...”

 

Clarke pulled back and looked at Lexa, confusion etched on every line of her face.

 

“Lexa what’s wrong? Do you not wan-“

 

“No. God no. I do. But...”

 

“But what...Lexa...I want you....”

 

“I know, it’s not that.”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

“I don’t want it to be like this. I mean I do, because god this is hot, but not the first time. I want...you said you had wanted your first time to be a perfect romantic night and...I know it’s not your first time, but it’s our first time and...I want to give you that...”

 

Lexa had been staring down at the water between them as she spoke and Clarke put one finger under her chin and tilted her head up until their eyes met. Lexa was surprised to see that she was crying. 

 

“Thank you.” She managed to choke out past her tears. Lexa smiled shyly and wiped the tears off Clarke’s face with her thumbs. 

 

“You don’t think I’m being stupid?”

 

“No...that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. It means...a lot that you care that much.”

 

“Of course I do. You’re...special Clarke.”

 

Clarke blushed and tied the straps of Lexa’s top back behind her neck before kissing her. The kiss was soft and sweet and Clarke found herself marveling at how things between them could be so different and how no matter what it was, it just felt right. 

 

Lexa ran her hand over Clarke’s back until she felt the blonde relax against the front of her. They sat like that for a while, until the heat from the jacuzzi got to be too much. 

 

“You ready to go home?” Lexa asked. 

 

“Mhmm.” 

 

They got out, wrapped their towels around themselves and walked back to Clarke’s apartment. 

 

Clarke changed into her pajamas and crawled in to bed, not bothering to turn on the tv. Lexa wasn’t far behind her; she crawled up next to Clarke and didn’t hesitate to lay down with her upper body draped across her; her head resting on her chest, one arm slung across her stomach. 

 

Clarke smiled as Lexa’s weight settled into her and the brunettes other arm found its way behind her neck. She wrapped one arm across Lexa’s back. 

 

“Comfy?” 

 

“Mhmm. Very much so. I haven’t been this relaxed in a long time. Everything feels like jello.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Goodnight Clarke.”

 

“Goodnight Lexa.”

_____________________________________

 

It was close to dawn when Clarke woke up with a gasp that would have turned into a scream had she not covered her mouth with her hand as she scooted back against the headboard, her heart racing. 

 

It took her a minute to realize where she was; that she was with Lexa and didn’t have to worry about Finn’s wrath if she woke up him. 

 

She glanced over at Lexa who was curled on her side, still sleeping. She didn’t want to wake her up but when the shaking started she also didn’t want to be alone. 

 

“L-lexa.” 

 

“Hm?” Lexa mumbled, half asleep as she stretched her arm out towards Clarke, only opening her eyes when her hand found empty sheets. 

 

“Sorry, I wasn’t g-going to wake you up...”

 

Lexa realized what was going on and sat up next to Clarke against the headboard. Her heart broke for the other girl who looked terrified huddled against the headboard with her knees pulled up to her chest, clutching the blanket to her. 

 

“Babe no. Don’t ever not wake me up. I don’t want you going through this alone. Come here.” 

 

Lexa held her arms open and Clarke went willingly into them, pressing herself as close as she could to Lexa and wrapping her arms around her waist. 

 

“God I hate it when you shake like this Clarke.” Lexa whispered into her hair as she ran one hand up and down the middle of her back. 

 

“I’m o-okay. I’ll b-be fine.”

 

“You’re not okay. That asshole...god I’d like to get my hands on him.”

 

“N-no. I don’t want him anywhere near you.”

 

“I’d like to kill him.”

 

Clarke closed her eyes and willed herself to stop shaking so hard. She focused on Lexa; her breathing, her scent, the constant soft rubbing on her back and how safe she always felt when the brunette was holding her. 

 

Slowly the shaking stopped and a few tears ran down Clarke’s cheeks. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Please always wake me up for these. Promise me.”

 

“I will.”

 

“Promise. Say you promise. I don’t want you dealing with them alone. There is no reason.”

 

“I promise, I’ll wake you up when I have nightmares.”

 

Lexa sighed and kissed the top of Clarke’s head. Clarke took a few deep breaths and decided it was time for Lexa to know everything. She’d never felt as comfortable with anyone as she did with the brunette and everything that had happened with Finn was getting hard to carry around alone.

 

“I met him at the grocery store. I was walking to my car and he backed out of his parking spot without looking and hit my cart. He knocked it over and ruined a few things. He got out of the car and was apologizing profusely. I tried not to cry but I did because I didn’t have the money to buy the things again. He gave me a hundred dollars and begged me to let him to take me to dinner.”

 

“You don’t have to do this right now.” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s hair. 

 

“I know. But I want you to know. Just...don’t leave?”

 

“Clarke...there is nothing you could tell me about what that asshole did to you that could make me leave.”

 

“I agreed to go out with him, mostly because he looked like he was going to cry if I said no. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Dinner was fun. A lot of fun actually. He was sweet, charming, funny and polite. I tried to kiss him goodnight because that’s what I was used to doing with guys but he stopped me and said he didn’t expect me to kiss him on the first date, that he wasn’t that kind of guy.

 

The first six months were amazing. I had never been with anyone like him. He was patient with me. He listened really well. I slowly opened up to him about my dad and everything that had happened leading up to me moving to Ketchum. He held me while I cried and told me that it was okay. That everyone fell apart sometimes. 

 

He told me he loved me and asked me to move in with him after we’d been together for about seven months. I was so excited. I thought I was so in love with him...”

 

She forced the last part of the statement out around a sob and Lexa held her a little tighter. 

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“I was so stupid.”

 

“No, you weren’t. You believed someone you loved and trusted. That’s not stupid.”

 

Clarke sighed and shifted in Lexa’s arm so she could hide her face in her neck. 

 

“I had been in Ketchum about two years before I met him. I was just starting to kind of feel like myself again....and then I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

 

“Babe...you can’t blame yourself for trusting him, or falling in love with him.”

 

“No but I can blame myself for staying.”

 

Clarke’s voice was low and angry, the tone usually reserved for discussions about her mother.

 

“Hey. I know that tone. We can stop talking about this now. It’s okay.”

 

“It’s never going to be easy for me to talk about it Lexa.”

 

“Then we never have to talk about it. It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t need to know this to know you.”

 

“I want you to know. I need you to know. Otherwise I’ll always wonder if it would matter.”

 

“Clarke...it won’t. It doesn’t....”

 

“Please Lexa...I’m okay. I need to tell at least one person what he did...I want it to be you...”

 

“Of course, I’ll listen. I just hate seeing you hurt so much.”

 

“It’s going to get really ugly...I’ll be okay. I already lived through what happened.”

 

Lexa nodded and kissed Clarke’s forehead, not trusting herself to speak. 

 

“I said yes. Looking back, I should have seen more of the signs. The longer we were together the less he wanted me to go out with the few friends I did have. He claimed he wanted to be with me all the time because he loved me so much. I thought it was sweet. 

 

By the time we moved in together I didn’t hang out with any of my friends anymore. I hardly spoke to them at all. I spent all of my time when I wasn’t at work with him.  

 

The first time he hit me was after we’d gone to dinner and then to a bar afterwards. A male co-worker of mine was there and I went up and gave him a hug and then introduced him to Finn. We all hung out together most of the night. When we got home I was talking about how much fun I’d had and that Finn seemed to get along with him really well. 

 

He grabbed my arm just below the elbow and twisted it behind my back as he shoved me against the wall face first. Told me I had embarrassed him by flirting with the guy before even introducing him. He said I’d been flirting with the guy all night and he wasn’t going to tolerate me acting like the slut I used to be. When he let go of my arm I turned around to say I was sorry and he slapped me across the face before punching me in the stomach. Told me I was going to learn to behave like a lady. 

 

The next morning when I woke up he wasn’t home. He didn’t come home until later that afternoon. I spent all day cleaning the house and doing laundry. Anything I could think of to make him happy and show him how sorry I was. 

 

He showed up with a dozen roses and came in the house sobbing. He hugged me and told me he loved me and how sorry he was. He said he was drunk and just got super jealous because he couldn’t stand the thought of me being with anyone else. 

 

I told him I was sorry too, that I wasn’t flirting, that I didn’t want anyone but him. He said it was a drunken mistake, that he knew I’d understand because I’d made a lot of them too. We did the whole make up sex thing and everything was fine for about a month.”

 

Clarke stopped for a minute and sighed. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths and tried to relax. Telling the story out loud made it even harder for her to deal with the fact that she now realized how much sooner she should have left. Lexa ran her hand over her upper arm and put her chin on the top of her head. 

 

“I’m so sorry...” she whispered, the barely controlled tears evident in her voice. 

 

“It started again in little ways. He would be a little too rough during sex, or he would grab my arm a little too hard. 

 

I got home from the grocery store one day and he was sitting on the couch. I was surprised to see him home and said so; he crossed the room before I even realized he’d gotten up and shoved me against the wall. Said he could come home whenever he wanted to check on his girl. He said he missed me and needed me and couldn’t wait until later. 

 

He started kissing me and led me to the bedroom where he shoved me down on the bed and told me he knew I’d been being a slut again. I started crying and told him I had no idea what he was talking about. He said he saw me at the store and that I had flirted with the cashier and a guy in the parking lot. I told him the guy in the parking lot had dropped one of his bags and I just helped him pick it up. He swore I did it so the guy would stare at my ass as I helped him. 

 

He sat down on the bed and said I needed to be punished. Told me to get undressed and lay down on my stomach. I was terrified but I also hoped he was kidding. I didn’t want to really believe he’d hurt me, so I listened. He held me down by the back of my neck as he took his belt off and hit me with it; across my back, butt, and the back of my thighs. I screamed the first time and he said if I did it again he would choke me with it and kill me if he needed to. I’d never heard him so angry, so I totally believed him. 

 

I was sobbing by the time he stopped and he told me to roll over. He had taken his pants off and was hard. He told me to look at how much he loved me, that he still wanted me even after I’d been throwing myself at other men and said I needed to prove that I was his. So, I let him fuck me and he left to go back to work.” 

 

“Oh my god Clarke...” 

 

Clarke looked up at Lexa’s face, expecting to find a look of disgust but instead found that she was crying. She reached up and wiped the tears off her cheeks and kissed her softly.

 

“I’m okay.” 

 

“No...that’s...I can’t even imagine going through something like that.”

 

“When he got home that night he put medicine on the welts and told me he was sorry, but that I needed to act right now that I was taken. He couldn’t have me out there flirting constantly, especially with my past. He had to know he could trust me. That not many men would take the chance with a girl like me.

 

He started coming home at random times of the day more and more often to make sure I was home on my days off. If I was home he would usually fuck me, pretty rough, while making me tell him I was still a whore but I only wanted him.  

 

If I wasn’t home and hadn’t told him where I was going, there was punishment later. Usually with the belt but sometimes he’d use his hands. 

 

I just stopped going anywhere unless he asked me to. The problem was I didn’t realize he’d started drinking all the time. He was always some level of drunk and he would forget that he’d asked me to run an errand. If I tried to remind him, then I was a liar and the punishment was worse, so it just got easier to take it.”

 

“Clarke...” Lexa sobbed and pulled Clarke closer. She couldn’t imagine anyone treating another human that way, but especially not Clarke. 

 

“Lexa look at me.” 

 

Lexa untangled herself from Clarke and looked her in the eyes. Clarke smiled at her and ran her hand over her cheek. 

 

“You really care, don’t you?”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“Don’t cry. I’m right here, with you, and I’m okay.”

 

Clarke spoke softly but did nothing to stop her own tears from running down her face. 

 

“I know, but god...I had no idea...you said he was abusive but...”

 

“I know.”

 

Clarke snuggled herself back against Lexa’s chest. 

 

“You okay for me to keep going?”

 

She felt Lexa’s soft laugh. 

 

“I’m supposed to be comforting you.”

 

“I know this isn’t easy for you to hear, I can see it in your eyes.”

 

“It’s not, but that’s nothing compared to you living through it. Whenever you’re ready to keep going is fine.”

 

“That went on for about six months before I snapped. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore. That I was miserable. That he was making me feel completely worthless and if he didn’t change I was going to leave him or kill myself. 

 

He broke down sobbing and apologizing. Said he loved me more than he’d loved anyone before and that he would get help. And he did. For a month he went to weekly meetings. He was sober and didn’t lay a hand on me. We went to dinner to celebrate the one month and he said he wanted to have one beer, just to prove to himself that he could do it. I was still pretty terrified of him so I didn’t say a word. 

 

Of course, one beer turned in to four. He wanted to dance so we went out on the dance floor. He kept groping my breasts and my ass, whispering how hot I was and how everyone was staring at me but I was his. I purposely didn’t look around. I kept my eyes on his chest the whole time, but it didn’t matter. 

 

We got home and I could tell it was going to be bad. He had a couple shots and just came at me. He said the reason everyone had been staring at me was because I had been dancing so seductively. I refused to go to the bedroom with him for my punishment so he wrapped his hand in my hair and drug me in there. He ripped my clothes off and tried to force me on to the bed. I tried fighting him, I even slapped him across the face and he punched me in the stomach so hard I couldn’t breathe. 

 

He pushed me down on the bed and put his knee on my shoulders to hold me down while he used the belt.  When he was done he flipped me over and I tried to kick him in the face. He went in to some kind of rage and hit me across the stomach with the belt before using it to tie my hands together. He left me on the bed and told me if I moved he would kill me. 

 

I was sobbing and begged him to just do it. I told him he made me so miserable I didn’t want to live anymore. I remember laying there just screaming for him to kill me. 

 

He came back in the room with a razor blade. He untied my hands and drug me into a sitting position with my hair. He handed it to me and told me to do it myself. When I wouldn’t, he got pissed and took it from me and cut my wrist a few times.”

 

“Jesus Christ Clarke...”

 

“That’s what those scars are from. It wasn’t me.... I never did that to myself....”

 

“Babe even if it had been you...it doesn’t matter to me... it doesn’t change how I feel.  What matters is now.”

 

Clarke finally lost the control she’d been hanging on to and sobbed in to Lexa’s chest, her whole body shaking violently again. It was the part of everything that she’d been the most worried about. In a way, it was the part she’d been most ashamed of; that she would just sit there and let someone cut her wrist. Hearing that Lexa didn’t care was overwhelming and everything hit her at once. 

 

“Shhh. Breathe Clarke. Breathe.”

 

Clarke managed to suck in a few shaky breaths between sobs. She could hear that Lexa was talking to her, murmuring something softly in her ear, but she couldn’t tell what she was saying. She couldn’t stop the tears and it was terrifying her. 

 

“Lexa...I can’t...”

 

“Clarke, you have to breathe or you’re going to pass out.”

 

“I... can’t...stop...”

 

“You’re okay babe. I’m right here.”

 

Clarke clung tighter to Lexa, her fingers digging painfully into her skin but Lexa didn’t care. All she cared about was the fact that Clarke’s shaking wasn’t stopping. 

 

She pushed Clarke away from her slightly to try to look at her. 

 

“No! Please don’t leave!” Clarke wailed through her tears, grabbing at Lexa’s shirt in a blind panic. Lexa’s heart was breaking for her and she held her tighter and stroked her hair for a minute. 

 

“I would never leave you. I’m not trying to. Just look at me. You’ve got to calm down.”

 

Clarke leaned back far enough to look at Lexa. 

 

“There. Kiss me.” 

 

Clarke leaned forward and kissed Lexa briefly before pulling back and taking a deep breath. Lexa smiled and ran her hand up and down Clarke’s upper arm. 

 

“Better, keep breathing.” 

 

Clarke took another deep breath and kissed Lexa again, her hand sliding behind her neck and pulling her closer. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and kissed her back. The kiss stayed soft and sweet and Lexa just followed Clarke’s lead until she pulled back. 

 

Clarke could feel her shaking lessen until it almost stopped as she kissed Lexa and it wasn’t the first time she marveled at the other girls effect on her. 

 

“Thank you. I...don’t know what happened. I didn’t think I’d come apart like that.”

 

“It probably wasn’t an appropriate time to kiss you, but I couldn’t get you to calm down.”

 

“It’s fine. You’re doing just fine. There isn’t a rule book for how to handle your girlfriend’s break down over her abusive ex.”

 

“No, there isn’t. Do you want to stop? That was pretty intense.”

 

“No. If I stop I’ll have to start again some other time and I just want to get it all out.”

 

“I can’t believe there’s more.”

 

“I think he freaked himself out cutting my wrist because he bandaged it right away and just sat on the edge of the bed while I laid there and cried. 

 

When he finally spoke, it was to tell me that he wished I didn’t make him treat me so bad. I told him to shut up, that I didn’t want to hear his excuses any more. He tried to kiss me and got mad when I wouldn’t kiss him back. He said he wanted to show me how much he loved me. I told him no, not to touch me. 

 

It was the first time I’d refused to have sex with him. I had hated it for a long time but I never resisted or said no. I just let him do whatever he wanted. 

 

Telling him no sent him back in to his rage. He said I was his girlfriend and it was my job to keep him satisfied, that it was the least I could do with all the shit he put up with from me. I kept telling him no but he didn’t care. He pinned me to the bed and... fucked me anyways. The harder I fought the rougher he was. When he was done he laid on top of me and told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me until he finally passed out.

 

I made sure he was out before sliding out from underneath him. I ended up in kitchen and threw up until I was dry heaving so hard I could barely breathe and just collapsed on the floor. Later I crawled to the couch and slept there. I couldn’t stand to be around him after the night. His touch made me physically sick. 

 

He was livid the next morning. He came out and drug me back in the bedroom and said my place was in bed with him and if he ever woke up without me there again I’d be sorry. 

 

That night was the start of him just being openly abusive. His drinking got worse than it was before. Any little thing would send him over the edge. He still used the belt but he also started punching me, unusually in the stomach. He cracked a rib once and I told he doctors in the ER that I had tripped while I was running and landed on a rock. He sat and held my hand the whole time, like he actually cared. He was so good at playing that game. Everyone always loved him and said how supportive he was. I just smiled while inside I was trying not to throw up. I guess I got good at playing the game too. 

 

He used sex as a punishment too as soon as he figured out that I hated it. He would tell me that if I begged him to stop enough that he would. Sometimes he did and sometimes he didn’t. I never knew if he would or not but I told him no every single time.  I begged him to stop every single time because even though in the back of my mind I knew he got off on it, the few times he did stop were worth it.”

 

“Clarke… he raped you.”

 

The hurt in her blue eyes when she looked at Lexa made her hold her even tighter.

 

“I know...but it’s hard to say that out loud...all of it is hard to admit out loud but that...”

 

Lexa nodded and Clarke continued. 

 

“I wanted to leave but I was terrified. He always knew where I was. He controlled our bank account. He had the only car and I had no one. I had one friend that he allowed me to talk to, Harper, but I was terrified if I let her help me that he would hurt her. 

 

Without even realizing it I had become totally dependent on him and leaving was sometimes scarier than staying. He had me so convinced that no one would want anything to do with me if they ever found out about my past. I was terrified of leaving, and of staying. I think leaving was more terrifying because it felt like no matter what I did, he would just find me and drag me back and it would be even worse. So, I just.... shut down and lived with it. I tried to not piss him off very often and just took whatever he dished out when I did. 

 

My friend Harper was my saving grace. I broke down once and told her he was hitting me, no details, just that, and she swore she was going to help me leave.”

 

“How long were you with him?”

 

“Almost three years.”

 

“God Clarke...”

 

“There were a few times I came so close to just ending it. Usually after a hospital trip where I made myself sick by defending him. I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore.

 

Finally, he had a business trip for work that he couldn’t get out of. I made sure I was working so he couldn’t make me come with him. He was livid that he’d have to leave me and beat me the night before he left just to remind me to behave. I had no idea how I was going to leave, I just knew if I didn’t I never would. 

 

I told Harper and she bought me a plane ticket here. She told the captain at my station and they all pitched together and gave me almost two thousand dollars. It was...incredible. 

 

He called me constantly while he was gone and I would answer occasionally up until he was on the plane to come home, then I threw that cellphone out and got a prepaid one. I bounced around from place to place for a while until I was sure he hadn’t found me. I took odd jobs here and there to make enough money to live. 

 

I did that for about six months before applying for the job I have now.”

 

“Have you heard from him at all?”

 

“No.”

 

“Do you know if Harper is okay? Does he know she helped you?”

 

“I called her on Skype once, right before our first date actually. He came around and she called the cops. She said she’s fine and he hasn’t been back.”

 

“That’s good. I’m glad she’s okay. Maybe someday I can meet her and thank her for helping you. No wonder you have that gun. Clarke...I can’t even fathom going through any of that.”

 

“She was excited for me when I told her about you. She’d like you. And... that’s not all of it, but you don’t need to hear the details of every time he hit me.”

 

“Do you remember them all? Every time?”

 

Clarke’s eyes met Lexa’s and she slowly nodded. Lexa cupped Clarke’s face in both hands and gently ran her thumbs over her cheeks. 

 

“If telling me about every single time will help with even a fraction of the hurt; then do it. If you need or want to tell me, please, tell me. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to carry any of it alone anymore. I promise.”

 

Clarke didn’t bother to stop the new wave of tears that ran down her cheeks as she searched Lexa’s eyes for some sign that she was lying or had a change of heart regarding their relationship. 

 

“I know what you’re looking for Clarke, and you’re not going to find it. Nothing you told me changes anything except for the fact that I think you’re even more amazing now than I did before. I’m not leaving you. I’m not disgusted by your past. Or embarrassed by it. I don’t think less of you or any of the other things Finn drilled into your head. You are...phenomenal Clarke.” 

 

“I... Lexa...I don’t even...”

 

“It doesn’t require a response. But... with everything you’ve gone through, to come out of it being one of the most patient, loving, understanding and supportive people I’ve ever met... you’re incredible. And I will spend however long it takes making you see it for yourself. That asshole never deserved you, and he knew it. Everything he told you was a lie to make you stay.”

 

“Well it worked.”

 

“No, it didn’t. Last I checked you were in my arms, not his. You were brave enough to leave, despite all of the shit he did to you and how terrified you had to have been, you still left. And I’m so glad you did. I have no intention of letting you go.”

 

Clarke smiled through her tears at Lexa for a minute then curled up against her, her face pressed in to her neck. A wave a calm washed over her and all of a sudden, she couldn’t keep her eyes open. 

 

“I’m so tired.” She mumbled in to Lexa’s neck. 

 

“Go to sleep. I’m sure that was exhausting.” 

 

“Lay with me?” 

 

“Of course.” 

 

Clarke yawned and peeled herself away from Lexa to lay back down on the bed. As soon as she was situated she reached for Lexa, grabbing the front of her shirt and pulling her close. 

 

Clarke pressed herself against the front of Lexa, her head just under her chin, her arm wrapped around Lexa’s waist and one knee draped over Lexa’s thigh and sighed. 

 

“Comfy?” Lexa asked with a soft laugh as she draped her arm across Clarke’s side. 

 

“If I could get closer I would, but yes.”

 

Lexa smiled and slid her arm under Clarke’s shirt and up her back, pulling her a little closer. 

 

“Better?”

 

“Mhmm” Clarke mumbled, already half asleep.

 

“Good. Go to sleep.”

 

It didn’t take long for Clarke to fall back to sleep. Lexa relaxed her hold on her a little once she knew she was asleep and turned her head so her cheek was resting on top of Clarke’s head. She replayed the story Clarke told her in her mind and she had to bite her lip hard to keep the tears in check. She couldn’t believe how much the other girl had been through and how much the asshole had made her doubt and hate herself. All she could think of when Clarke had been telling her story was how much she just wanted to take the hurt away. She wasn’t sure how much longer she was going to be able to hold back from telling Clarke she loved her. 

 

She wanted it to be the right moment; something that was just them and didn’t have anything to do with Finn or Costia. She needed to make sure Clarke understood that she loved her for her, not because of how much she’d helped her heal from Costia’s death. She just hadn’t figured out when to say it yet. 

 

Clarke shifted in her arms and muttered something Lexa couldn’t understand, then she curled her hand into a fist, gripping the back of Lexa’s shirt.

 

“Shh, I’m still right here.” Lexa whispered and felt Clarke relax again. She ran her hand up and down Clarke’s back slowly until she too drifted off to sleep. 

_________________________________________________________

 

Lexa woke up a few hours later and stretched, her arms above her head, arching her back. She laughed at the soft whimpering noise Clarke made when the movement pulled Lexa slightly out of her embrace. 

 

She pulled back a little further and scooted down so her face was directly across from Clarke’s then leaned forward and softly kissed her neck. Clarke moaned quietly and her fingers found their way in to Lexa’s hair even though she wasn’t awake yet. She kissed slowly down Clarke’s neck and along the top of her shoulder. 

 

“Babe...wake up.”

 

She whispered, her hand slipping under Clark’s shirt and running slowly up her side.

 

“Hm, don’t wanna.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because that feels really good and if I wake up you’re going to stop.”

 

Lexa smirked and kissed down the side of Clarke’s neck again before moving lower she pulled Clarke’s shirt up and started kissing down the middle of her stomach. She slowly worked her way down to her bellybutton and swirled her tongue around it. 

 

She lazily ran one finger up the middle of Clarke’s stomach and that was when she noticed the scars. They were faint enough that unless you were really close you wouldn’t notice them. Most of them were small, but one ran diagonally across her stomach and was about eight inches long. 

 

Lexa looked up and was surprised to find Clarke watching her; her bottom lip between her teeth. 

 

“You or him?” Lexa whispered. 

 

“Him.” Clarke’s answer was barely audible and she started to pull her shirt back down. Lexa stopped her and gently pushed it back up. 

 

She kissed all of the smaller scars, looking up at Clarke the whole time she did. Clarke fought hard to keep her breathing even as she watched Lexa; the scars were from the random times Finn had used the belt on her stomach. He didn’t usually break the skin, but the times he had left scars that would probably fade with time but were still visible. The longest one was from the night she had fought back. She hated the marks because they constantly reminded her of how long she’d stayed when she shouldn’t have. 

 

Once Lexa had kissed the smaller scars, she worked her way along the long one in a series of light kisses that gave Clarke goose bumps. 

 

Lexa smiled and moved back up so she was laying down facing Clarke. She took her wrist and kissed the scars there too which immediately made Clarke start to cry. 

 

“You’re beautiful, and amazing, and I’m so incredibly lucky you’re mine...none of the marks he left on you, skin or otherwise, changes any of that.” 

 

“I’m the lucky one.” Clarke whispered, her voice cracking around her tears. “If I had to go through what I went through with Finn to end up here, with you, then I’m okay with it.”

 

“Clarke...no...”

 

“Seriously Lexa. There were so many nights I would lay in bed and cry wondering why I was bothering to hang on. I thought things were never going to get any better. I had always believed when I was younger that everything happened for a reason and I just couldn’t understand the reason for Finn. But things are so much better than I ever thought they could be...maybe meeting you was the reason. 

 

Think about it, I was with Finn about three years. That’s also how long Costia’s been gone. Maybe all the shit that’s happened in our lives happened so we met at the right time.” 

 

“I... can’t even find words for how you make me feel half the time.”

 

“It’s ok, you don’t need them, I know.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Your eyes say so much without you ever speaking a word. It’s kind of amazing.”

 

Lexa shook her head softly and she leaned forward and kissed Clarke. It amazed her how well the blonde knew her, seemingly without trying. Clarke smiled into the kiss; she knew without a doubt she was in love with Lexa. There were so many times recently that the words almost slipped out but she wanted to wait. She felt like Lexa should be the one to say it first; not because she needed to hear it first but because of the respect she had for Lexa’s relationship with Costia. She didn’t want Lexa to feel pressured to say it back if she wasn’t ready; so, she was willing to wait however long Lexa needed. She didn’t doubt the brunette’s feelings for her at all; they were obvious in everything Lexa did. 

 

“So, I had an idea for today?” Lexa whispered as she pulled back from the kiss. Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist and cuddled against the front of her again. 

 

“Stay right here and ignore the rest of the world?” She said in to the skin of Lexa’s chest. 

 

“If that’s what you need, that works.” 

 

“If you gave in to me every time I just wanted to lay around in your arms, we’d never do anything.”

 

“It’s still early. I was thinking I could text Anya and see if we could get her to let Aiden play hooky from school. We could go to Color Me Mine, and maybe to the pier or something? I know we were supposed to go to Color Me Mine on the weekend but we’re both off today...unless you don’t want to.”

 

“No, that sounds like fun. I could use fun.”

 

“Are you sure? If you want to stay home we can.”

 

“No, he’ll be excited. Besides, I can cuddle with you tonight.”

 

“You cuddle with me every night.”

 

“It’s one of the benefits of being your girlfriend. I get to cuddle with you whenever the hell I want.”

 

Lexa laughed as she rolled on to her back to grab her phone from the nightstand and Clarke went with her, ending up laying on top of her. She wrapped one arm around Clarke’s waist and used her other hand to text Anya.

 

**Lexa:** Hey, mind if we steal your kid today?

 

**Anya:** he has school?

 

**Lexa:** not if you let us steal him

 

**Anya:** ya know what, sure. He’s been doing so good in school. And he’s been practicing art like crazy. If I didn’t like Clarke so much I’d get sick of hearing about her and her damn drawings. He’ll be excited. 

 

**Lexa:** don’t tell him. We’ll come to the restaurant in a little while and surprise him. 

 

**Anya:** ok, see you soon 

 

Lexa set her phone back on the nightstand and wrapped her other arm around Clarke. 

 

“Anya said it was fine.”

 

“Mkay.”

 

“Are you falling asleep again?”

 

“...maybe.”

 

“Well wake your ass up. We should get going.”

 

“You’re comfy.”

 

“You’re so ridiculous.”

 

“You like it.”

 

“I do actually, but don’t tell, you’ll ruin my reputation.”

 

“Pretty sure I already have.”

 

“Maybe, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows I’m only like this with you.”

 

“Good, I’m not sharing.”

 

Clarke kissed Lexa’s neck then raised herself up on her elbows. She was going to get up but Lexa grabbed the front of her shirt and kissed her. 

 

“Keep doing that and I’m never getting up.”  Clarke whispered. 

 

“But I like kissing you...a lot....”

 

Lexa kissed her again, running her tongue over her bottom lip. Clarke laughed and pulled back. 

 

“I like kissing you quite a bit too, but you’re the one who said we should get going. Kissing me like that is not the way to get me out of bed.”

 

“No... but...I really want to kiss you like that...so...”

 

Clarke squeaked as Lexa flipped them over in the bed and straddled Clarke’s hips. 

 

“Kiss me dammit.” Lexa smiled as she leaned down over Clarke. 

 

“So, you’re just going to pin me to the bed to get what you want?

 

Lexa raised one eyebrow and took ahold of both of Clarke’s wrists, raised them above her head, and held them down against the bed. Her mind flashed to the fact that Finn used to pin her to the bed for a very different reason. She searched Clarke’s face and eyes for any sign that she was uncomfortable; all she saw looking back up at her was trust. Clarke knew what she was doing and smiled softly at her.

 

“ _Now_ I have you pinned to the bed.” Lexa whispered.

 

“Mhmm, is that all you’re going to do?”

 

Lexa leaned down and kissed along Clarke’s collarbone, then down along the top of her breasts. 

 

“Fuck...I really should know better than to tease you...”

 

“Hm, you should.”

 

Lexa shifted her hold on Clarke’s wrists so she had them both in one hand. She ran her other hand up Clarke’s side under her shirt. 

 

“Dammit Lexa...”

 

Clarke moaned, her body automatically arching in to Lexa’s touch. Lexa kissed back up her neck and whispered in her ear,

 

“You okay with this?” 

 

“Yes”

 

Lexa smiled and tugged Clarke’s earlobe between her teeth before moving to kiss the other side of her neck. Her hand slid up the front of Clarke’s stomach, her thumb grazing the underside of her breast before realizing she didn’t have a bra on. 

 

“It’s fine, don’t stop...” Clarke whimpered when she felt Lexa’s hesitation. Lexa ran her hand over Clarke’s breast, rolling her nipple lightly between her thumb and finger. 

 

The sensation sent a jolt through Clarke’s whole body that she’d never felt before and it seemed to settle directly between her legs. 

 

“Lexa...fuck...I can’t...babe stop...”

 

Lexa stopped immediately and sat up, letting go of Clarke’s wrists. 

 

“Shit Clarke, Im so s-“

 

She was cut off when Clarke sat up, wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders and kissed her hard. Lexa groaned as Clarke’s tongue slipped into her mouth and her hands slid down to her hips. Lexa kissed her back until they were both breathless. 

 

Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s neck and wrapped her fists in the back of her shirt. 

 

“Don’t say sorry. Please don’t say sorry.”

 

“Okay, relax. What’s going on?”

 

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I just...I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. So, until you plan that whole perfect romantic night, I can’t...that was too much. Not because it’s bad, but because I don’t want you to stop.” 

 

“I’m not upset Clarke.” Lexa ran her hand up and down Clarke’s back because she could feel how upset she was. “Babe...relax.”

 

“I just don’t want you to be sorry or feel bad...”

 

“I’m not sorry for what I was doing...at all. I was sorry because I thought I was pushing you further than you were comfortable going. And I never want you to feel that way with me. Ever.”

 

“I don’t Lexa. I’ve never felt that way about anything with you. You’re...I’ve never actually wanted anyone before. Anyone I slept with after my dad died was a distraction. And even when Finn and I first got together, it was because he wanted it. I thought I loved him, but even then, I never wanted to be with him physically the way I do you. Everything is so...different with you.”

 

“Then it sounds like neither one of us need to be worried.”

 

“I guess we don’t. Do me a favor though?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Plan that night sooner rather than later, would ya? Because you’re going to drive me crazy.”

 

“Maybe I like driving you crazy?”

 

Clarke leaned back and smirked as she ran her fingers under Lexa’s shirt and over her abs and Lexa shivered. 

 

“Okay, Okay. Let’s get going before it gets any later and Anya starts asking where we are.” Lexa laughed as she grabbed Clarke’s wrist to stop her. 

 

“Fine, I’m just saying, you’re not the only one who can play that game.” 

 

“Oh believe me, I know just how much you drive me crazy too.” 

 

Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead before dragging herself out of the blonde’s arms to get dressed.

______________________________________

 

“Clarke! Aunt Lexa! What are you guys doing here?” Aiden called as they walked into the restaurant. 

 

“Since when does he call your name first?” Lexa teased as Aiden ran across the room and hugged her. He let go of Lexa and hugged Clarke too. 

 

“We’re here for you.” Lexa answered with a grin. 

 

“But I have school.”

 

“Not today. Your mom said you could skip, so you’re coming with us.”

 

“Seriously?” 

 

“Yep. I asked her this morning and she said you’ve been doing really good in school so you could miss a day to hang out with us.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, really Aiden. Go ask her.” Lexa laughed as Aiden hurried off to the kitchen to find his mother. 

 

Clarke and Lexa sat down at the table he’d been sitting at. Clarke smiled at the sketchbook and pencils scattered around. 

 

“Anya said he’s been drawing a lot and talks about you constantly. She said if she didn’t like you so much she’d be sick of hearing about you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep. He likes you.”

 

“I like him too, he’s a sweet kid.”

 

“Mom said yes!” Aiden called as he came jogging back to the table. 

 

“I know that, I already asked her you dork.”

 

“Where are we going? Are we leaving now?”

 

“It’s a secret, and no, we’re going to eat first.”

 

“Oh, come on Aunt Lexa. Clarke, where are we going?”

 

“Oh, don’t you pit us against each other! Besides, I’m sitting right here. She isn’t telling you either.”

 

Clarke laughed and leaned closer to Aiden and whispered.

 

“I would, but you know how scary she is when she’s mad.”

 

Aiden nodded solemnly and Clarke giggled. 

 

“Oh my god, I’m right here, I can hear you.”

 

“Can I sit next to Clarke? I want to show her my drawings.”

 

“Aiden, are you trying to steal my girlfriend?”

 

“No, just borrow her. Come on Aunt Lexa, you get to see her all the time.”

 

“Fine. You guys are conspiring against me anyhow. Go ahead.”

 

Lexa huffed as she got up from her seat and headed towards the kitchen to find Anya.

 

“Your child is trying to pit Clarke and I against each other and now he’s stolen my seat next to her.”

 

“You’re the one who wanted him today.” Anya laughed as she looked out the kitchen window into the dining area where Aiden was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Clarke and they were laughing about something.

 

“She’s so good with him Lexa. I haven’t seen that kid so happy in a long time. He’s missed you a lot. He’s been really excited that you’ve been coming around.”

 

“I think he just likes me for Clarke at this point.”

 

“Well, I mean, Clarke is pretty likable.”

 

“Yea, I know. I’m so fucking in love with her Anya, it’s ridiculous.”

 

“Have you told **her** that?”

 

“No... not yet. I’m planning something.”

 

“You could just say it.”

 

“I could. But I want it to be special. She just told me the whole story about her ex and my god Anya...the things she’s been through. I want to make sure she knows how much I mean it. I want it to be something that’s us, not that has anything to do with Cos or her ex. She gets insecure about Costia sometimes and I just.... want to make sure she knows I love her for her, everything else aside.”

 

“I’m going to guess she already knows. You look at her and everything else disappears. You didn’t even look at Cos the way you look at her.”

 

“Anya...”

 

“Lexa, it’s okay. I’m well aware of how much you loved Costia. Loving Clarke doesn’t diminish that at all. I’m happy for you.”

 

“Thanks. I’m happy too.”

 

“I can tell. Come on, I have your guys pancakes ready. If you don’t eat and leave soon, Aiden might explode.”

 

Lexa laughed and followed Anya to the table. 

 

“Alright art geeks, put the sketchbook away. Food is here.”

 

Aiden pouted as he closed the sketchbook and shoved it and his pencils in his backpack. Lexa raised one eyebrow at him when he didn’t move. 

 

“Out of my spot. The deal is when you guys are waiting you can sit by her and do the whole art thing. When the food comes it’s my turn.”

 

Aiden grumbled but got up and moved to the other side of the table as Anya set their plates down. 

 

“Am I going to have to set a timer so you guys share Clarke equally?” Anya teased. 

 

Clarke blushed and took a bite of her pancake as Lexa squeezed her knee under the table and let her hand rest there. 

 

They ate breakfast quickly because Aiden couldn’t contain his excitement. They promised to have Aiden back before dinner and Lexa thought her heart might melt when Aiden slipped his hand in to Clarke’s as they walked ahead of her to the car.

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Oh cool! We were supposed to come here this weekend! What do they have to paint?”

 

Aiden said as they pulled in to the parking lot at Color Me Mine.

 

“All kinds of stuff. You can pick when we go in.” Lexa explained as they walked towards the door. 

 

“Clarke will you help me? I’ve never painted anything other than on paper.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes in mock irritation as she slipped her hand in to Clarke’s, pulled her close and kissed her temple. 

 

“Have I told you you’re amazing?”

 

“Mhmm, a few times today already.”

 

“Good. You deserve it.”

 

Clarke blushed and squeezed Lexa’s hand as they walked in the shop. They went to the front first to pick up the pieces that were already done. 

 

“Wow, I can’t believe I painted this.” Lexa said as she looked at her cup. 

 

“Wow! That dragon is awesome!” Aiden exclaimed as the lady handed Clarke the dragon over the counter. 

 

“Can I see it?” 

 

“Aiden, Clarke hasn’t even looked at it yet.”

 

“Sorry Clarke.”

 

“It’s fine. He did come out pretty cool.” She said as she turned the dragon over in her hands before handing it to Aiden.

 

“This is pretty much the coolest thing ever.” He said as he turned it over in his hands and ran his fingers over some of the stars. 

 

“You like him?”

 

“Uh, yes. He’s amazing.”

 

“I’m glad you like him so much because I made him for you.”

 

“Really?!” Aiden stared up at her, his eyes wide.

 

“Yep.”

 

“I can take it home and keep it?”

 

“Yes, he’s all yours.”

 

Aiden set the dragon down carefully on the table before flinging himself at Clarke and wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug.

 

“Thank you! I love it. A lot.” 

 

“You’re welcome, I’m glad.” Clarke return his hug and had to blink back tears. He hugged her for a few seconds and then turned to Lexa. 

 

“I like her a lot Aunt Lexa.”

 

“I can tell. I like her quite a bit too kid.”

 

“Are you going to marry her? You should.”

 

Lexa choked on the next breath she was taking and Clarke had to cover her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing at the expression on Lexa’s face. Lexa opened and closed her mouth a few times but couldn’t quite find the words to respond.

 

“That would be quite a ways away buddy. Too far away to even talk about right now. Let’s not give your Aunt a heart attack. Why don’t we pick something for you to paint while she puts these things in the car?  Start down that aisle there, I’ll be there in a second.”

 

“Okay!”

 

Aiden headed down the aisle Clarke had pointed to and she laughed and walked up to Lexa.

 

“You alright?”

 

“Clarke, I had no idea he’d say something like that. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be sorry babe, kids say whatever crosses their minds.”

 

“I’ve never suggested...or hinted...”

 

“Lexa, relax. He’s a kid. He was excited and it just came out. It’s okay. Go take this stuff to the car? Try to breathe. Don’t freak out. I’m not expecting you to marry me tomorrow. Someday maybe...but not tomorrow...” 

 

Clarke winked and turned to follow Aiden, leaving Lexa standing open mouthed in the middle of the store before for a second before she composed herself enough to pick up the dragon and the cup and take them to the car. 

_______________________________________________________

 

“That was so much fun. I can’t wait to see how the plate comes out. And your cup too Aunt Lexa.”

 

Clarke had helped Aiden paint roses on a plate for his mom and at her joking insistence Lexa had painted another galaxy cup so they could match, only this time Clarke didn’t help her.

 

“Your plate will come out fine I’m sure since you stole Clarke the whole time.” 

 

“It’s not my fault she likes me better.” Aiden teased back and Clarke sank down in her seat. 

 

“You guys are ridiculous, you know that, right? Like it runs in the family or something?”

 

They all laughed and Lexa reached over and took Clarke’s hand and let them rest on the console as they drove. 

 

“Where are we going next?” Aiden asked.

 

“Think we should let him pick or surprise him?” Lexa asked Clarke with a wink.

 

“Hmmm, I don’t know. Surprises are fun.”

 

“No, let me pick! You surprised me once already. Please?”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes. I mean. I don’t care where you guys take me really, I’m having fun. And I like spending time with you Aunt Lexa. And you too Clarke. But if I get to pick that would be cool too.”

 

“Well that was sweet. Alright, your options are the Santa Monica Pier, or the aquarium in Long Beach.”

 

“Oh, both sound cool! Ummm...the pier. They have rides.”

 

“They do, and guess what Clarke’s favorite ride is?”

 

“Lexa...I will murder you in your sleep.”

 

“Which one?”

 

“The Ferris wheel!”

 

“Cool! I love riding those too.”

 

“Your aunt tells lies. I hate the Ferris wheel. I’m afraid of heights.”

 

“Aww, but you have to come. I’ll hold your hand. And Aunt Lexa can hold the other one. You’ll be okay.”

 

Clarke glared sideways at Lexa who just smiled innocently. 

 

“We’ll both hold your hand, it will be fine. And he’s right, you have to come.”

 

“We’ll see.”

____________________________________________________________________

 

“Can I go play some games, please?” Aiden asked as they walked along the pier. He was walking between Lexa and Clarke, holding hands with both of them and it made Lexa happier than she’d been in a long time to see him smile so much. 

 

“Of course you can. I wouldn’t bring you here and not let you play.”

 

Lexa took money out of her pocket and handed it to him. 

 

“We’ll be on this bench right here. Don’t go too far away.” 

 

“I won’t” he called over his shoulder as he scurried off in to the arcade. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s belt loop and pulled her close as they sat down on the bench. 

 

“Finally, I don’t have to share you.” She whispered in to Clarke’s neck as she kissed it. 

 

“Mhmm, until he comes back.”

 

“I think I’ll live. I’m glad he likes you so much. It’s cute.”

 

“It is. He’s a good kid.”

 

Clarke leaned in to Lexa’s side and put her head on her shoulder. Lexa smiled and slid her hand around Clarke’s waist, hooking a finger in her belt loop to keep it there. 

 

“This was a good idea for today.” 

 

“Better than staying home and cuddling?”

 

“Hmm, right up there.”

 

Lexa laughed as Clarke cuddled closer to her as if to prove her point. They sat like that for a few minutes until Aiden came around the corner looking overly excited. 

 

“I won! You guys have to help me pick, but I won!”

 

He ran up and grabbed each of them by a hand and pulled until they stood up. 

 

“Won what?” Lexa laughed as they followed him around the corner to the game he was dragging them towards. 

 

“One of those!” He pointed to a variety of huge stuffed toys hanging from a netted wall behind a basketball game. 

 

“Oh lord, your mother is going to kill me.” Lexa mumbled under her breath. 

 

“Are these your moms?” The guy running the game asked as Aiden came up. 

 

“No, they’re my aunts, but I needed help picking.”

 

Lexa elbowed Clarke at Aiden’s use of the word aunt in reference to both of them and it made her smile. 

 

“So, what do you need help picking between?” Clarke asked as she moved to stand next to Aiden at the game counter. 

 

“Well, actually, I was going to let you have it since you made that really awesome dragon for me.” Aiden said shyly while looking down at his feet. 

 

Clarke’s eyes met Lexa’s over Aiden’s head and she could tell the other girl was having trouble holding back tears just as much as she was. 

 

“Aiden, that’s really, really sweet of you and I appreciate it, but you pick something for you, Okay?” 

 

“But I wanted to do something for you to say thank you.”

 

“You said thank you, and that was enough. But if you really want to do something for me, draw me a picture.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“A hundred percent. But thank you for thinking of me, it means a lot.” 

 

Clarke pulled him in to a hug then moved to stand next to Lexa as Aiden chose what he wanted. 

 

Lexa’s hand found hers and she squeezed it. 

 

“You and that kid. I can’t.” 

 

“That was pretty damn cute.”

 

“It was. I’ve missed him more than I realized. Thank you for helping me pull my head out of my ass.”

 

“Lexa...you did all that on your own. Stop giving me credit.”

 

“Maybe I did but you were the trigger. You were so patient and understanding. You made me feel like it was okay to still hurt as much as I did. You...helped a lot.”

 

“I’m glad, but I’m even more glad that you were ready.”

 

“Me too, I’m just sad I missed so much.”

 

“All that matters to him is that you’re here now.”

 

“And that I keep you around. Pretty sure he’s attached to you too.”

 

“Yea well, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Okay. I’ve narrowed it down to the donut, the dragon, or the monkey.” Aiden said over his shoulder. 

 

“What on earth are you going to do with a giant donut?” Lexa asked, laughing.

 

“Sit on it.”

 

Clarke laughed loudly. 

 

“It’s solid logic, you can’t argue with it.” 

 

“I guess not.”

 

“Clarke? What would you pick?” Aiden asked. 

 

“Of course, he asks you, you’re clearly his favorite.” Lexa joked, softly elbowing her in the side. 

 

“Well, originally I was going to say the dragon. But sitting on a giant donut sounds pretty amusing. So now I’m not sure.”

 

“Aunt Lexa?”

 

“Not the monkey. And I personally think your butt would get stuck in the donut hole, so I’d go with the dragon.”

 

Aiden laughed and told the man running the game that he wanted the dragon. 

 

“There is no way you’re carrying that around all day. Why don’t you stay here with your Aunt and let me take it back to the car” Clarke said between laughs as Aiden tried to carry the dragon even though it was almost as big a him. 

 

“Are you sure Clarke? I can take it back” Lexa offered. 

 

“No, stay here and play. I’ll be right back.” 

 

Clarke took the dragon from Aiden and carried it like she was giving it a piggy back ride. Lexa and Aiden watched her walk away for a minute. 

 

“Alright, what’s next?” Lexa asked. 

 

“Actually, can I ask you something? But you have to promise you won’t get mad.”

 

“You can always ask me anything and I’ll do my best not to get upset. What’s up?”

 

Lexa sat down on a bench and Aiden sat sideways next to her so he could face her. 

 

“Do you think Clarke would mind if I said I loved her?”

 

The question caught Lexa completely off guard and it took her a second to answer.

 

“I don’t think she’d mind at all, but...that’s not something you have to say just because she’s been nice to you. She doesn’t expect it.”

 

“I know that. And I know you don’t say it to people unless you really mean it. But...she’s always been nice to me, even when I told her I hated her that first day, which was really mean. And she helps me with stuff, mostly art but other stuff too sometimes. She makes you really happy. She makes me really happy too and... I don’t know, I just...when I say it to you, I have to stop myself from saying it to her too. Doesn’t that mean I love her? If it’s going to come out that easy?” 

 

“Yea, I think it probably does. And I don’t think she would mind at all.”

 

“Even if I called her Aunt Clarke?”

 

“That one you can ask her. That’s a little different than telling her you love her. That’s more like calling her family.”

 

“But it feels like she already is.”

 

“I know, it does, but I think that title is something you should both agree on. And probably your mom too.”

 

“Yea, I guess so. Do you think it would make Aunt Cos mad?”

 

“No, I don’t. I think it would make her happy that you’re happy around her.”

 

“She would have liked her.”

 

“I think so too.”

 

“Thanks for not getting mad.”

 

“Why would that make me mad?”

 

“I don’t know. I didn’t want you to think I was forgetting Costia, or that I didn’t love you as much.”

 

“No. You have plenty of room in that big heart of yours to love all of us.”

 

“Thanks Aunt Lexa.”

 

She pulled him in to a hug and kissed the top of his head. 

 

“You’re a good kid Aiden.”

 

“I like having you around a lot again.”

 

“I like it too. Now go play some more games. But no more giant stuffed animals. They won’t fit in the car.”

 

“Okay.” He grinned and took off back in to the arcade as Clarke cane walking back up. 

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“You look...like you’re holding back emotions.”

 

“Dammit Clarke why do you have to know me so well?”

 

“Because I’m a good girlfriend and I pay attention. What’s up?” She asked as she sat on the bench next to her. 

 

“You’re the best girlfriend ever. And it’s nothing bad.”

 

“Ok, so are you going to tell me?”

 

“I don’t know. I kinda feel like I shouldn’t but I also don’t want to to come out of no where.”

 

“Alright...”

 

“Aiden asked me if you would care if he told you he loves you.” 

 

Clarke’s eyes immediately filled with tears like Lexa knew they would. 

 

“Lexa...he doesn’t have to...I didn’t mean to...”

 

“Clarke. He asked me all on his own. I told him the same thing. I also told him you didn’t expect it. He wants to. He also asked me about calling you Aunt Clarke. I told him he would have to discuss that one with you and Anya.”

 

Clarke stared down at her feet and picked at the hem of her shirt. 

 

“Talk to me.” Lexa whispered. 

 

“I just don’t want it to upset anyone.... or for anyone to feel like I’m trying to take Costia’s place...”

 

“Babe...none of us think that. You’ve gone out of your way to show that you aren’t. Who are you worried about upsetting? Anya?”

 

“You.”

 

“I’m not upset Clarke. At all. I think it’s sweet. I wanted to tell you so it didn’t come out of nowhere and leave you fumbling for a response. But I’m not upset at all. I promise.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Do you believe me?” 

 

Clarke took a deep breath; it was hard for her to believe people when they said they weren’t upset with her because Finn used to say it to only hold things over her head days or weeks later that he’d sworn he wasn’t upset over. But Lexa wasn’t Finn, or anything even close and if Clarke pushed all of the doubt Finn has so deeply ingrained in her away, she trusted Lexa implicitly. 

 

“Yes, I do.” Their eyes met and Lexa could see that she was being honest. 

 

“Good. Thank you.” She leaned over and kissed Clarke briefly. 

 

“Let’s go find the kid, see what he wants to do.”

 

They were about to get up when Aiden came bouncing around the corner. 

 

“Can I go on the rollercoaster?”

 

“Of course. Let’s go.”

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon playing games and going on rides. Clarke mostly sat while Lexa and Aiden went on the rides. 

 

They did manage to get her on the Ferris Wheel and Aiden held her hand the whole time, only letting go long enough to take a picture, even when she told him she was fine because he said he could feel her still shaking. 

 

Despite Clarke being terrified, Lexa managed to get a good picture of the three of them at the top of the Ferris Wheel with the ocean in the background and Aiden took one of Clarke and Lexa.

 

“I can’t believe I’ve gotten on that thing twice with you; my dad tried to get me on it all the time.” Clarke commented to Lexa as they got off the Ferris Wheel.

 

“Well maybe now that you’re not as scared you can get on it with him. Just tell him he has to hold your hand like we do.” Aiden said with a smile as he wiggled his way between Lexa and Clarke to take both of their hands. 

 

“I probably would get on it with him now actually, and he’d be more than happy to hold my hand if he could, but he passed away when I was still in high school.” 

 

“I’m sorry Clarke. My dad died too, when I was really little. I don’t even remember him. Do you still miss your dad?” 

 

“I do. A lot.”

 

“Me too, but it’s stupid because I didn’t even know him.” 

 

Clarke stopped walking and crouched down in front of Aiden. 

 

“Hey, missing someone is never stupid. Just because you didn’t know him doesn’t mean you can’t miss him. I’m sure your mom has told you a lot about him and even though you don’t remember him it doesn’t mean he didn’t love you, and at one point you knew that and loved him too, even if you don’t remember. So, it’s okay to miss him, and it’s not stupid. You can miss people forever and it’s never stupid, it just means you loved them.” 

 

Aiden looked at her for a second as if he were about to cry, then wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. 

 

“Thank you Clarke.”

 

“Of course.”

 

She stood up and ruffled his hair.

 

“Can I go on the rollercoaster again?”

 

“Go ahead, I’m going to skip this one though.” Lexa answered and Aiden ran off to get in line for the ride. 

 

Lexa took Clarke’s hand as they walked after him to find a bench to wait on. 

 

“He hardly ever talks about his dad. Anya worries about it all the time because she knows he gets sad sometimes but he won’t say anything. So thank you for that.”

 

“Of course. Sometimes it’s easier opening up to someone who has gone through the same thing.”

 

“Yea...”

 

“What’s that tone for?” Clarke teased as she bumped Lexa with her hip. 

 

“Nothing really, just wondering what made you open up to me so much?”

 

“I don’t know. At first things just...felt right with you. And as I opened up at first your reactions were not what I was expecting. You made me feel so safe. You still do. I trust you.”

 

Lexa blushed and Clarke leaned over and kissed her cheek as they sat down. 

 

“Did I just make you blush? That never happens.” 

 

“Pfft, no. I don’t blush.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes in mock irritation and settled against Lexa’s side. 

 

Aiden rode a few more rides then they all took their shoes off and walked along the beach for a while before getting in the car and heading back to Flappy Jacks.

 

_____________________________________________________________________ 

 

“Mom! Today was so much fun!” 

 

Aiden called as they walked in the door. Anya smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist in a hug.

 

“We went to the pottery painting place and Clarke helped me make a present for you, but it’s a surprise. And then we went to the Santa Monica pier and I won the coolest giant dragon. We rode all the rides, even though Clarke was afraid of the Ferris Wheel. Oh! And Clarke painted the most awesome dragon for me.”

 

“Wow, that sounds like quite a day.”

 

“It was so much fun! Thanks for letting me miss school.”

 

“You’re welcome. I agreed to it because you’ve been doing so well in school. So, keep that up.”

 

“I will, I promise.”

 

“Your teachers emailed me your homework so you should probably go get started on that.”

 

“Aww, alright. Are you guys staying for dinner?” He asked Clarke and Lexa.”

 

“Not this time buddy, we’re going to head home after we get your stuff out of the car and put it in your moms’.”

 

“Aw, Okay. Thank you for everything today. I had a lot of fun. I love you Aunt Lexa.”

 

He smiled as he hugged her tight around the waist. 

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Clarke...thanks for the dragon. And helping me paint. And everything else.”

 

“You’re welcome, I had a lot of fun today too. Thanks for holding my hand on the Ferris Wheel.”

 

He looked suddenly shy and turned to his mom and tugged her shirt sleeve. She leaned down and he whispered in her ear. 

 

“Is it okay if I tell Clarke I love her? I asked Aunt Lexa but I wanted to make sure it was okay with you too.”

 

Anya smiled and nodded. Aiden turned back to Clarke and wrapped his arms around her. 

 

“I love you Clarke.”

 

He said softly. Clarke smiled as she returned his hug and kissed the top of his head. 

 

“I love you too kid.” 

 

He smiled up at her brightly before letting go and heading off to one of the tables to start on his homework. 

 

Anya wiped the tears out of her eyes with the back of her hand. 

 

“Let me come to the car with you to get his stuff.” 

 

As soon as they were out of the door Anya pulled Clarke in to a tight hug. 

 

“Anya...I didn’t...he just did that. I would never...”

 

“Clarke. It’s okay. I think it’s sweet. He’s been so happy since you guys have started coming around.”

 

“I just didn’t want you to think-“

 

“I don’t think anything except that you’re good to my kid and he realizes that and loves you. I’m okay with that.”

 

“You might not be okay with it as much when you see this dragon.” Lexa teased as they got to the car. 

 

“Oh good lord. Which one of you won that for him?”

 

“He won it all on his own.”

 

Anya huffed as she pulled the dragon out of Lexa’s car and shoved it in the back seat of her own. When she was done, Clarke handed her the dragon from Color Me Mine. 

 

“Wow, this is gorgeous.”

 

“Thanks. It was fun to paint.”

 

“I’m sure he loved it. I thought he talked about you a lot before, god help me now.”

 

Lexa and Anya both laughed when Clarke blushed and looked down at her feet. They hugged goodbye and Clarke and Lexa headed home.

 

_________________________________________________

 

“Today was fun, thanks for talking me in to leaving the house.” 

 

Clarke mumbled through a yawn as she pulled her shirt off over her head and rummaged through her drawer for a shirt to sleep in. When she found one she unhooked her bra, shrugged it off her shoulders and pulled the shirt over her head. 

 

“You’re so gorgeous.” Lexa commented from where she was already laying on the bed, watching Clarke change, her eyes roaming across her naked shoulders and back until Clarke pulled the shirt down.

 

“Oh stop it.”

 

“I’m serious Clarke.”

 

Clarke blushed as she stepped out of her jeans and into a pair of shorts. She knew Lexa meant what she said, she just was horrible at accepting compliments. 

 

“I know you are. You tell me all the time, and I can tell you mean it. I just...don’t do compliments well. Besides, you’re the gorgeous one.”

 

Lexa smiled as Clarke climbed in to bed and laid down next to her. She turned on her side and draped her arm across Clarke’s stomach as she scooted close, her head resting on Clarke’s shoulder. 

 

“Today was fun, and I’m glad you agree to go, but I’m also glad to be home.” 

 

Lexa spoke quietly and Clarke could tell she was already starting to fall asleep. 

 

“Me too, go to sleep. You’re tired, I can hear it in your voice.”

 

“You are too.”

 

“Yes I am.”

 

“So get more comfy and go to sleep.”

 

“I’m perfectly fine right here.” 

 

“No you’re not. That’s not comfy. Come on.”

 

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s arm as she rolled over to her other side, pulling Clarke with her so she was pressed up against her back. Clarke laughed and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist and pulled her even closer the rested her head on the back of her shoulder. 

 

“You just wanted an excuse to be the little spoon.” She muttered as she kissed Lexa’s shoulder. 

 

“Did not.”

 

“Mhmm. Do you want to switch then?”

 

“No. I like you right there.” 

 

“Yea, I thought so. It’s okay to want this sometimes ya know?”

 

“I’ve only ever wanted it with you.” Lexa whispered quietly as she ran her fingers over Clarke’s arm that was draped across her. 

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes, really. With Costia I was always the protective, strong one in our relationship, so it just always felt natural and right to be the one holding her.”

 

“Does this feel weird?”

 

“No, not at all.”

 

“Good. It means a lot to me that you’re comfortable enough to let me hold you sometimes if that’s what you need.”

 

Lexa smiled, leaned further back in to Clarke’s embrace and sighed happily. The further she let Clarke in, the more it felt like she’d finally found what she needed for so long. 

 

“I think you’re what I need.” Lexa mumbled, already half asleep. 

 

Clarke had to bit her lip hard to stop herself from telling Lexa she loved her. Instead she wrapped her arm around her a little tighter, slid one of her legs between Lexa’s and burrowed her face in to her back and closed her eyes. 

 

“Clarke?” Lexa whispered after a few minutes, her voice heavy with sleep. 

 

“Yea?”

 

“Wake me up if you need to.”

 

“I will.” 

 

“Say it...”

 

Clarke teared up at Lexa’s insistence that she not be alone in dealing with her nightmares. She’d never had anyone take care of her the way Lexa did and it was a nice thing to get used to.

 

“I will wake you up Lexa, I promise.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Lexa mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

 

Lexa jerked awake with a gasp, her body was covered in sweat, her breathing ragged. She sat up slowly so she didn’t wake Clarke up and scooted back against the headboard. She tried to close her eyes and take a deep breath but any time she did she saw flashes of images she’d rather not see; Costia’s face just before she took her last breath, the woman from the call whose children had died, Clarke being hit by a faceless dark haired man. 

 

She clenched her fists in the sheets; she hadn’t had a nightmare in a long time. 

 

“Lexa? What’s wrong?” Clarke mumbled as she half way woke up and reached for her. 

 

“Nothing babe, go back to sleep.” 

 

“Why are you sitting up there?”

 

“I can’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

 

“Hm, I don’t mind. Why can’t you sleep?”

 

“Clarke... just go back to sleep.”

 

Clarke could hear the tension in Lexa’s voice and she sat up and moved next to her. 

 

“Babe... you’re soaking wet. What’s wrong?”

 

Clarke asked, immediately awake when she’d run her hand over Lexa’s arm and felt how sweaty she was.

 

“I... had a nightmare. I haven’t had one in a long time. I don’t know why...”

 

“You should have woken me up. You want me to when I have mine; the deal works both ways.”

 

Lexa nodded slowly; she didn’t have the energy to argue and the truth was all she wanted was for Clarke to hold her. 

 

“You’re right, I should have.”

 

“Are you okay here for a second?”

 

Lexa nodded and Clarke went to the kitchen. She got a glass of cold water and wet a towel, then wrung it out so it was damp, not dripping wet. 

 

She went back in the room and walked up to Lexa’s side of the bed. 

 

“Here, drink some of this and sit with your back to me.”

 

Lexa took the glass of water and scooted back so her back was towards Clarke at the edge of the bed. 

 

She sighed as Clarke ran her fingers through her hair and pulled it into a braid, then shivered as she ran the cool towel over the back of her neck. 

 

“Too cold?”

 

“No, it feels better. Thank you.”

 

Lexa took a few sips of water as Clarke ran the towel over her arms then lifted her shirt and ran it over her back. 

 

When she was done Clarke walked the towel back in the bathroom and got back in bed next to Lexa. She held her arms open and Lexa set the water on the nightstand and moved in to Clarke’s arms. She tucked herself between Clarke’s legs and curled up against her chest, pressing her face in to her neck. 

 

Clarke smiled and dropped a soft kiss on the top of Lexa’s head while running her fingers over her arm. 

 

“Better?”

 

“So much better, thank you.” 

 

Lexa sighed and relaxed in to Clarke’s arms. 

 

“You’re welcome. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Lexa didn’t, but Clarke was being so soft and comforting that the words ended up just coming out. 

 

“I don’t remember really but after I woke up any time I tried to close my eyes all I could see was that lady who lost her kids in that fire, Costia, you and Finn...I can still hear that lady scream...I’ll be fine. These don’t happen often.”

 

“Lexa...I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean for this to happen to you.”

 

“It’s not your fault Clarke.”

 

“I shouldn’t have told you everything that happened with Finn, or at least not right after that call...I’m sorry...”

 

“Babe, it’s not your fault. Remember how much you cried when I told you about Costia?”

 

“Yes, I hated seeing you hurt so much.”

 

“Do you wish I wouldn’t have told you?”

 

“No, of course not, you know that.”

 

“Well, I feel the same way about what happened with Finn. It hurts to know that you went through that, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to hear about it or would take anything back.”

 

Clarke opened her mouth to argue but she knew there wasn’t anything she could say. As much as she hated the fact that Finn was in her nightmare, Lexa was right, and if the situation were reversed she wouldn’t want anything changed. 

 

She leaned her head back against the headboard and kept trailing her fingers soothingly up and down Lexa’s arm. 

 

Lexa could feel that Clarke wasn’t relaxed and knew the blonde was still blaming herself. She turned her face and lazily kissed the side of her neck up to her ear. 

 

“I don’t blame you, please don’t blame yourself.” She whispered in Clarke’s ear.

 

“I’m trying not to.”

 

“Everything is better when I’m with you Clarke. Everything.”

 

“I feel the same way about you.”

 

“Good, so just believe me when I say it’s not your fault and hold me so I can go back to sleep?” 

 

She felt Clarke relax and knew her words had finally hit home. Clarke nodded and she moved on the bed so she was laying on her side. Clarke followed and laid down facing her. 

 

Lexa moved so she was against the front of Clarke, her head nestled just under her chin. Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa and pulled her even closer. She smiled when she felt Lexa sigh in to her neck. 

 

“You okay?” 

 

Lexa burrowed a little closer, tucking one of her legs between Clarke’s and kissing her neck softly before closing her eyes. 

 

“I am now.”

 

Clarke smiled and closed her eyes, waiting until she felt Lexa’s breathing even out and knew the other girl was asleep again before letting herself fall back to sleep too.

 

_____________________________________

 

Several hours later Clarke stood at the foot of the bed staring at Lexa as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. She’d managed to get up and out of bed without waking the other girl up; she was on her stomach, one leg pulled up towards her chest. Her arms were tucked under the pillow and her hair had come out of the braid from earlier and was fanned out across it. Clarke wanted nothing more than to crawl back in to bed with her but she had to go to work. She also hated to wake her up when she looked so peaceful but she knew Lexa would be upset if she didn’t. 

 

“Lexa.” She said softly, nudging the bed with her knee.

 

“Dontwanna.” The brunette mumbled against the pillow. 

 

“You don’t have to until later, but I have to leave for work. I set your alarm.”

 

“Ugh, nostay.”

 

“I’d love to, but I can’t. Besides, you’ll be there this afternoon.”

 

Lexa made a noise that was somewhere between a grumble and a whine as she scooted to the edge of the bed at sat up. Clarke laughed softly as she walked over to her. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and pulled her close, her face pressed against her stomach. 

 

“You’re cute when you’re half asleep.” She teased as she ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair. Lexa’s only response was to hold her tighter. 

 

“I have to go Lexa.” 

 

“I know.”

 

“Which means you have to let go. You’ll see me later at the station.”

 

“It’s not the same.”

 

“I know, but it’s better than working different jobs.”

 

“Details.”

 

“Babe, I gotta go.”

 

Lexa leaned back slightly and looked up Clarke’s body at her. 

 

“Kiss me goodbye then.”

 

“Only if you stand up because I am not letting you pull me back in bed.”

 

“One time I did that, just once.”

 

“And I was twenty minutes late with a hickey on my neck.”

 

“Hm, you didn’t care about the hickey when I was giving it to you. In fact I remember you telling me not to stop in that really sexy raspy voice you get sometimes...”

 

“Lexa.”

 

“Okay fine.” Lexa pouted as she stood up and put her hands on Clarke’s hips. 

 

“It’s not my fault you’re so damn hot...the things I want to do to you...” she whispered in Clarke’s ear right before she kissed her neck. She slipped her hands under Clarke’s shirt and ran them up her sides, smiling as Clarke practically melted in her arms. 

 

“God dammit Lexa.”

 

Clarke growled at her hands went to Lexa’s hips, her head instinctively tilting to the side to give her easier access to her neck. 

 

Lexa smiled as she kissed along Clarke’s neck, swirling her tongue in some places, sucking and biting in others, drawing the soft moans and whimpers out of Clarke that she loved so much. 

 

“So fucking good Lexa, god...”

 

“Hm, you like this?” Lexa whispered, her teeth grazing the skin on Clarke’s neck. 

 

“You know that drives me crazy.”

 

“Hmm, maybe. More?”

 

“Fuck...no...I have to go babe...”

 

“Do you though?” 

 

Lexa kissed down her neck and along the top of her breast; Clarke whined.

 

“Lexa...this so isn’t fair....”

 

Lexa stopped and stood up, cupping Clarke’s cheek in her hand and running her thumb over her lower lip. 

 

“Have I told you that you’re gorgeous?” 

 

For the first time since she’d known the blonde, Clarke held her gaze rather than looking away, and smiled slowly. 

 

“All the time. And it gives me butterflies every single time you say it.”

 

“Good. Now get going, you’re going to be late.”

 

“Totally your fault.”

 

“Shh. Details.”

 

Lexa leaned forward and kissed her briefly; it was soft and comfortable and Clarke sighed as she pulled back, reluctant to leave Lexa’s arms. 

 

“I’ll see you later.” Lexa said softly, her fingers trailing along Clarke’s arm as she walked away. It was ridiculous how much she loved the other woman and she couldn’t wait to show her. 

 

_________________________________

 

Clarke’s phone buzzed in her picked as she walked in to the station it was a text from Lexa;

 

**Lexa:** miss you 

 

Attached was a picture of her cuddling with the giant raccoon. Clarke grinned and text her back before shoving her phone back in her pocket.

 

**Clarke:** miss you too

 

“Texting Lexa?” Raven teased as Clarke walked past the common room. 

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Maybe my ass Griffin, there is only one person on the planet that makes you smile like that and it’s Lexa.” 

 

“True.”

 

“You guys are so ridiculously happy together, it’s borderline between gross and cute.”

 

“I know, I feel the same way.”

 

“Does she work today?”

 

“Yep, she’ll be in later.”

 

Clarke called over her shoulder as she headed towards her room. 

 

She smiled at the Hersey kiss sitting in the middle of her bed on top of a piece of paper. She unwrapped the kiss and popped it in her mouth as she unfolded the paper. 

 

_This kiss will have to do until I can give you a real one._

 

The note was scrawled in Lexa’s handwriting and Clarke laughed. She couldn’t remember who had started it but whoever worked last left some little present for the other person for the next time they came in. Clarke took a picture of the note and text it to Lexa.

 

**Clarke:** I expect the real one when you get here

 

**Lexa:** Of course 

 

Clarke smiled and folded the note in half and stuck it in the back of her sketchbook. She flipped through the few things she’d sketched since being in LA; there weren’t many and most of the recent ones were Lexa. 

 

She sat down on the bed and crossed her legs, her sketchbook in her lap. She realized that she’d missed drawing when she’d started drawing for Aiden. She’d stopped doing it when she was with Finn; she’d lost a lot of herself when she was with Finn and it was time to start getting things back together. 

 

She picked up the pencil and started sketching the first thing that came to mind; Lexa lying in bed before she’d left for work that morning. She meant for it to just be a simple sketch, but things flowed so well she ended up adding details and shading and losing herself in it for a few hours. 

 

She didn’t even hear when Lexa gently pushed the door open and quietly walked in the room. 

 

She smiled at the fact that Clarke was drawing; she’d rarely seen her do it but knew at one point in her life she’d really loved it. 

 

Lexa stood and watched her for a minute, smiling softly at the way her eyebrows furrowed and her nose wrinkled as she tried to get some detail just right. 

 

“You’re really cute, ya know that?” 

 

Clarke jerked, startled by Lexa’s voice. 

 

“How long have you been standing there?”

 

“Not long. You didn’t hear me come in. You were really involved in your drawing.”

 

“Yea, I guess I was.”

 

Clarke closed the cover of her book, got up off the bed and stepped in to Lexa’s arms. 

 

“Hi babe.” Lexa said softly as she wrapped her arms around Clarke’s shoulders. 

 

“Have I told you I love it when you call me that?” 

 

Clarke whispered before their lips met in a soft kiss. 

 

“Hmm, you’ve mentioned it.” Lexa kissed her forehead before letting go.

 

“Can I see what you were drawing?” She asked as she set her bag down on her bed. 

 

Clarke bit her bottom lip and blushed as she sat back down on her bed and put her sketchbook in her lap. 

 

“You can say no, it won’t hurt my feelings.” Lexa said gently as she sat down next to Clarke and leaned against the wall. 

 

“It’s just...it’s been a while. So it’s not very good and I ju-“

 

“Clarke...you don’t have to show me. It’s really okay. If you want to, I’d love to see it. If you don’t, I get it. But just so you know, I can’t draw a straight line with a ruler so there would be zero judgement from me.”

 

Clarke laughed softly before handing the book to Lexa. 

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

“Yea, it’s fine.”

 

“Which one?”

 

“You can look at all of them.” 

 

Clarke scooted closer to Lexa and leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder as she flipped open the cover of the book. 

 

The first few were half finished landscapes that Clarke had just been absentmindedly drawing to try to find motivation. Then the sketches of Lexa started. 

 

The first page was a few different angles of her lifting weights in the gym, the next was her eyes, then her lips. Lexa felt Clarke tense against her as she flipped through the pages. 

 

She was surprised that they were all her. There were a few more pages of sketches then she got to the last drawing that Clarke had been working on when she came in the room. 

 

“Oh wow...” 

 

The detail in the drawing was amazing and it made her want to touch it, even though she knew better. 

 

“Clarke...these are amazing.”

 

“It doesn’t freak you out that they’re all of you?”

 

“No, I’m flattered. This last one, my god.”

 

Clarke blushed and tucked her face against Lexa’s shoulder. 

 

“I’m serious Clarke, you’re crazy talented.”

 

“Thank you. It helps that my subject is drop dead gorgeous. Makes it easy to draw.”

 

Lexa blushed and bit her bottom lip as she flipped back through the book. 

 

“Some of these are from when you first started, aren’t they?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“So, you did like what you saw.” Lexa laughed, elbowing Clarke in the side. 

 

“I still do, even more than I did then.”

 

Lexa closed the book and handed it back to Clarke. 

 

“Thank you for sharing them with me.”

 

“Thank you for not thinking I’m some sort of weird stalker.” 

 

Clarke laughed as she leaned over to set the book on her nightstand then leaned back against Lexa’s shoulder. They sat there quietly for a few minutes, Lexa’s fingers idly running across Clarke’s thigh. Clarke smiled; she loved the little things Lexa did without realizing it. 

 

“Want to go to the gym?” Lexa asked, her fingers stopping in their random pattern, her hand resting on Clarke’s thigh. 

 

“Sure, are you going to run with me?” Clarke teased, she knew running was Lexa’s least favorite workout.

 

“Sure, if you lift weights with me.”

 

“Fine, but you can’t make fun of me for not being able to lift hardly anything.”

 

“Really? You never want to lift weights.”

 

“Compromise. If you’re willing to do my thing, I’ll do yours.”

 

Alright, you’ve got a deal.”

_________________________________________

 

A few hours later Clarke was laying on her back on the gym mats, her arms sprawled out beside her. 

 

“You don’t even care that I’m dying.” She whined as Lexa finished doing crunches next to her. 

 

“Because I know you’re not dying.”

 

“I’m pretty sure I am.”

 

“And I’m pretty sure you’re not.” Lexa laughed as she finished her crunches and sat there, her arms wrapped around her knees. 

 

“See, this is why you should do more than just run.” Lexa teased. 

 

“So I can die?”

 

“No, so you’re fit in more than just one way.” 

 

“You’re the one always calling me gorgeous, now I’m out of shape?”

 

“You are gorgeous, they have nothing to do with one another. You’re in shape, but clearly not in all areas.” 

 

Lexa stood up and held her hand out to Clarke who took it and let the brunette pull her up off the floor. 

 

“I’m not going to be able to move later. I think you’re trying to kill me. I said I’d lift with you, not do your entire routine of death.”

 

“I think you might be being a tad bit over dramatic babe. You’re fine.”

 

“On the outside, on the inside I’m dying.”

 

“At least you look good while you’re dying then.” 

 

Lexa raised one eyebrow and pulled Clarke against her. About halfway through their workout Clarke had pulled her tank top off so she was in workout pants and her sports bra. Lexa ran her hands down her sides to her hips. 

 

“Gross, I’m sweaty. Now I understand why you always just workout in a sports bra. It’s hot.

 

“In more ways than one.” Lexa smirked as she kissed her briefly. 

 

“I’m almost done, you should walk some to cool down. It’s not good to just stop.”

 

“Would rolling on the floor count?”

 

“Clarke, you’re going to live.”

 

“Ugh, Fine. I’ll walk.”

 

Lexa laughed and watched Clarke as she walked over to the treadmill. 

 

“I can feel you staring at my ass.” The blonde teased. 

 

“It’s not my fault it looks really good in those pants. In any pants really...or in no pants.”

 

“Lexa oh my god shut up.” 

 

Clarke heard Lexa chuckle as she started up the treadmill. A few minutes later she heard the rhythmic thuds of Lexa hitting the punching bag and cringed. She took a few deep breaths, reminding herself that it was Lexa, not Finn, and nothing was going to happen. It helped for a few minutes but then the panic started to build in her stomach and she knew she was going to lose this time.  She pulled the stop chord on the treadmill and grabbed her towel as she got off. 

 

“I’ll see you in the room.” She called to Lexa.

 

“That wasn’t a very long cool down.”

 

“I’m fine. I’ll see you in a few.”

 

Lexa could hear the tension in Clarke’s voice, it was border-lining on fear and she stopped punching and walked towards Clarke. 

 

“What happened? You were okay a minute ago.”

 

“I’m fine, I’m just done.”

 

“You’re not fine. You’re super tense, I can hear it in your voice. Talk to me.”

 

“It’s stupid, I’m fine.”

 

Clarke turned to leave and Lexa put her hand on her arm. 

 

“Clarke...you’re shaking. You’re obviously not fine.”

 

“Lexa, just let me go...”

 

Lexa let go of her arm and stepped back. The hurt expression in her green eyes made Clarke instantly regret the request, but she needed out of the gym. It had gotten a little better since the noise of the punching bag had stopped, but she still felt out of control. 

 

She hesitated for a moment, wanting to go to Lexa.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

She whispered before turning and rushing out the door. Lexa watched her go, the desire to follow her was overwhelming but she’d never asked Lexa to leave her alone before, so she stayed put and went back to the punching bag. 

 

Clarke leaned against the wall outside of the gym after the door closed. 

 

“Fuck!”

 

She hated that things regarding Finn still had such a big impact on her sometimes. She also hated that she couldn’t predict the panic attacks. She could be completely fine one day, and the next day the same exact situation could cause a melt down. Sometimes she could talk herself out of them, and sometimes she couldn’t. She ran both of her hands through her hair and clenched them into fists on top of her head. 

 

She stood like that for a minute before deciding she was going back in. She hated that she had walked away from Lexa and was determined that Finn wasn’t going to keep having this effect on her. 

 

She opened the door and Lexa was so concentrated on her workout that she didn’t notice Clarke walking across the room. 

 

Every time Lexa hit the bag Clarke flinched internally. By the time she was halfway across the gym the desire to leave again was almost overwhelming. She took slow, deep breaths and made herself walk over to Lexa, who still hadn’t looked up. 

 

“C-can you stop p-please?” 

 

Her voice was shaky and low, but Lexa heard her and stopped, reached out with one hand to stop the bag from swinging and pulled off her gloves. 

 

“Clarke? Babe what’s the matter...”

 

Lexa stepped close to Clarke but didn’t touch her. Clarke stood there for a minute, taking deep breaths and clenching and unclenching her fists until she was able to talk. 

 

“I’m sorry. Finn had one of those bags and... any time he used it, things always got really bad. So the sound...sometimes I just... panic. It’s stupid I know but I jus-“

 

“It’s not stupid. It makes sense. You went through some horrible things. Of course sometimes something will trigger you. It’s okay.” Lexa reached for Clarke’s hand but stopped herself just shy of grabbing it; she wasn’t sure what Clarke wanted from her.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Telling you to let me go... walking away.”

 

“It’s okay, you came back.” 

 

Lexa reached out and ran one finger gently along the side of Clarke’s hand and down her pinky finger. That was all it took for the blonde to come unraveled. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and buried her face, sobbing. 

 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist and just held her. 

 

“I hate him... so much.” She whispered in to Clarke’s hair. 

 

“Me too. I hate that he still has this much... control sometimes.”

 

“No. He doesn’t. Yes, what he did still affects you, but it doesn’t control you.”

 

“It does. I freak out and I can’t stop it.”

 

“You may not have stopped it this time, but you fought it. You walked back in here even though you were terrified to. Don’t give him that credit Clarke. He doesn’t have control over you anymore.”

 

Lexa ran her hands up Clarke’s back to her shoulders and pushed her away gently so she could look her in the eyes.

 

“Thank you for coming back, I know it was hard.”

 

“I couldn’t... I could see I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t really want you to go away... I just... needed out.”

 

“I understand. It’s okay. I didn’t know what was going on, next time I will. And I won’t use the bag with you in here anymore. I had no idea.”

 

“Of course you didn’t.”

 

“Do you trust me enough to try something?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Lexa smiled at the fact that Clarke answered without hesitation, even though she had no idea what Lexa was going to ask her. Lexa took her hand and led her to the punching bag then handed her the gloves. 

 

“Lexa... I don’t know.”

 

“It’s not the bag you’re afraid of Clarke, it’s what it makes you think of. So, change it. Make it remind you of what it really is; a punching bag.”

 

Clarke pulled the gloves on and Lexa moved behind her, adjusting her stance and posture. When she was done she moved next to her and hit the bag once to demonstrate. 

 

“Like that, let it come from your whole body, not just your arm. It shouldn’t hurt your arm or elbow when you hit. And make sure your middle knuckles are hitting, not the edge of your hand.”

 

Clarke nodded and hesitantly hit the bag. Lexa giggled. 

 

“Yes, but you might want to try putting a little power in to it.  Try again.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and hit the bag again, a little harder and Lexa laughed again. 

 

“Clarke, you’ve hit me harder than that joking around. Hit it like you mean it.”

 

Clarke huffed and hit the bag again, hard enough that it made a noise and moved some. 

 

“There. Now the other hand. Back and forth, as you pull back with one hand, punch forward with the other.” 

 

They spent about five minutes on the bag and by the time they were done Clarke was laughing as she punched it. 

 

“That’s enough for this time. You don’t want to overdo it and hurt yourself.”

 

“Thank you.” Clarke said with a shy smile as she pulled off the gloves.

 

“Any time.”

 

“No Lexa, _thank you._ For understanding. For being so patient. For helping me pull my head out of my ass.”

 

“Ya know, I tried to thank this really awesome girl for pretty much the same thing once, and she said I should give myself some credit.” 

 

Clarke blushed and threw one of the gloves at Lexa. 

 

“Come on, you ass. Let’s go shower.”

 

“Together?” 

 

“Tempting. God so tempting, but no.” 

 

“Can’t blame a girl for trying.” 

 

Clarke shook her head and headed out of the gym towards shower, Lexa wasn’t far behind her.

____________________________________

 

“So, we haven’t been out in a while, we should find a new club to go to this weekend.”

 

Raven suggested from her end of the couch in the common room later that day. They were all sitting around watching TV. 

 

Clarke was comfortably curled against Lexa’s side, half asleep as Lexa randomly ran her fingers through her hair. 

 

“Sure, why not.” She mumbled. 

 

“Hm, we have plans this weekend.” Lexa replied.

 

“We do?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What plans? I didn’t know we had plans.”

 

“That’s because you weren’t involved in making them.”

 

“Why do we have plans?”

 

“Because...we’re celebrating something.”

 

Clarke smiled; she knew it was their one-month anniversary of being officially together, but she wasn’t sure if Lexa would remember or want to do anything.

 

“You remember?”

 

“Of course I remember.” Lexa ran her fingers softly over Clarke’s upper arm. “But the plans are a surprise.”

 

“You two mind including the rest of us in that little conversation you’re having?”

 

Octavia teased. Lexa looked down and Clarke and raised one eyebrow. Clarke smiled slowly and nodded, she figured it was time for the team to know they were official. 

 

“I’m planning a surprise for her for our one-month anniversary.”

 

Octavia just grinned as everyone else in the room reacted. 

 

“Holy shit you guys finally made it official?” Lincoln said with a smile. 

 

“Way to go Griffin!” Raven catcalled and whistled. Luna hit her on the shoulder as Clarke blushed and hit her face against Lexa. 

 

“Yea Yea, it’s not a big deal you guys.” Lexa chided as she ran her hand over Clarke’s upper arm. 

 

“Yes, it is Lexa and you know it. We’re all happy for both of you.” Octavia commented, softer than her normally sarcastic self. Lexa smiled at her warmly; they had shared a unique bond after Costia’s death and despite her sarcastic outward demeanor, Lexa knew first-hand how caring at supportive O could be. 

 

“Thanks O. And you’re right, it is a big deal, I just don’t want one made out of it.”

 

“This team? Make a big deal of something? Never.”

 

Lexa was about to respond when the page went off for a call. Clarke got up off the couch too and they headed down stairs with Octavia and Luna.

 

“Empty house fire.” Octavia called out as they pulled on their gear and climbed into the trucks.

 

They pulled up to the house and smoke was billowing out of broken windows and an open front door but no flames were visible. There was a woman pacing nervously out front.

 

Lexa and Octavia were out of the truck and jogging towards the house and the woman.

 

“Ma’am, are you okay?” Lexa asked.

 

The woman spun around, wild eyed and confused. Her clothes were tattered, her hair dirty and stuck to her head.

 

‘I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have been in there but its been a safe place to sleep. I shouldn’t have left the candle on though when I napped, I just hate how dark it gets and I – “

 

“Was anyone in the house with you?”

 

“Yes, can you please save her? She’s all I have. I tried to get her but I couldn’t find her with all of the smoke.”

 

“What is her name? How old is she?”

 

“Her name is Star, she’s two I think. She won’t bite you, she’s very sweet.”

 

“Bite me?”

 

“Yes, she’s my dog.”

 

“Lexa?” Octavia called; the hose had been hooked up.

 

“Can you please try to save her?”

 

The woman started to sob and Lexa motioned for Clarke.

 

“I’m going to try to find her, you stay here with my college. Her name is Clarke and she’ll take care of you, okay?”

 

Clarke nodded and Lexa headed into the house.

 

The smoke was so think she could barely see but she was determined to at least try to find the woman’s dog. Luckily, she didn’t have to go far. In the first room to the right upon entering the house her flashlight beam hit a silvery grey lump on the floor. She bumped it with her foot and it didn’t move. She bent down and carefully picked the dog up in her arms and carried it outside.

 

Clarke had the woman sitting on the curb but when she saw Lexa carrying the dog she sprinted to her.

 

“Oh you found her! My baby. Star! Star? Oh my god, is she dead?”

 

“I don’t know ma’am, there was a lot of smoke. Let us help her.”

 

The woman stood back crying and Lexa gently laid Star on the ground and headed back to the house to get the fire put out before it got bigger.

 

Clarke knelt on the ground next to the dog and held an Oxygen mask up to her nose and mouth. After a few minutes the dog started to stir.

 

“Come sit by her, she’ll probably be confused when she wakes up.”

 

Clarke called gently to the woman who immediately came and sat next to the dog, stroking her softly. It took a few more minutes before Star lifted her head slowly and looked around. Her tail thumped softly a few times when she saw her owner and she shifted so she was laying with her head up rather than flat out on her side.

 

“Oh Star, thank god! Thank you so much! She’s all I have and I don’t know what I’d do if I would have lost her.”

 

Clarke smiled and kept the oxygen mask at Star’s nose until the dog sat up and gently licked her owner’s cheek. Clarke filled a container with water from the back of the ambulance and offered it to the dog.

 

“Ma’am, were you hurt at all?” Clarke asked as she held the bowl for the dog to drink.

 

“No, not at all. I’m fine. I don’t need treatment or anything. I got out quick. I called for Star a few times but when she didn’t come I left out the back. I knew I had to get out or I would get stuck.”

 

“You’re sure? You’re breathing okay? Nothing hurts?”

 

“I’m totally fine. Just…thank you so much for saving my dog. And that girl who went in and got her. Please thank her too.”

 

“I will, I promise.”

 

Clarke looked up as a few police cars pulled up to the scene. The fire was already out and Octavia and Lexa were cleaning up. Lexa met one of the officers as they stepped out of their car.

 

“Oh…they’re here for me I’m sure. I wasn’t supposed to be in that house.”

 

Clarke’s heart broke for the woman. She put her hand on her arm and squeezed it softly.

 

“I’m sure everything will turn out okay.”

 

“Thank you, sweetie.”

 

“Ma’am? Can you come over her please? We need to ask you a few questions.”

 

One of the officers called. The woman sighed and got up, Star followed her, tail wagging.

 

“Clarke? We’re done here, lets get going.” Luna said quietly.

 

Clarke watched the woman a moment longer until tears started rolling down her face as she spoke to the officer. Clarke turned away sadly and got in the ambulance with Luna.

 

“I hope she ends up okay and doesn’t lose her dog anyways after all of that.”

 

“Me too, but at the same time that could have been so much worse. She really shouldn’t have been in that house.”

 

“I know, it’s just sad.”

 

Luna nodded in agreement and they rode the rest of the way back to the station in silence.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

It was much later than it should have been when Lexa got back to the station. Octavia had been back for a little over an hour. Clarke was worried sick even though Lexa had sent her a short text saying she was fine.

 

She opened the door to their room slowly and Clarke was in her arms before she could get it shut behind her. Lexa smiled and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist.

 

“Hey babe.”

 

“Where were you? I was worried when Octavia came back without you.”

 

“I text you that I was fine, I didn’t get a chance to text more than that, I’m sorry.”

 

“I know, but still.”

 

Lexa kissed her neck softly and ran her hands down her arms.

 

“I’m okay. I was at the police station, then the animal shelter.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Well… I’m not sure what is going to happen with the woman since she shouldn’t have been in the house to begin with. She totally broke down when they went to take her away because she was terrified about what was going to happen to Star. I talked the police in to bringing the dog with us to the station and promised I would take care of her. I made a few calls and found a no kill shelter she can stay at until her owner is released and then she can get her back. I paid for her first month and told them to call me if they need more money for her.”

 

Clarke smiled slowly and tucked a piece of Lexa’s hair behind her ear.

 

“Did you really?”

 

“Yea… I couldn’t stand to think of her losing her dog….”

 

“You’re so damn sweet Lexa.”

 

“Shh, I have a reputation.”

 

“Right. Seriously Lexa… that was really sweet of you.”

 

“Hm, maybe you’re rubbing off on me.”

 

“No, you’re just amazing.”

 

Clarke whispered as she leaned forward and kissed her.

 

“Does that mean you forgive me for making you worry?”

 

“I would have forgiven you anyways, but yes.”

 

“I know, but this involved saving a cute dog, which has to earn brownie points.”

 

“Maybe a few.” Clarke mumbled as she yawned, letting go of Lexa to put her arms above her head and stretch, wincing as she did.

 

“Sore?” Lexa asked with a smile.

 

“Yes, from you trying to kill me in the gym.”

 

“I’ll make it up to you with a massage.”

 

“You better mean it because that sounds amazing.”

 

“Of course, I mean it. Let me change. How did you put it at home…you, face down on the bed, naked from the waist up?” Lexa said with a wink.

 

“Your wish is my command.”

 

When Lexa came back in the room Clarke was laying on her stomach on her bed, naked from the waist up. Lexa smiled and climbed on to the bed, straddling her, her weight resting on her butt. Lexa bit her lip as she stared at the curve of Clarke’s back up to her shoulders and neck, which was clearly visible because Clarke had pulled her hair up in to a messy bun.

 

Lexa couldn’t help herself and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss in the small of Clarke’s back, then leaving a trail of kisses up her spine and across both shoulders to her neck.

 

“Hmm, that doesn’t feel like a massage, but I like it.”

 

“You’re stunning Clarke.”

 

Clarke was glad Lexa couldn’t see her face because she was blushing bright red.

 

“Is this the stuff you use on me?” Lexa asked, picking up the arnica from the table.

 

“Yes.”

 

Lexa rubbed it on to her palms until it was warm then put one hand on either side of Clarke’s back, the heels of her hands closest to her spine, and gently rubbed all the way up her back and then out her shoulders.

 

“Oh my god….wow” Clarke moaned and closed her eyes as Lexa rubbed her shoulders and neck before working her way back down her back again.

 

“Lexa that feels amazing.”

 

“Good.”

 

Lexa smiled as she worked on Clarke’s back and shoulders in slow, firm strokes using her hands, fingers and knuckles to work out the tense spots. Clarke whimpered and moaned underneath her at first, but then her breathing evened out and Lexa could tell she’d fallen asleep.

 

She kept rubbing her back and down her arms gently for a few minutes before she stopped and shook her gently.

 

“Babe, I’m done.”

 

“Sogood.”

 

“You should put a shirt on, I’m going to go to bed.”

 

“Can’tmove.”

 

“Yes, you can Clarke, come on, lets not have Bellamy or anyone for that matter find you half naked.”

 

Lexa climbed off Clarke and handed her the shirt that was laying on the floor near the bed. She turned to face the wall as Clarke reluctantly sat up and pulled the shirt on.

 

“You don’t have to turn around ya know?” Clarke teased through a yawn.

 

“Hmm, I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

 

“Yes, because there will be a next time, that felt so good.”

 

“I’m glad, go back to sleep.”

 

Clarke grumbled and reached for Lexa who laughed as she went to her. Clarke stood up and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck; Lexa’s hands automatically going to her hips.

 

“Good night Clarke.” She whispered as she kissed her softly.

 

“I like it better at home when you’re in bed with me.” Clarke whined.

 

“Me too, but this will have to do for now. Go back to sleep before you wake up more.”

 

Clarke huffed and flopped back on to her bed. Lexa pulled the blanket up over her, smiling as Clarke curled into a ball on her side and was back asleep before Lexa even turned the lights off.

 

She couldn’t wait for the weekend she had planned so she could finally tell the other woman just how much she loved her.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The weekend came much faster than either of them realized it would and they were in the car on the way to whatever Lexa had planned; it was driving Clarke crazy that she had no clue.

 

“So, are you going to tell me where we’re going now?” Clarke whined, her fingers making patterns on Lexa’s thigh as she drove. 

 

They’d packed suitcases the night before and had stopped at Flappy Jacks that morning for breakfast before heading out on the road. Clarke had been bugging Lexa for hints all week. 

 

“No Clarke, that defeats the purpose of a surprise.”

 

“Ugh. Lexa. At least the city? Please?”

 

Lexa huffed; it had been damned near impossible to keep things from Clarke, especially when she pouted.

 

“Do you swear if I tell you the city that you won’t ask another thing about it?”

 

“Yes. I promise.”

 

“San Diego.”

 

“That’s funny, O was asking me if I’d been to San Diego a lot or if I knew of anything to do down there. She said she was planning something with Lincoln. I told her I hadn’t been much.”

 

Lexa slowly smiled and glanced sideways at Clarke. It only took the blonde a few seconds to catch on. 

 

“You! She wasn’t planning anything. You had her ask so you could plan this.”

 

“Guilty. I wanted this weekend to be about us. So, I wanted to go somewhere that neither of us had a ton of memories of. I love Flappy Jacks, JaHa’s, the pier and the other places we go, but they all have old memories tied to them as well. I want this weekend to be just us. Nothing from our pasts tagging along.

 

“Lexa... if you weren’t driving right now I’d kiss you. You’re so good to me.”

 

“It’s what you deserve Clarke.”

 

Clarke blushed, then leaned over and kissed Lexa on the cheek. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“We haven’t even done anything yet.”

 

“I know, but...the fact that you planned anything at all is enough for me.”

 

“Of course I’m going to plan something. I know it’s only a month, but still.”

 

“Finn...never remembered anything. Anniversaries, birthdays. Nothing. Our one-year anniversary I made a really nice dinner and he accused me of trying to guilt trip him because he didn’t get me a gift. So instead of spending the evening just having a nice dinner, which was all I wanted, I got punished.”

 

Lexa’s grip tightened on the steering wheel subconsciously. 

 

“I’m so sorry babe...”

 

“I’m sorry I brought him up...that’s the opposite of what you wanted for this weekend. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.”

 

“Never apologize for talking about him. You’ve kept all that to yourself for so long. It’s fine.”

 

“I still don’t understand how I found you.”

 

“I feel the same way about you Clarke.”

 

Clarke smiled as Lexa reached for her hand and squeezed it, then let their joined hands rest on her thigh. 

 

Clarke leaned her head back against the head rest and sighed. She was excited about the weekend and she knew whatever Lexa had planned would be amazing, but she was mostly just happy she’d found someone who cared so much. 

____________________________________

 

“Lexa...this is gorgeous.” 

 

Clarke sighed as they were seated at the restaurant, their table overlooking oceanfront cliffs. 

 

They’d checked in to their hotel when they got to San Diego and spent the earlier part of the day wandering around Old Town, looking in all the shops and the historical sites. 

 

Then they’d gone back to the hotel and changed, Lexa had grabbed a backpack that she refused to let Clarke touch, and they’d come to dinner. 

 

“It’s even prettier than it was online.” 

 

Lexa admitted as she gazed out over the water. Clarke reached across the table and held her hand. 

 

“Have I said already that today has been perfect?”

 

“Every chance you get. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. That was the biggest part of my plan.”

 

They browsed the menu and were ready to order when the waitress came. Clarke ordered chicken, Lexa ordered steak and they planned to share. 

 

“Any wine with that?”

 

“Not for me, just coke is fine.” Clarke answered. 

 

“I’ll have the same, thanks.”

 

“Lexa, you can get wine if you want to.”

 

“I know I can, I don’t want to.”

 

Clarke raised one eyebrow at her.

 

“I know you drink sometimes Lexa, you drank we went to the clubs. It’s okay.”

 

“Clarke...some of the worst years of your life were spent with someone who did horrible things to you when they were drunk. Just out of respect, I’m not drinking when we’re together. I don’t want you to have to smell it on me, or taste it when I kiss you.”

 

Clarke blinked hard to hold back her tears. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Their food came and the conversation shifted to much lighter things; Aiden’s up coming art show and birthday, how the crew at work had reacted to them being officially together for a month without anyone knowing, and things they still wanted to catch up watching on Netflix.

 

“This food is amazing.” Clarke said as she pushed her plate back at the end of the meal. 

 

“It really was. But we have to get going. It’s almost sunset.”

 

“Okay...”

 

“It’s part of my plan, just go with it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Lexa left money for the check, picked up the backpack and headed out of the restaurant. 

 

She took Clarke’s hand as soon as they were outside, pulled her against her side and kissed her temple. The words I love you almost slipped out of her mouth and she reminded herself she only had to wait a little bit longer. 

 

“Where are we going?” Clarke asked as they walked along a path just outside the restaurant.

 

“You’ll see.”

 

“Haven’t you tormented me enough today?”

 

“Hm, torment is a strong word. Haven’t you been saying the whole day has been perfect?”

 

“It has been, I’m just being a brat.”

 

“You’re my brat.”

 

“Yes I am.”

 

They followed the path until they got to the sand, pulled off their shoes and kept walking. Eventually they reached a small cove area, cut out of the surrounding cliff sides and tucked back away from the water enough that it was pretty secluded. 

 

Lexa stopped and set the backpack down, pulling out a blanket and two individual bottles of cider from a small cooler. 

 

Lexa sat down on the blanket and spread her knees open, smiling up at Clarke. 

 

“Come sit with me.”

 

Clarke smiled as she sat down between Lexa’s legs, leaning back against her chest as Lexa wrapped her arms around her. 

 

“Happy Anniversary gorgeous.”

 

Lexa whispered in her ear as she softly kissed her neck. 

 

“Happy Anniversary to you too. God the sunset is stunning.”

 

“Mhmm, this was part of my plan.” 

 

“And cinder instead of wine. You’re so cute.”

 

Clarke sighed happily and let her head fall back against Lexa’s shoulder as they watched the sun dip into the water. 

 

“Lexa?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Clarke turned in her arms so she was sideways and could look at her. 

 

“You make me so happy.”

 

Lexa smiled softly and brushed a piece of hair behind Clarke’s ear. 

 

“You make me happy too Clarke.”

 

“I mean it. I’ve never been this happy, I never thought I’d get to be this happy, I just...”

 

Her sentence trailed off into silence as she fought to control her tears. Lexa took a deep breath and knew it was the right moment to say what she’d been planning the entire weekend around. She put her hand under Clarke’s chin and tilted her face up until their eyes met. 

 

“You have no idea how happy I am that you wandered into my life. I never thought I’d be happy again after Costia. You’ve helped change so much. 

 

I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re...extraordinary. You’re so patient, and supportive. You’re stubborn, brave, smart, and caring. I’ve never met someone that makes me feel as...okay as you do. No matter what it is, you’re there telling me it’s okay, that I’m okay. 

 

You held me through one of the worst breakdowns I’ve ever had and cried with me over someone you never met, just because you couldn’t stand to see me hurt. I’ve never had anyone care about me like that. 

 

I know you have insecurities about Costia; you worry that you’re pushing things to far or that I think you expect me to forget her. You hear everyone talk about how much I loved her and worry that people will feel that our relationship is going to diminish that somehow. The fact that you even think that way speaks volumes about the person that you are, Clarke.”

 

Clarke didn’t bother to try to control the steady stream of tears that were rolling down her face; she couldn’t have even if she’d tried. 

 

“Lexa...”

 

“Shh. Hear me out. I know Finn had you convinced that no one would ever love you if they knew all of your past. But he was wrong. 

 

I never thought I’d love anyone like I loved Costia, and I was wrong too, because this is so much different. 

 

This makes me want to be a better person so I’m good enough for you. This makes me want to prove to you that there is nothing in your past that is going to change how I feel about you. It makes me believe in crazy dreams about the future again. It just makes me believe in more... more than I ever thought I’d believe in again.  More than I ever thought anything would matter again. I love you Clarke.”

 

It hadn’t been the way she’d planned to say it; she hadn’t wanted to bring up Finn or Costia at all, but as she’d started speaking the words just rolled out and she realized she needed to just speak from the heart and not worry about bringing up the past. It didn’t define them anyways, but it had certainly helped bring them together. 

 

Clarke was sobbing as she threw her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulled herself up on her knees, pressing against the front of Lexa so hard she almost knocked her backwards. 

 

Lexa smiled and wrapped her arms around Clarke, running one hand up and down the middle of her back. 

 

“Breathe babe.... just breathe.”

 

“S-say it again, s-so I k-know it wasn’t m-me hearing t-things...”

 

Clarke whispered against Lexa’s neck, her words stuttered around her shaky breaths. Lexa smiled and put her hands on Clarke’s hips, gently pushing her back so she could look at her. 

 

“I love you, Clarke.” 

 

She said again as their eyes met. She reached out and ran her thumbs along both of Clarke’s cheeks even though it did no good against her freely flowing tears. 

 

Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s neck again, her hands balling in to fists in Lexa’s shirt as if she were the only thing keeping her grounded. 

 

“I love you too Lexa.” Her voice was raspy and Lexa could feel her lips against her neck when she spoke. “God I love you. What you said... I can’t...”

 

“You don’t need to say anything Clarke. I’ve been holding back saying that for a while but I wanted it to be the right moment... something special.”

 

“Well you definitely accomplished that. I’ve been waiting for you to say it first because I didn’t want you to feel like you had to say it back if you weren’t ready. I had no idea you’d turn me into a sobbing mess when you did.”

 

“I mean every word I said.”

 

“I know you do.” 

 

Clarke’s crying had slowed to an occasional sniffle and she pulled back from Lexa and sat back on her heels. 

 

“Hey.” Lexa said softly. 

 

“Hey yourself.”

 

“You okay?”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more okay in my life.”

 

“Good. Kiss me?”

 

Clarke grinned as she leaned forward, her hand sliding behind Lexa’s neck as their lips met. She tried to pour everything she was feeling but couldn’t find the words to say in to the kiss and knew she’d done it when she pulled back and there were a few tears running down Lexa’s cheeks. She wiped them away with her fingers. 

 

“You’re so perfect.” She whispered as she kissed Lexa’s forehead. Lexa blushed then turned her attention to the sunset, which was close to ending. 

 

“Wow, Clarke look.”

 

There were a few clouds in the sky and it had turned brilliant shades of orange, red and yellow. It looked like the sky was on fire.

 

Clarke turned so she was sitting with her back against Lexa’s chest again. Lexa opened the bottles of cider and handed Clarke one. They sat in silence, watching the sky change until the sun dipped below the horizon and the sky turned a deep shaded of purplish grey. 

 

“Can today just never end?”

 

Clarke whispered, snuggling further in to Lexa’s arms. She felt Lexa laugh quietly before answering.

 

“We can stay here as long as you want babe.”

 

Lexa rested her chin on Clarke’s shoulder, nuzzling her face into the blonde’s neck and sighing happily. They sat like that for a while, until the sky shifted from purple to black and the stars started to show up one by one. Clarke closed her eyes and lost herself in the sound of the waves and the feeling of Lexa being wrapped around her; she could have easily fallen asleep.

 

Lexa looked up at the stars, watching as more and more of them came in to view and smiling as she felt Clarke relax even further against her. 

 

She was suddenly hit by the magnitude of what she’d just told Clarke and what it meant for how far she’d come since Costia’s death.  Sitting there holding Clarke she was happier than she’d been in a long time; happier than she’d ever thought she’d be again. She thought of all the times she’d wanted to just give up and realized if she had, she wouldn’t be there for anything she’d experienced with Clarke.   

 

She’d meant every word she’d said to the other girl, but she’d been so focused on what it meant to Clarke and how to say it the right way at the right time, that she hadn’t really realized what it meant for her; she was healing. 

 

Clarke felt Lexa’s breathing get shaky.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

 

“You feel like you’re going to cry.”

 

“I was, but I’m okay. It was a good cry.”

 

Clarke turned and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck.

 

“I’m okay Clarke, I promise. I just… realized how much better I’ve gotten recently.”

 

“You have, I’m proud of you.”

 

“Proud of me?”

 

“Yes. Proud. Of you. I know you say it’s been me that’s helped you so much, but you had to make the choice to let me in. You had to make the choice to share everything with me. I know those weren’t easy choices for you. So yes, I’m proud of you.”

 

Clarke softly kissed her cheek before snuggling closer to her.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa whispered.

 

“I love you.”

 

Lexa swore she could feel her heart swell hearing those words come out of Clarke’s mouth; it was a new feeling, one she wasn’t sure she would ever get used to.

 

“I love you too. You want to get going back to the hotel? It’s getting kind of cold out here.”

 

“Yea it is, lets go.”

 

They stood up and shook the sand off of the blanket before packing it back in the backpack and heading for the car.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

 

“I know I’ve said it a few times already, but I really can’t think of anything else to say. Today was perfect Lexa, seriously, thank you.”

 

Clarke commented as they walked down the hallway to their hotel room hand in hand. Lexa smiled and squeezed her hand. 

 

“I’m glad you thought so, you deserve it. Happy Anniversary.”

 

Clarke bit the corner of her bottom lip as she smiled and leaned in to Lexa’s side. 

 

“You too babe.”

 

Lexa took a deep breath as she slid the key in the door and unlocked the room, pushing the door open so Clarke could walk in first. 

 

“Lexa...what in the world...”

 

The lights were off, but there was still a soft glow of light in the room given off by what Clarke guessed to be about fifty candles set up on various surfaces. There was a huge bouquet of flowers on the table as well as a basket of what looked like chocolate and pastries. She stared at the room for a minute and then turned back to Lexa as she locked the door behind them. 

 

“How did you...” 

 

“I asked the hotel to do it before I even booked the room.”

 

“It’s gorgeous.”

 

“So when you said you wanted a perfect, romantic night, is this what you had in mind?”

 

Lexa asked quietly, blushing slightly as she looked at the floor. Clarke smiled.

 

“No.”

 

Lexa’s eyes flew up to meet Clarke’s only to find her barely holding back tears. 

 

“This is so much more than anything I could have ever imagined. You didn’t have to do this.”

 

“Yes, I did. This is what you deserve.”

 

“Lexa... I...”

 

“Shhh. I love you Clarke.”

 

“I love you too.” 

 

Lexa reached out and pulled Clarke into her arms. 

 

“Let me show you how much.” 

 

She whispered before sliding her hand behind Clarke’s neck and pulling her in to a kiss. Clarke sighed as Lexa’s hands found their way to her hips and then ran up her sides. Lexa pulled back from the kiss and kissed Clarke’s neck from her jawline down to her collar bone, then alone the swell of her breasts at the neckline of her shirt. Her hands drifted back down to her hips, then back up her sides, taking her shirt with them.

 

“Is this ok?” She whispered in Clarke’s ear. 

 

“God yes.” 

 

Clarke moaned and Lexa slowly pulled the shirt up over her head and dropped it on the floor next to them. Her hands immediately moved to the waistband of Clarke’s jeans, tugging at the buttons softly and looked at Clarke. Clarke took a shaky breath and nodded, stepping out of her shoes as Lexa slowly unzipped her pants and pulled them off, tossing them aside with the shirt as Clarke stepped out of them.

 

Clarke’s hands shook as she took Lexa’s hand and moved towards the bed. 

 

Lexa kicked her shoes off on the way towards the bed as well. When they got to the foot of the bed Clarke pulled Lexa close and kissed her again; they both moaned as their tongues met and Lexa’s hands moved across the bare skin of Clarke’s stomach up to cup her breast over her bra. 

 

“Take it off.” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s lips as she pulled back from their kiss to kiss Lexa’s neck. She reached around Clarke’s back and unhooked her bra and Clarke shrugged it off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. 

 

“God Clarke you’re stunning.” 

 

Lexa whispered against the skin of Clarke’s chest as she slowly kissed down her breast and swirled her tongue around her nipple before taking it in her mouth and sucking on it gently. 

 

“Holy shit Lexa... oh my god...” 

 

Clarke groaned, her body arching into Lexa, her hand coming up to wrap itself in her hair. Lexa smiled and repeated the same action on the other nipple. Clarke whimpered and pressed herself closer to Lexa. 

 

“Fuck... so good... no don’t stop.”

 

Clarke whined as Lexa kissed her way back up her neck, her hands running down her side to her hips. 

 

“Shhh...we have all night...”

 

“You’re going to kill me.”

 

Lexa laughed and kissed Clarke briefly before moving back to her neck, her hands coming up to her breasts, her thumbs running over her nipples. 

 

“Why do you still have so many clothes on?” 

 

Clarke grumbled.

 

“Hm, because you haven’t taken them off?”

 

Clarke practically growled as she took a hold of Lexa’s shirt at her hips and pulled it up. Lexa moved back long enough for the shirt to be pulled up over her head, then her mouth was back on Clarke’s neck. 

 

Clarke unhooked Lexa’s bra and tugged it off from the front and let it fall to the ground between them. Her hands slid up Lexa’s stomach, her fingers tracing over the lines of her abs then around her nipples. 

 

“Clarke! Fuck...oh my god....”

 

Lexa gasped, then moaned as Clarke rolled her nipples between her fingers. Clarke smirked then lowered her head, taking one nipple into her mouth while still working her fingers around the other. Lexa’s breathing stuttered as she fought to stay in control. She wrapped her hand in Clarke’s hair and gentle pulled her head back. 

 

“Tonight is about you...” 

 

She whispered before pulling Clarke flush against her and kissing her. 

 

“God you feel so good.” 

 

Clarke sighed at the feeling of Lexa pressed against her, skin on skin. She kissed her back, her fingers weaving into the hair at the base of her neck. The kiss was slow and lazy; Lexa’s hands wandered across the skin of Clarke’s back and gave her goosebumps. Clarke groaned as she hastily pulled at the waist of Lexa’s pants until they too were discarded somewhere on the floor.

 

“Bed.” 

 

Clarke muttered into the kiss. Lexa nodded and they somehow ended up on the bed tangled in each other. Lexa put her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and rolled her onto her back, moving over her as she did so she was straddling her hips. 

 

“You okay?” 

 

She asked softly as she peppered Clarke’s chest with soft kisses. 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Clarke moaned, her fingers tangling in Lexa’s hair. Lexa smiled into Clarke’s skin as she kissed between her breasts and moved down the middle of her stomach. She swirled her tongue around her belly button then moved lower, kissing softly along the line of her underwear, her hands trailing gently along her inner thighs. 

 

Clarke whined and gripped the sheets; everything with Lexa was so soft but managed to drive her crazy at the same time. Lexa moved lower, kissing along Clarke’s thighs the same places her fingers had just trailed. 

 

“Lexa...” 

 

Her name came out of Clarke’s mouth as a breathy moan and she smiled. 

 

“I don’t think my name has ever turned me on as much as it does when you sound like that.”

 

She mumbled against the skin of Clarke’s thigh. She hooked her fingers in the waistband of Clarke’s underwear and looked up at her.

 

“Yes...god please...”

 

Clarke whimpered, lifting her hips as Lexa pulled her underwear off and tossed them aside. She kissed back up her thighs and over her stomach, Clarke whined, then growled as she took one nipple in her mouth and rolled the other between her fingers. 

 

“God Lexa...please...”

 

“Shhhh.”

 

Lexa smirked as she kissed Clarke softly. Clarke wrapped her hands around Lexa’s shoulders, pulling her down further, her hips lifting off the bed. Lexa smiled and ran her hands softly down Clarke’s sides, pushing her back down onto the bed. 

 

“Relax. All night. We have all night.”

 

She spoke low, her tongue flicking across Clarke’s jawline before she kissed down her neck again. 

 

Clarke felt like every single one of her nerves was on fire. She gripped the sheets tighter in her fists in an attempt to hold still. 

 

“God you’re driving me crazy.”  

 

She moaned as Lexa kissed her breasts, flicking her tongue across her nipples. As her hand ran down the middle of her stomach. Everything was soft and slow and Clarke had never been more turned on in her life. 

 

Lexa slid her hand lower, between Clarke’s legs and brushed her finger over her clit as she sucked harder on her nipple.

 

“Fuck! Yes...”

 

Clarke practically screamed as her hips bucked up off the bed. Lexa smirked as she ran her hand back up Clarke’s stomach, her mouth moving to the other nipple. 

 

“Lexa...god...please...”

 

“You’re so wet.” 

 

Lexa smirked as she kissed up the side of her neck, sucking and biting at her pulse point.

 

“Your fault, god I fucking want you.”

 

Clarke’s reply was a deep moan as she reached up and cupped Lexa’s breasts, running her thumbs over her nipples. 

 

“Clarke, fuck.” Lexa groaned and took her wrists, gently pulling her hands back down to the bed, “Tonight is about you babe.”

 

“Lexa...”

 

“Shh, just let me.”

 

Lexa kissed Clarke, her tongue slipping into her mouth. Clarke sighed and pulled Lexa’s bottom lip between her teeth. 

 

Lexa could tell by the way Clarke was writhing beneath her that she’d teased the blonde long enough. She slid her hand down Clarke’s stomach, lightly raking her nails across her skin as she went, then slid her thumb in a slow circle around her clit. 

 

Clarke’s head fell back against the pillow, as she pulled hard at the sheets. 

 

“Holy shit Lexa...yes...god yes...”

 

Lexa smiled at the expression on Clarke’s face as she took one of her nipples back in her mouth and sucked lightly, her thumb continuing its slow circles. Clarke’s hips thrust into Lexa’s hand as she whimpered,

 

“More...Lexa please...”

 

Lexa slowly pressed one finger inside Clarke, groaning at how wet and silky she was. 

 

“Fuck Clarke...god you feel good...”

 

Clarke’s only response was a breathy whine as Lexa slid her finger in and out slowly, her thumb still moving around Her clit. 

 

Clarke couldn’t focus on anything except how good what Lexa was doing felt. She thrust her hips against the other girl’s hand, wanting more. 

 

Lexa kissed her neck again, her teeth scraping Clarke’s collar bone, her lips ghosting across her jawline all while keeping the same slow rhythm with her hand. 

 

“You are so stunning.” She whispered when her lips were close to Clarke’s ear “I love you.” 

 

“Lexa...god I can’t...please...”

 

“Please what.”

 

“More...”

 

“More what.”

 

“Everything. You. Just... fuck, yes!”

 

Lexa slipped another finger inside and Clarke’s hips jerked up off the bed, driving them deeper. 

 

“God, yes. That.”

 

Lexa curled her fingers on the out stroke as she slid them in and out, causing a whole new whine to come out of Clarke’s mouth; one Lexa wasn’t even sure she knew she was making. Her breathing was ragged, her back arched up off the bed and Lexa didn’t think she’d ever seen her look more beautiful. 

 

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut and tried to keep some form of control over the feelings that were rolling over her body in waves.  It was almost too intense, but at the same time she wanted more. 

 

Lexa could tell Clarke was close by the nearly constant whine coming from her and the fact that she couldn’t keep her body still anymore. She brushed her thumb directly over Clarke’s clit and drove her fingers deeper. 

 

“Ugh, yes. So good...Lexa...more.”

 

Lexa moved her fingers faster and Clarke growled low in her throat, thrusting her hips against Lexa’s hand, pushing them deeper. Lexa alternated between running her thumb over her clit and making circles around it. 

 

Clarke felt like she was going to come completely undone and it was both exhilarating and terrifying. Her eyes flew open, seeking the comfort she always found in Lexa. 

 

“It’s ok, let go, I’m right here.”

 

Lexa whispered when she saw the look in Clarke’s eyes. Clarke let go of the sheets and dug her fingers into Lexa’s shoulders, pulling her closer. Lexa kissed her neck softly while increasing the tempo of her fingers as she felt Clarke start to flutter around them. 

 

“I love you, just let go.”

 

“Lexa...oh my god...”

 

Clarke moaned before the strongest orgasm she’d ever had ripped through her body and all she could do was whimper incoherent things. Her hips jerked hard against Lexa’s hand, her back arched her body halfway off the bed and her whole body trembled. 

 

Lexa pressed herself against Clarke, holding her down on the bed, her fingers slowly moving in and out as Clarke came down. She was still whimpering, her hips occasionally jerking along with the muscles in her stomach. Lexa stilled her fingers, waiting for Clarke to relax further before slowly sliding them out. 

 

She kissed slowly down her stomach and along her inner thighs, her lips barely touching her skin. 

 

“Lexa...”

 

“Hmm?” Lexa hummed into the skin just below her belly button, causing her to jump. 

 

“I don’t know if I can...do that again...too soon.”

 

Clarke panted, her breathing still not back to normal; she was barely able to form the words. 

 

“Do you want me to stop?”

 

“No...maybe...”

 

Lexa ran her tongue around Clarke’s belly button before trailing it lower and eventually gently sliding it along her clit. Her hips jerked towards Lexa’s face and she grabbed her hair with one hand. 

 

“Holy fuck...oh my god....”

 

Lexa stopped for a moment; she could feel Clarke’s thighs starting to tremble and wanted to give her time to tell her to stop. After a few seconds Clarke tugged gently on her hair. 

 

“Slower.” 

 

Lexa drug her tongue across Clarke’s clit agonizingly slow with almost no pressure. Clarke’s response was a long, low moan as she tightened her hand in Lexa’s hair. 

 

“God yes, right there...fuck Lexa...I’m so close.”

 

Lexa kissed the inside of Clarke’s thighs before moving to her clit again. 

 

Clarke’s breathing was shallow and her whole body was shaking. She could tell the orgasm that was building was going to be even stronger than the first one; the pleasure was so intense it was almost painful and the thought of losing control that much was terrifying. 

 

“Lexa... I can’t...”

 

Lexa looked up and saw the hesitation that bordered on fear in Clarke’s eyes.

 

“Do you want me to stop?”

 

“Ugh, no... I just...”

 

“You’re ok Clarke, I’ll stop if it’s too much.”

 

Clarke swallowed hard; she’d never trusted anyone the way she did Lexa and the patience in her green eyes while she waited for Clarke to answer calmed her down. 

 

“I’m ok, don’t stop.”

 

Lexa smiled and kept eye contact as she ran her tongue over Clarke’s clit again. 

 

“Fuck that’s hot.”

 

Clarke groaned, fighting against throwing her head back against the pillow and just losing herself. She propped herself up on her elbows, her eyes never leaving Lexa’s as she licked her clit again.

 

“Yes, god more.”

 

She whined and Lexa added more pressure the next time, causing her hips to jerk against her face. Something felt like it snapped inside and Clarke grabbed the back of Lexa’s head and pushed her down harder as she licked her clit again. 

 

“Fuck, Lexa more. Please...”

 

She practically growled, her hips pushing hard against Lexa’s face. Lexa moaned at Clarke’s sudden flip to being controlling as she licked at her clit harder with each pass. 

 

“Fingers. Hard.”

 

Clarke panted, watching as Lexa slid two fingers inside of her hard and deep. 

 

“Yes, fuck! So good, oh my god!”

 

Clarke fell back against the bed, her hand letting go of Lexa’s hair and both of them gripping the sheets. She thrust her hips against Lexa’s fingers, driving them deeper. Lexa smirked as she curled her fingers and sucked on her clit. 

 

“Lexa!”

 

Clarke screamed her name before her orgasm took her breath away for a few seconds. Lexa watched in awe as Clarke’s hips jerked violently against her hand a few times, her stomach muscles visibly rolling as her thighs shook. 

 

Clarke gasped when she could finally breath again and rolled on to her side as she felt Lexa slowly slide her fingers out of her. She curled in a ball on her side, moaning as her hips still twitched. 

 

“Lexa...”

 

She called quietly, reaching for the brunette. Lexa moved up and laid in front of Clarke. Clarke whimpered and curled into the front of Lexa, still trembling. Lexa wrapped her arms around her and ran one hand up and down her back. Clarke pressed closer, weaving one leg between Lexa’s and reveling in the feel of their skin touching each other. She laid there for a few minutes, whimpering occasionally when her hips would twitch. She pressed a soft kiss to Lexa’s neck and finally opened her eyes. 

 

“You ok?” 

 

Lexa whispered as she kissed her forehead. 

 

“Lexa...that was...incredible.” 

 

Lexa blushed deep red and hid her face in Clarke’s neck. Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. 

 

“Seriously. I’ve never felt like that before. Not even close.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yes, seriously. I’m still twitching. That was...amazing. Sorry I kind of freaked out for a second, I’ve just... I’ve never lost control like that.”

 

“I’m glad, that’s how it should always be though. Thank you for trusting me.”

 

“I’ve never had anyone... take care of me like that. You’re so perfect.”

 

“I love you...so much.” 

 

Clarke didn’t bother trying to hold back the tears that started running down her face. Lexa felt her start to cry and shifted so she could look at her. 

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing. Everything is so right...I just...never thought I’d be here. I’d given up on ever feeling this. And then you showed up.”

 

“I mean it Clarke.”

 

“I know you do. That’s why I’m crying. No one has ever meant it before. I love you too Lexa. You have no idea.”

 

She leaned forward and kissed her; it started off soft but quickly morphed into something more and Clarke’s smile was wicked as she pushed Lexa onto her back and straddled her, her mouth immediately covering one of Lexa’s nipples and sucking hard.

 

“Clarke! Fuck...oh my god.”

 

Lexa moaned and arched up off the bed and in to Clarke. Clarke smiled as she kissed down Lexa’s stomach to the waistband of her underwear which she pulled with her teeth. 

 

“God that’s hot.” 

 

Lexa moaned as she looked down her body at Clarke. She hooked her fingers in them and raised one eyebrow. 

 

“Off, take them off.” 

 

Clarke chuckled as she slowly pulled them off Lexa’s hips and down her legs before throwing them to the side. She sat back on her knees and looked at Lexa. 

 

“God damn you’re stunning.”

 

She whispered before leaning forward and kissing the inside of Lexa’s knee and slowly working her way up her inner thighs, alternating back and forth between her legs. 

 

Lexa let her head fall back against the pillow as a soft moan escaped her lips. 

 

Clarke gently bit at the skin along Lexa’s inner thighs until the girl was whimpering, then she ran her tongue over her clit before sucking on it gently. 

 

Lexa’s hips bucked into Clarke’s mouth and her hand came down to tangle in her hair. 

 

“Clarke, Holy shit! God that feels good.”

 

Clarke smiled as she flicked her tongue across Lexa’s clit again, causing her hips to jump. 

 

Lexa tightened her grip in Clarke’s hair, subconsciously pulling her closer. She was so turned on from watching Clarke earlier she knew it wouldn’t take much for Clarke to push her over the edge. 

 

“God Clarke, I’m so close.”

 

Clarke smirked as she pulled back, kissing Lexa’s inner thigh again before moving up to her lower stomach despite the gentle tugging on her hair and Lexa’s desperate whine.

 

“No, don’t stop...fuck, Clarke please...”

 

“Shh, we have all night.” 

 

Clarke whispered as she moved slowly up Lexa’s stomach, her tongue and fingers tracing the lines of her abs. Lexa shivered and whined, then moaned again as Clarke took one of her nipples in her mouth, sucking then biting it gently.

 

“Clarke...please...I need you.”

 

“I’m right here babe.”

 

Clarke smirked as she moved up and kissed Lexa softly. 

 

“Not what I mean and you know it.”

 

Clarke raised one eyebrow and kissed her again.

 

“No?”

 

“As much as I love kissing you, there is somewhere else I want your mouth right now.”

 

Clarke slid her hand between Lexa’s legs and ran her fingers over her clit. 

 

“Like here?”

 

“Fuck! Yes, please...Clarke...”

 

Lexa whimpered as Clarke made slow, soft passes over her clit. Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa’s neck lazily. 

 

Lexa groaned; she needed more. She shifted and bent one of her legs, bringing it up between Clarke’s. 

 

Clarke moaned at the contact and rocked her hips against Lexa’s thigh, amazed that she was so turned on already. 

 

“Dammit Lexa.” She moaned as she started to move off her thigh. Lexa grabbed her hip and squeezed. 

 

“Don’t stop.”

 

“Lexa...this is about you now.”

 

“And I said don’t stop...I want to watch you...”

 

Her voice was shy but her eyes were dark with desire and the way she was looking at Clarke took her breath away. As if to make her point, Lexa moved her other hand to Clarke’s hip and pulled her tighter against her thigh. 

 

Clarke groaned and rocked her hips in a slow, steady rhythm. It didn’t take her long to orgasm again, her thighs clamping around Lexa’s as her body shook. She opened her eyes to find Lexa smiling at her. 

 

“That so fucking hot.”

 

Clarke smiled and shook her head as she moved back down between Lexa’s legs. She licked between her folds, from her entrance over her clit as she slid two fingers in hard and deep. 

 

“Yes! God Clarke...so good...”

 

Lexa screamed, her hips coming up off the bed as she grabbed the sheets in one hand and Clarke’s hair in the other. Clarke sucked at her clit while slowly moving her fingers in and out, a little deeper with every stroke.

 

“Fuck, yes, god don’t stop.”

 

Lexa’s grip in Clarke’s hair tightened as she pulled her closer, her hips coming up off the bed as she did. Clarke wrapped one arm around Lexa’s thigh to hold her still as she switched between licking and sucking at her clit, her fingers keeping the same rhythmic pace. 

 

“Clarke, god, more...please.”

 

Clarke curled her fingers inside Lexa, moving them in faster, shorter strokes. 

 

“Yes! Right there, fuck...oh my god.”

 

Lexa let go of Clarke’s hair and gripped the sheets with both hands. Her moaning changed to a string of high pitched whimpers, then silenced as she gasped, her thighs tightening against Clarke’s face as her orgasm hit her. 

 

Clarke pulled her mouth away from Lexa but kept a slow, steady rhythm with her fingers. Lexa’s breathing was coming in short pants, sometimes accompanied by a low moan. When her breathing returned to somewhat normal Clarke curled her fingers again and smiled when Lexa’s hips jerked, pushing them deeper. 

 

“More?” 

 

She whispered, slowly licking over her clit again, this time she kept her tongue flat and the pressure soft. 

 

“Clarke, fuck, oh my god.”

 

Lexa groaned, her head still spinning from her last orgasm; she was usually too sensitive to be touched again so soon but Clarke’s mouth felt so damn good. 

 

“Too much?” 

 

Clarke asked softly as she started to sit up. Lexa wrapped her hand in her hair. 

 

“Don’t you dare fucking stop.” 

 

She growled, guiding Clarke’s face back where she wanted it. Clarke smirked as she licked and sucked at her clit again, keeping everything soft and gentle. 

 

“Clarke, god damn...so good...”

 

“Harder?”

 

“Ugh, yes.”

 

Clarke drove her fingers deeper, curling them as she moved them and Lexa practically screamed. 

 

“Yes! Fuck Clarke, please...”

 

“Please what babe?”

 

“Fuck, stop talking. More...”

 

Clarke laughed softly before taking Lexa’s clit in her mouth and sucking hard as she drove her fingers in deeper. 

 

Lexa screamed her name and her body when rigid for a few seconds before she collapsed against the bed. Her hips jerked a few times and then she was still. 

 

Clarke slowly slid her fingers out and moved up to lay beside her. Lexa immediately turned and pressed herself against the front of Clarke, her face buried between her breasts, her arms wrapped around the back of her clinging to her hard. 

 

Her breathing was still shaky and Clarke ran her hand down the middle of her back. Lexa whimpered, her hips still jerking occasionally. 

 

“Did I break you?” Clarke whispered into her hair. 

 

Lexa’s only response was a muffled whine, but she burrowed closer to Clarke, her leg slipping between Clarke’s. She sighed deeply. 

 

“I love you.” Clarke whispered as she rested her chin on top of Lexa’s head. 

 

“I love you too.”

 

Lexa’s reply was muffled against Clarke’s skin, but she still heard it. She sighed happily and kept softly running her hand over Lexa’s back. They laid like that for a while and Clarke thought Lexa had fallen asleep until she shifted, pulling back so she could look at Clarke. 

 

“That was.... incredible.”

 

“Hmm, you’re incredible.”

 

“Seriously babe, at the risk of sounding trashy, that is hands down the best sex I’ve ever had.”

 

“Well I’m trashy too then, because it was the same for me.”

 

“So it was worth the wait for the perfect night then?”

 

Lexa teased as she softly kissed Clarke’s neck. 

 

“Lexa, I don’t know if you’ll ever understand how much this means to me. I’ve never had anyone treat me like I meant something. After my dad died, I was so...easy that it was all anyone that was with me wanted; and they got it. And I regret all of that now but I can’t take it back. And then Finn had me so convinced that because all of that no one would ever really want me again except him. As stupid as it sounds to say, I never really thought I’d be something to anyone again...so this...you...I can’t even put it into words. This wasn’t something I ever expected to have. I figured I’d lost that chance.”

 

“He was wrong, Clarke. You’re not just something... you’re everything.” 

 

“Lexa...I...”

 

“Shh, it doesn’t require a response.”

 

Lexa smiled softly and reached out to tuck Clarke’s hair behind her ear. Clarke sighed and moved closer, scooting down so she could tuck her face against Lexa’s neck. 

 

“I swear to god this is my favorite place to be.” She mumbled through a yawn. 

 

“That’s because it’s where you belong.”

 

“Hmm, you’re not wrong. One of us has to get up and do something with all of the candles though.”

 

“Sleep, we can deal with it later.”

 

“Lexa, we’re going to set this place on fire.”

 

“No, we’re not. They’re battery operated. I’m a firefighter Clarke, come on.”

 

Clarke laughed into Lexa’s neck. 

 

“I should have known. And I’m glad because I really, really don’t want to move.”

 

“I don’t want you to either.”

 

“This has been pretty incredible for just a one-month anniversary ya know?”

 

“Get used to it; you deserve to be spoiled and I have every intention of proving it to you.”

 

“You’re too good to me. God I fucking love you.”

 

Lexa smiled, she was glad she’d waited to tell Clarke she loved her because she’d wanted it to be special, and it was. Now that it had been said though, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get tired of hearing it come out of the blonde’s mouth. 

 

“I love you too, babe. Go to sleep.”

 

Clarke didn’t want the night to end, but she could barely keep her eyes open so she stopped trying. She snuggled a little closer to Lexa and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost as soon as she did feeling more loved and safe than she could ever remember.


	12. Chapter 12

 

Lexa woke up the next morning to the feeling of Clarke softly tracing the tattoo on her back. She smiled at how soft the blonde’s touch was.

 

“This is so pretty. What is it?” Clarke asked quietly. She could tell Lexa was awake by the shift in her breathing. 

 

“I got it after Costia died. I went to a tattoo artist and sat and told him how I was feeling...like everything I knew was coming undone...that I was falling apart. I told him I wanted something space related or looking but not super obvious. We talked for quite a while and I don’t remember everything I said, but that is what he sketched and as soon as he showed it to me I loved it.”

 

“And the infinity sign at the top?”

 

“He asked me if I thought the way I was feeling was going to last forever. I told him yes, but that I also thought Costia and I had forever...so I wasn’t even sure forever was a thing anymore. That’s why it’s broken.”

 

“It’s amazing.”

 

Clarke continued to trace her fingers softly along the design and Lexa shivered when she reached her lower back. 

 

“Did I wake you up?” Clarke asked. 

 

“No, but I wouldn’t have cared if you did.”

 

“Good.”

 

Clarke whispered as she scooted closer to Lexa and kissed the back of her neck, then slowly kissed down the middle of her back. Lexa made a soft humming noise in the back of her throat.

 

“That feels good.”

 

Clarke smiled and trailed her kisses up on to Lexa’s hip. She put her hand on Lexa’s hip and pushed gently, rolling Lexa on to her back where she kissed her stomach just below her belly button. Lexa’s breath caught in her throat as Clarke kissed up her stomach, her hands running up her sides. 

 

“That feels good too.” 

 

Clarke laughed as she kissed up between Lexa’s breasts to her neck. Lexa ran her fingers over Clarke’s shoulders and down her upper arms, smiling at the goosebumps that appeared. Clarke stopped kissing Lexa’s neck and looked down at her, holding herself up with her arms. Lexa smiled up at her. 

 

“Good Morning.”

 

“Good Morning gorgeous.”

 

“Hmm, right back at ya.”

 

Clarke smiled for a moment; she was still in awe of how perfect the previous day had been and how happy she was. 

 

“I love you.” She whispered 

 

Lexa’s stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels. She reached up and brushed her hand along Clarke’s cheek before slipping it behind her neck and pulling her down into a kiss. 

 

“I love you too.” 

 

She whispered back before their lips met. Clarke lowered her weight on to Lexa as they kissed, sighing at the skin on skin contact and the fact that there were no clothes between them. 

 

Despite that fact, the kiss was soft and sweet and Clarke couldn’t remember a time when being physically with anyone had felt so right. She pulled back from the kiss and snuggled her face in to Lexa’s neck. Lexa wrapped on arm around her waist and ran the other slowly up and down her back. 

 

“You’re going to make me fall asleep.” Clarke mumbled. 

 

“Hmm, well. It’s up to you. We can lay here and cuddle or we can do what I had planned for the day.”

 

“What is your plan?”

 

“Sea world.”

 

“Really?!?”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

“Oh my god I love the Orcas.”

 

“So I take it you’re choosing Sea World?”

 

“Ugh. Can you just bring an Orca here?”

 

“Clarke you’re ridiculous.”

 

“Mhmm. But I don’t want to get up. But I want to see the whales.”

 

“Decisions, decisions.”

 

“I’m also starving.”

 

“There is food at Sea World.”

 

“There is also a basket with food in it over there.”

 

“Both require getting up.”

 

Clarke huffed and kissed Lexa’s neck before dragging herself out of bed and looking for her t-shirt on the floor. 

 

“Stop staring at me Lexa, it’s weird.” 

 

Clarke muttered as she picked up her shirt from near the bed. She squeaked when she stood back up and Lexa was in front of her. 

 

“But you’re fun to stare at.” 

 

She teased, her voice low as she reached for Clarke’s hips. 

 

“Don’t start or we’ll never leave.” 

 

Clarke laughed as she made half an effort to pull away from Lexa. 

 

“Yes we will, it would just be a little later.”

 

“Lexa...”

 

“Clarke. Come here.” 

 

Clarke giggled as Lexa pulled her close and kissed her, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her closer until their bodies were flush against each other. 

 

Lexa moaned into the kiss as Clarke ran her hands up her sides. She pulled back and rested her forehead against Clarke’s. 

 

“We really should go.”

 

“What happened to just being a little late?”

 

“I forgot about part of the plan. Not my fault. You’re very distracting without clothes on.”

 

“I was trying to put them back on, someone stopped me.”

 

“I know, sorry. We can continue this later.”

 

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

 

“Looking forward to it.” 

 

Lexa wiggled her eyebrows and kissed Clarke on the forehead before letting her go to get dressed. 

 

________________________________

 

“Have you been here before?”

 

Lexa asked as they walked in the front gate of sea world. 

 

“Only once as a kid, I was probably five or six. I just remember how amazing the orcas were. Can we go see them first?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Lexa smiled at Clarke’s enthusiasm and took her hand as they headed towards shamu stadium. 

 

There was an underwater viewing area outside of the stadium and that was where Clarke headed. Lexa smiled as she stood with her hands against the glass as one of the whales swam slowly past. 

 

“They’re so pretty.” 

 

“Yes they are.” 

 

Lexa moved and stood next to her, smiling when Clarke leaned against her side. 

 

“You know, they have a thing where you can eat breakfast or dinner next to the tank.”

 

“I know. It would be amazing to be that close to them.”

 

“I’m glad you think so because we have a table for breakfast in about forty five minutes.”

 

Clarke turned to her, her eyes wide.

 

“You did not.”

 

“Yes I did.”

 

“Lexa seriously?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“But... that had to be so expensive...”

 

“It really isn’t actually, I was surprised. But it doesn’t matter, I figured you’d like it.”

 

“Lexa... god you spoil me.”

 

Clarke smiled as she wrapped her arms around Lexa and hugged her tight. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome. You deserve to be spoiled.”

 

Clarke blushed and turned back to face the whale tank. Lexa moved behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, smiling as Clarke leaned in to her. 

 

“I love you.”

 

She whispered in Clarke’s ear as she rested her chin on her shoulder. Clarke wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to hearing Lexa say those words, or the feeling it caused in her stomach. 

 

“I love you too babe.”

 

Lexa kissed her neck and they stood and watched the whales a while longer before going to check in for breakfast. 

 

They held hands and Clarke leaned against Lexa’s side as they stood and waited in line to be let in. Breakfast was buffet style with tables on two sides of one of the smaller orca tanks. Clarke kept standing on her tip toes to see the whales. 

 

“Excited?” Lexa laughed. 

 

“Yes. The tables are so close to them.”

 

“You’re cute.”

 

“Sorry, am I being annoying?”

 

“Not at all. I’m glad you’re so excited about it.”

 

“You’re not?”

 

“No, I am. But... I think I’m having more fun watching you.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and leaned back against Lexa’s side until the staff came and led them to their table. 

 

“Oh my god Lexa look! They’re right there!” Clarke exclaimed as a whale swam by their table, surfacing to breathe and slowly swimming past. From the glass by the table to the tank was only about four feet. 

 

Lexa just smiled at Clarke’s excitement as she watched the whale swim past. 

 

“Do you want me to get your food so you can just watch them?”

 

“No...I can come...”

 

Clarke’s answer was absentminded as she kept staring out into the tank. 

 

“Babe, sit. I’ll go get the food.”

 

She smiled as Clarke slowly sat down in the chair without really looking. Lexa went through the line and got her own food. She went back to the table and told Clarke what they had. 

 

“You don’t have to go back. I’ll go myself.”

 

“Clarke. Just tell me what you want. I’ll go get it. It’s not a big deal. You’re clearly enjoying being this close, just stay.”

 

Clarke wrinkled her nose at Lexa before agreeing. 

 

“Eggs, bacon, some of those little potatoes, and whatever that stuff is.” She said pointing at something on Lexa’s plate. 

 

“I’ll be right back.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Lexa came back shortly with Clarke’s food and a few minutes later the the trainers came out and did a demonstration that was about fifteen minutes long. They talked about the whales and their behavior. How some of their behaviors were trained and what they were for. It ended with the whales performing some of the behaviors like several different jumps and sliding up on the slide outs as well as waving their tails and making different vocalizations. 

 

When the demonstration was over Clarke turned to Lexa with a huge smile on her face. 

 

“That was so awesome. Thank you again for this.”

 

“It was pretty damn amazing. And you’re welcome.”

 

“Seriously Lexa, this is probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.”

 

Clarke smiled and turned back to watch the whales swimming around the tank. They sat talking and watching the whales until they were the last people sitting there and the staff started to come clean up. 

 

“I guess we have to go.” Clarke sighed. 

 

“Yep, pretty sure they are going to kick us out pretty soon.” Lexa laughed. 

 

“You’re actually welcome to stay while we clear the tables.” One of the waitresses commented as she walked by. 

 

“Oh lord, don’t tell her that. She’ll never leave.”

 

The waitress laughed. 

 

“I can tell she really likes them. You guys make a cute couple.”

 

“Thanks. It’s our one month anniversary.”

 

“Ohhh, a cute new couple. Hang out here for a second, I’ll be right back.”

 

Lexa nodded and moved to stand next to Clarke who was standing at the glass watching the whales swim. One of them was bobbing up out of the water to hit a large suspend ball full of ice, causing some of it to fall out. 

 

“They’re so cool. They’re huge but so graceful.”

 

“They are pretty amazing.”

 

Lexa slid her arm around Clarke’s shoulders and Clarke leaned against her. 

 

“We can go.”

 

“The waitress said to wait a second, so I’m not sure what she’s doing. I told her it was our one month anniversary.”

 

“I know, I heard you. She was nice to say we could stay.”

 

Lexa was going to respond when she saw the waitress come walking back around the corner with one of the trainers

 

“So I hear it’s your anniversary? And one of you is pretty in love with the whales.”

 

Clarke blushed as Lexa nodded her head towards her. 

 

“They’re so amazing. I just like watching them.” Clarke answered softly. 

 

“They are, and I like watching them too. I learn a lot about them just from watching them.”

 

“It must be so cool to work with them.”

 

“It is. It was my dream as a kid and it’s still kind of surreal that I’m here.”

 

“I can imagine. I’ve only been here one other time as a kid and I remember how much I loved them. I still do.”

 

“Well let’s get you guys a good picture to remember this by then. Come stand over here.”

 

The trainer directed Clarke and Lexa to a place next to the glass away from all of the tables. Clarke handed her phone to the waitress and stood next to Lexa, her arm around her shoulders. Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist and the waitress snapped pictures as the trainer cued one of the whales to jump straight up out of the water behind them. 

 

The waitress smiled as she handed the phone back to Clarke. 

 

“Oh wow, these are amazing. Thank you both so much!”

 

Clarke exclaimed as she looked at the pictures

 

“You’re very welcome. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

 

Lexa smiled at Clarke’s happiness as she looked through the pictures again while they walked out of the eating area. She hooked one finger in Clarke’s belt loop and pulled her close as they walked. 

 

“Lexa...you didn’t have to do all of this. You know that, right?”

 

“I do. I wanted to do all of this Clarke. You’ve looked so happy all weekend, and that’s all I wanted when I planned everything.”

 

“I’ve been ridiculously happy all weekend.”

 

“Good. What do you want to do now?”

 

Lexa smiled as Clarke took her hand as they walked; one of her favorite things about the blonde was how openly affectionate she was. 

 

“I don’t know. Breakfast was pretty much perfect honestly. This can’t be all about me babe, what do _you_ want to do?”

 

“I don’t think you get it Clarke, making you happy _is_ what I want to do.”

 

Clarke stopped walking and turned to face Lexa, her hands moving to Lexa’s hips, pulling her close. 

 

“Well, you’ve succeeded. So, you stubborn thing, what _else_ do you want to do?”

 

Lexa raised one eyebrow at Clarke and smiled slowly as she pulled her closer. 

 

“This.”

 

She whispered before their lips met. She felt Clarke smile into the kiss. 

 

“What _else_ do you want to do?” Clarke laughed as she pulled back. 

 

“Oh Clarke, the other things I want to do to you are not suited for a family friendly park like this.” 

 

Clarke bit her bottom lip and practically groaned at the dark look in Lexa’s eyes and the memories it brought back of the night before. 

 

“Later. We can do that later. We are so doing that later. But I was talking about now, you tease.”

 

“Hmm. I’m going to take you up on the later thing. For now, let’s go see the dolphin show.”

 

“See? Was that so hard?”

 

“No, it’s just kinda fun to get you flustered.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and took Lexa’s hand again as they walked towards dolphin stadium. 

 

They made their way to the top row of bleachers and sat down; Lexa hesitated for a second before leaning against Clarke’s side, her head resting on her shoulder. Clarke smiled and put her arm around Lexa’s shoulders, running her fingers over Lexa’s upper arm as Lexa cuddled closer. 

 

“I like it when you’re cuddly. It’s cute.”

 

“I’m always cuddly with you.”

 

“Hm, but you don’t usually initiate it. You have been more lately.”

 

“Mhmm. It’s not...second nature to me like it is to you, but I try.”

 

“You don’t have to just for me. I don’t mind.”

 

“I want to. I like being with you, it’s just something I have to think about doing. It doesn’t just come and it feels weird sometimes.” 

 

“Weird?”

 

“Not because of you just...maybe different is a better word.”

 

“Well, as long as you’re not just doing it for me.”

 

“Not for you, but because of you. I like it, I just need to get more comfortable doing it. You make it easy.”

 

“I’m glad.” 

 

Clarke sighed happily as Lexa draped her arm across her stomach and softly kissed her neck. 

 

“Me too.”

 

They sat in comfortable silence as the stadium filled in and the show started. Lexa huffed and sat up so she could see better and let her hand rest on Clarke’s thigh as they watched the show. 

 

“That was pretty incredible.” She commented as the show ended. 

 

“Yes it was. They’re so smart, it has to be cool to work with them.”

 

“I’m sure it’s amazing. Weird to think it’s their job. I wonder if they ever hate getting up and going to work?”

 

“I’m sure sometimes. A job is a job; even when it’s your passion, there are going to be some days you just don’t want to.”

 

“Yea I guess so. Alright, your turn to pick what we’re doing next.” 

 

“Let’s go see the turtles. Then you’re picking next. We’ll take turns because it’s our anniversary, not just mine.”

 

“Alright fine, I can live with that.”

 

“Good, because if not I would have had to pout and we both know you can’t say no to that.”

 

Lexa laughed as she stood up and reached for Clarke’s hand.

 

“You’re not wrong.”

 

Clarke smirked as she took Lexa’s had and they headed towards the turtle exhibit.

___________________________

 

“Today was amazing.” 

 

Clarke mumbled as she put another piece of chocolate in her mouth. They’d ended up seeing almost everything in the park and had ended the day by staying for the fireworks before heading back to the hotel. 

 

They’d ordered pizza once they were back in the hotel room and were sitting in bed; Lexa was leaning against the head board and Clarke was sitting between her legs leaning against her chest eating chocolate out of the basket that had been there their first night. 

 

“Yes it was, I had a lot of fun.” 

 

Lexa’s fingers idly traced patterns on Clarke’s stomach as she spoke. They were

both only wearing t-shirts and underwear and Lexa had slid Clarke’s shirt halfway up her stomach. 

 

“The whole weekend has been perfect. I know I’ve said it a lot but thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’ve had fun.”

 

Lexa muttered against the skin of Clarke’s neck as she kissed it. Clarke sighed and closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against Lexa’s shoulder. 

 

“I don’t know how you manage to make that feel so damn good.” 

 

Lexa smiled and gently drug her nails up Clarke’s sides before trailing one hand down her stomach under the waistband of her underwear. 

 

“I can make other things feel good too.” Lexa whispered.

 

“Hmm, is that right?” 

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Clarke whimpered and let her knees fall open as Lexa gently bit the skin on the side of her neck and slid her hand lower, her fingers dancing just shy of where Clarke wanted them. 

 

“Lexa...”

 

Clarke moaned, arching her back against Lexa. Lexa smiled and wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist, holding her still. She lightly brushed her finger across Clarke’s clit and smiled when her body jerked, searching for more. 

 

“Ugh, Lexa please.”

 

Clarke squirmed but couldn’t move much because of the way Lexa was holding her. 

 

“You okay with this?” Lexa whispered as she ran her tongue down the side of her neck. 

 

“Yes...”

 

Clarke’s answer was somewhere between a whimper and a moan as Lexa’s fingers brushed across her clit again. She tried to turn in Lexa’s arms but Lexa tightened her grip.

 

“Nope. Just let me.” 

 

Clarke growled deep in her throat. 

 

“Lexa...please just fuck me.” 

 

“Oh I intend to.”

 

She lazily slid her finger back and forth across Clarke’s clit, drawing a high-pitched whine out of the blonde. 

 

Clarke dropped her hands onto the top Lexa’s thighs and squeezed as she pushed back against her. Lexa smiled in to Clarke’s neck as she kept lazily kissing it, knowing it drove the blonde crazy. 

 

“Fuck, Lexa...please...”

 

“What do you want Clarke?”

 

“You. I want you. I need you, Lexa.”

 

It wasn’t the answer Lexa had been expecting and it sent a jolt of arousal through her entire body. She groaned into Clarke’s shoulder as she slid two fingers deep inside her. 

 

“Yes! God you feel good.” Clarke moaned as she rocked her hips against Lexa’s hand. Lexa growled and pumped her fingers in and out of Clarke hard and fast. Clarke gasped. 

 

“Lexa, fuck...oh my god.”

 

Lexa tightened her arm around Clarke’s waist as her thumb found her clit and made hard, fast circles around it. Their first night she’d kept everything soft and slow, but now she just wanted Clarke. 

 

Clarke could feel the shift in Lexa after she said she needed her. There was an almost possessive quality to her movements and she knew what she wanted to her to say; she also knew Lexa would never ask her to say it because of Finn.

 

Lexa curled her fingers inside Clarke and pushed her thumb hard on her clit, smiling as she felt Clarke clench around her fingers.

 

Clarke dug her fingers into Lexa’s thighs as her orgasm hit her. 

 

“Lexa! Fuck!”

 

She screamed as her hips bucked against Lexa’s hold. She was vaguely aware of Lexa speaking softly in her ear but had no idea what she was saying; everything was so intense it was all she could do to remember to breathe. 

 

Lexa slowed the movement of her fingers as Clarke continued to flutter around them, whimpering when she finally slid them out. 

 

“I’ll never get tired of making you do that. You’re gorgeous.” 

 

Lexa whispered as she relaxed her hold on Clarke. Clarke turned in her arms, her face pressing into her neck. 

 

“I’m yours, Lexa.” 

 

She said quietly, her breath hot against Lexa’s neck. The words made Lexa’s heart skip a beat. 

 

“Clarke...you don’t have to say that...”

 

“I know, but that was different. Last night was soft and slow. That was...needy and possessive.”

 

“I’m sorry, I just-“

 

“Sorry? Lexa that was amazing. Babe, don’t be sorry. But also, don’t hold back with what you want to say.”

 

“It’s just...I know Finn used to make you-“

 

“You’re not Finn. You’re nothing like Finn.”

 

Clarke turned and got on her knees in front of Lexa, sitting back on her heels so she could look at her. 

 

“I trust you Lexa. So much more than I’ve ever trusted anyone else. So don’t hold back. If anything is ever too much, I’ll tell you. But please...don’t hold back.” 

 

Lexa shook her head softly and hooked one finger in the neckline of Clarke’s shirt, pulling her closer. 

 

“Mine.”

 

She whispered as their lips met. Clarke smiled and tugged Lexa’s shirt up, pulling back from their kiss to pull it off over her head. Her hands slid down Lexa’s sides, her thumbs hooking in the waistband of Lexa’s underwear. Lexa lifted her hips and watched as Clarke pulled them off and casually tossed them on the floor before doing the same with her own clothes. 

 

Lexa’s breathing grew shallow as she watched, transfixed, as Clarke leaned forward,

 

“Yes, yours.” 

 

She whispered just before covering one of Lexa’s nipples with her mouth and swirling her tongue around it. She did the same with the other nipple before moving lower, kissing down her stomach, her hands gripping Lexa’s hips and pulling her forward slightly. 

 

“Clarke! Holy shit!”

 

Lexa screamed, her head falling back against the headboard as Clarke sucked hard on her clit, flicking her tongue over it as she did. Lexa clenched the sheets in both hands, trying to hang on to some sort of control but it was almost impossible with what Clarke was doing with her tongue. 

 

She looked down and groaned deep in her throat when she saw Clarke’s blue eyes staring up at her. 

 

“Fuck that’s hot.” 

 

She growled and she could tell by the sparkle in Clarke’s eyes that she was smiling. She wrapped one hand in Clarke’s hair then hesitated. Clarke felt it and kept their eye contact, slowly dragging her tongue over Lexa’s clit, making her thighs shake. 

 

“Oh my god, more.” 

 

Lexa moaned, her hips thrusting against Clarke’s face as she used her hair to hold her close. Clarke licked her again, painfully slow. 

 

“Fuck, Clarke, harder.” 

 

Lexa growled, jerking slightly on Clarke’s hair. Clarke whimpered and licked harder, sliding two fingers into Lexa as she did.  

 

“Yes, fuck! So good...harder.”

 

Clarke gasped as Lexa pressed her face even closer and thrust her hips against her. 

 

“God Clarke I’m so fucking close.... wait...”

 

Clarke stilled her fingers and looked up at Lexa, confused. Lexa tugged on Clarke’s hair until the blonde moved up so they were face to face. 

 

“Lexa? What’s wrong.”

 

“Nothing. You’re so perfect.”

 

Lexa whispered as she kissed Clarke’s neck, then her lips. Clarke smiled and curled her fingers inside Lexa as they kissed, causing her hips to jump forward. 

 

Lexa ran her hands over Clarke’s body, one resting on her hip the other trailering lower, between her legs. Clarke shifted, giving the brunette more access then moaned as she slipped her fingers inside. 

 

“Jesus Lexa...”

 

“Come with me.” Lexa muttered as she kissed Clarke’s neck. 

 

“Lexa I...”

 

Lexa lifted her head and curled her fingers inside Clarke as their eyes met. Clarke gasped, then whimpered as Lexa slowly slid her fingers in and out. 

 

“Together.” 

 

Clarke couldn’t speak, so she just nodded, moving her fingers to match Lexa’s pace. The effect was immediate and Clarke had never been more aroused in her life. She felt herself start to clench around Lexa’s fingers and willed herself to slow down. 

 

“Shh, wait.” Lexa said as she rocked her hips, driving Clarke’s fingers deeper. 

 

“Lexa...god I can’t....”

 

Lexa leaned forward and kissed her softly, her fingers still slowly moving inside her. 

 

“Look at me Clarke.”

 

It took effort, but Clarke raised her eyes to meet Lexa’s. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I love you too Lexa...more...please....I can’t...”

 

Lexa moved her fingers faster, curling then as she did and brushing Clarke’s clit with her thumb. Clarke gasped and matched her pace to Lexa’s, her forehead resting against Lexa’s shoulder as she tried to hold on to some sort of control. She could tell she was going to lose it, and it was somewhat terrifying.

 

“Lexa...I…”

 

“You’re okay babe. Just let go.”

 

Clarke whimpered as her hips thrust hard against Lexa’s hand. Everything was even more intense than it had been the night before and it was overwhelming. 

 

Clarke gathered her thoughts enough to run her thumb across Lexa’s clit in circles, her fingers thrusting instinctually as Lexa’s hips rocked against them. 

 

“Fuck Clarke, right there....”

 

At the sound of Lexa moaning her name Clarke’s whole body shook and she clenched hard around her fingers. 

 

“Lexa....fuck....”

 

“Look at me.”

 

Clarke raised her head, her breathing coming in short pants and gasps. She knew she couldn’t hold it together much longer. 

 

Her eyes met Lexa’s and Lexa smiled, thrusting her fingers into Clarke hard and deep, curling them slightly as she drug her thumb along her clit. 

 

“Mine.” She growled and Clarke completely lost control. She thrust hard into Lexa one more time and barely registered the brunette screaming her name as she came. 

 

Her own orgasm hit her too hard for her to register anything else. Clarke collapsing against the front of Lexa was the only thing that kept the brunette pinned to the headboard. Her hips bucked hard against Clarke’s hand, her whole body tensed and relaxed in some sort of rhythmic wave and she was reduced to a whimpering mess. 

 

Clarke’s stomach muscles clenched hard; the only thing that kept her from doubling over was the fact that she was pressed against the front of Lexa. Her whole body shook, her thighs clamping together as Lexa slowly slid her fingers out. Clarke did the same and wrapped her arms around Lexa, somehow getting even closer as tears started rolling down her face. 

 

“Yours.” She whispered, her voice shaky. 

 

Lexa took a few deep breaths, trying to get her body to stop trembling. She wrapped her arms around Clarke, squeezing her tight against her, not caring when a few tears rolled down her cheeks. 

 

“Clarke...I don’t even have words for that...”

 

“Me either....I’ve never felt anything that intense...”

 

“No. Me either. Did I push too far?”

 

“No...it was...terrifying at first, I could tell I was going to lose it....but fuck...so good.”

 

“You’re still shaking. You ok?”

 

Clarke leaned back so she could look at Lexa and was surprised to see tears on her face too.

 

“You’re crying too?”

 

“Yea...that was...I didn’t even know that was possible. Feeling like that.”

 

Clarke smiled softly at her and wiped her cheeks off with her thumbs. 

 

“Me either. If this is just our one month anniversary I think one year might kill me.”

 

Lexa blinked at Clarke for a second, her heart skipping a beat. 

 

“What’s that look for?” 

 

Clarke asked, tucking a piece of Lexa’s hair behind her ear.  Lexa bit her bottom lip and smiled. 

 

“I just...it makes me happy that you’re already thinking about us being together for a year...”

 

Clarke blushed and started to hide her face in Lexa’s neck but Lexa stopped her. 

 

“Yea...I guess I am.”

 

“Good. Because I’m not gonna lie, I could get used to this.” 

 

“Hmm, me too.” 

 

Clarke kissed Lexa softly before tucking her face into her neck and sighing deeply. Lexa kissed the top of her head and ran her fingers through her hair. 

 

“Sleepy?”

 

“Mhmm. Someone wore me out. But...I don’t want to move yet?”

 

“No one said you had to.”

 

“No, but there are more comfortable positions than this.” 

 

Lexa couldn’t stop the soft whine that escaped her mouth when Clarke pulled away from her. Clarke smiled and raised one eyebrow at her. 

 

“I...just...want you closer.” Lexa stuttered as she blushed. 

 

“You’re so fucking cute babe, come here.”

 

Clarke scooted down on the bed so she was laying on her side. Lexa stood up and fixed the blankets, pulling them up to Clarke’s shoulders then crawled under them with her. 

 

She smiled when Clarke reached for her, pulling her close until they were tangled in each other’s arms, Lexa’s head resting on Clarke’s chest just under her chin. 

 

“Is this close enough?”

 

Clarke whispered, her fingers running lightly over Lexa’s shoulder and down her arm. 

 

“Mhmm. Much better.”

 

Clarke smiled and let her hand come to rest on Lexa’s hip as her eyes drifted shut. 

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what? You planned this whole weekend.”

 

“Loving me back.”

 

Clarke opened her eyes and leaned back so she could look at Lexa. 

 

“You don’t need to thank me for loving you...”

 

“Maybe not, but I am.”

 

“Well...you’re welcome, you dork.”

 

Lexa laughed quietly as she kissed Clarke. It was meant to be a quick, soft kiss but then Clarke ran her tongue across Lexa’s bottom lip and Lexa had no choice but to give her what she wanted. 

 

She lost track of how long they kissed; she lost track of everything but Clarke and how amazing it felt to be wrapped in her arms. Nothing else mattered.

 

Clarke smiled when she finally pulled back from kissing Lexa. She placed a soft kiss on her forehead before Lexa tucked her face back against her neck. 

 

“Nothing has ever felt this right, Clarke.”

 

“Yea...for me either. It scares me sometimes...like it’s too good to be true. I’m too happy.”

 

“Hmm, well it is true. I’m right here, and I have no plans of going anywhere.”

 

Clarke sighed happily as Lexa ran her fingers up and down her side. She was almost asleep when Lexa whispered,

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” 

 

Clarke mumbled as she finally drifted off to sleep. Lexa laid awake for a little while just listening to Clarke breathe and replaying the weekend over in her head. A few tears silently rolled down her cheeks as she thought about how happy she was, and the fact that at one point not all that long ago she’d been convinced she’d never be happy again. She didn’t realize just how wrong she’d been. She pressed a soft kiss to Clarke’s chest then turned her head, resting her ear over Clarke’s heart and finally drifted off to sleep listening to the steady sound of the blonde’s heartbeat.

 

—__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

“Ohmgod Lexa makeitstop.”

 

Clarke whined as she pulled a pillow over her head. The alarm on Lexa’s phone was going off from somewhere in the room and the shrill ringing was driving Clarke crazy. 

 

Clarke had ended up on her stomach during the night and Lexa was curled against her side, her arm draped over her shoulders. 

 

“Why do I have to get it?”

 

“Because it’s your phone.”

 

“I don’t wanna get up.”

 

“Lexa...I will kill you if you don’t shut it up.”

 

“You will not, you’d miss me.”

 

“Lexa!” 

 

Clarke growled and smacked blindly at her with one arm. 

 

“Okay, Okay. So grumpy.”

 

Lexa drug herself out of bed, found her phone and turned off the alarm. She picked up her shirt and underwear from the night before and pulled them on as she walked to the bathroom. 

 

When she came out Clarke was sitting up against the headboard eating a pastry. She’d put her clothes back on too and smirked at the disappointed look on Lexa’s face. 

 

“If you’re not going to be naked neither am I. Besides, I was starving so I had to get up anyhow and I feel weird walking around with no clothes on.”

 

“We might have to change your mind about that, I kinda like you with no clothes on.”

 

Lexa teased as she sat down on the bed next to Clarke, leaning against her side. Clarke offered her the last bite of the pastry she was eating but Lexa shook her head. 

 

“Not hungry?” Clarke asked as she sucked the chocolate icing off her finger. Lexa groaned. 

 

“No... not for food.”

 

Clarke laughed as Lexa swung her leg over her lap, straddling her with one knee on each side of her. 

 

“Oh? What is it that you’re hungry for then?”

 

“You.” Lexa spoke into the skin of Clarke’s chest as she ran her tongue along the curve of her breasts. “This.” Her hand slid into Clarke’s underwear, her fingers sliding through her folds and over her clit. 

 

“God your already wet.” She groaned as Clarke arched into her touch. 

 

“You drive me crazy. Your mouth, those fingers, fuck...yes.”

 

Clarke moaned as Lexa slid two fingers into her. She ran her hands up Lexa’s sides under her shirt, her hands coming up to cup her breasts, her thumbs gliding across her nipples until they were hard. 

 

“Clarke...I need you.”

 

“I’m right here.”

 

“No, I need you to fuck me. Now.”

 

Clarke’s eyes met Lexa’s and the pure lust in them almost made her come. Lexa curled her fingers inside Clarke, making her hips buck. 

 

“Now Clarke.”

 

Clarke slid her hand down Lexa’s body, her thumb brushing against her clit as she slid her fingers inside her. The groan that ripped its way out of Lexa’s mouth was a deep, primal sound that made Clarke gasp. 

 

Their eyes met for a second before their lips crashed together in a deep, needy kiss. It was all tongue, teeth and low moans from both of them. 

 

Both of their shirts were quickly discarded and Lexa took Clarke’s nipple in her mouth, sucking hard and pulling it between her teeth. Clarke gasped at the sensations it sent straight to her clit. Her whole body arched, her hips driving Lexa’s fingers deeper. Her nails dug into the skin of her shoulders and raked down her back. Lexa hissed at the sensation and thrust hard against Clarke’s fingers.

 

Everything between them became needy, almost desperate and it didn’t take long before they both climaxed, clinging hard to each other as their bodies trembled. 

 

Lexa sighed as she moved off Clarke’s lap, her legs still shaking as she rolled on to her side. Clarke followed, curling against Lexa’s back, her arm around her waist pulling her close. 

 

“Wow.” Clarke breathed, kissing the back of Lexa’s shoulder softly. “Where did that come from?”

 

“I don’t know, I’m sorry...”

 

Lexa’s voice cracked, like she was on the verge of tears.

 

“What...why...”

 

“That was so rough...”

 

“Lexa...there are scratch marks on your back that say you weren’t the only one being rough.”

 

Lexa shrugged her shoulders. Clarke sighed and kissed her shoulder again. 

 

“Will you please look at me?”

 

Lexa huffed, but rolled over so she was facing Clarke. Clarke kissed her forehead, then cupped her cheek, running her thumb softly over her bottom lip. 

 

“Why are you so upset babe? That was...incredible.”

 

“I was so...rough. Controlling....”

 

“So? You felt how hard I came didn’t you?”

 

“Yea but...I don’t want to be like that with you...”

 

“Because of Finn?”

 

Lexa nodded slowly, her eyes glassing over with tears. 

 

“I’m sorry Clarke, I have no idea wh-“

 

“Lexa stop. Please. If I didn’t trust you, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t even let you touch me. I promise everything that just happened was okay. It was more than okay. It was really fucking hot...”

 

“It doesn’t...scare you? Remind you of...things.”

 

“No. Not at all. The only thing I’m thinking about when we’re together is how fucking amazing everything feels. And how amazing you are. And now...how I can get you to groan like that again because god damn.”

 

“Not even a little?”

 

“Lexa...god I love you for being so concerned but no, not even a little. Not even sometimes. Not ever. I told you last night, don’t hold back. ”

 

“Clarke...would you tell me?”

 

“I would. Please don’t do this to yourself Lexa. Please. You are so...amazing. Seriously. I’ve never been with anyone that makes me feel the way you do. And I’m not just talking about the sex, though that in itself is amazing too. I can’t stand you being upset over this, not when you make me feel the way you do.” 

 

Lexa’s green eyes searched Clarke’s for a minute before she sighed, relaxing in to Clarke’s arms. 

 

“Okay. I’ll try to stop worrying. I just...never want you to feel like you felt with him. At all.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“That was...I don’t even know where that came from. You were talking about my mouth and my fingers and you were so wet...I just needed you. That’s never happened before.”

 

“I’m just that good.” 

 

“Clearly.”

 

Clarke laughed, her head tilted back, eyes shining. It was contagious and Lexa laughed with her. Clarke stopped laughing and ran her thumb across Lexa’s cheek. 

 

“Much better, this weekend has been unbelievable, this is how you should look. Happy. Not crying.”

 

“I am happy babe.”

 

“Good. You deserve it.”

 

“We should get up and attempt to get dressed. We have to check out soon.”

 

“Hm, back to reality?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“But I like it here.” 

 

“Me too, but reality isn’t so bad either. We’re together all the time.”

 

“I know, this has just been... perfect.”

 

“It has. We have another anniversary in a month though.”

 

“Lexa... don’t you dare plan something like this every month.”

 

“I won’t. I just wanted to tease you. I wanted this to be special. This whole thing was about saying I love you, and the whole romantic first night thing.”

 

“You spoil me.”

 

“I do. You deserve to be spoiled.”

 

Clarke shook her head slowly as she softly kissed Lexa. 

 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m damn glad I did it.”

 

“Me too. But we need to get up and get out of this bed or I have a feeling we’ll never leave.”

 

“You’re not wrong.”

 

Clarke laughed as she got up and pulled her shirt back on. 

 

“So I thought we’d go to Flappy Jacks for dinner? Is that ok?”

 

Lexa asked as they got dressed and packed. 

 

“Of course.” 

 

“Anya wants to talk to you. She told me at breakfast the other morning that Aiden asked about calling you Aunt Clarke.”

 

“Is she upset?”

 

“No, she didn’t seem upset. She likes you a lot Clarke.”

 

“I know...I mean she’s always seemed like she did. But that’s her son...and it’s just... different. A more permanent title...”

 

“If you’re not okay with it, it’s fi-“

 

“No. It’s not that. I am. I love that kid. I just...”

 

“If she’s not okay with it she will let you know. Trust me, Anya doesn’t hold back.”

 

“Okay good.”

 

Lexa walked up behind Clarke as she stood at the bathroom mirror brushing her hair. She wrapped her arms around her waist. 

 

“You’re really okay with it?”

 

“Yea, he’s a good kid. I’m flattered he likes me that much.”

 

“He loves you. He’s always so excited to see you. It’s adorable.”

 

“Are you okay with it Lexa?”

 

Clarke asked softly, her eyes meeting Lexa’s in the mirror.

 

“Why would you think I wouldn’t be?”

 

“I don’t know… I guess because he’s Costia’s nephew and I don’t want you to feel like… not that I’m trying to take her place but… I’m not sure how to explain it. I feel like you’ve shared so much of her with me, I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to keep some things to yourself. Like her family… I don’t expect to be included this way.”

 

“I know you don’t Clarke, but it’s not me who wants it, its Aiden. Who am I to tell him who he can and can’t love?”

 

“Do you not want it then?”

 

“No, that’s not what I meant. I think its great that he loves you as much as he does; what I’m trying to say is it’s not my right to want it or not. I’m glad he does though. I’m glad they both like you as much as they do, and that you like them. I love you Clarke… and I want the people I consider family to love you too. So, no, it doesn’t upset me and I don’t think its too much, or too soon, or too anything.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Just okay?”

 

“Yea, just okay. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to upset you.”

 

“Not at all.”

 

Lexa smiled and pushed Clarke’s hair aside so she could kiss her neck. Clarke watched her in the mirror for a second and thought about how lucky she was and how much she’d missed feeling like she belonged somewhere and that someone loved her. She hadn’t really felt it since before her dad had died.

 

“Lexa?” 

 

“Hm?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, I just want to ask.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“If I decide at some point that I want to see my mom again and try to talk to her, would you go with me?”

 

“Of course I would.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Clarke’s voice cracked and Lexa smiled at her in the mirror before turning her around and kissing her. Clarke sighed in to the kiss, put her hands on the counter and lifted herself so she was sitting on it. She spread her knees and hooked her feet behind Lexa’s legs, pulling her closer.

 

“Getting comfy?” Lexa laughed as she pulled back from the kiss briefly.

 

“Something like that.”

 

Clarke pulled Lexa closer, her arms wrapping around her waist as she kissed her again. Lexa smiled in to the kiss and slid both of her hands in to Clarke’s hair as they kissed. She stepped closer to the blonde, closing the space between them until they were flush against each other.  She felt Clarke completely melt against her and she pulled back, kissing her gently on the forehead.

 

“We should go.”

 

“We should.”

 

Neither of them moved and Clarke laughed as she wiggled closer and rested her head under Lexa’s chin.

 

“We’re bad at this.”

 

“Yea, we kind of are.”

 

“I don’t think I care.”

 

“Me either.”

 

They stayed that way for a few minutes and then Clarke unwrapped herself from around Lexa and leaned back on the sink.

 

“Alright, let’s get going.”

 

Lexa nodded and stepped back so she could get down off the counter. She went out in the room and finished packing things back into suitcases while Clarke finished brushing her hair and teeth. She pulled her hair back in a low ponytail and glanced in the mirror one last time before leaving the bathroom; she was slightly surprised at how happy she looked.

 

A little while later they had checked out and everything was packed in the car. Lexa immediately took Clarke’s hand when they got in the car and Clarke smiled.

 

“Lexa… this weekend was… unforgettable. Thank you, for all of it.”

 

“You’re welcome babe; I agree, it was definitely unforgettable.”

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

“Oh the two lovebirds are back, did you guys have a good trip?”

 

Anya called as they walked in the door at Flappy Jacks.

 

“It was incredible.” Clarke answered as she leaned against Lexa’s side.

 

“Good, I’m glad everything went well. Lexa spent a ton of time planning whatever it was.”

 

“She’s amazing. The whole weekend was perfect.”

 

“She is pretty amazing, I’m glad she’s found someone who sees that in her, or someone she lets see that in her.”

 

“Yea, me too.”

 

Lexa smiled and softly shook her head as her and Clarke headed towards their normal table.

 

“Clarke, can I speak with you for a minute before Aiden shows up and won’t let anyone else near you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

She let go of Lexa’s hand and followed Anya into the kitchen.

 

“First, I know I’ve said this to you before but thank you… for whatever you and Lexa have going on. There has been so much of a difference in her…”

 

“She’s… incredible. I love her.”

 

“Have you told her that?”

 

A deep blush crept its way up Clarke’s neck to her cheeks and Anya grinned.

 

“It’s about damn time.”

 

“I was… waiting for her. I didn’t want to say it first and have her feel pressured in to saying it back if she wasn’t ready yet.”

 

“She said it to you first?”

 

“Yea…”

 

“Wow, I’m surprised. Lexa isn’t always very… forthcoming with her emotions.”

 

“I was surprised too. I cried… it was the most amazing night.”

 

“I’m really happy for both of you.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“So, I wanted to talk to you about Aiden. He asked me if he could start calling you Aunt Clarke.”

 

“I know, Lexa told me. Anya… if you’re not comfortable… or if you don’t want him to, I won’t be offended…”

 

“I’m not going to tell him who he can and can’t love, but I want to make sure it’s something you’re okay with, and that you understand that if you et him start calling you that, you’re making a commitment to stay in his life, regardless of what happens between you and Lexa.  I realize that things happen, but… he’s lost enough people in life and its my job to make sure anyone else in it is committed to staying.”

 

“I understand that… he’s been through enough loss without someone walking away.”

 

“That is my concern; that if something goes wrong between you and Lexa that you will just suddenly disappear from his life. It would be hard enough anyhow, but him calling you Aunt is just going to make him feel even more like you are family.”

 

“I love him Anya. If you’re okay with it, I’m in it for the long run, with or without Lexa, if he wants me to stay around.”

 

Anya smiled slowly and reached out to squeeze Clarke’s arm.

 

“I knew Lexa had good taste the first night she brought you here.”

 

“Well I’m glad you approve, I’ve heard you can be somewhat… protective.”

 

“I can. Welcome to the family.”  


Clarke smiled and pulled Anya in to a brief hug before they walked out to the dining room.

 

“Aiden! Your aunts are here!”  She called up stairs as Clarke sat down next to Lexa.

 

“Aunts? So I take it that went well.”

 

“It did.”

 

Clark squeezed Lexa’s knee under the table.

 

“Have I told you I love you?” She whispered as they heard Aiden’s footsteps coming down the stairs.

 

Clarke grinned.

 

“You have, but I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing it.”

 

“Aunt Lexa! Aunt Clarke! You’re back!”

 

Lexa smiled as she stood up and wrapped her arms around Aiden in a bear hug. She held him for a few seconds before he wiggled away and wrapped his arms around Clarke’s shoulders from behind her. She reached back and ruffled his hair.

 

“Hey kid.”

 

“I missed you guys, did you have fun? Mom said you went on a little vacation.”

 

“We did, we had a lot of fun but it’s nice to be home too.”

 

“What did you guys do?” Aiden asked as he slid into the chair across from Lexa. 

 

Anya smiled as Lexa and Clarke filled Aiden in on their weekend. She could see the shift in Lexa, even just over the course of the weekend. The way she carried herself was different; more relaxed and open. She had to blink rapidly a few times to fight back tears. 

 

“Sea World sounds like so much fun! I’m glad you guys had a fun vacation, but I’m glad you’re home too. Do you know if you both can come to the art show?”

 

“We’re going to put in for the time off tomorrow when we go back to work. I don’t know if we’ll both get it though.” Clarke answered. 

 

“I know, you both work at the same place. It’s okay. Hopefully one of you can come.”

 

“We’re gonna try.” Lexa smiled and squeezed his hand across the table. 

 

“Your birthday is pretty soon too. What do you want?” Clarke asked.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to get me a present. You already made me that dragon.”

 

“That was just because I wanted to. It’s your birthday, presents are part of the deal.”

 

“I don’t know. I’ve been really in to drawing a lot. Whatever you want to get me is fine.”

 

“Alright, I’ll surprise you then.”

 

Aiden smiled brightly across the table at her. 

 

“Cool! I like surprises.”

 

Lexa smiled at their interaction and how comfortable and easy it was already. She absentmindedly ran her fingers along Clarke’s thigh and smiled again when Clarke reached down and held her hand, her fingers finding the spaces between Lexa’s like they were made to fit there. 

 

A few minutes later Anya brought out the food. Clarke realized that she didn’t even have to order any more and smiled at the feeling of fitting in somewhere so well. 

 

The conversation throughout dinner was easy and light; it continued after the food was gone and the dishes had been pushed to the middle of the table. Without realizing it, Clarke leaned against Lexa’s side and Lexa’s arm automatically found its way around her waist. 

 

Anya asked Aiden to take the dishes to the kitchen and smiled knowingly at them. 

 

“You two certainly are cozy.” She teased playfully. 

 

“Well, it’s not like it’s a secret we’re together.” Lexa answered. 

 

“Oh, I know. PDA is so unlike you though.”

 

“Hm, things change sometimes.”

 

“Clearly. I’m happy for you guys.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Alright kid, it’s homework time for you and I’m pretty sure these two want to get going home.”

 

Anya said to Aiden as he walked back up to the table. 

 

“Aww, alright.”

 

They all stood I and hugged each other goodbye. Aiden tugged on Clarke’s sleeve when he came to her and she leaned down so he could whisper in her ear.

 

“Thank you, for letting me call you Aunt.”

 

“You’re welcome. Thank you for wanting me to be part of your family.”

 

Aiden smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her tight. 

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too Aiden.”

 

Lexa and Anya’s eyes met behind Clarke and they both smiled. 

 

“We’ll let you know about the art show as soon as we can.” 

 

Lexa said to Anya as Aiden headed up stairs. 

 

“Ok. He’ll be thrilled if either one of you can make it.”

 

“I think if they’ll only let one of us go I’m going to give it to Clarke.”

 

“What? Lexa...no...you don’t have to do that.”

 

“I know that, but with the way you two geek out over art together I’m sure he’d rather have you there anyhow.”

 

“Don’t say that, he loves you.”

 

“I know he does. It doesn’t upset me; you’re the artsy one. You should go if only one of us can.”

 

Clarke huffed.

 

“You’re sweet, Clarke. Too sweet for this one.” 

 

Anya teased as she elbowed Lexa in the side while she walked with them to the door. 

 

“Oh, I don’t know, she can be pretty sweet when she wants to be.”

 

“Yea yea, we’ll see you later Anya. Thanks for dinner.”

 

Lexa slipped her hand in to Clarke’s as they walked out to the car. 

 

“See? You are sweet.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes but pulled Clarke against her side. 

 

“Only with you.”

 

_________________________

 

Later that evening they were back at Clarke’s apartment watching movies on Netflix. Lexa had let Clarke choose, so they were watching The Never Ending Story, even though they’d both already seen it. 

 

Lexa got up from the couch where she’d been comfortably curled against Clarke’s side. 

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“To get some water. You want something?”

 

“Hot chocolate?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Can you put little marshmallows in it?”

 

“If we have any.”

 

“Pretty sure we do.”

 

Lexa smiled softly at their easy use of we and briefly wondered when they’d made that shift. 

 

“Do you want me to pause the movie?”

 

Clarke called after Lexa had been in the kitchen for a few minutes. 

 

“No, it’s fine. Almost done.”

 

Lexa opened a few cupboards looking for the marshmallows and stopped when she opened the one with Clarke’s gun. She ran her finger along the grip and sighed; she understood why Clarke kept it but wished she didn’t have a reason too. 

 

She grabbed a hand full of marshmallows out of the bag, dropped them in Clarke’s mug and closed the cupboard. 

 

“That is a ridiculous number of marshmallows.” Clarke laughed as Lexa came back out in to the living room and handed her the mug. 

 

“You like a lot of them, don’t lie.”

 

“I do. Thank you, babe.”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Lexa sat down on the other side of the couch and tucked her feet up next to her, smiling as Clarke plucked a few marshmallows off the top of her drink and popped them in her mouth before taking a sip. 

 

“Why is it always better when you make it?”

 

“It’s a secret.”

 

Clarke stuck her bottom lip out in a pout. 

 

“I’m not telling you. I have to give you some reason to want to keep me around.”

 

“Pretty sure I want to keep you around for more than just your hot chocolate making skills.”

 

Clarke laughed as she took another drink and winked at Lexa over the top of her mug.

 

“Oh? Well that’s good to know.”

 

“Yea, you also make killer grilled cheese.” 

 

“So your primary motivation for keeping me around is food.”

 

“There may be a few other reasons.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“Well, I mean, you’re pretty to look at.” 

 

Clarke smirked and turned her attention back to the TV as she took another drink of her hot chocolate. 

 

“So food and because I’m pretty, got it.”

 

Lexa laughed. Clarke sat her mug down on the table and shifted so she was on her knees on the couch. 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Clarke raised one eyebrow, ignoring Lexa’s question as she crawled across the couch towards her. Lexa smiled and turned so her back was against the arm of the couch, her legs parting as Clarke moved between them. 

 

“You’re also a lot of fun to kiss.” 

 

She whispered once they were face to face. 

 

“Hm, so are you.”

 

“Among other things.”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“And you’re really patient, and understanding. You make me feel... like I’m okay...”

 

“You’re more than okay, Clarke.”

 

“It doesn’t always feel like it.”

 

“You know I was kidding about reasons to keep me around, right?”

 

“I know. But it was a reason to tell you how amazing you are, and a reason to get this close to you.”

 

Lexa smiled slowly as she ran her hand behind Clarke’s neck, pulling her forward a few inches so their foreheads were touching. 

 

“You can always get as close as you want.”

 

She whispered before her lips met Clarke’s in a soft kiss. She smiled at the barely audible moan that slipped from Clarke’s mouth to hers. 

 

Clarke closed her eyes and let Lexa take the lead, letting herself just get lost in the kiss. It stayed soft and sweet and Clarke swore she could feel the rest of the world disappear. 

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.” She whispered as she pulled back and settled against the front of Lexa, shifting around until her head was under Lexa’s chin. 

 

Lexa smiled and wrapped one arm around Clarke, and ran the fingers of her other hand through the blondes hair. 

 

“Used to what?”

 

“The way the whole world seems to disappear when you kiss me.”

 

“Hm, I think you’re just trying to stroke my ego now.”

 

“No, I’m not. I’m serious. I’ve never felt anything like it with anyone else. It’s crazy.”

 

“You’re crazy.”

 

“About you.”

 

“That was pretty smooth, not gonna lie.”

 

“Just the truth.”

 

“Still smooth.”

 

Lexa felt Clarke laugh against her, then they both turned their attention back to the movie. 

 

A while later Clarke yawned as the credit started to play. 

 

“We should get to bed, we have work tomorrow.” 

 

Lexa said quietly, her fingers running over Clarke’s shoulder and down her upper arm.

 

“We should. But...that requires getting up.”

 

“Yes it does.”

 

Clarke grumbled and pressed a soft kiss to Lexa’s neck before standing up. She linked her fingers together over her head and arched her back as she stretched. Lexa stood up and wrapped her hand in the front of Clarke’s shirt, using it to pull her close. 

 

“Well hi.” Clarke laughed as Lexa’s hands went to her hips. 

 

“Hi. I have a hard time keeping my hands off of you sometimes.”

 

“So I’ve noticed. I don’t mind.”

 

“Good.”

 

Lexa’s voice was low as her lips met Clarke’s neck, sucking lightly. Clarke groaned deep in her throat. 

 

“God Lexa...”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Lexa’s smirked, her tongue swirling across Clarke’s skin exactly where she knew it would get the most reaction.  She felt Clarke’s breath catch and smiled. 

 

“So good.”

 

Clarke whispered before putting one hand under Lexa’s chin and tilting her face until she could kiss her.  Lexa sighed, her arms wrapping around Clarke’s waist and pulling her closer as they kissed.

 

“Take me to bed.”

 

Clarke smiled as she pulled back from their kiss. Lexa raised one eyebrow at her.

 

“Literally?”

 

“Sure, why not?”

 

Clarke squeaked, then giggled as Lexa picked her up easily. She wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist and her arms around her neck as she carried her to the bedroom.

 

Lexa sat Clarke on the bed and laughed when Clarke wouldn’t let go of her neck.

 

“Clarke, you need to let go so I can turn off the light and get in bed.”

 

“Too far.”

 

“Oh lord, let go of me for two minutes.”

 

“Too long.”

 

“Clarke…god your adorable. Ridiculous, but adorable.”

 

Clarke giggled and kissed Lexa’s cheek before letting go of her neck. Lexa shook her head softly as she turned out the light before crawling in to bed. As soon as she was settled she reached out and put her hand on Clarke’s hip, pulling her closer.

 

Clarke smiled and snuggled closer to Lexa, her head in its usual position just beneath the brunette’s chin. Lexa sighed happily as Clarke wrapped her arm across her waist.

 

“I had such a good weekend.” She whispered, her fingers running lightly along Clarke’s back.

 

“Me too, you’re incredible Lexa.”

 

“Shhh.”

 

“No, I will not shhh. You’re amazing. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

“Much better response.”

 

Lexa laughed softly and kissed the top of Clarke’s head; she could already tell the blonde was starting to fall asleep.

 

“Good night Clarke.”

 

“Good night Lexa, I love you.”

 

“I love you too babe.”

 

Clarke sighed contentedly and kissed Lexa’s neck softly before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. Lexa smiled as she felt the blonde fall asleep. The weekend had gone perfectly and she was still having a hard time believing how happy she was.  She closed her eyes, resting her chin on top of Clarke’s head as she drifted off to sleep with a soft smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I have done some research into both firefighters and EMTs but I am not an expert. This is a work of fiction at the end of the day, so please be forgiving and just enjoy the story. All mistakes are mine
> 
> Come find me on Instagram @more.than.just.surviving ; I love to talk so feel free to say hello
> 
> I don't own The 100 or any of the characters, just this story.


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